Berries and Bimbos and Boobs, Oh My

"What the hell are you doing here?" I ask in surprise.

"I came here to visit," she says smiling. "You haven't come to visit this month and I was getting worried. So much has happened in the last month. Tatsuki's getting married, Stark got a promotion, and we got a new hooker!"

Frodo and Boobzilla both stare at her in surprise. I hadn't told them about my guardians like I had Ichigo, and it was actually kind of amusing to see the shock on their faces. They weren't so much disgusted as they were curious.

Ichigo looks at me questioningly. "Tatsuki is..."

"The normal bartender."

"You told him?" Nel asked curiously.

"Told him what?"

"About the bar."

"I gave a brief explanation of the people. By the way, is Szayel still working there?"

"You ask that every time."

"I know. But I can't help hoping that something will happen and he'll leave. I don't know how he manages to get any business."

"Um...Shiro?" Boobzilla cuts in. "Why are you talking about hookers?"

"Because that's her job."

"She's a hooker?"

"Does it bother you?"

"Hell no! I have soooo many questions for you! How much do you get paid? Do you like being a hooker? What's it like? What if the guy is really ugly? Have you ever thrown up on anyone? Who's the creepiest guy you've ever had to fuck? Did you start off as a virgin? Did it hurt? How many people do you do a day? Is raping a hooker really just rape or is it theft? Have you ever killed anyone? Like an old guy? Given him a heart attack?"

Nel burst out laughing and Ichigo had managed to disappear somewhere. He's way too good at that. Maybe I could get him to teach me. It certainly would come in handy.

"Well, let's see..." Nel said, putting her finger on her lower lip in thought. She had a very good memory by the way. "Well, depending on how many customers I get in a night, my salary varies. And I love being a hooker! I get to have lots and lots of sex. And if the guy is ugly I make him wear a paper bag over his head. I can't say I've ever thrown up on anyone, but Szayel has. That was a great night. I don't think I started off as a virgin, but I can't really remember. The most I've done in a day was about twenty seven I think. And I would think it would be both rape and theft. And I haven't killed anyone. That was Loli."

The two of them seemed so into their conversation, which quickly turned to food which reminded them of the food they had. I'm going to leave before something explodes. As soon as I got dressed I was out the door. As much fun as it sounded to stay in the house while those three cooked, outside just seemed to have more appeal.

Fortunately there was a park nearby and it was a weekday so not too many people would be out. Sure there was the occasional fitness freak out with their dogs, but they were few and far between. Plus they were going in the opposite direction, so it wasn't like we had to be five feet apart the entire time.

It was still cloudy outside, but the rain had stopped at least. It was nice and cool too, at least compared to inside the flat. With Ichigo cooking and all those people suddenly over, it was getting rather warm. Not to mention I could think now.

Think about things like what I was going to do for the art project. There were so many ideas. Ichigo in a Victorian style suit seemed interesting...so was the idea of turning him into a hybrid. But that seemed a little far fetched for what the instructor was looking for. Maybe I could convince him to let me turn in an image of Ichigo in a dress....this is getting really weird so I'm gonna stop thinking about it now.

But since I had time to think, why did I care about him? I may not have cared all that much, but the fact that I cared at all kinda scared me. I could brush it off before as sleep deprivation but now? That desperate look he had when I told him he had to leave, so disappointed and so lost, it made my chest ache and it felt weird. Maybe he really was bad for me.

But people couldn't really be bad for one another could they? So what the hell was this? I wish Zan were here. He might know. He'd always been smarter with this kind of thing. Even for a fourth grader he'd been unusually good at stuff like that. Maybe I could ask Stark or Harribel. There was no way I was asking Nel. As much as she knew about this kind of thing, she was a blabbermouth. I'd never live it down.

As I walked further down the walkway, I passed a guy with long, wavy hair. He had these really weird sunglasses on and this long, black coat. He wasn't really paying attention (course, neither was I) and we ended up literally running into each other. Standing up, we both apologized, but he stopped half way and just stared at me.

