Chapter 2: End of a Thousand Galleon Day

A/N: This chapter also has a connection with the story The Quiet Sister and Weasley Time Tourism.

"No."

I let out a deep sigh. "Come on, George. You already said they're all alternate universe versions, so it won't really matter if you go in and talk to him. Look at it like a Marvel 'What If…' comic book, you get to find out what happened if Gwen Stacey hadn't…sorry. Bad example."

He glanced at me and then continued working on the scanner. "I have no idea who Gwen Stacey is, but I'm not going to talk to him."

"Spider-Man comic book. Learned to read from them, but that doesn't matter. What matters is that you've got your brother, your twin brother, in there and he wants to speak with you. Hell, maybe the two of you can figure out how to fix everything."

That got his attention, as he sat down the small Muggle screwdriver and looked over at me. After a long time he looked over to the door, the door that led to the little room where Fred Weasley was still alive and going on a date with my wife. Well, not my wife, but Melody. A Melody. I watched him hesitantly walk over to the door, and after standing motionless for quite a while he slowly turned the doorknob and walked inside.

George's exit left me sort of at loose ends, as after I examined the scanner and realized I'd be useless in trying to help fix it and could potentially make things worse. The idea of introducing Melody to a bunch of other versions of her, most of which I was sure she wouldn't like, made me shudder, so I decided to go see about the other people in George's little experiment. As I started to go to another room I accidentally bumped the table the scanner sat on, and a bunch of pictures fell onto the floor. I bent down to pick them up, and that's when I got an idea of what I was really dealing with. George had been careful to only send individual pictures of people through the scanner, so that was why everyone seemed to be a single entity instead of a couple. I flipped through the pictures quickly; Harry, Ginny, Hermione, me, Melody, Fred, Luna, Percy, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, Nymphadora Tonks, Neville…and that was when I decided that I needed help. It wasn't exactly time that George had fucked with, well, sort of, but I knew of one person who had actually fucked around with time and still seemed to have all her marbles. It was then that I decided to contact Hermione Weasley.

I left the little room, out the vomit-colored door and started in what I thought was the right direction to get back to the receptionist, but it didn't take me long to realize that I hadn't been paying attention and was truly, and utterly, lost. More than ever I wish I had my Auror badge that Edith had charmed for me when I sort-of worked for the Aurors, but that was futile. I tried going into one room to ask whoever worked there to help me, but the moment I stepped into the room I had to duck because things were flying around like crazy, even the furniture. After ducking an ottoman I scrambled back out and closed the door with a slam, and it was then that I saw the sign on the door. Levitation Charm Endurance Test in Progress – STAY OUT. After wandering for a bit longer I came to a hallway that looked promising, so I went down that way until I came to a door that said P. Phillips-Jones. Poesy! Perfect. I knocked on the door and opened it quickly.

Poesy was in the middle of taking a bite out of a rather large scone and started when she saw me. She chewed quickly and then gave me an odd look. "Professor? What are you doing here?"

"Shit, Poesy, I've asked myself about twenty times already this morning."

"Morning?" She shook her head and pointed to the clock. "It's half-one."

"Oh fuck." I took a deep breath. "Mel's gonna kill me. Poesy, you've got to help me. George really did it this time."

"Merlin, if he wasn't so bloody brilliant he'd drive me mental. Ok, sit down and tell me what's going on."

As I filled her in I watched her face go from interest to irritation to anger. Finally, when I'd finished, and explained that I needed someone to go over and watch the kids for Mel, she took out her quill. She talked as she wrote.

"Ok, here's what we're going to do. I'm writing a letter now to Hermione Weasley, telling her she's needed because one of George's things went spectacularly wrong and we need her help. After that I'm going to write Liv Wandsworth over at The Prophet, not because we want this in the paper but because I know she can skive off work easy, say she's got a lead on a story or something. Plus your wife likes her." She looked up at me and grinned.

I remembered that grin from when she was in Muggle Studies, usually when she'd done something wrong or was planning to. It didn't make me feel very comfortable. "Poesy…come on. Can't we fix this quick?"

She shook her head. "Probably not. Might have to bring in some cots. They could all be here a while. Now just sit there quietly, eyes on your own work while I finish this." She laughed.

