Chapter 3: Chemistry

Beginning Spring Semester, Junior Year

Her life is finally starting to get back to normal again, and she's realizing that she doesn't want it anymore. After the ridiculous debacle with Puck and Finn last year, she was determined not to let herself fall back into the same routine of lying and scheming for self-preservation. Her ego was too fragile back then, she would have never made it through the first year of high school under her father's watchful stare had she not established herself as a force to be reckoned with. When her life began to fall apart around her as a result of her pregnancy, she realized that popularity and the friendships that came with it simply weren't worth the trouble. She'd been kicked out of her home, out of her family, and the majority of her friends turned their backs on her when she needed them most. She'd found comfort and solace in Glee but she still craved the closeness of family, which is why she'd moved back in with her mother at the beginning of the summer. Their relationship was cautious at best, but they were working on it.

The holidays had been hard, but oddly relaxing to Quinn. She and her mother had kept things low-key, opting for a small fresh Christmas tree, which they decorated in only the ornaments left from her childhood, and placed on the large antique dining room table. Since her mom had kicked her father out for sleeping with a "tattooed freak", the two had taken to having their meals in the breakfast nook as a way to avoid talking about the man's lingering effect on their relationship. They'd grown more or less comfortable with their tenuous connection, which loosened in tiny increments every day.

She'd spent her entire summer getting her body back into shape and with her newfound determination and higher tolerance for pain; she'd managed to chisel her physique into the best shape of her life. Even now in the dead of the harsh Ohio winter, she ran the two miles to Parson's Park every morning before school in addition to the three hour Cheerios practice after school. She'd worked hard to regain her athleticism because she thought being head Cheerio defined who she was at school. Her position atop the pyramid secured her position atop the social ladder in a way she'd never be able to recreate without being on the team. She was sure the only way to regain the security of her social standing was to reclaim her position as head Cheerio, find an attractive piece of arm candy from the football team, and take home the title of prom queen. She'd managed to sell herself as a "reformed pregnant teen" to her church, which helped her manipulate herself back on the Cheerios. She'd hated herself for having to use a cash incentive to get back on the team, feeling as though her hard work would have secured her the spot without having to result to bribery. But knowing Coach Sylvester like she did, she was smart to have that option up here sleeve during tryouts.

When Sam Evans had snuck in under the radar and taken the quarterback position from Finn, Quinn thought she'd finally caught a break. Sam seemed like a really nice guy and had already started flirting with her. He was a nerd and a complete doofus, but he made her laugh and that seemed like enough at the time. Things had gone well at first. They were paired up in glee and spent a lot of time together after school. After a while, Quinn noticed that although Sam put on a show at school about how she didn't "put out" he never really tried to get anywhere with her. They'd made out a couple of times, but it seemed as though it happened out of obligation, because that's what couples were supposed to do. Quinn suspected there was an underlying cause to his strange behavior, and she realized what it was on one of the days they'd arranged to meet at the Lima Bean one day after school to work on some homework. She'd walked in uncharacteristically late after a particularly brutal Cheerios practice and Sam was sitting with his back to the door. She saw that he was talking to a dark haired boy wearing a private school uniform. She'd seen pictures of him before, when Kurt first went to Dalton Academy. 'Oh!' she thought, 'That must be Blaine, the guy Kurt is completely in love with.' Just as she was walking over to say hello and take her seat next to Sam, she noticed that Blaine was holding Sam's hand and talking to him in what seemed like a very calming and caring manner. She turned on her heels and walked right out the door. She intended to break it off with him the next day, but when she saw him and he explained that he was afraid of being gay and what coming out would mean for him. He'd approached Blaine because of his confidence and in him found a confidante and support system he'd never had before. She agreed to continue dating him until he was ready to come out. She didn't see the harm in helping him out, and this way she could retain her status and not have to worry about the sexual aspects of dating a guy she wasn't attracted to.