"What?" I asked, thinking it had to do with my looks. And I guess in a way it did.

"Shirosaki?" he asked, surprised.

What the fuck? How the hell did he know my name. "Uh...do I know you?"

Out of nowhere he hugged me. What was with people and touching me? Not in the dirty way. That's creepy...being touched by strangers...I'm pretty sure I could qualify that as rape of some sort, right?

"It is you," he said.

"Seriously, what the hell is your problem?"

"Shiro, it's me."

"Me who?"

"You really don't remember? I suppose it has been quite a while."

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

"You always did have a dirty mouth."

I swear if he didn't tell me who he was in the next thirty seconds, I'd kill him.

"It's me. Zangetsu."

No.

Fucking.

Way.

I couldn't help the smile that broke across my face at the realization. This was my friend. My brother. After almost ten years I finally got him back. I couldn't help but hug him back this time. The only friend I'd ever had and I finally had him back.

We both laughed.

"God, it has been far too long," I said, smile still in place.

"Indeed it has. So how have you been?"

I shrug. "Still as antisocial as ever. Though a few people have managed to force their way into my life. How about you?"

"I'm sure we both have a lot to tell. Let's find someplace to sit."

We quickly found a cafe around the corner and sat. We talked for hours about what had happened after he left. Mostly life had stayed the same for me, but a lot had changed for him. He'd made a lot of new friends after he moved, but he says none of them could replace me. He even had a girlfriend now. Her name was Shirayuki. She was pale with long white hair. She looked nice. Definitely not a stick. Maybe I'd get to meet her someday.

When it started getting dark, we both got up to leave. "So where are you staying?" I asked.

"I'm still looking for a place at the moment. But I'll let you know as soon as that changes."

"You know you're always welcome at my place."

"I don't want to impose."

"Don't worry about it. It seems to be happening a lot lately anyways."

He hesitated. "Are you sure?"

"If I wasn't sure, would I have asked? Besides, you're like a brother to me. I can't just turn you away, can I?"

"Well, you could..."

I roll my eyes and start off in the direction of my flat, remembering that there were probably still people in it. I knew Ichigo would still be there, but I wasn't sure about Frodo, Boobzilla, the ditz, or Nel.

"Just don't be surprised if my kitchen's exploded by the time we get there," I tell him.

"Do I want to know?"

"Boobzilla, the ditz, and Nel are in my kitchen. I've let them loose in my house. I'm pretty sure all hell has broken loose by now." he gives me a questioning look. "Nel can't cook. And from what I hear, Boobzilla and the ditz are even worse."

"That actually explains a lot."

When we do manage to make it back, there's a lot of yelling and screaming going on inside. Apparently while I was away, someone had invited everyone else in Ichigo's little group over. And all hell had indeed broken loose. They had taken over the game systems again, and the back door was open to let out the smoke that had formed in the kitchen. Ichigo was running around trying to get everyone to calm down. It looked like he was trying to get stuff cleaned up too.

As soon as they noticed us walking through the door, everybody stopped.

"Aaaaand here is the circus that continuously breaks into my flat. We've got acrobats, midgets, and oh, there's a clown!" I motion to each of them respectively, watching Zan's stunned face at the amount of people in one place. Or maybe it was the fact that they were in my place. I dunno. Either way.

Nel suddenly burst through the crowd, "Zangetsu? Oh my god! It's been so long! How have you been? Are you ok? They didn't experiment on you did they? Oh! Do you have superpowers?!"

How is it that she had managed to recognize him, but I hadn't? Oh well. Not that it mattered.

When I looked over at Ichigo, he had this look on his face. Like he wasn't quite sure what to make of the situation. But as it registered, there was this quick flash of emotion. I couldn't tell what it was...jealousy? Of what? Sure I hadn't told him about Zan, but that was because I didn't think I'd ever see him again.

I mentally smack myself for that thought. I'm caring again. How is it that he manages to get under my skin so easily? I don't want to care.

Ichigo smiles when Boobzilla says something, but it seemed false. He says something back to her and heads back down the hall.

