Berries and Bimbos and Boobs, Oh My
For the longest time all I could do was stare at my phone. I'm pretty sure one of Ichigo's sisters walked by at some point and gave me a funny look, but I really couldn't care less. How the fuck had Mila-Rose gotten a hold of my phone number?
Pretty soon I can hear her on the other end, asking if I'm still there. I'm tempted to just hang up and ignore her, but it's not like the situation back in Ichigo's living room is much better. "Yeah. Yeah, I'm still here."
"Oh, good. I was afraid you'd hung up on me," she said. She sounded far too happy.
"What do you want?" I ask. I don't want to have to talk to her longer than necessary. I haven't been on the phone two minutes and she sounds too happy and sweet. Annoying.
She huffed and replied, "I just wanted a chance to get to know my new stepson."
"Look. Now's really not the best time for this," I tell her, glancing back into the living room. "I'm...in the middle of something."
She laughs. It's high pitched and I have to pull the phone away from my ear before she does some permanent damage. "Why didn't you just say so, silly? When would be a good time to call back?"
"Not today," I reply, hanging up.
I walk back into the living room to find Ichigo and the hermit still talking. They seem to be having a good time. Glad to know someone's day isn't completely shot to hell. He glances my way and smiles. I just sigh and sit down next to him.
The hermit looks fairly concerned. "Are you alright?"
I try to fake a smile. I doubt it came out all that great. "It's been a long day ever since I got up."
She just gives me a sympathetic smile and starts fiddling with the hem of her skirt. I will give her that. She's not trying to shove herself into small amounts of clothing. She's not unattractive either. And I can't say from the few minutes I've known her that I hate her.
"Who was on the phone," Ichigo asks, trying to hide his concern.
I just shake my head. "Sales call."
Thankfully he takes the hint and drops it, turning back to the hermit. They start up their little conversation again and all I can do is watch while my thoughts starts to drift. Mostly to the subject of my new stepmother. Now that I've spoken to her, I'm not sure I actually want to meet her. What woman her age acts that way? Other than the ones locked up in someone's basement.
I fear the day she and I actually meet. But more importantly, how had she gotten a hold of my cell number? My father had my house number, but I'd never given him my cell. I hope to god I don't have another stalker. One is bad enough. Add in another one almost twice as old as I am? Ew.
I suppose I'll have to call her back though...damn it.
Suddenly there's a hand waving in front of my face. Again! Why? Ichigo's trying to get my attention and I just stare at him. "You were making faces again," was his only explanation. Great. Hermit must think I'm a freak now. The caring! It's metastasized!
...I think being in a clinic has fucked with my brain. I don't normally use that word.
I continue to stare at him and the hermit giggles. I glance at her and she flushes. "Sorry."
There's another awkward silence before she excuses herself. Something about needing the bathroom. I just stare after her as she makes her hasty exit. I can hear Ichigo trying not to laugh. I turn back to him and watch. I do like it better when he's not scowling.
Not so awkward silence follows before I ask, "So what do you want to do?"
He glances at me and starts fidgeting. He shrugs and says, "I don't know. She's nice and I don't want to lead her on, but what else can I do?"
"Talk to her." He flushes and scowls. I roll my eyes. "What's the worst she can do?"
"Go running to my father," he mumbles.
I can't help but laugh at that and he slaps my arm. "Does she really seem the type to do that?"
He pauses, eyebrows knitting together in thought. He really had to think about this? The girl practically worshiped him. You'd have to be blind to miss it. Finally he shakes his head.
"So what's the worst she can do?" He sighs. I gently grab his chin and urge him to look at me. "It doesn't matter to me what you do just as long as it's what you want."
He bites his lip. I can't tell if it's because he's thinking again or if it's our sudden closeness. Either way it leaves me with the sudden urge to kiss him. Though I doubt this is the place to do it. Especially considering his dad could be lurking around. He just strikes me as that kind of freak.
He nods just as the hermit comes back in. He starts wringing his hands together and shifting in his seat. Hermit looks at him funny and he just sighs before saying, "I should tell you something."
She tilts her head curiously. "What?"
Ichigo hesitates before finally replying, "I like you." Great way to start this conversation. "I really do. And under any other circumstances I would probably ask you out." She gets this really confused look on her face. "But I'm gay," he finally spits out, blushing.
The hermit looks between the two of us for a moment before she starts laughing. Ichigo looks mortified, but I just raise a brow at her. Didn't know sexual orientation was that hilarious.
When she finally manages to calm down she says, "I know." Now Ichigo looks surprised. "It wasn't hard to figure out with the way you act around him," she motions at me. Maybe it's just me and my obliviousness, but I didn't think it was all that obvious.
Apparently neither did Ichigo.
She smiles at him. "It really doesn't bother me. In fact, I'm seeing someone myself. But I'll make you a deal. You want your dad off your back and I want him to stop following me around asking what I think about you." He nods. "Then let's be a 'couple', just like he wants."
