Author's note: I know it's been nearly a year and a half since my last update, but I decided I would continue this fan fiction, since I received the inspiration from the fact that Grimmjow may show back up in the new arc :D

Dedication: To the fans of this Fic, sorry it's been so long guys, but I promise to update more often now. And since 2010, I am now in college and on my way to become a doctor. My writing has improved, and I plan on coming out with a chapter at least once a week (to the latest a month). So, stay tuned and let me know what you think.

Fan of the Chapter: Strawberry-Ringo! Hope you like the chapter girl!

Challenge: After reading, please leave a review! Also, I am wanting to write a FanFic for one of my readers. If you can guess my favorite character aside from Grimmjow, you win! If you win I will write about any of your favorite parings~! :)

Disclaimer: I don't own anything! I just own the ideas is all!

Rating: M

Warnings: Cursing, Blood/gore

Chapter 5: Monster

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The walk towards this Kisuke's seemed so long and dreary. I wasn't so sure why I still felt so compelled to do this…to find that damned orange-haired menace. I was never one for loyalty, but was one for repaying debts, and unfortunately I had a large debt hanging over my head; something like a twenty ton boulder hanging on a single rope…and if I turned away, then SNAP.

Pancake Grimmjow.

I didn't want to be pancake Grimmjow, so returning this debt was something I had to do. More than anything, I hated debts. I hated owing that half hollow freak my life… "Why did you save me?" I heard myself ask the darkness that encroached on the light. My blue eyes went to the sky at that moment as the dark swallowed the sun's rays bit by bit. Bit by bit. Bit by bit. Until it was all gone, and stars now reigned supreme. What was I? Something that engulfed the light? As an Espada, that was true…my evil deeds lit up my ego and made my pride swell; as a hollow…as a creature I was able to do such things with a smile on my face. Destroying the good, and being praised to promote the torment.

Since when did my light as darkness become so twisted? I was now on the good side. Well fuck that! Damnit! I wasn't good! I was bad…I was evil. I loved the destruction, the decimation, the rampant killing, the everything that lead to something that spurned from the belly of darkness. Now look at me! Looking for the one man I wanted to kill so badly, I even had put my very life on the line several times for such an opportunity. He was the only damned one that looked upon me like I was nothing-like I was trash. Dirt. Low. Filthy.

I was king. I was superior. Yet, here I walk…as a human. A monster in wrapped in human form. Looking for the one I craved to fight with. Like ecstasy, I thrived on the will to fight. When I fought him, I could feel myself being tested like never before…My kinghood resting on my shoulders as I attacked him with everything I had. Fighting with Ichigo, I could feel each bit and piece of that king-like pride fall off my shoulders. He took everything me, and yet gave me much more. Fighting him was worth losing everything. Monster versus a monster…it felt as if I were more alive than ever as sword and claw collided. I could feel nothing but giddiness and complete bliss as we fought; there was something about fighting Ichigo that brought out something from deep within me. When we were engaged in the heat of battle…I felt as if I connected with that damned freak. Something within me clicked each time he met my blows, my walls crumbled to rubble with every parry, my life changed with each strike.

I never held a connection with anyone…

Except for…that boy from the dreams and perhaps realities of my human-hood. He was so strong, I could remember…always protecting others. Even…me? I couldn't remember him hardly at all, but something surfaced and some sort of instinct that struggled for dominancy within my overwhelmed little brain. What was that weird-ass feeling that made me feel some sort of concern for that carrot top? Why did I feel anything for him?

Heh, even with all this, it felt that I was now the dirt that his eyes had made me feel like. This realization struck me like a hammer to the cahones –such a blow made me want to fall over and stay there. Maybe me and the filth on the ground could get more acquainted that way, seeing we were one and the same.

Unintentionally, I let a growl escape my lips. My eyes went from the ground to the brightened skies. The moon and stars aluminates the darkness that swelled in my heart. Perhaps my darkness was becoming light. Maybe I was changing. For the better? Perhaps. Did I like this change? Fuck no. But, what choice until my debt was paid did I have?