Zan seems to notice and slings his arm around my shoulders before saying, "So, finally got yourself a boyfriend, huh?"

"What are you talking about?" I ask, trying to shrug him off.

"You now exactly what I'm talking about." I give him a confused look and he sighs. "Don't give me that. I saw the way you were looking at him."

I still have no idea what he's talking about, but I doubt I'll get him to explain any further either. That has to be one of the few things I hate about him. Even as a kid he would always hint at something, but never fully explain. Besides, how many ways are there to look at someone when you were as emotionally retarded as I am?

Shoving me towards the hall he says, "Go get 'em tiger."

What exactly am I supposed to go get? Ichigo obviously, but the whole 'tiger' thing throws me off. I'm not an animal hunting for its prey, though someone did tell me once that they thought finding a mate should be releasing a bunch of women into the woods while the men chased after them. The first one they caught would be their wife. Which is a really weird concept. One, I am not an animal. Two, I feel no need to go and hunt something down. It's too much effort.

Checking the spare room, I find he's not hiding behind any of the stacks of books or under the bed. Don't ask me why I looked there, I just did. But he wasn't in the bathroom, which meant there was only one place he could be. My only question now is, why the hell is he hiding out in my room?

He looks up at me from his spot on the bed when I walk in, clearly not expecting...well...me. "Zangetsu told me to come looking for you."

"Why?"

"Hell if I know," I replied, closing the door behind me.

There was an awkward silence as he stared at...I dunno...it was either me or the wall. Either way it was really weird. After a minute he finally says, "D-do you...like him?"

I assume he's talking about Zangetsu. "I kinda have to if I let him in my house, right? Especially considering he's gonna be staying here a while."

Ichigo seemed to tense, but doesn't say anything. "I'm not kicking you out."

He smiles at me, one of those fake smiles. I wish he would stop pretending to be ok, I hate it when people do that...but maybe that's just because I do it too. The only difference is I can pull it off flawlessly. Yeah. I definitely hate that.

"Zangetsu will probably start cooking here soon. Come on out whenever you're hungry."

He slumped back against the headboard and I left. When I get back to the living room, Zangetsu is indeed in the kitchen, working with whatever Boobzilla and the ditz had gotten. Everyone else is talking animatedly about him. When Boobzilla spots me, she drags me to the center of their little group.

"So?" she asks excitedly.

"So..."

Sighing she says, "Who is he?"

"Zangetsu."

She stares blankly at me. I know that's not the answer she was looking for, but it was fun to mess with her.

"What is he to you?"

"My brother."

She looks surprised. "You have a brother?"

"We're not related by blood. Just like Nel's not my real mother. She was just one of the hookers that raised me."

There was a long silence as that thought sank in. It was promptly followed by a chorus of "You were raised by hookers?!"

"And bartenders!" Nel chirped.

"By the way, is Harribel still beating people with that damn stick?"

"Yep!" she says, smiling.

We were suddenly interrupted when Zangetsu popped his head in through the door to tell us he'd finished whatever he was doing. Damn that was fast.

People start gathering around the food he'd set out on the counter, hunting for plates and silverware. Their incessant chatter was still strangely loud for my normally empty flat. Would I ever get used to this? Probably not.

Ichigo came into the kitchen soon after, that fake smile still in place as he started talking to the others. Why did it bother me so much? Could no one else tell? Or were they just ignoring it? Oh well. He's probably still trying to get over the argument with his dad. In some weird way, I guess we're alike. Creepy thought.

"Tekken Tournament!" Matsumoto shouts, getting everyone's attention. They immediately headed back to the living room to set everything up. I figure, they haven't broken anything yet, they should be ok by themselves.

Glancing over, Zangetsu motions for me to follow him down the hall. And I do. I haven't seen him in ten years. I've missed him.

Following him into my room, he closes the door behind me and moves to sit down on the bed. I sit down beside him, waiting for him to speak. Which could be a while because neither of us were ever very talkative.

"So how long have you two been together?"