During her pregnancy, Quinn learned a few things about herself she wasn't ready to share with anyone. Her attraction to Finn had been for status only, and though he was a sweet boy, she was never physically drawn to him. With Puck, it had been the opposite. She had been momentarily attracted to him on a physical level because he was a "bad boy" and had plied her with alcohol and compliments on one of the days she'd felt the worst about herself. He was a complete jerk on the surface and everyone knew it, but he certainly knew how to turn on the charm if it meant he'd have a warm body in his bed.

The terrifying truth Quinn realized the day she got pregnant was that Rachel Berry was the only person who gave her butterflies. That morning at breakfast her father had told her to skip her usual bowl of cereal in favor of a low-fat smoothie because it looked as though she'd put on a few. She ran to school that day, all seven miles, before breaking down in the shower in the Cheerios locker room. She ran during lunch and again after school. Halfway home that afternoon she realized that although boys called her "hot" or "sexy", the only person who had ever called her beautiful was Rachel and it made her heart jump. She tripped over a crack in the sidewalk and fell to the pavement, deeply scraping the length of her calf and coating her sock and shoe in blood. Puck was driving by in his truck and offered her a ride home. She begged him to tell her she wasn't fat, that she was beautiful. He did because he knew it would get him laid. She ignored that because she needed to hear it from someone who wasn't Rachel Berry.

From her perch on the roof outside her bedroom window, she could hear her Daddy on the phone with Shelby downstairs. He spoke in his typical calm tone, explaining the process of "baby's first tooth" in simple terms, reassuring her of its ease at every turn. This had become a reoccurring event in Rachel's life and had initially angered her to no end. How dare Shelby call her fathers for parenting advice? How could her fathers agree to be so accommodating to the woman who had hurt her so much? Why did Finn seem to not understand how big of a deal it was to her to see the mom she'd wanted so badly push her to the side and replace her a brand new baby? Once she realized that both Shelby and her dads were just ensuring that Beth was well taken care of, she'd stopped making it an issue, but it still hurt to catch pieces of those phone calls. She wondered at first if Quinn had ever thought about giving Beth to Shelby or if the whole thing had been her fault. When she'd spoken to Shelby at Regionals the previous spring, she'd told her that adopting Beth would be the perfect opportunity for her to get the baby she'd always wanted. Rachel heart broke as the words came out, but she knew that adopting Beth would not only give Shelby what she wanted, but would give Quinn the peace of mind that her daughter would be loved and cared for in a way she was not yet ready to provide. Despite the blonde's torment and years of bullying, Rachel cared for her deeply and desperately wanted her to feel as though she'd done right by her baby.

When Quinn had gone into labor after their performance at Regionals, Rachel realized the depth of her feelings for the girl. She'd always found the girl beautiful and told her so on several occasions, but it was always met with resistance and disbelief. Rachel would reach out to Quinn, hoping to be friends or maybe more, and Quinn would shoot her down, teasing her for her looks and ambition or sending her lackeys to slushy her. Rachel was walking up to her to make sure she was alright immediately following their performance that day. She saw an older woman who she thought was Quinn's mom speaking to the girl and noticed that the blonde looked anxious and afraid. Rachel had just stepped up to the side of the girl when Quinn grabbed her swollen belly and cried out. Rachel grabbed her hand and placed her arm around the girl's back for support before calling out to Puck to call 911. She rode in the ambulance with Quinn, never once letting go of her hand, and was with her up until they wheeled the girl into the delivery room. Quinn's mom, Puck, and Mercedes had taken over at that point and Rachel left back to the auditorium letting her tears fall freely as she walked. They'd never spoken about that day, or at all really, since it happened and Rachel knew deep down that a relationship with Quinn Fabray was never going to happen for her.