My mind went to Ichigo's eyes…they were so damn inticing. When his own monster within him took over, his eyes grew more and more dark and sinister. So, dominating. They were what ticked me off more than anything (well almost as much as the fact that I owed Ichigo), really…and intrigued me. What was it with the hollow freak that I was so damned interested in? The boy from so long ago came to mind…his eyes, too, were so damn endearing…dictating. Could it be those eyes are what drew me to him? To Ichigo? Who was it? What was going on?

And now…Ichigo had fallen prey to his demons had he? Could that even be possible? Was all of this some sort of ruse for me to go on some pointless mission to find the fre-Ichigo? "Damn these questions." I hissed as I walked quietly behind Renji who, too, was walking down the alley way in soft strides. Everything was peaceful as we walked…it felt so much different from Hueco Mundo. A walk like this would be like the dog across the street turning into a tentacle infested creature that longed to devour a princess from Norway.

The hell was a 'Norway?'

*Ahem*

Point proven: It was impossible. Even small fry hollows would try to attack at some time…stupid and utterly retarded sometimes they were. At least some of the stronger ones had some sense. But, it wasn't much in the least…Perhaps I was even that way at one point? Until I gained my consciousness, how long did I roam? How long was I just a mindless killing machine? Was I still one? Ha, again with all the questions…all with no answers. Sometimes I wondered why I even bothered to ask questions.

"Earth to Grimmy!" Renji called to me a few times until I realized I was being spoken to, "G-R-I-M-M-Y!"

Rolling my eyes, I let a grunt slip through my lips until I muttered, "What? And since when have you been all chummy with me Spikes?" It was true…from the get go, he seemed to be a bit too personal. I, ya know, only was an Espada like yesterday. Oh wait, that's right, I was knocked out for God only knows how long until now. Ugh, these people were going to be the death of me. Screw the hollows and other Arrancar. Might as well sign my second death certificate.

Renji's lips curved into a frown-smile as he walked backwards, "Humph, does that even matter Grimmy? In your condition right now…you couldn't even hurt a fly!"

Anger Gauge: 75%

I could have sworn I felt a vein somewhere pop, as my eyes narrowed dangerously on Renji, "The hell is that supposed to mean?"

"You have been out of commission for how long Espada?" He stopped walking and grinned like a child who won the 'Who's that Pokémon?' game. As good times as those where, Renji was provoking the Ex-Espada, me, but for what reason? "It's been quite some time since you've used your powers…so naturally, you'll have-"

Even in gigai, I nearly landed a punch to Renji's cheek which made the Soul Reaper nod with approval. "Not bad Grimms, but what else can you do as a human?"

Human? Me….? I wasn't human, and never again would I ever be human. I was a damned monster that still craved the thrill of the slaughter. And this damned Soul Reaper was testing me, too damn far. "I'll smack that smirk off your face and onto the concrete!" I roared as I charged at him, my fist ready.

Renji shook his head from side to side, "What is your deal? We have much more to worry about than this." He dodged my attacks one by one, making me grow more and more angered by the fact, I was …useless as a human. I threw in a final punch, in which Renji took in his hand, "Grimmjow, you're not proving anything by this." He threw my arm down and began to walk again. My eyes went to my hand; I had never felt so worthless and powerless. I hated this. Could so much power be gone from being unconscious for so long?

"Grimmjow…" A voice, eerie and amused erupted from the silence that the damned spiky hair left around me. "You have grown so very weak!"

Gritting my teeth, I looked around everywhere for the voice, but all I saw was the dog I had pointed out earlier. It wagged its tail and gazed up at me…as if wanting to be petted. My brow twitched at this… Damn thing. I was still a feline at heart, so this mutt was grating on me. "Shoo dumbass mutt." I muttered irritably as I began to go after Renji.

"As hot headed as always." I heard the voice chuckle as something wrapped around my foot and one of my arms. Whirling around, I saw that the dog…well wasn't exactly a dog.

I couldn't help but smirk as I was held stead fast. "So, what do I owe this pleasure to?"

The dog morphed into a hollow, on the verge of becoming an Adujas. Well, looked like I was close about that assumption from earlier. He had sprouted tentacles…but-"You wouldn't be after a princess in Norway would you?"

The hollow's eyes narrowed, at the first question he replied, "I am often called Shiromaru, Lord Grimmjow." And at the second question, it looked at me as if I were the one that sprouted tentacles.