Sometimes former students were hilarious. As I looked at her writing her letters, and then sending them off as little paper airplanes like they do at the Ministry, I was absolutely positive it wasn't one of those times.

-ooo-

After Poesy sent off the letters she took me back down to the awful-colored door and I suddenly remembered where George was; in visiting with his dead twin brother. That got me flustered, and I was a bit confused on which door it was so I went to the one I thought was the right one and opened it up quickly and stepped inside. It wasn't the George and Fred room, though; it was the Harry room.

A whole bunch of Harry Potters stood around, well, some of them. Four of them had conjured chairs and were sitting around talking as if they'd always known each other, which was very disconcerting. I didn't have any parchment with me, I'd left that somewhere, so my pretense of writing everything down to get it sorted was gone. As the door closed they all turned to look at me, and it was, well it was fucking weird. I took a deep breath and began to say something and that's when she stepped out from behind a corner. There was no doubt about it, green eyes, dark hair…Harry but as a woman. I stepped back against the door and slid down to the floor. "No fucking way."

After that several of the Harrys helped me up, one of them conjured a chair, and they sat me in it. It took some time to finally be able to regain my faculties, but when I did I saw the female Harry looking at me in a concerned manner. "Are you all right?"

It sounded so weird to hear a female voice that sort of sounded like Harry. I pushed my glasses up to my head and sat back in the chair. "What a fucking morning. Shit." I looked at female Harry. "Um, I…yeah."

She conjured a chair and sat down next to me. "Oh, I know that feeling. I've had a little chat with all of the others here. I'm Harriet Weasley. Seems so odd that I'm the only woman, as…well, you can imagine."

I nodded. "Yeah, I bet…wait, no I actually can't."

Harriet turned to the others and waved them away. "Let me talk to him, please?"

The other Harrys eyed here warily and moved to different parts of the room, which I noticed had begun to expand as a Harry Potter flashed into existence, this one wearing what looked like armor. I shook my head to try to clear it, but it just wasn't working, and finally I turned back to Harriet. "I'm sure you've already heard how you got here, right?"

She nodded. "Oh yes. My idiot brother-in-law."

Brother-in-law? George said that all the Harrys were dreadfully boring, that they'd all ended up with Ginny. But Fred had said in his reality Harry had ended up with Fleur's sister Gabrielle. Maybe this was a gay female Harry that had ended up with Ginny? "Um, ok, I'm sure you've talked to the others, but fill me in. Harriet Potter and…"

"Ron Weasley, of course." Harriet shrugged. "Can't believe the other versions of me ended up with Ginny. She's such a tart."

"Ok, this is getting too fucking weird." I looked over to the other male Harrys and shook my head. "If one of you bastards tells me you're married to Draco Malfoy and pregnant with his kid I'm going to lose it. Well?"

All the male Harrys looked at me like I was insane. Finally, one of them in a Chudley Cannons uniform stepped over to Harriet. "We should probably wait for George. He's mental."

I covered my face with my hands. "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck…"

"I tried to get you to watch your language, but you never learned. Mum hated it."

I moved my fingers apart so I could see through my hands at Harriet. "Oh my God, what? Tell me. Did we, uh…"

"Dated for a year. After you started at Hogwarts." Harriet pushed her somewhat messy long hair behind her ear. "My parents hated you."

Parents? "So James and Lily?"

She shook her head. "No, my adoptive parents. Mum and Dad died when Voldemort…" She shuddered and involuntarily put a hand to her heart.

I took my hands away from my face and looked up quickly to see if there was a scar on her forehead; my eyes went wide when I realized that Harriet didn't have a scar. "No scar…"

"There's a scar." She stiffened somewhat in the chair. "They all have one on their foreheads. I got one in a different place." She slowly unbuttoned her shirt for a moment and then moved it aside until a lightning bolt-shaped scar displayed right above her heart. "Made going to the beach embarrassing when I was younger. Before I knew about makeup."

I blinked rapidly, trying to get it all straight as Harriet buttoned up her shirt. "Um, you said something about parents…who adopted you?"

"Alice and Frank Longbottom, of course. Sirius tried to convince them that I should stay with him, since he is my godfather, but with him in France all the time with that awful woman Dad wouldn't hear of it. Fleur is bad enough as it is, it would have been horrid to have her as a sister."

