Berries and Bimbos and Boobs, Oh My

You ever get the feeling that the world is out to get you? I mean really out to get you? I feel like that. All the time. Especially right now. Why is it that every time something good happens to me, something even shittier follows? My life is not nor should it ever be like Nana. Because today was great. I was having fun. I had Ichigo. And of course my father has to go and ruin it all.

It wasn't so bad when he would just call the house. I could ignore him, get on with my life. But no, he had to fucking show up at my house, with everyone around. In broad daylight no less, so I couldn't really turn him away.

Fuck my life. With a really sharp stick.

Zan is the first to notice me freeze. Looking up he finds my father and he stops too. Zan has to be the only one here that actually knows about him. Ichigo has the general idea that we don't exactly get along, but Zan knows all the details.

Ichigo seems to notice me stop and turns around to look at me. I must have been making a face because he looks surprised. Then he turns around to look at the flat. The smile he was wearing before fades and he turns back to look at me again. Now he looks concerned. I take a deep breath and shake my head. I may not want to deal with this, but I might as well get it over with.

As I walk up my father plasters a huge grin on his face, which isn't really all that attractive seeing as all the years of alcohol have rotted his teeth. Boobzilla doesn't seem to notice.

"Who's this?" she asks excitedly.

"I'm Shirosaki's father," he introduces, smile still in place, he shakes her hand.

"Oh! More family!"

Ichigo's hung back with me. I think I must have tensed or made a face because next thing I know he grabs my hand. It catches me by surprise and for a moment, all I can do is stare at him. But as it sinks in I can feel my features soften and my muscles relax. He just squeezes my hand.

"So, Shiro," my father cuts in. "I figured you were too busy to come visit me in person, so I thought I'd come down here instead. I hope you don't mind."

I almost screamed at him that I did mind. That he had fucked me up so bad that I never wanted anything to do with him again. I wanted to beat him senseless. Unfortunately that would get me nowhere but jail. I'd rather not end up in a place where I had to protect my ass at all times. "No," I replied.

I think Nel must have heard Boobzilla at some point and comes rushing to open the door. "Hey guys!" she says beaming. She too freezes at the sight before her.

My father merely smiles back. "Nel, how nice to see you again."

Before anyone has any chance to respond, Boobzilla's forcing us all through the door. Maybe she really is a lot stupider than I gave her credit for. Or maybe she's hoping to ease the tension. I vote the latter.

As soon as everyone's inside, he gives me this look. The one that says we need to talk in private. Which wouldn't be so bad except for the fact that all of our conversations end up with us yelling at each other. So even if we went into another room for privacy, eventually the conversation's going to be heard. One of the downsides to having people that insist on breaking into your house.

Sighing, I let go of Ichigo's hand and head down the hallway to my bedroom.

Closing the door behind us, I turn to face him, shutting myself off completely. "What do you want?"

"Shiro I-" he reaches for me and I must have flinched away because he pulls back. "I'm getting married."

You know those times where you try really hard to keep a straight face but you end up looking stupid instead? This is one of those times. I could feel my facial muscles contorting and I could do nothing but stare at him.

He was getting married? Like...with a church and everything? I've never in my life seen my father anywhere near a church. I always got this freak mental image that should he step past the doors, he'd burst into flames or turn into a really retarded looking demon and some priest would come bursting out with a shot gun to kill him...so anyways...

Snapping out of my thoughts, I tried really hard to get my mouth to work. "W-what?"

"I'm getting married," he reiterated.

I couldn't keep the surprised shock out of my voice. "To who?"

"Her name's Mila-Rose. I really think-"

I cut him off. I don't really care what he thinks. I'm just surprised there's anyone out there willing to marry him. And then I realized something. "What does this have to do with me?"

He hesitated before saying, "Mila-Rose thought it would be a good idea of you were to be best man. I agree with her, which is why I'm here. We want you to be part of the wedding. A big part. You are my son after all."

This man truly makes me speechless. "You want me to be best man?"

"Yes," he smiled. I know that smile. That's the smile that tells me it's all for him.

"No."

His smile fell, cold anger flickered across his face. It almost made me afraid. "Why not?"

"I keep telling you, I want nothing to do with you."

He sneers and replies, "It's one day. You can't come and be civilized for one day?"

"Why should I?" I respond, louder. Anger does that. It sucks.

"What do you mean why should you? You're my son for god's sake! I'm getting married and you can't even be civilized for a few hours!" Remember the yelling I was telling you about? This is it.