She and Finn had reconciled and dated all summer. She was initially infatuated with the boy, but found as time went on that he was just another dumb guy underneath the goofiness and idiotic charm. For months they'd arranged their time around Finn's activities under the guise of "getting to know you". Rachel tried learning to play Halo, or football, even putting on a store bought cheerleading uniform for a pick-up game in the park because Finn requested it. She felt like a moron at the end of the day when instead of a thank you, she got a slobbering giant's fumbling hands trying to smoothly slide his hands up her skirt. She had been flattered by his persistence at first, thinking that he must really love her to want to physically express their love in such an intimate way. Before long though, she realized that Finn didn't want to make love to her, he wanted to fuck her and tell his friends all about it. Finding out about Finn sleeping with Santana had been the last straw for her. She knew he'd never stop pestering her to have sex with him and if she continued to say no, he'd find someone else and probably not break it off with her first. To say he didn't take it well would be an understatement. He yelled and screamed things, terrifying her in a way she'd never thought possible. Her Daddy bolted into the room when he heard breaking glass; Finn had thrown one of Rachel's trophies past her head into the mirror on her bathroom door when she'd said the words "I want to break up". Her Daddy grabbed him by the scruff of the neck and dragged him down the stairs, throwing him out the door on to the front lawn. Finn yelled the whole time, ranting about how he never really loved her and only wanted to get in her pants, how she'd always be alone because nobody would ever be able to put up with her bullshit for no reward. Finn finally left when Leroy threatened to call the cops. She hadn't seen him since the breakup happened just before winter break started.

Both girls were relieved to be going back to school this morning. Quinn had grown tired of the tension in her household and her body was tired from the beating she'd given it over break, using working out as an excuse to not be home. Rachel's fathers had been overly cautious since her breakup with Finn, never letting her out of their sight and overcompensating with family activities. She was suffocating under their protective reach.

AP Chemistry was one of Quinn's favorite subjects, though nobody would ever know by looking at her. She pretended not to care, like it was just another boring class to live through. In actuality she had already read the next seven chapters of the textbook covering what they'd be working on over the next few weeks. She reached the lab a few minutes early; the room was only down the hall from the Cheerios locker room where she showered after her run to school. When she walked in, she noticed that a new list of lab partners had been put up after the incident just before Christmas with Karofsky, the Bunsen burner, the candy cane, and Jimmy White's left arm. She reluctantly approached the list and saw the name Rachel Berry across from hers with a gold star next to it. She snickered to herself, realizing the girl must already be in the room if there was a gold star sticker on the list. As annoying as she sometimes found the girl, she did love that Rachel put a gold star next to her name on everything. She was right, metaphors are important.

Quinn took a deep breath and steadied her signature glare before turning around and starting toward their lab table. Rachel was already so immersed in the textbook that she didn't see Quinn approach. The blonde cleared her throat loudly and Rachel looked up, offering a small and apologetic smile at their new partnership. Quinn set her messenger bag down on the back of her chair and took out her supplies. Rachel noticed that Quinn had the same notebook she did, but when she opened her mouth to say as much, the intensity in Quinn's eyes stopped the words from forming and she gave another nervous smile and looked back down at her own book. Just as Quinn was opening her own mouth to make the observation, the teacher walked in and began taking attendance before launching straight in to the day's lecture.

Two weeks into the semester, the two girls had barely said a word to each other outside of "pass the saline solution" or "did you finish the homework?" The day's lesson had become increasingly tedious as half the class was having trouble understanding the process of balancing advanced chemical equations. Quinn noticed that both she and Rachel were spacing out due to boredom and decided to take a risk. She took out a sheet of loose-leaf paper, scribbled down a few words, folded it into a neat square, and slid it across the table top under Rachel's fidgeting hands. Rachel jumped in her seat when the paper hit her skin, causing the teacher and a few students to stare at her for a few moments. She apologized profusely, saying she'd gotten a chill, before they all shrugged and went back to the lesson. With a confused glance toward Quinn, she cautiously unfolded the paper and let out a sharp giggle when she read the note:

Bunch of morons, huh? I'm guessing this lesson will take at least three weeks minimum. What do you think, Berry?

She read the note at least four times before finally uncapping her pen and responding.