I stare at him in surprise. He actually thought Ichigo and I were going out? I'm not quite sure what to think of that, other than the fact that I'm pretty sure Ichigo hates my guts at the moment. "We haven't."

"Like, haven't yet?"

"Just...haven't. We're not like that. Hell, I barely know the guy."

"So you don't like him?"

"Not like that. I mean, he's okay- More normal than a lot of the people here- but he' not really anything special. Why do you ask?"

"I dunno. I was getting a vibe that you two were pretty close. At least friends."

"I guess we could be friends."

"Could be? With the way you look at him? If you aren't friends already there is definitely something wrong with you. I know you can be antisocial but shit."

"You were the one that called me an emotional retard."

"It's worse than I thought. You probably wouldn't know what half your emotions were if they came up and bit you in the ass."

"Emotions can do that? Can you sick them on other people?"

He laughed. "You really haven't changed, have you?"

"I try not to."

"Oh? And why's that?"

"Why change perfection?"

"You're kidding right?"

"Hell yeah."

"But, you two really aren't going out?"

"No. Why would we be?"

"Because you like each other."

"And where exactly are you getting this from?"

"Watching the two of you."

"So...I take it you've become a creepy stalker over the years."

"No, I've just become more observant."

"And how exactly have your powers of observation told you what you think you know?"

"Well for one, you can't seem to stop staring at him. And don't tell me you don't, I've seen it. Ever since you walked in that door you haven't stopped looking at him. And the way he looks at you...it's hard not to see it."

"Have you been taking any medication recently?"

"No. Why?"

"I think you should consider it. There is no way in hell we'd end up together. One, he hates my guts. Two, even if he didn't hate my guts, I'm too antisocial and emotionally retarded. I'm not exactly the nicest guy on the planet either."

"The fact that you actually thought about that, tells me you don't exactly hate him."

"I never said I hated him," I said, leaning back. "I just said I didn't like him."

"Not even in a we-could-be-friends kind of way?"

I shrug. "Maybe."

"Maybe my ass."

"I'd rather not."

"Smart ass."

"Didn't know asses had brains."

"Sure they do. You're proof of that."

I laugh. "True enough."

I don't know how long we talked after that, but it must have been a while, because by the time we came out, half the group was gone. I don't know how I'm going to set up the sleeping arrangements with Ichigo and Zangetsu, because I don't really want to stick Zan on the couch, but I told Ichigo he could sleep wherever.

I'll figure it out eventually. Course...I guess Ichigo could always sleep with me again...

Not that he'd want to. He's probably still pissed...about a lot...damn it! The caring! It's back!

As the last of the group leaves, I'm about to find Ichigo and figure this whole sleeping arrangement thing out, only to find him asleep on the couch. He looks really cute...no. Bad Shiro!

Zangetsu walks up behind me, "You gonna stick him in the spare room?"

"Where would that leave you?"

"Hmm...well, we could share a bed like we used to."

...that actually wasn't a bad idea. I don't know why I didn't think of it before. We were close enough that we could still do that right? Plus it's not like we were gonna screw each other or anything. That would be really creepy. I don't care what the fangirls say. Incest. Not cool.

Picking Ichigo up, I carry him to the spare room. Halfway there he grips my shirt like he usually does and mumbles something, but I brush it off. It's probably something to do with his dream anyways.

It actually took me a minute to get my shirt back though. I guess a few hours of not having to worry about him made me forget how damn stubborn and strong he was. If he gripped something, he was not letting go.

But when I do manage to pry him off, I head back to my room, noticing that Zan is in the bathroom. I figure he'll be along soon enough.

Slipping under the covers, I stare at the ceiling, but again I get nothing. No images, no nothing. What is with me lately? I can't seem to do a lot. Maybe I'm still getting used to this whole college thing.

Zangetsu comes in and crawls into the other side of the bed. This is so familiar. Maybe I won't need my images tonight.

There's that food smell again. That smell of real food. That's a really nice smell. Someone comes padding down the hallway, but it can't be Zan because I can feel his body heat radiating from nearby. So I guess Ichigo's up and about. Suddenly the door opens, but it's quiet. Almost too quiet.