"Me? I can't be civilized? You were the one who threw me out! You were the one who told me you wanted nothing to do with me! I tried over and over to reconcile and you always threw it in my face! The only time you ever came around was when you wanted something! Fuck, you still do it! I sat through hours of your stupid charades, pretending to be the perfect little boy you always wanted! So don't fucking tell me I can't be civilized!"

And remember me telling you about all that drinking he did? He was ten times stronger when he was sober. I swear I almost feel lucky my neck didn't snap the moment he back-handed me. It stung like a bitch but there was no way in hell I was backing down. So I do the one thing he apparently wasn't expecting. I grabbed him by the shoulders and kneed him in the crotch. Twice.

There was a loud thump as he hit the ground, and I'm pretty sure the slap he'd given me had been pretty loud too. Hahahaha, I don't think I've ever been bitch slapped before. I think my lip's bleeding.

Next thing I know, Nel and Zan come running in. I can see the relief on their faces at the sight of him down on the ground. They both reach down to haul him up before dragging him down the hall. Before they can get him out the door he gasps out, "Wait."

He manages to get a couple pieces out of his pocket and onto a table without completely falling over himself. Which, I must admit, is kinda disappointing. Though I have to admit, there is a huge amount of relief when they finally manage to get him out the door.

Picking up the paper, I find a picture with Mila-Rose scrawled across the back and a phone number. Scribbled beneath are the words just talk to her.

She seemed nice enough. She had some muscle on her too, which was kinda weird, but it didn't make her ugly. Not like those scary buff women that do nothing but work out. Seriously, when you can't see your feet, it's time to stop.

Sighing, I chuck the papers back onto the table before heading back to my room. As I close the door behind me, I can hear murmuring from the living room. We must have made quite the scene.

It wasn't late, but I was tired, so I stripped down to my boxers and lay down on the bed. You know what fate? Someone should stab you in the eye with a really hot french fry. You fucking deserve it.

I hadn't been there long when I heard the door open. It closed quietly soon after and I didn't have to look to know that Ichigo was there. He sat down next to me and opened what I assume to be a first aid kit.

He didn't say anything as he examined my cut lip, which I was grateful for. One thing I like about our relationship so far, we don't need to say anything to understand each other.

Setting the box aside, he lay down next to me and started stroking my hair. It felt...nice. I never really associated hair petting with people. I always thought it was kinda weird. Let's all wave goodbye to the bad opinion now.

We lay like that for who knows how long before I said, "I'm tired."

He didn't say anything, just kept running his fingers through my hair.

You ever been in a comfortable silence before? This was a hundred times better than that. I was tired and my face ached, my emotions shot so I didn't know what I felt. And Ichigo made it all go away. Kinda like that blankie everyone has as a kid...now I feel bad for comparing him to a blanket...

Not that he's ever gonna know.

I don't know how long we lay like that before he finally asked, "Is he always like that?"

I scoff, still staring at the ceiling. "You have no idea."

Silence. "What did he want this time?"

I almost didn't want to tell him, but I finally had someone to talk to. Why should I turn that away? "He's getting married." He stared at me. "He wanted me to be best man."

"And you were tired of pretending for him."

I sigh. "Yeah."

He settled himself at my side again. Wrapping my arm around his waist, I can feel him kiss my cheek. I stare at him in surprise. He just stares back and I couldn't help but laugh. Maybe this day wasn't so bad after all.

Fucking hell. Why does my head hurt so bad? And when the hell did I fall asleep? Fuck. I press the palm of my hand to my forehead, and I think I groaned because Ichigo shifted behind me and mumbled something about being ok.

"What time is it?"

More shuffling. "Two thirty."

I mumble fuck into the pillow so it comes out more as a groan than an actual word. Why can't I sleep like a normal person? I mean seriously, either I don't sleep at all or I wake up too fucking early. I swear my body does it as revenge for all the instant crap I eat. The headache was just an added bonus. Well fuck you too body...you know...now that I think about it, that's probably what it wants. Creepy thought. Moving on.

I start debating whether or not it's worth it to actually get up and get the ibuprofen. Probably not but I'm going to do it anyways. And you know how walking around with a headache is. Now try doing that while tired. It works even less. I end up stumbling over pretty much everything on the floor because somebody hates me that much.

I manage to get a glimpse down the hallway on the way to the bathroom and find that once again, Ichigo's little group is passed out in my living room. They might as well be living here. I should start charging rent.

I feel really lucky right now too. There are only two ibuprofen left. Take that you fucking headache! ...physical pain and me don't mix well.