"Jesus Christ, I can't take anymore." I leaned over the chair to the Harrys. "For the love of Merlin, please let one of you smoke. I need a cigarette."

Happily one of the Harrys came striding forward, and I let out an exasperated laugh and threw my hands up in the air. The Harry that offered me a cigarette looked like he was in a motorcycle gang, as he had on black leather pants, heavy black boots, a black leather vest and had a red and gold bandanna on his head, tamping down his wild, dirty and long black hair. Instead of the normal glasses that the Harry Potter I knew wore he sported aviator sunglasses. He reached into his vest, pulled out a pack of cigarettes and offered me one. "Here ya go, mate. Got a light?"

I couldn't speak, and I sure as hell wouldn't be able to do my only trick with my wand in the state I was in, so I shook my head. He reached into his vest again, pulled out his wand and lit my smoke. As he walked back to the other Harrys I saw the back of his vest; a lightning bolt was above a half moon, and the words 'Dumbledore's' and 'Army' were above and below the symbols. Merlin's pants, Harry was in a motorcycle gang.

I had only taken two drags off the smoke when the door opened and George Weasley stepped inside. He took one look at me, and then at Harriet, and his eyes went wide.

"Bloody hell!"

Every Harry and Harriet turned to him, and spoke as if in one voice. "George!" Their tones were all identical; mad as hell.

George quickly walked over to me and roughly pulled me up out of the chair by the arm. "Help's here, come on."

We quickly left the room, and I glanced back once to see Harriet give me an encouraging smile. Fuck.

-ooo-

Hermione Weasley stood at the table that held the scanner, waving her wand over it as a faint, yellow light covered the object. Her attention shifted to us and the light faded. "George, I'm not sure if this is entirely legal…"

My head was still spinning from the Harry room so I had to make sure. I looked over to Hermione and studied her intently. "Ok, this is gonna sound weird, but trust me. Just answer some questions. You've never been married to Charlie Weasley or been a nun, have you? You don't smoke or need to go fix Draco Malfoy lunch, do you?"

Her eyes went wide and she began to splutter. "What, I…no, I…NO."

"Thank Merlin." I pushed my glasses back up onto my nose. "You won't believe half of the shit…"

George waved me off. "Yes, yes, it's all strange, Hank. Now Fred gave me some good ideas, we need to get started."

"Fred?" Hermione turned on him. "George…you haven't actually used this, have you?"

At that point the whole day had been so surreal that I began laughing. Loudly. When I could finally speak the only thing that I could get out was "Harry has boobs" and then I started laughing again. After Hermione and George finally calmed me down I thought I was ok until I saw Hermione brush her hair back with her hand and saw her wedding ring. I pointed at her and through the giggles said "You married Draco" and fell into another fit of laughter.

As I sat down in a chair next to the table, working through the absurdity of the day, George began explaining things to Hermione. She didn't take it well. Initially both of them had sat down when I did, but Hermione was up on her feet, angry.

"George Weasley! Do you know exactly what you've done? Awful things happen with…"

"Wizards who muck about with time, I know." George motioned for her to sit down, and Hermione sat down and crossed her arms over her chest. "But it wasn't exactly time, now, was it? Come on, now, Hermione, my dear sister…"

"Sister in-law." Hermione gave him a look usually she only reserved for Ron. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but what did Fred say?"

At that point George went off on a long spiel about magical fault-lines and temporal boundaries and physical manifestations, a whole bunch of crap that I couldn't follow along with. Sounded pretty theoretical, and Hermione nodded at certain points, but I was completely lost. I took out my wand and began turning it over and over in my hands, as I needed something to do. Eventually, though, there was a long stretch of silence that got my attention and I realized that they had stopped talking. They both looked directly at me. "What?"

"Hank, weren't you listening?" Hermione arched an eyebrow at me and shook her head. "We need your help now."

I held up my wand. "Useless, remember?"

Hermione closed her eyes momentarily in irritation and then took a deep breath. "Yes, but that's not the point. We need your help with the scanner. Apparently George has ruined it."

