Chapter Ten
Joys and Disappointments
With a trembling hand I clicked on the e-mail from my Aunt, yearning and yet dreading to discover her answer. I remember how I could feel the heavy beating in my throat as I scanned the contents of the e-mail, and it seemed as though I stopped breathing for that one minute. It read as follows:
Julia,
After much deliberation I have come to the conclusion that it would be best if you did spend your summer with your friend this year. I will organise transportation etc and will let you know when I have sorted things out. Will also make sure when I book the flights that airport staff know you will be travelling alone and will look out for you.
Aunt Carol
It took me several moments to compose myself after reading this. I could hardly believe it! I had fully expected for my Aunt to say 'no', so this was an utter shock to my system, as I had been completely prepared for a definite and firm answer in the negative. I had not imagined that the woman who had so plagued my life could be the instigator of such joy!
After I had recovered from my initial surprise, the following emotions which ensued were ones of supreme joy and excitement. In my ecstasy, I hit the 'reply' button and composed an e-mail of the utmost elation and gratitude, which she probably wouldn't appreciate, but I knew my duty, and besides, I only felt it was right to express my thanks at such a time. After writing a hurried e-mail of appreciation, I began a new one addressed to Hannah, informing her of my good news and how much I was looking forward to seeing her again.
The next few months that ensued were some of the happiest I had ever spent. I poured myself into my work, with such a lightness of spirit and bounce to my step that carried me right through the Spring term, and the Summer holidays arrived quicker than I had expected. I guess it was the excitement and my longing desire to see Hannah again that kind of 'willed' the time to arrive faster than normal!
I recall feeling rather anxious and apprehensive about travelling up to Heathrow airport all by myself on the coach, and also catching a plane, especially as we were stopping midway in Holland to catch another plane over to California. Although I had flown before, and had travelled by myself, it was always a nerving experience for me, as I understandably felt extremely vulnerable and small amongst so many people, however my Aunt had done as promised, and organised everything, so that I was well looked after. The staff at the airport were extremely kind and attentive, and I had no problems in finding my way around and getting to the plane as I had anticipated, as there was always someone there to guide me and show me where I needed to go. I remember worrying that I would get lost, or board the wrong plane, but as it was, I needn't had wasted anytime in fearing anything, for the staff were friendly and looked out for me all the way, which put me at my ease at once.
I will spare you the tedious details of my flight to California, as I expect you want to hear about my long-awaited, and long-hoped-for reception and reunion with my dear friend, Hannah! It was a moment that cannot be truly described, or truly done justice to in writing, however I can say that it was a moment of extreme rapture and complete bliss for me, as it was equally for Hannah. When I walked through the 'Arrivals' door at the airport, I spotted her straight away. There she was, with her warm, bright smile, running towards me, and before I knew it, I was enfolded in her arms as she gave me the biggest hug I'd ever had. It was an intimate and touching moment, and one I have never forgotten to this day.
Hannah was just her same old bubbly self, and had even developed a slight American accent, which she delighted in exaggerating to impress me! She introduced me to her lovely parents, whom I almost came to 'adopt' as my own during the course of my stay. They treated me as if I was another daughter, and the time I spent with them as a family were the best, happiest and most joyous memories I have treasured up inside me. I remember lying in bed in Hannah's room, imagining up stories that I was her sister, and that her parents were also mine, and that we would always stay together in California. I even found myself dreading going back to school, which was unusual for me! I just valued and enjoyed my visit there so much, I didn't want it to ever end. I wanted to go right on living with Hannah and her parents, and become part of their family. I felt almost as if I did – they were so kind to me, and I found myself wishing I was part of their family. It was such a new and beautiful feeling for me, to feel so welcomed and valued and such a wonderful sense of belonging within a family, and I wanted it to last forever.
