Berries and Bimbos and Boobs, Oh My
Have you ever been in an awkward situation before? I have, though there were very few of them. And of the few I had experienced, this one was the worst.
Now, normally an awkward situation is created by one person saying something stupid and making everybody uncomfortable and unsure of what to say next. This was nothing like that. I was currently sitting next to a guy that thought I was screwing my 'brother'. I wanted to find some way of explaining that it wasn't true, that it was really creepy. But how exactly do you bring that up? I can just see the conversation now.
"Remember that guy you thought I was screwing? Well, turns out he's my brother."
"You're screwing your brother?"
Yeah. That would bode real well. Course, it didn't help that he was being pissy. And I don't mean I'm-going-to-go-sulk-in-a-corner pissy. I mean if-there-weren't-people-around-I'd-kill-you pissy.
Real attractive.
I'm pretty sure Boobzilla and Frodo are trying to ignore it along with the rest of the class. They don't hide it well. I could swear I saw Frodo's eye twitch a couple times, and I'm pretty sure Boobzilla wants to smack the crap outta him at this point.
And through all this...I still don't know what the fuck I'm gonna do for the art project. So I start doodling.
At some point the instructor decided he was going to go around the classroom and glance at people were doing. In retrospect, doodling probably hadn't been the best idea. Remember that idea I had about putting Ichigo in a dress? Well my brain decided to put it to paper. That and hybrid Ichigo.
Suddenly my paper is snatched out of my hands. "You're very good at capturing the realism of an object in your artwork," he said. I tried to take the paper back. "This is what you should all be aiming for."
Now, it wouldn't have been so bad if he'd just flashed the thing at the class, but no. He passed it around to every freaking table. The class started murmuring, though I couldn't tell what about. Well, the paper obviously. The rest of my table seemed curious too. Too bad my invisibility power doesn't work when people know I'm there.
When the paper finally makes it's way back to our table, Boobzilla immediately snatches it up and starts laughing. Curious, Ichigo grabs the paper from her and turns bright red. Yeah, he's definitely pissed now. Now what the fuck am I supposed to say?
"I'm not creepy. Really."
Ichigo opens his mouth to say something, but promptly closes it. Not that I blame him. What do you say to seeing yourself portrayed that way? He suddenly stands up and hurries out of the room, cheeks flushed bright red. The instructor tries to call him back and...fails. I don't think it matters though, because a minute later the bell rings.
Half way to my second class, Cirruci finds me and attaches herself to my arm. She starts rambling on about something, but I dunno what because I'm not really paying attention. Ichigo had come back last night and slept in the spare room again, but was gone by the time I got up. Which is kind of annoying because it's like, I don't even get a chance to explain anything? How is that fair?
"Shiro," Cirruci whines. "You're not listening to me."
"That's because my inner musings are much more entertaining than whatever it was you were talking about. See, I have dancing monkeys and alligators in tutus. Do you have anything like that? Didn't think so."
"Well, I may not have flying monkeys-"
"Dancing monkeys," I correct her.
"Dancing monkeys, whatever. But I'm much cuter than any ape, don't you think?"
"You certainly are cute for an ape."
She starts in with that constipated pout again, something she should really stop doing. "So anyways, who's this Zangetsu person I keep hearing about from Ichigo's group of friends? All I hear about is him. Why is he so special?"
"Why does it matter?"
"Because according to them, you seem to have a real thing for him."
"That's really creepy."
"Why?"
"Would you date your brother?" she wrinkles her nose at the thought. "That's what I thought."
"Why didn't you tell me you had a brother?"
"Because the less you know about me, the happier I am."
As we make our way into the classroom, I find Boobzilla sitting in the back, waving her arms frantically. I think she might want to talk to me. Either that or she's trying to flag down a plane. It'd be kinda nice if she was. Maybe then it would kill me and I wouldn't have to deal with all this crap.
Cirruci goes off to sit with the clown (I'm still now sure how they know each other. I find myself morbidly curious about it...) and I take my seat next to Boobzilla who is practically bouncing out of her seat. "What?"
"Guess what?" she asked, nearly falling out of her seat.
"Again, what?"
"Inoue and I were cooking last night and came up with the most amazing recipe!" she was squealing. It was very high pitched, I think she nearly destroyed one of my eardrums... "It's got chives, cinnamon, ham hocks, bacon bits, cream cheese, and it's all oven baked!"
"You're telling me you ate this and...lived..."
"Duh. Would I be here now if it'd killed me?"
"You could be a ghost come back to haunt me."
"And why would I do that?"
"Because damn near everything else does, why shouldn't you?"
She thinks for a minute. "You know, I was going to haunt Ichigo...but now that you mention it, haunting you might be a lot more fun. Oh! Or maybe Cirruci!"
"Great...you're making plans to stalk my stalker...Should that concern me?"
"She's your stalker, why should anything that happens to her concern you?"
"Because I think I'm supposed to have a moral code about that..."
"Supposed to."
"Good point."
"By the way, has Ichigo said anything to you in the last couple days?"
"No, why?"