"What?" I ask, though it comes out more as "hmph" because my face is buried in my pillow.

He hesitates before saying, "Food's almost done, whenever you're ready," and he walks out.

Glancing up at the clock, I find it reads eight in the morning. Seriously, what the hell was with him and getting up so damn early in the morning? It's not normal. For anyone. But now that I'm awake, I don't think I'll be getting back to sleep. Damn it.

Sitting up, I look around the room and find Zan still asleep. I quickly find a pair of pants and walk out so as not to wake him up. Walking into the kitchen I find Ichigo searching for...something. Good luck with that.

"What the hell are you doing?" Ichigo immediately turned around, surprised.

Scowling at me he said, "None of your business."

"Um...yeah. You're in my kitchen. It's totally my business."

He flushed red and closed the cabinet he'd been looking in. Walking past me, he opened another cabinet and pulled out a plate. "What's it to you?"

"Need we revisit that whole my kitchen thing?"

"I'm making some damn eggs," He snapped. "Happy? Now where the hell do you have a damn skillet?"

"Okay...for starters, a skillet? Here? Do I look like I cook? I think there's a frying pan in that cabinet over there. And two," he continued as Ichigo moved his search to the cabinet. "Did I do something? Talk in my sleep? Do horribly offensive things to you in a past life?"

"What?"

"Well you've got this stick in your ass that's making you kind of a pain."

Ichigo grabbed a pan and turned his back to me, facing the stove, but I could hear him mumbling under his breath. "Yeah, I've got something in my ass..."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing," he replied, shrugging.

"Nothing my ass," I mumbled, grabbing a bagel laying on the counter. Might as well get food while I was out here.

He said something else, but it was so quiet that the only thing I caught was Zangetsu's name. I stared at him. "What?"

He didn't reply.

"What did you just say?"

"Nothing." He replied. "I didn't say anything."

"No. You definitely did. I heard you. You said something about Zan."

"It doesn't matter," he says, trying to avoid me.

"I'm not going away."

"I didn't tell you to."

"You seem to want me to."

"When did I say that?!"

"You didn't have to say it!" I sigh. "Look I dunno why the fuck you're acting like this but it's too damn early to deal with this crap. Either tell me what your deal is or get out."

He pauses, that look of desperation is back.

"Fine." He pushes past me, walks out the door and slams it behind him. What the hell? Just yesterday he'd been begging to stay here, and now he just up and leaves? What the fuck is his problem? And why the fuck am I caring?

Zangetsu comes out from my room, clearly still half asleep. "What's all the noise?"

Shaking my head I say, "Ichigo left."

"Where?" he asks, reaching for some of the food laid out.

I shrug.

"What do you mean you don't know."

"I mean I don't know. He was acting kinda funny, got pissed off and left."

He seemed to contemplate this for a minute. Then realization crossed over his face. "Was he like this yesterday?"

I thought. "He's been acting funny for the last couple days, but nothing like this."

"Did he happen to walk in this morning while we were sleeping."

"Yeah. Where are you going with this?"

"Does he know you see me as a brother?"

"I thought it was kinda obvious..."

He lets out a frustrated sigh, running his hands over his face.

"What?" I ask defensively.

"You can't seriously be that stupid. Ok, let me spell it out for you. He likes you. As more than a friend. Suddenly you bring someone home that you get along with really well, and considering it's you, that's gonna raise a few flags. Add that to the fact that he doesn't know I'm straight, doesn't know that we're practically brothers, and saw us sleeping in the same bed, what do you get?"

I stare at him, confused.

"For gods-HE THINKS WE'RE SLEEPING TOGETHER!"

What.

The.

FUCK?!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! IT IS DONE! IT'S FINALLY DONE! HOLY SHIT THAT WAS THE MOST DIFFICULT CHAPTER SO FAR!

Redfaerie gets credit, I don't think there's anything else, and if there is? I DON'T GIVE A FUCK! THIS CHAPTER IS DONE AND OVERWITH! FUHIHOHOHOHOHO!