Hannah was right, I did love California! It was such a big place, and there was so much to see and so much to do! During my stay, Hannah's parents made the holidays a real treat, and took us both all round the sunny state, showing me all the famous sights and tourist attractions, including Disneyland! For an orphan with nothing, I was a very blessed young girl to be so well travelled and to have been to both Disneyland Paris and the one in California as well!
One night, as I sat up in bed facing Hannah, who was also sitting in her bed facing me with her beaming smile directed at me, I felt an overwhelming sensation of sheer contentment wash over me, followed by a sudden chill of fear and extreme sadness, as I recalled the day of my departure was fast approaching. Hannah seemed to perceive the fluctuation of emotions in my face, and she looked at me inquisitively and said slowly, "Are you O.K.?"
I gave a little toss of my head as if to bring myself back to the present moment. "Uh, yeah, sure," I said, and then smiled as Hannah gave me a look as if to say, "Come on, what is it? You can't hide anything from me!"
After breathing a long sigh I looked at Hannah and admitted slowly, "I'm just sad that my visit is fast coming to an end. I love you and your parents so much . . . I just wish I could stay with you forever!"
Hannah smiled her sympathetic, understanding smile and edged off the bed. Climbing up next to me, she gave me a reassuring hug and then took my hand in hers. "I wish you could stay, too, Julia," she replied. "I sure am gonna miss you; but I'm sure Mum and Dad won't mind you coming to stay with us again – and we'll never be apart, really. You'll always be in my heart, as I hope I'll be in yours, and you know I'll never fail to stay in touch with you. I may not see you all the time like we used to, but you're still my dearest friend."
I squeezed Hannah's hand in response, as the hard lump that had been forming in my throat began to swell. "You'll always be my best friend, too, Hannah," was all I could manage to say.
"And you know whatever happens, you'll always be welcome here," Hannah assured me. "I promise you, you'll always have a home here with us, and I mean that!"
"Thank-you, Hannah," I said gratefully, as I looked up into her eyes with a tearful smile.
Three days later, I was travelling with a heavy heart back to England. The plane journey home was a long, depressing one and I felt very low in spirits. I suppose that's what always happens when good times come to a sharp end, and there's nothing else in the near future to look forward to. It's almost like riding high for a time, and then suddenly coming to a crash landing.
My life seemed rather flat for a while after my exciting Summer holidays came to an end, and the Autumn term began again. I studied diligently and hard, but not with the same enthusiasm and interest that I had before I left for the States. I had had something to look forward to then, what did I have now?
It took a good four weeks to recover from my spirit of depression, but soon school exams began to consume my life, rather than my disappointment at being away from Hannah again. It is here that I think it best that we 'skip' a few years, to the year when I was eighteen, and had nearly completed my A-Levels at Ludlow's All Girls Boarding School.
I was happily busying myself with the last preparations for my upcoming exams, and eagerly looking forward to hopefully going to University to study to become a teacher. I had built all sorts of 'castles in the air' about my future, and had planned out the next few years of my life. I had decided that I would remain in Plymouth and hopefully study at the University there, just so long as I got the grades I wanted and they accepted me. I would also find a part-time job to help pay my way, and after I had completed my degree at University, I would hopefully find a teaching job and settle down with a home of my own, and then maybe in a few years after that, perhaps I would even move abroad and get a job in the States, to be nearer Hannah. It did not even occur to me for a moment that my Aunt had other ideas, or that she wouldn't be able to afford to send me to University; but one day, I received an e-mail from her that shattered all my hopes and dreams that I had built over the years of my life. It ran thus:
Julia,
I have been thinking a lot about your future, and although this may come as a great disappointment to you, I am afraid to say that I do not have the means to send you to University. I cannot afford to pay your way there as well as for my own children, and as you are now at an age to stand up on your own two feet and look after yourself, I would encourage you to find yourself a job if you wish to stay in Plymouth. The other alternative is for you to come back to live here after you have finished your exams, until you have decided what to do with your future. I leave it with you to decide. Let me know what you want to do as soon as you can. I will do my best to help you out in whatever way I can.
Aunt Carol