Beautiful Sorrow

Chapter 2

She was left shaken to the core by her husband's unexpected conduct. She stayed up in bed for the rest of the night, wondering if he'd come back. She'd completely forgotten that it was her birthday. She was twenty three now. Her parents moved away to Florida soon after her wedding. Her birthdays had pretty much gone unnoticed since then. Well, except for the excited phone calls from her mother. Last year she told Renee that her husband was taking her sailing to celebrate the day with her, and the year before she made up something about a big party at the Four Seasons. Renee didn't doubt either story. She wondered if she was getting better at lying, or if it was simply easier to be so convincing over the phone. She was a horrible liar she was told while growing up. Her face was like an open book, her mother had said. She couldn't understand what made her think she'd ever be able to pull off a deception of such a great magnitude when it came to her husband; or why she even tried.

She stayed in bed, curled up in a ball, clutching the covers to her chest. Towards dawn, she was too unsettled to stay in bed any longer. She needed to calm her nerves and there were very few things that could do that for her these days, given how she no longer had access to the wine cellar. She got out of the bed and tiptoed to the door. She plastered her ear on to the hard wood to make sure no one was approaching the room, and then stealthily walked to the closet. There were several shoe boxes lining the bottom of the closet floor. She carefully pulled out the third one from the left. It looked exactly like every other box in her collection; no markings or signs setting it apart from the rest. Clutching the box with shaky hands, she slowly sank down on the floor by the closet. She looked at the door one more time to make sure no one was likely to barge in. Personal privacy was a privilege that she didn't get to enjoy too frequently these days, especially since her hospitalization. She was rarely left by herself and never allowed to lock her door. She let a few more minutes pass just to be sure, then with trembling hands she opened the lid. The box contained a pair of shoes. She took out one shoe and then reached inside its curvature to pull out a small object wrapped in tissue.

It's still here. Thank god, it's still here. He didn't find it.

Exhaling a deep breath that she didn't even know she was holding, she began to unfold the delicate wrinkles to reveal what lay within. It was a blue flower made of glass, a replica of the rare Glass Flower collection from the Harvard Museum of Natural History. The tiny replica bought at the museum gift shop was the only article she still had that bore any connection to him. The only thing that she secretly held onto, even after surrendering everything else – the letters, notes, pictures. He took her to the museum on their first day at campus, and after showing her around the dark, dusty hallways and archaic exhibits they reached the Glass Flower section that instantly took her breath away. Her childlike reaction amused him and he couldn't help but buy her a small memento from the gift shop on their way out. That was before they became lovers, before they gave in to the visceral draw that pulled them to each other, before they committed the sin that had led them to their current prisons. She carefully picked up the blue piece of glass and held it gently in her palm. Looking at it calmed her and eventually brought a smile to her face. The cool glass was like balm to her frazzled mind. But along with the momentary respite, it brought an onslaught of memories; memories she knew she couldn't afford to dwell on. She closed her eyes and tried to catch glimpses of images flashing through her mind; beautiful long lashes framing the most vivid green eyes, long shapely fingers playing with hers, untamable mane of bronze hair blowing in the wind. Gone forever.

Please be ok. Wherever you are, please be ok.

Tears slipped past her eyelids. She didn't try to fight them. A small indulgence she felt she had earned.

She noticed light spilling through the window and decided not to push her luck too far. Wiping the tears off her face, she placed the blue glass flower back inside the shoebox, and put the box back in its place with the others. Making sure the box didn't stand out from the rest in any way, she climbed back into her bed. She closed her eyes and let sleep take her, knowing Sylvia wouldn't let her sleep away the day.

-x-

Sylvia didn't disappoint. Bella woke up to the noise of gentle knocking on her door later in the morning. During their usual morning routine of tug and pull, Bella received the phone call from her mother that she knew would come.

"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday to my precious girl, happy birthday to you!" Bella heard both her parents singing along on the other side. It made her want to cry, it made her want to run to them and ask them to hide her forever. But she recognized the futility of it, so instead she commanded her voice to sound cheery to match her parents' and said, "Aww, Mom! You're blasting my eardrums here. Ease up a little, will ya?"