Slipping back under the covers if ind Ichigo's gone back to sleep. It makes him look really...adorable. You know how people say that while asleep, you look defenseless? While that may be kinda true, mostly you look relaxed. Like nothing in the world can bother you. Which was great really, because that means I get to see Ichigo without his scowl for once. Sure he'd smile every now and then, but it wasn't the same.

guess I just learned something about myself. Apparently I like to watch people sleep. Ok, maybe not people in general. But I definitely like to watch Ichigo sleep. Even when he does start talking to himself. I hope he doesn't think I'm creepy...

Now the only problem is I want to watch him sleep which means that I won't get any sleep. Fuck it. As long as I'm getting something out of it, it's not quite so bad.

Not long after Soulja Boy starts playing from the nightstand behind me. He really should get that changed. Maybe I'll do that in the near future. Pick some better music. I bet he'd appreciate it. Hell, I know I would.

Ichigo mumbles and shifts beside me and tries to reach over me to get to his phone. It's not working so well. Finally he just groans and sits up to get it while mumbling to himself.

"Yeah?" he asks his phone. There was silence as the other person started talking. It was this tiny little voice in the background. "You know I can't."

I'm going to assume sister.

He sighs and falls back onto the bed, running his hand over his face. "I know. I'm sorry, but you know what happened last time. I can't risk that again. For both our sakes."

He talks to her like that for a little while longer before it all completely changes. So I take it the phone has changed hands. He argues for a little while, and I try to stay out of it, it's really none of my business. Kinda hard to do though, considering close quarters.

By the end of the conversation, he's more wound up than I had been when my father had shown up. He almost looks ready to cry, and all I can think to do is pull him against me.

"Fine," he says, hanging up. Turning to me he says, "I have to go home tomorrow."

He sounds so happy about it. I just raise a brow at him. "Dad wants me home and I...I can't say no." He starts to shake. "I don't want to go alone...I..."

"You want me to go with you."

He avoids my gaze but nods. "I understand if you don't want to go. I mean, sure we're going out, but god, we still hardly know each other. And it's not like you have any obligation to-"

"You're rambling," I cut him off.

He just stops and flushes. I chuckle at him. "If you really want me to, I will." He smiles. I poke his forehead and tell him, "Now go back to sleep."

You know what I hate? When you spend all day fretting about something and you can't focus on anything else. The art project is due in the next couple days and I still have an ass load of homework from my other classes. Hell, I can't even remember what tonight's homework is. Oh well. I'll ask someone else.

I don't even know why I'm nervous. Ok, scratch that, I didn't want to meet Ichigo's dad. From what I've heard, he's as big an asshole as my dad is. And I know he said I shouldn't feel obligated, but damn it, he's been helping me with all my shit, why shouldn't I return the favor?

Which wouldn't be so bad except for the fact that me and parents don't always go together real well. A lot of them don't like me. I can't imagine why.

Ichigo finds me after school, fidgeting like hell. It's kinda cute. And I'd be more appreciative if I wasn't feeling much the same way. But he starts walking and I follow close behind.

Most of the walk was spent in silence on our part. The rest of his little gang was trying to 'spy' on us. It wasn't really working considering the fact that they were only about five feet away and yelling at each other. I guess they'd given up on the spying thing...which I'm rather grateful for. I already have one stalker. I do not need a whole group of them.

By the time they realize we're headed to his house, most of them have dispersed. Taco Man was the only one left. Which is good I guess. I don't know much about Taco Man, so I don't really know how to react to him being around. I vote that it's a good thing though.

So, it turns out his dad owns a clinic. Odd. Well...at least his dad has a job I guess. Would have been nice to know before so you know, I wouldn't have had to deal with his being sick. Or anything else for that matter. How come I never knew there was a clinic this close? This would have been really useful after all those fights...

As we reach the door, someone comes flying out. Ichigo's automatic response is to kick him in the face. Wow. I think I like this family. Following him out is a small girl with light brown hair. Her face lights up the minute she sees Ichigo.

"Ichi-nii!" she screams, running up to hug her brother. It's weird. While I considered Zan my brother, we were never really touchy feely. So seeing this is kind of odd. Letting him go, she turns to me and smiles. "You must be a friend of Ichi-nii. I'm Yuzu."

She sticks out her hand and I shake it.

The man previously kicked down glances at me and surprise is clearly written across his face. So he's noticed that Ichigo's my Technicolor half too. I almost want to shout "Surprise!" but manage to refrain. Both for my sake and Ichigo's. Don't think it'll do any good to freak them out now.

He eyes me warily before sticking his hand out and introducing himself. "Kurosaki Isshin."

"Shirosaki Hichigo."

"Ah," the realization makes it's way across his face. This is a very animated family. "You're the one that took care of my son! Thank you!" He grabs me into a bear hug and I have to try really hard not to knee him off me.