I took a look at the scanner on the table and realized that it was in several pieces, screws lying about the table. "So you need a new one, right? One problem, they don't make them like this anymore. That one's ancient. The new ones are all multi-purpose, printer, scanner…"

Hermione interrupted. "It doesn't matter, Hank, we just need a new one. Can you go get one? Oh, and don't say a word to anyone. If this got out…"

-ooo-

A couple of hours later I returned back to George's International Headquarters with a rather expensive box under my arm. I didn't know what George actually needed, so I'd bought the top-of-the-line. The guard waved me in without a challenge this time, and the receptionist didn't even blink when I'd come back with a Muggle item in my possession. As we made our way down to the vomit-colored door I had to shift the box several times, as even if it wasn't heavy it was sort of awkward carrying it. When I finally entered the room George and Hermione looked as if they'd been waiting on pins and needles.

"About time." George took the box from my hands and began unpacking it quickly, throwing the instructions and the packaging away to get to the device.

"Hey, there was a line at Curry's. What am I supposed to do, tell them I'm in a hurry because you've altered the very fabric of space and time?"

George looked up from the box and shrugged. "Might have worked."

"Piss off." I looked over to Hermione, who seemed unsettled. "You talked to some of them, didn't you?"

She nodded slightly. "I spoke to Fred, and then…"

"Then she met Harriet." George waved the old, broken scanner off of the table with his wand and then sat the new unit down with a slight thud. "I'll never look at Harry the same way."

"Precisely, George." Hermione shook her finger at him. "You've got to get everybody who knows anything about this together, we've got to put something of the time-turner magic into the scanner so we go back and forget everything. It isn't right." She looked over to me. "Who else knows about this?"

I scratched my goatee for a moment. "Um, nobody except…oh. Shit."

"Hank?"

Hermione stared at me and I understood why Ron said he couldn't lie to her. "I told Poesy, she sent a message to you and one to Liv Wandsworth." They looked at me oddly. "Hey, I promised Melody I'd be home to watch the kids so she and Hannah could go out this afternoon, and Poesy owled Liv to go watch them because I've been here doing this shit. She's been at home with the kids for ages, she needs to go out, even if it's just for the afternoon."

Hermione made George stop what he was doing and go off to get Posey. As we waited for them to return Hermione told me about her little meetings, besides the Harrys and Harriet. She'd visited with the Lupins, who had seemed to mostly all marry Tonks. In some cases they were professors at Hogwarts, and in other cases they were knocking about doing things here and there, somewhat similar to what I'd heard Harry tell me Remus Lupin did before he taught at Hogwarts. She'd just begun to tell me what happened to the Sirius Blacks when we heard a loud commotion come from one of the rooms, the unmistakable sounds of wizards fighting.

As we entered the room it looked like something from a movie, as about twenty Harrys plus Harriet stood on one side of the room while one Harry, all in black with the cowl of his robe over his head, stood on the other, his wand pointed at everyone else. Motorcycle gang Harry was the closest to me so he glanced over his shoulder and looked as mad as hell. "Bastard's got the Dark Mark!"

Hermione's hand went to her mouth in shock, and I just stood there for a moment. If that Harry had the Dark Mark, did that mean that Voldemort won in his reality? I didn't even think, I just went forward and stood between all of them. "Listen, this shit isn't going to get us anywhere. If you kill each other here, you'll never get home, right? Fuck, come on, wands down." They didn't budge, and several of them refocused their wands on Dark Mark Harry. I had had enough, and my angry professor voice that the kids hated came out. "Goddamn it, put down your fucking wands, NOW. Don't make me take away points from Gryffindor."

"Gryffindor?" One of the Harrys behind me laughed. "I was in Hufflepuff."

From behind me I heard a chorus of Harrys tell me that they were in Ravenclaw and Slytherin, but the majority of them asserted that they had been in Gryffindor. Dark Mark Harry sneered and told them that he'd never gone to that Muggle-loving school; Emperor Voldemort had made certain of that.

Almost as soon as it was out of his lips the wands went back up and I shook my head. "I don't care what fucking house you were in, WANDS DOWN!"

I heard a laugh in the crowd of Harrys and saw Harriet shake her head. "House points, really? Do we look like we're in school?"

Hermione stepped forward, causing one Harry to exclaim that his wife was alive, but Hermione shook it off and looked at them all pointedly. "If you harm someone here it may affect your own reality. Do you really want to take that chance?"

As that realization began to sink in I walked back to Hermione and leaned forward to whisper in her ear. "Could that happen?"