Rolling my eyes, I looked over toward where Renji had gone, I was well, fucked in the state I currently was in. I was stuck in this human body…with no way to get out without that bastard's help. And currently he was gone. Missing. Right when I actually needed him too. Typical Soul Reaper. It was not really him that I was pissed off at…scratch that, I was, but it was more of the reality that I was just a regular human at the moment. Trapped and unable to escape. I was mad at myself…when had I fallen so low to become a play thing of hollows and Soul Reapers alike?

"All you have to do when you are in your gigai is basically punch yourself in the stomach with this glove." She smiled a toothy smile as if nothing were wrong with punching myself in the gut.

Lucky for me I had the epiphany, and too bad my memory was so shitty, if I had remembered about the damned glove that that weird bitch had given me earlier, I would have kicked the SHIT out of that spiky head. Throwing my head back, I had to laugh, my hand on my face, I couldn't help but think about how much this would have come in handy earlier. Well, later was better than never.

Taking the glove from a pocket in my jacket, I slowly put it on. The hollow looked at me strangely, but growled, "You become so low Grimmjow…I still remember back when I was nothing but a mere soul, the first time I saw you I trembled with a fear that I have never known since. Yet, here you are, less than human."

At that comment, I laughed, nearly hysterically. "Oh? Less than human? Of course!" Just like the girl had said, I punched myself and just like that, I popped out of the human gigai. "I am a monster."

The hollow screeched and soon it all was over. Its blood covered one of my arms; and without resisting, my tongue lapped up some of the blood that trickled down my forearm. "Disgusting." I hissed, but continued regardless. My hunger to feast had peaked, and the blood was just too tantalizing to sacrifice.

Had I known Renji was watching the entire time, I don't know exactly what I would have done; but the Soul Reaper appeared shortly and huffed, "Congratulations. Looks like you can actually get out of your gigai." He clapped sarcastically, but the look on his face was not jovial like it was earlier. The look in his eyes confirmed my statement. I was, indeed, a monster. And now, he trusted me less than ever. But, I didn't care. My means of defense and offense were back, and now I felt my ability to actually find Ichigo improved all the more. Whipping the blood off of myself, I took a hold of my gigai and returned to being 'human'.

"Let's go." Walking forward, I didn't give Renji time to respond; I just walked. The walk was much quieter now. Neither of us spoke until arriving at Kisuke's. Neither of us wanted to, and Renji had seen my brutality…something that never bothered me before, and yet here I was, regretting my actions. What was happening to the old Grimmjow? What was happening to me?

"Ah! If it isn't my favorite mooch!" A man called as he waved a paper fan towards his face, his blond hair mostly hidden beneath the stripped green and white hat. "And what do I owe this visit?" His eyes went from Renji to myself; he gave me a careful look, until proceeding to say, "Ah, I see that you have brought Grimmjow! What a pleasure to finally meet you." I scoffed, and said nothing. Two little kids walked up, a boy and a girl. The boy glared up at me, and muttered to the blond, "Humph, this is that Espada guy? Why would Ichigo take care of a guy like hi-" He didn't have time to continue while I picked him up by the collar. "You should be respectful towards your elders." I grunted my eyes less than interested in all of this. I was tired. And something like a wounded animal. I just wanted to be alone.

The boy laid a punch to my face a few seconds before I chunked him towards Kisuke. The man dodged, and the boy flew into the home. This made Kisuke laugh, and the girl gasp and run to the boy's side.

"Hey! What was that-" I cut Renji off with a wave of my hand as I walked into the home. I was tired, annoyed, and wanted to be alone…the events today had made me think. The horrors I have done. The evil I bore. The hatred for the world. My arrogance lead me through so much… My eyes met with the boy, who looked away instantly. I walked past him and into an empty room. I sat down and leaned against one of the walls. "Who am I now?"

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Kisuke cocked his head and waved his fan, his smile just as crocked, "Hmmm, so he's Ichigo's last connection? So interesting that after all that happened that Kurosaki would care for him in such a way."

Renji nodded, "I agree with you. I have no idea what the hell he was thinking. That guy in there is nothing but a monst-"

Shutting his fan, Kisuke gave Renji a hard look. "You would be careful whom to label as a monster, Renji. You of all people should know that."

"I-well-uh…. Humph, maybe you're right."