"How is my precious girl doing today?" Renee asked, with lightness in her voice.

"I'm fine Mom, how are you and Dad doing?" Bella asked, hoping her voice held the same degree of brightness that her mother's did.

"We're great, honey. The sun really suits your dad. I swear Diego is a bad influence! He keeps encouraging your dad to stay out in the sun, but he's doing really well. We were hoping maybe this year you two would spend your birthday with us. I miss you, baby, and so does your dad."

"Ahh… yah, maybe next year. Things are a bit crazy now. And you know how busy Carlisle is; we'll plan something soon, I promise."

"How's Carlisle doing, dear? Where is he? Can we say a quick hello to him? Bet he's got the whole day planned for you. Or is he surprising you this year? That man is a true romantic at heart," Renee said with amusement in her voice. She had been a staunch supporter of Carlisle as her daughter's suitor from the start, even when her husband expressed reservations about the considerable age gap between the two.

"No…I mean he's at work, but I will tell him you called." Bella threw out the standard line that she always used when either Renee or her dad ever wanted to speak with her husband directly.

"On a Sunday?" Renee asked, slightly bewildered.

Damn! 13 September, 2009, Sunday. How did I miss that? Stupid, stupid, stupid!

Bella had stopped keeping track of days for a while now. Days of the week just blurred together through her indifferent perception. She regretted not preparing herself for the phone call. She knew these matters would come up, yet she walked into the mine field completely unequipped.

She shut her eyes and tried to salvage the situation the best she could, "Ah…yah, you know him Mom, always working. Like I said, it's a bit crazy right now. But he'll be back soon; I don't think he's planning on working the whole day. He just had to wrap up a few time sensitive things. You know…"

Renee was quiet on the other end for a while, then she answered, "I know he's a busy man Bella, but it's your birthday and it's the weekend. He was working on your birthday last year too. Honey, are you sure you are ok? He is taking care of you, right?"

Bella was counting on it that her mother wouldn't remember what she'd told her last year. She herself had forgotten about most of it. She desperately searched her memories to remember the specifics that she gave her mother about last year's celebration.

What did I say? Sailing, or a party, or a skiing trip? Damn! It's true what they say, a liar needs to have a good memory.

"But Mom, he took me out sailing in the evening last year. It's not like he forgot my birthday or anything. He had a lot to do, I understand that."

"You, my dear, are a very understanding wife. Hope he knows how lucky he is to have you," Renee spoke with pride in her voice that only a mother could have.

"I'm the lucky one, Mom. So, just ease off on him, ok? Don't worry about me."

"If you say so," Renee said, happy to hear the conviction in her daughter's voice. "So, what are your plans today, baby?"

"I don't know yet, Mom. He said he'll pick me up after work. I hope it's nothing too big," she said with mock horror. She heard her mother laugh indulgingly on the other end. The sound of it made her happy.

They spoke a little longer. Her mother casually mentioned college and wondered when she'd go back to school again. Bella assured her that she would return soon, maybe next semester. Renee reminded her to drink a lot of water; Bella's stint at the hospital six months ago was explained away as a silly case of fainting due to dehydration. She had literally begged her husband not to tell her parents the truth. She was grateful that her parents didn't find anything suspicious about the cover story. Only once did Renee express out loud whether the fainting spell may have been a surprise pregnancy, but she was quickly set right and she hadn't brought it up since. She spoke with her dad for a few minutes about his health, the weather, and Diego, his in-home nurse, before hanging up. Like always, she promised to call more often, which she knew she wouldn't keep. She was relieved when the call came to an end.