I have no idea what you mean, Quinn. Perhaps they are just simply slower than you and I when it comes to this subject. Or perhaps they were all failing on purpose in an attempt to keep from having to move on to the next, more difficult chapter. We really have no way of knowing for sure.

Quinn let out a sharp, but silent, laugh when she read the response. She could hear Rachel's voice delivering the message and fought with herself over whether or not it was sarcastic.

Berry, did you just make a joke?

I'm not without humor, you know, I can make jokes just like anyone else can. Why does everyone think I have no sense of humor?

I never said you didn't, I've just never heard (or read) you make a joke before. It was surprising, and oddly refreshing.

Umm, thanks, I guess. I'm not entirely sure how to respond to that. Are you feeling ok?

Rachel passed the paper across the table to Quinn's waiting hands. Her eyes focused on those delicate, but strong looking hands as they unfolded the paper and smoothed it out on the table top. The fingers on her left hand drummed lightly against the desk while a pen was seamlessly twirled along the knuckles of her right. She saw the blonde grip her pen and place the inked tip on the paper before lifting it again. She repeated this action several times before Rachel lifted her eyes to meet Quinn's. Seeing the confusion in the striking hazel eyes staring back at her, she reached across the table and slid the paper back towards herself. She wrote:

I only ask because we have never had an interaction such as this before and I was wondering what had changed. Is there something you need me to do?

Quinn was hurt by the implication. She just wanted to talk to the girl and finally saw the opportunity to start a conversation without anyone around to interrupt. She wanted to thank Rachel for staying with her in the intense moments before she'd given birth, wanted to tell her about all the problems with her family and how she'd give anything to go back in time and accept her friendship on any of the several occasions it had been offered. More than anything Quinn wanted to ask if, after everything she'd been through in the last year, Rachel still thought she was beautiful. Instead, she stared down at the paper briefly before jotting down a quick response:

No, I was just bored. Sorry to bother you.

Rachel opened her mouth to apologize, to tell Quinn she was in no way bothered by her note or her apparent desire to talk to her. She wanted to let the other girl know that she was always there if she wanted to talk, or even if she just needed to listen. The bell rang out sharply and before she knew it, Quinn was gone.

The next few classes were quiet and busy for the two nervous girls. They went about their lessons and labs in unified quiet, neither wanting to upset the other by breaking their unofficial vow of silence. During a film on limiting reactants, Rachel finally caved in and slid a short message across the table. Quinn accepted the paper and returned it a few minutes later with her own comments. Both were inwardly elated to have such a simple yet unexpected connection.

The day of their next class, Quinn sat down with her usual supplies and a notebook Rachel hadn't seen before. Quinn sat down and flipped it open to the first page. It was a large, blue and white striped, thick, spiral notebook with blank pages on the inside. It appeared to be some sort of sketch book, made with special paper and with tons of extra pages and pockets. Quinn paused for a moment before writing out a short paragraph in small, precise, capital letters. She closed the notebook with a small smile and slid the book across the table to Rachel. The dark haired girl opened the cover and read the inscribed words on the first page.

Rachel, if you still want to try and be friends, I'd love nothing more. I know it's a lot to ask after the way I've treated you in the past, but I'm ready to try and be friends with you now. I wasn't before. I thought since we pass notes in this class pretty often you might want to try passing notes outside of it too. This notebook can be ours; we can take it to classes we don't share and talk to each other by passing it back and forth. We can still talk out loud if you want, I'm just better when I'm not talking.

Q.

Rachel grinned brilliantly, taking out a scrap of paper from her book bag, scribbling on it, and holding it up for Quinn to see.

That sounds amazing. I go first?

Quinn returned the brunette's gleaming smile before offering a happy nod. They both turned to face the teacher as the day's lesson began.

A/N: If you like or dislike what has been posted so far, please let me know. I'm not usually one to fish for reviews, but I'd at least like to know if this effort is worthwhile. Let me know! Thanks for reading!