"Perhaps, perhaps not."

"Have you heard anything about Ichigo?"

"Little, but from the map I've given you, that should be enough for a start. He was sighted last week by one of my colleagues there. Did you tell him about Ichigo's condition yet?" The last part, Kisuke's voice grew quieter and his eyes were much darker, Renji shook his head and sighed-

"No, I haven't entirely informed him."

"Was that wise?"

"I'm not sure yet…Is there anything wise about having him here?"

"Probably not…but he must have some sort of connection with Ichigo if he was spared and treated for by him."

"I just don't understand. Why?" Renji's eyes were filled with unsaid worry for Ichigo; his rival, his friend..."I want to know why Grimmjow is-"

Kisuke sighed and murmured, "Enough Renji, this isn't like you…now come inside and get what you need. Tomorrow will be your best chance in finding Kurosaki."

"I know…"

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My eyes closed, I began to drift between the dream world and reality. I was walking on a side walk, I was much shorter and everything seemed so faded, yet bright. In front of me, I could see someone running and calling, "C'mon -! Hurry up!" And just like that, I took off after the voice- I frantically ran and tried to catch up, but he continued getting further and further away, "Wait up!" I heard myself call, my voice much younger sounding. But, the boy continued to run; the path behind me began to turn black and was swallowed by some sort of abyss. I called out to the boy again and again, but he was gone.

Right when the abyss nearly had me, I slipped, but was grabbed by the boy I had been chasing. And pulled up and away from the darkness. "What where you doing -? You could have been a goner!" Without thinking my arms latched around the boy. "Hey - are you okay?" He asked his voice soft; I couldn't help but look up, his bright brown eyes stared back down at me, a bright smile on his face. His orange hair was nearly swallowed up by the sun behind it; this boy was so much like Ichigo…

Closing my eyes, I held onto my only memory as a human as if my life depended on it, "Don't go…" I heard my small voice plead to the boy, "I don't want to go…" He boy push me away, so that I would be forced to look at him. "I'll always be here for you! I will always protect you too…"

I nodded and the two of us smiled at each other. "It's a promise."

Just like that he disappeared, I was I darkness, with only one light shining down on me, growing dimmer by the second. I looked down at my hands, all to see blood covered them and my body. "Death?" I whispered as the light became smaller and smaller until, nothing.

"Monster…" I heard someone whisper, over and over, the voice growing louder and louder until…light again spurred, blinding me for a second. In my vision Ichigo was standing before me. I called his name, but he remained still. "Ichigo! You damn-" A roar erupted from the substitute soul reaper, a hole went through his chest, his hair lengthened, and his skin became a ghostly white. His face became something of a skull with horns. An aura emitted off him that reeked of raw power that made me tremble with a fear that I had never known. The creature screeched and charged at me, when I awoke I gasped and jerked myself off the wall. What was this feeling? Ichigo…what have you become?

Even though it was only a dream, I could feel there was much more to what I saw. The fear still remained in my very bones and the soul I had left.

Renji ran in and stopped to see me panting and looking like I had, as the old saying went, seen a ghost. "Wh-what the hell happened to you?"

"….."

"Answer me!"

"Ichigo…he's…"

Renji gave me an odd look, one that gave me an idea that he knew something that I didn't…or perhaps now knew. "What is it?"

"When were you going to tell me what he has become?"

Renji's eyes widened, he gave me a look that told me everything, "I… Couldn't at the moment."

"Why didn't anyone say anything? Why didn't four eyes either? Damnit!"

"Look, sometimes things should be found out one at a time…so I thought that-"

"That what? That it would be a good idea to hide the fact that Ichigo is as much as a monster as I am?"

The Soul Reaper visibly cringed, but growled back, "He is not a monster!"

"Stop deluding yourself Spikes, you know just as much as I do…" My sentence then slipped from my lips until I realized…the reasoning to why I had Ichigo appear in my 'dream.' "Ichigo is close…" I realized…my own eyes widened, what could I do? Why was I here? Why did Ichigo care? Did I care?

The boy from my memory made me remember some sort of promise. But what…who was it? Damnit, "Renji…we need to find Ichigo. Now."

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Author's Note: I hope you enjoyed this Chapter! :) Don't forget about my challenge!

Next Chapter: Encounter