Chapter Eight

The First Real Crisis of My Life

Whenever the holidays were approaching, there was always an excited, expectant air that hung over the school as the girls chatted with glee about their plans for when they were away from school. They would speak about home, or the holidays abroad they would be having, or the day outs and trips that their parents had promised them when school ended. I was fortunate to have three sensitive friends in Hannah, Tammy and Jas, who would try not to talk about their plans and the home they would be going to whenever I was around, for they all knew what kind of a home I came from, and the surety that no one would be coming to collect me the last day of term. I didn't mind that so much. I didn't want to go back to spend what was meant to be an enjoyable break with relatives who didn't love or want me as much as I didn't love or want them. I had no desire to spend the holidays with them, and they had no desire to have me, so it was mutual.

But I couldn't spend the holidays at the boarding school, so my Aunt used to arrange for me to go as a foreign exchange student to various places abroad, such as Spain, France and Germany. I used to enjoy that, even though it was always a rather daunting feeling that I was going to stay with total strangers, and who couldn't even speak the same language! They all tried their best, but I loved preparing for those foreign exchanges by endeavouring to learn a bit of the language before going there, and trying my best to pick up new words, sentences and expressions during my visits, which delighted and amused the families whom I stayed with very much! I think they appreciated the efforts I made at speaking their own native tongue. As for me, I relished learning something new, and enjoyed the sights, sounds, smells and tastes of a foreign country. The people I stayed with were always so welcoming, warm and friendly and went to their utmost for me to ensure that I was comfortable and took pleasure from my stay. I always had lots to share with my friends when school began again, and some of them listened in envy as I related my tales from my time abroad, and would look covetously at my tanned skin, which betrayed the fact that I had benefited from the good hot sun. Thinking about it now, it was a blessing that my Aunt never wanted me home with her, for it offered me the opportunities of seeing so many new and exciting places. For an orphan, I became very well travelled, even more so than some of the girls with well-to-do families.

I remember one lovely French family I stayed with. It turned out to be the best foreign exchange I ever had, for one day they took me into Paris, and we went right to the top of the Eiffel Tower! I can still envision the panoramic view that the Tower afforded, and the intense awe that filled me as I scanned the beautiful sights of that amazing French city. The next day, they took me and their daughter, Marie, to Disneyland Paris, which was far beyond my wildest dreams! It was more like a place that only appears in the nicest of dreams – it was a perfect dreamland! I don't think I ever had so much fun as I did that day as I met and greeted Mickey Mouse and other Disney characters, screamed with terror and sheer pleasure as my adrenaline began pumping on the wild and thrilling rollercoasters, and watched in amazement as the spectacular fireworks showered around Sleeping Beauty's Castle and lit the night sky with their brilliance. It was the most amazing trip that I have ever experienced, and I still have the fond memories that I have treasured all these years, and always will.

It was coming back from this particular trip, to begin another autumn term at the boarding school, when I was faced with one of the saddest days of my life there, and which I can still recall with tears when I remember the deep grief and pain it caused me.

I was about fourteen years old at the time, and I was really excited in seeing Hannah again and sharing with her all my news, and looking forward to hearing about her trip to the States which she had been on with her family that year. I found her in our room, unpacking her suitcase. I flung open the door and sprang towards her, encircling her in a tight embrace as I exclaimed happily, "Hannah! It's SO good to see you again! I've really missed you!"

Hannah returned my hug and smiled brightly. She seemed pleased to see me, but there was something about her that struck me as being not quite right. She wasn't her normal, bubbly self.

"I'm glad to see you, too, Julia," was Hannah's reply.

"So," I said, trying to draw her out. "Tell me all about your holiday in America. I want to hear all about it! I have lots to tell you afterwards as well!"

Hannah hesitated. I could sense that there was something she didn't want to tell me. "Julia, our trip to the states wasn't just for a holiday," she began.

There was something in her voice that I didn't like. It sounded almost like a warning.

"This will come as something of a shock to you, Julia," Hannah continued. "It certainly was a shock when Dad told me; but my parents took me out there not merely for a fun holiday, but also to do some 'house hunting'."

A stab of panic began to surge through my body. I fixed my steady gaze at Hannah and repeated slowly, "House hunting?"

Hannah nodded. "Dad's job had recently posted him out in California," she explained, hardly daring to look into my eyes. "This will be my last term here and then I'll be moving to California for good. It will take another six to eight weeks for all the business transactions to go through, and then Mum and Dad will be moving out there. My parents will take me out there ready for the Christmas hols, and after that I'll be attending the local school – quite near to where we'll be living."

I stared as one dumbfounded, completely void of any words. For the present, total shock and the extreme horror of the situation had bereft me of any speech. I thought for a moment that perhaps I had imagined it – that it was all a dream. But Hannah's next words brought me back to the awful reality of it all, and instantly summoned the tears that hadn't quite managed to fall.

"Oh, Julia, please don't look at me like that!" cried Hannah, clearly distressed. "It was a complete surprise to me as well! Mum never uttered a word of it in her letters to me. Oh, please don't cry, Julia! I feel bad enough already!"

Hannah enfolded me in a strong hug and held me close, whilst I sobbed uncontrollably on her shoulder. I was losing my dearest and best of friends. Hannah had been my comfort, inspiration and my rock. What was I going to do without her? We remained locked in each other's arms, whilst Hannah tried her best to comfort me. It took some while for my sobs to subside, but once they had, I held Hannah at full arms length and said in a voice full of emotion, "California is so far away! What if I never see you again?"

"You will, Julia, I promise!" exclaimed Hannah firmly, and even though the situation seemed hopeless, there was something in her voice that made me believe her. "I will come and visit when I can, and you must come and spend time with us. Just think," she added, endeavouring to sound positive, "you will have a new place to come and visit on holiday! You've never been to the States before, have you?"

I shook my head tearfully.

"Well, then, I'm sure Mum and Dad would love to have you if you can come over some time," said Hannah, doing her utmost to smile and swallow the rising lump in her throat. "And I will keep in touch, I promise. I'll send you texts and lots of e-mails."

"And letters?" I asked.

"Of course! And you must promise to write back to me, too!"

I gave Hannah another hug, so that she could not see the tears that were beginning to gather in my eyes once more. "You know I will!"

"Julia, please try not to cry any more, or think about it too much, for my sake. Believe me it's as hard for me as it is for you. Now, tell me all about your time in France! I can't wait to hear all about it!"

I half-heartedly related to Hannah about the experiences of my holiday, and she listened wide-eyed when I told her about the Eiffel Tower and Disneyland Paris, but somehow, the joys of my time abroad had faded into oblivion. I could not even take any pleasure in speaking about something that had meant so much to me, and was so looking forward to telling Hannah.

This was certainly a bitter pill for me to swallow. It hardly seemed real. The grief and disappointment was severe, but it was far more than a mere sad and brief shadow that had eclipsed my time at the school: it was the first real crisis of my life.