She whispered back that she had no idea, and that's when George cracked open the door and looked over to us. "We're ready. I think."

-ooo-

When Hermione and I returned to the table we were shocked to see Fred Weasley with his wand out working on the new multi-function scanner with Poesy Phillips. The two of them were saying something that I couldn't understand and moving their wands in slow, intricate patterns. Everyone remained motionless as they completed their work, and when they'd finally finished Poesy staggered back slightly and held a hand to her head and looked to George.

"Before we do the forgetting bit write down that I get holiday next week, Boss."

Fred nodded. "Only thing to do, she's earned it."

George walked up to Fred. "Has the…"

"All done. And the…"

"Right. Only need the…"

"Pictures right here."

I'd never heard George and his twin talk like that, but obviously Hermione had as she reached up quickly and wiped away a tear. Everyone was silent for a moment, but eventually I couldn't take it. "Ok, so how's this work? Just run the pictures back through?"

Fred nodded. "Yes…"

"And no." George looked over to me. "We'll need a bit of your hair. Not much, you don't have a lot to spare."

Fuck. I shook my head. "Come on, George, explain it to me like…"

"The ninety-eight point seven percent Muggle that you are?" Fred gave him a questioning look but George waved him off. "The pictures will send back the others as we've reversed things, but as for us? Well, it's kind of like Polyjuice mixed up with a Time-Turner. And a slight Obliviation spell."

Obliviation? Oh no. Fuck, no, no, no. I pointed a finger at him. "You're not fucking around with my memories."

One of the doors opened and Ginny Potter stepped out. "Sorry to bother, but I need the loo." She looked over at me and her expression became one of anger. "YOU! You're the one!" She walked over to me in stomping steps and slapped me across the face. "Spend the night with me and then I find out you're married!"

"Ginny Potter!" Hermione's eyes went wide. "You…"

"Potter?" Ginny looked at her oddly. "What are you on about?"

Poesy gently took Ginny by the arm and walked her back to the slightly opened door from which she'd come from. "We'll have you back in no time, no time at all. Plenty of time to find the loo. Just a moment, really."

George and Fred looked over to me and it wasn't a pleasant experience. George pointed a finger at me. "You shagged…"

"Our little sister?" Fred pointed his wand in my face.

Hermione reached out and pushed their wands down. "Other reality, other reality." She looked over at me. "Hank?"

"NO clue. Really, none." I shook my head and held up my left hand. "Wedding ring, married Melody, remember?"

"Ohhh…bloody hell. There goes my date tonight." Fred put his wand away. "Sorry, mate. Forgot for a moment."

Poesy rejoined us and tapped her watch. "Come on, then, it won't last forever."

All of us plucked hairs from our heads except for Fred, who stood there with a mixture of anticipation and sadness on his face. He held out his hand to George. "You've done wonderfully Forge."

George nodded and shook Fred's hand. "Thanks, Gred."

Poesy took Fred's picture and fed it into the scanner. As soon as the blue light stopped Fred Weasley began to disappear from the room, almost as if he was a sand painting that was crumbling right before our eyes. As he became blurrier and blurrier the room seemed to almost hum with magic, and finally he was gone with a small pop. George looked for a long time at the spot where his brother had been, and then with a deep breath he reached for the next picture. As George began feeding the pictures into the scanner Hermione and I went to the different doors, checking to make sure the right people were returning to their own realities. I watched as the Harrys disappeared, and Harriet waved as she turned into crumbling dust. Finally, after telling one Sirius Black that he would definitely be home in time for his bachelor party, they were all gone. I had been tempted to go back into the room of Melodys, but Poesy wouldn't let me.

We all stood at the scanner, tufts of hair in our heads. I took a look at George, and he didn't seem very confident. "What's wrong, George?"

"The other part worked, but for this I'm not sure."

"George." Hermione gave him a stern look. "If I wake up tomorrow and find…"

He shook his head. "No, it won't be like that. We'll be ourselves, none of this will have ever happened, or at least we won't remember it, but I'm not sure I can send us back in time. Might just be we, well, had a long kip."

"Goddamn it, George." I punched him in the arm. "So I'm still going to have to find a reason to tell Melody why Liv had to go watch the kids instead of me. You owe me. Put it down next to Poesy's holiday request that I get, oh, I don't know, a thousand Galleons for this."