"Because he's been real pissy and annoying. I figure it's either you or someone else in the group, but since he's been more attached to you lately..."
"You figure I had something to do with it."
"Yep," she smiled brightly. It was rather disturbing.
"He hasn't said anything to me the last couple days. Mostly he's only at the flat to eat or sleep. Other than that I don't see him."
"Hm...maybe he ate something bad...or he's sick...he usually gets kinda pissy when he's sick...or maybe he's been abducted! Some aliens replaced the real Ichigo with a fake one! What are we gonna do?!"
"My half of we? Nothing. Go find someone else if you're going to interrogate him."
She pouts, but says nothing further. I'd been wondering what his group would have to say about his mood the last few days. But I didn't think that any of them were stupid enough to think of abduction. Maybe the others have a more reasonable answer. Except for the fact that I have a better idea of what's wrong than they do...hope they don't interrogate me...
Maybe I can sneak off and hide until lunch is over...course...there are other classes I have with them, so I guess avoidance is impossible. Plus, even if I did manage to avoid them here, they'd just break into my house and do it there. Guess I'd better hide that duct tape.
Fortunately most of this class is spent watching Boobzilla stick her tongue out at Cirruci. I have no idea what the argument's about, but it's such a childish thing to do. And apparently Cirruci isn't above responding the same way. So they spend all period sticking their tongues out at each other when the instructor isn't looking. The rest of the class, however, was a different story. They were trying not to laugh.
By the time I make it to the roof for lunch, Ichigo and a couple other people are already there. And arguing.
"I am not being pissy!"
"There are urinals less pissy than you. Truck stop urinals," pineapple zebra.
"...ew..."
"You think I don't know pissy when I see it?" the gnome. "Ichigo, I'm a woman. I know pissy. I get pissy, and it's only fun sometimes. This is not one of those times. It's fucking annoying. Now, are you going to tell us what the hell's going on?" she glances over at me. "Or do we have to sick him on you?"
"What the hell am I gonna do?"
When Ichigo turns around, he turns bright red. (I wonder if he'd glow in the dark...) The scowl is back and he pushes past me and makes his way back inside the school. Everyone else on the roof stares at me. Too late to run away now.
There were a lot of questions about what the hell I'd done to him. I was only spared when Boobzilla made her way to the roof at retold the horrifying story from art class. Curious, everyone else took a look at the picture. A couple burst out laughing, but the gnome damn near had a nosebleed. So did the ditz for that matter.
I didn't see Ichigo the rest of the day, but as predicted, his group did break into my house. Fortunately it wasn't to interrogate me. They set up the game systems as usual, and somehow managed to get Zangetsu to play. I sat and watched as he managed to kick everybody's ass.
They tried to get me to play at one point, see if I could beat him. And I might could if I tried, but competing wasn't really my thing. So I decide to get my homework out of the way instead. I've got enough to do with the amount of days I've missed already.
Ok, so I probably won't actually end up doing the work. But it's a nice thought right?
Heading back to my room, I pick up my latest book and start reading from where I left off.
Matt laughed, pressing his body against Chris's. "No plain old pudding for you."
"No indeed."
"Can I fingerpaint with it?"
Well that's disgusting. And probably unsanitary...
"Only if you're talking about the sort of fingerpainting I think you are."
"You know it." Matt's face broke into a wide , thoroughly evil grin. "I love me some chocolate cock."
Definitely unsanitary.
Chris chuckled. "You," he said, kissing the dimple in Matt's right cheek, "have a filthy mind."
"You like it." Matt leaned forward and licked behind Chris's ear, lingering over the spot that always made Chris shiver with pleasure. "I bet the reason you keep seeing me is the dirty sex."
Chris's mouth went dry. His heart was racing suddenly, as he remembered the promise he'd made to himself earlier that day. It's time, he thought, with something like panic.
Chris cleared his throat. "Matt--"
He didn't get any further than that. Matt pushed him away and stepped back, wrapping his arms around himself. "Don't say it."
Chris stared at him. Those huge blue eyes sparkled with unshed tears. "Matt, what's wrong?"
For a minute, Matt stood still and silent, staring at the floor. When he raised his gaze to meet Chris's, Chris thought the fear and hurt there might break his heart.
"Look, Chris, I know we fuck a lot--
Damn right you do. It's been fourty pages and you've had sex like, six times already. That we know of. Hell, you probably screwed more times than any of us would care to count.
–,right, and it's good. Really fucking amazing, actually. But I..." Mat bit his trembling lip and looked away. "I don't want to be just that. If sex is really the only reason you want me, then I don't...I don't want it."
There's a loud crash coming from out in the living room and it wakes me up. Damn it. I fell asleep without realizing it again. I need to stop doing that. Someone starts cursing. Glancing at the clock it says eleven pm.
Who the hell is wandering around the flat at this hour? It's definitely not Zan, I can hear him snoring beside me. Fuck. Guess that means I have to get up.
As I open the door, I can hear more stumbling and cursing. Turning on the light, I find Ichigo sprawled out on the floor, clutching his foot. He thought he could sneak around here in the dark? Not the sharpest tool in the box is he? I bet he rides the tour bus.