"Uh...yeah," Ichigo's fidgeting beside us. He looks like he wants to run away. You and me both. His sister doesn't seem so bad, but his dad is definitely on something. I don't know what, but whatever it is, he needs to share. These last few days have been really shitty. Again, I thought college was about new beginnings...well...this definitely was new...

When he finally lets me go, I find that another little girl had come out. Ok, so she wasn't exactly little, but she was younger than me. She's little. She's definitely older that Yuzu and has black hair. She's very tomboyish. I think I'm going to like her.

Of course, she too seems surprised by my appearance. Fortunately, she's a little more subtle about it and just quirks a brow before turning to her brother. It's obvious they're close, especially with the amount of concern she's showing for him.

"So Ichigo," his father says. Ichigo flinches. "There's someone I'd like for you to meet."

He just nods. Everyone follows Isshin into the clinic, Ichigo and I coming up at the end of the little line. He's still fidgeting and I stroke the small of his back in an attempt to calm him down. It seems to work a little.

When we reach the living room, this petite young woman sitting on the couch stands up to greet us. "This is Ogawa Michiru. Remember her from high school? I ran into her at the grocery store."

Ichigo looks beyond surprised and I'm just not quite sure what to make of this. She's not ugly. She's got short brown hair a little longer than Yuzu's and she seems really shy. And because of her size, she's really not all that stick-like.

"Dad, what-?"

"I just thought it might be good to see some of your old friends again."

He still looks really confused. "Dad, I see most of them at school every day."

His dad leans a little closer and says, "She just seemed more your type."

Neither Ichigo nor myself could keep the surprise off our faces. What the hell? His dad was trying to set him up with someone else? I...don't even know what to say to that. Normally I'd just blow it off, but normally it's not happening to me. Do you think they have a dummy's guide for shit like this? I should go look for one.

Ogawa turns pink and starts playing with the hem of her shirt. The older of the sisters comes in and just kicks her father in the shin. He starts crying. To some large poster on the wall. Which is weird, because from what I've heard he's a child abusing bastard. Not...whatever this is...

When he finally manages to stand up again, he leaves, telling us to have fun.

Awkward silence ensues.

What do you say in a situation like this? Seriously. "So yeah, I'm the boyfriend of the guy you wanna date. That's not a problem right?" Because I really don't think she knows about us. Of course, it's not exactly like we're advertising it either.

Ogawa tries to break the ice a few times. And fails miserably. Every time she tries to make conversation, it just kind of dies away. I actually feel kinda bad for her. She has no idea what she's being set up against. I almost want to warn her that she's SOL in this situation, but I don't want to just suddenly announce our relationship with his dad in the house.

Fuck! I'm over thinking shit! Why?

I'm just about ready to shoot myself when Ichigo finally brings up a topic that goes somewhere. It's amazing really, I thought we'd end up sitting here for a few hours, seeing who would cave first. I'm pretty sure it would be me. Like I said. I don't like awkward situations. I don't handle them well.

And of course it just gets better and better. Because my phone goes off. Which is a normal occurrence, people have a tendency to call me every now and then. But the Stanky Leg song starts playing.

What the fuck? That's not the tone I had it set to. Oh, wait. Boobzilla must have messed with it when I wasn't looking. I'm going to have to change that later.

I'm not the only one surprised by the outburst either. Both Ogawa and Ichigo are staring at me. I give them a don't look at me look and walk out of the room to answer the call.

I don't recognize the number, so I stand there and let it ring. If they call back I'll answer. I get some really weird calls sometimes. Like the telemarketers asking me if I call people in France. What the fuck? I've never been to France and I don't have family living there, why are you calling me?

The song suddenly shuts off and the screen tells me I have a missed call (no this isn't going to turn into that stupid ass Japanese made American movie). I wait a minute longer and the phone rings again.

Damn it. I really don't want to be talking to strangers. Especially at a time like this.

Flipping my phone open, I ask (as pissed off as a can), "What?"

"Shirosaki?" What the fuck, a woman? It's not Harribel or anyone else from the bar for that matter. So who the hell is calling me and how do they know my name?

"Who the fuck are you?"

She laughs. "You have quite the mouth on you."

"Don't care. Who the fuck are you, how do you know my name, and why are you calling me."

"Because I'm going to be your new stepmother," she chirped happily. "It's me, Mila-Rose."

Again, thanks go out to Redfaerie for all her help.

The Nana comment at the beginning? It's a reference to a manga. Redfaerie told me about it. She said that for ever good thing that happened, something a hundred times worse followed. It was never happy for long so she left.