George began choking. "A thousand Galleons? Bloody hell, Hank."

"A thousand." I enunciated it clearly. "Minimum."

"Fine." George scribbled some things on a piece of parchment and then sat the quill down. "Ok, here we go."

We all placed our locks of hair into the scanner and George waved his wand, causing the device to glow with a throbbing red light.

-ooo-

When I woke up I was on the floor with Hermione Weasley's head in my lap. She stirred, realized where she was, and hurriedly got to her feet. Poesy and George both eventually roused, and everybody looked at each other oddly. We all couldn't figure out exactly why we were all in that room, at almost supper time, until George looked at the scanner on the table.

"Well, this is interesting. I wrote myself a note I don't remember."

"What's it say?" I pushed my glasses to the top of my head and stood next to everyone at the scanner.

George read it out loud. "George, this is a note from yourself. Immediately destroy the thing on the table, it went horribly wrong. Give Posey a paid week of holiday next week. Also, give Hank…" He shook his head. "This must have been bad. It says that I have to give you a thousand Galleons, Hank."

"Hot damn!" I rubbed my hands together. "A thousand Galleons!" I took a look at my watch. "I'm going to need them because Mel's going to be madder than a wet hen. I was supposed to be gone an hour or so, it's supper time!" I took a look around the room, at all the little doors. Something was nagging me, hovering around my brain and I just couldn't grasp it. I opened one of the doors and looked inside, but there was nothing there. George destroyed the scanner and then we all decided it must have been one of George's things that made us all, well, weird. It was a mutual decision never to talk about it again.

After I used George's Floo and got home it was as I had expected, Melody was really mad.

"Henry Aaron MacDonald Boyd!" She stood up from the rocking chair, the twins in her arms, both of them crying. "Here!" She handed me the girls and then stood with her hands on her hips. "All bloody day? I was waiting and waiting and then Liv Wandsworth shows up and tells me she's been sent to watch the children? What have you been doing all day, and I expect a good answer or you'll be sleeping with Spit tonight!"

"I can't fit in there with him."

That was obviously the wrong thing to say, and the fact that I held the twins was the only thing that kept me in one piece.

"Of all the irresponsible…oooh, Hank."

I shifted Minnie and handed her to Melody in a way that she couldn't refuse. "It was a George thing, and I don't know what happened, but I can make it up to you." I reached into my pocket and pulled out the bag of Galleons. "Really, honestly, I don't know what happened, but it must have been bad because he gave me this." I handed her the bag. "You know that holiday you wanted to take? I think we can afford it now. Or blow it on jewelry, whatever you want. It's all yours."

She adjusted her glasses with her free hand and took the bag from me. After sitting down and putting Minnie on the couch so she wouldn't roll off she opened up the bag. "Hank! There's at least…"

"A thousand Galleons, all yours."

London, 2091

"Ok, wait, stop a second." Polly sat back in her chair. "If you were Obliviated like the rest of them, how do you remember all this?"

I looked down from my portrait above my great-granddaughter's desk at the British Museum of Magical History in London and smiled. "It's all about percentages, Polly. You know what I'm talking about."

She laughed. "Oh yeah, ninety-eight point seven percent."

I stuck out my tongue at her. "I prefer one point three percent, but you're right. George had calculated for things on the wizarding scale, and you know I'm literally not…wasn't…anyway, I didn't have the same percentage of magical blood as they did. Didn't affect me the same way. And when Gin painted my portrait I found out a wonderful side-effect. You see, when magical portraits are painted it imparts a tiny part of your essence in the paints. That's why when you talk to portraits they can remember intimate details of rather ordinary things that happened ages ago. When I woke up here in portrait-land I realized that I remembered everything. Everything."

Polly shook her head. "Merlin's socks, pants and underwear. So the Obliviation didn't really work for you, did it? So now what? You want me to publish this with everything else?"

"Mmmmm…" I scratched my goatee. "Better not, actually. To be honest I've been dying to tell this story for ages. Dying to. Get it? Dying?"

She rolled her eyes. "Yes, Hank, I got it. You know, I could write it up. Funny to think of everybody like that."

I shook my head. "Better not. It was funny, though. Harry had a great set of tits."