It wasn't that her husband told her she couldn't contact her parents. In fact, he was more than helpful when she visited them a year ago. He arranged for his private jet to shuttle her to Florida and didn't bat an eye when she said she planned on spending the whole month with them. Of course, there was no question about Rodney accompanying her. But when she actually arrived at her parents' house, she found that the unrestricted love and acceptance their company provided made it far harder for her to keep up the charade. She couldn't bear to look them in the eye, and realized that if she stayed too long, she would bring down the carefully constructed house of cards. That was a possibility she was adamant to prevent at all cost. In the end, she cut her trip short and returned to Washington after just two weeks, much to her parents' disappointment. That was the only time she had seen them since the wedding. She preferred the distance and occasional phone calls to the knowing, soul searching scrutiny, especially from her father. Her parents knew her too well. She might be able to fool a handful of people who made up the housekeeping staff – though she doubted that she even managed to do that – there was no way she'd be able to pull it off convincingly with her parents. This was better.

Returning the phone to its charging deck, Bella closed her eyes and took a deep breath, then released it slowly to clear her mind of all thoughts. She heard Sylvia's footsteps entering the room.

"So Bella, I hear it's your birthday today. Why didn't you tell me? Wow, happy birthday, sweetheart."

Bella furrowed her brow and nodded in acknowledgement, and then asked, "How do you know? Who told you?"

"When your mom called, I could hear them singing. I'm sorry, I wasn't trying to eavesdrop. I just couldn't help hearing it before I left the room. So, you are the birthday girl, ha?"

Bella instantly felt her guards going up.

How much did she hear? Did she listen in to what I said? Damn it! Why does she have to be so nosy?

"Yah, it's no big deal. I don't like to celebrate. It's just another day. It doesn't mean anything," she said dismissively.

"Is that so? Well that doesn't sound right to me at all, if you ask me-"

"No one is asking you, Mrs. Cope. Please drop it." Bella said in an uncharacteristically harsh manner.

Sylvia nodded in understanding, her gaze heavy with sympathy. Bella hated the look. She feared that Sylvia had heard more than she was letting on, but there wasn't anything she could do about it now. She berated herself for not paying closer attention. Sylvia might have suspected many things about the strange nature of her marriage, but this would be the first time that she'd catch her lying outright.

This is not good; this is not good at all.

Carlisle wouldn't like it. It was important to him that they showed a flawlessly shining, united front to the outside world. He loathed being the fodder of gossip. She didn't want to aggravate her husband, and that's exactly what she would be doing if she blabbered about their complicated relationship to an outsider. The thought of her husband made her heart heavy with regret. It had been a very long time since she'd really, consciously thought about him. He had been her warden, her tormentor for so long that it surprised her to think that it hadn't always been that way. That there was a time when she worshipped the ground he walked on and he looked at her with loving, benevolent indulgence.

She nestled into the sunniest corner of the room and thought back to the day when she first saw him.

AN: Thank you for reading and giving me a chance. I'd love to hear your thoughts. Come find me on twitter: (at)ToTheDreaming.

Thank lulabelle98, for making all this readable. I don't know how I ever thought I could do it on my own.

My eternal gratitude to BellaScotia. Words will forever be inadequate to accurately say what you mean to me. But since words are all I have, thank you, sweetheart! You are my hero.

Thank you TKgel and Kassiah, two legends and luminaries of ficdom. I can't tell you what it meant to me that you read my chapter and left a review.

Bronzehyperion, I am kicking myself for not reading your story months ago. Thank you for your kind words and rec-ing me out.

I also need to thank SammieLynnsMom for taking the time and giving me your brutally honest opinion and MrsEdwardCullenP for being my first reviewer. Thank you!

Thank you .woman, rsher1111, bandmum, rocket roe and co, Shahula, janneyt, and twitoria for reviewing, and everyone who'd put this story on their alert/fav list. I hope you are still here.

IcarusToSun, thank you for talking me down from the ledge and cheering me up with the banner (Yippy!). And for tweeting to your friends about my story. You are too kind.

Story rec: Bring on the Wonder by Bronzehyperion. The story was sitting in my to-read list for months. As mentioned earlier, I deeply regret not reading it before. Don't make my mistake. This story is beyond captivating. It shows a near perfect Edward, waiting to become a priest while trying to save a street-walker, prostitute Bella from herself. It's truly amazing.

http:/www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/6247426/1/

I promised not to go overboard with AN. Sorry! I really will keep it short next time.