"What are you doing?"
He scowls at me. "None of your business."
"Need we go over the this is my place thing again?" his cheek seems unusually dark...so is his fist for that matter. "How'd you get that bruise?"
"None of your god damned business."
I roll my eyes at him and drag him into the bathroom. He's trying to pry me off. And failing miserably to my amusement. I've been in enough fights that I have a bunch of supplies in the bathroom.
I sit him down on the toilet, (not exactly ideal, but it'll work) and lift his chin to get a better look. Pressing down on the bruise, I notice that it doesn't seem to be too serious. Doesn't seem like anything's broken or fractured. Turns out his hand is bleeding though.
Grabbing all the supplies out of the cabinet, I find him still glaring at me.
"So," I begin as nonchalantly as possibly. "You gonna clear anything up for me?"
"It's my business. Stay out of it."
"There's a lollipop in it if you do."
"...That makes you sound like a child molester..."
"Oh shit, I was going for doctor." Course...anime doctors are pretty damn creepy...I dunno what it is, but there's like, some unspoken rule that all doctors in anime have to be creepy. It's not necessary...it just kinda...is...
Except for that gay doctor in Hana Kimi. I don't remember why I read that...but I remember liking that doctor a lot. As I recall he was my favorite character.
He tries to pull away when I start cleaning his wound, but I refuse to have him bleeding all over the place. Blood is a bitch to clean out of anything, but especially carpet and fabric.
"So the fight is obvious. I'm just curious as to who you got in a fight with."
"What are you, my mom?"
"No, I can't give birth. And even if I could, I wouldn't want to. Kids annoy the ever loving hell out of me. I was forced to baby sit them once. I made them watch CSPAN and fed them every once in a while. When they got to wild I just threw candy at them."
"You were raised by prostitutes and bar whores. Who the hell let you watch their kids?" he spat.
"You really don't want to know."
He hesitates before saying, "Yeah, I do."
"You tell me, I tell you."
His scowl deepens and I can tell he's debating on whether he wants to know enough to tell me about his fight. "You first."
I sigh. "Fine. Urahara Kisuke."
"Don't know him."
"You don't want to. Your turn." He looks away. "I've got all night."
"Funny, so do I."
"Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you? You've been acting funny for the last couple of days."
"Me? You're the one who's been acting like a total freak lately!"
"In case you haven't noticed, I'm usually a freak."
"But you were laughing! You smiled!"
"I am capable of things like that. Now seriously, what the hell is your problem?"
"It's none of your business! Why can't you just leave me alone?!"
"Because you're living under my roof!" God he's really pissing me off. I don't think I've ever met anyone that could do that. "I don't want to have to watch what I do or say around my own damn house because you've got emotional problems!"
"I do not have emotional problems!" We're both screaming now. Hope we don't wake anybody up.
"I don't care what kind of problems you have!"
"Then how about the fact that I can't even go home anymore without getting the shit beat out of me?!"
...what? His father did this? Sure Harribel beat me, but never out of spite. The shock is evident on my face because he says, "I went home because Karin said she needed me. I didn't want to go, but she said dad was out. So I agreed. He got home sooner than any of us expected. He's still not happy with me. I wasn't happy with him either and we took it out on each other."
He's crying again. Why does my chest ache when he does that?
"He was even more pissed off when I told him who it was I liked." He hesitates.
"Who do you like that your dad has such a problem with?"
"I think he has a problem with it because I live with them."
...did I just hear what I think I heard? Is...is he saying he likes me? The hurt is still evident on his face, and I want to say something, anything to make it go away. Before I get the chance to question him, he quickly presses his lips against mine. They're incredibly soft and I want to taste more of them, but he pulls away all too quickly.
"I'm sorry." What? Why is he apologizing? "I...I don't want to come between you two..."
"What?"
"You and Zangetsu. You guys like each other, right? I don't want to break that up."
I don't know why, but I can't help but burst out laughing. He looks confused. "That's so creepy."
"What is?"
"Zangetsu..."
"What about him?"
"He's like a brother to me."
He stares at me. He looks even more confused than before. "You mean...you're not..."
"Hell no." He doesn't seem to know what to think now. I pull him close as I try to kill my laughter. It's actually much harder than it sounds.
He's tense at first, but other than that he doesn't seem to mind the closeness. Wow. I haven't hugged someone other than Zangetsu in a really long time. It's actually pretty nice. But I can't tell if it's just the human contact or Ichigo.
He tries to pull back. "Then..."
"Hm?"
"...would you consider going out with me?" He's blushing again, and it's far too cute. No man should look that cute. But he does.
I pull back and press my lips against his. "Does that answer your question?"
Ok, as per usual, Redfaerie gets super credit for helping me.
The book Shiro is reading in this chapter is a book called Love's Evolution by Ally Blue.
And that whole CSPAN thing? That's my friend pharitse.
By the way, do you know how weird it is to write a fic like this while listening to Sword of Damocles from the Rocky Horror Picture Show?