You know, that's actually not a bad idea. Based on the look on Ichigo's face, he doesn't quite get it. "What she means is you two will pretend to date while around your father, but outside of that you'll have your own lives."
Staring at her in surprise he asks, "Are-are you sure you're alright with that?"
Hermit nods. "I may not want it as badly as you do, but I do want your dad to stop..." she wrinkles her nose. "Bothering me."
Ichigo sighs and rubs at his forehead. "I'm really sorry about that. I swear he has no self control."
She chuckles before glancing at her watch. "Well, I have to get somewhere pretty soon, but your dad gave me your number, so I'll call you soon."
He smiles, stands up and hugs her. "Thank you," he whispers.
Hugging him back, she pats him on the arm before shaking my hand. Guess I didn't come off as the touchy feely type. Thank god. She waves goodbye and Ichigo is just about jumping for joy in his seat.
The minute the door closes, Ichigo's dad comes bounding in, shooting off a million questions a minute about how it went. I can't help but wonder if he ever breathes. He's shooting off so many questions I can't even remember half of them let alone think of how to answer. Fortunately his questions aren't aimed at me. And Ichigo is too happy to really care at the moment.
At some point his dad made the assumption that it went well (which it did. Just not in the way he'd have liked it to) and shuts up. I'm more than grateful and Ichigo just tells him there's somewhere we need to be. His dad starts crying again so it takes us another half hour to finally get out of the house.
So here's what I learned today: 1) I like Ichigo's sisters, 2) I like the hermit, 3) his dad scares the shit out of me.
The entire way back to my flat Ichigo's practically singing to himself. I swear if someone had started up any kind of music, he'd start dancing too. Good thing there are no nuns around.
By the time we actually reach my flat it's getting pretty late. And from outside I can hear his little group doing...whatever it is they're doing. Seriously, I should start charging rent.
Opening the door, everyone freezes. I swear they were waiting for us to walk through that door covered in blood. The minute they see we're alright there's a huge mob surrounding us. I manage to escape before getting crushed, Ichigo on the other hand...well...he's currently being bombarded with questions.
Zan comes out of nowhere and stands next to me. He's quiet a moment before asking, "So how'd it go?"
I couldn't help but smile. "His dad tried to set him up with one of his high school friends."
"Ouch. Really?"
"Yup. I think he'd be a little disappointed should he find out that the two of them are 'going out' to get him off their backs." He quirked a brow at me. "She's seeing someone too."
He nods in understanding and watches as Ichigo's group drags him to the couch to interrogate him further. He's trying to keep up with them, and doing pretty good job. I watch him a little while longer before heading to the kitchen. I'm hungry.
They end up interrogating him about an hour longer before it finally starts to subside. By that point I've eaten and I'm about ready to pass out. Ichigo looks about dead on his feet too.
Heading back towards my room, I close the door behind me and start to strip down. Laying back on the bed, I stare up at the ceiling, too tired at this point to move under the covers. Just as I'm dozing off I feel Ichigo settle in next to me.
I smile slightly to myself and pull him a little closer. He's warm enough I don't think I'll need blankets.
You ever wake up and just know it's going to be one of those days? That was this morning. There wasn't anything in particular that gave it away, I woke up just like I normally would (with the recent addition of Ichigo of course). But there was just that nagging feeling in the back of my skull, telling me the world was going to fuck me today. Without a kiss. Maybe I could get Ichigo to help make up for that…
I stared at my ceiling, waiting for my alarm to go off and wishing I could just stay in bed all day. Maybe save my ass for once. But of course the minute that stupid little clock goes off, I know it's too late.
Ichigo mumbles beside me and turns over, subconsciously reaching to shut off the alarm. Unfortunately he just ends up tossing his arm over my chest. He seems frustrated by the fact that the alarm is still going and scoots closer for a better shot.
By the time he actually reaches the damn thing, he's practically laying across me. Not that I mind, I rather like the close contact. I'm just not quite sure how he's going to react once he wakes up. Might as well enjoy it while I have it though.
Once he's awake enough to actually register anything that's going on, he just kinda stares at me before burying his face in my chest and mumbling something about not wanting to get up. Great minds think alike…ok, so our minds might not be all that great, but you get the point.
I sigh and nudge him, trying to convince both of us to get up. He's still mumbling, but he gets up anyways. It's mornings like this that the memories of Harribel and her stick come in handy. That and the fact that Zan comes in a minute later, complaining about how we'll be late if we don't get up soon.
I make faces at him. He just rolls his eyes as Ichigo laughs.
When I finally manage to drag my lazy ass out of bed and into the kitchen, I find that an ass load of food had been put out and Ichigo's group has already set out to devour the bulk of it. I manage to fight my way through them and find something to eat before it all completely disappears. These people eat too damn much.
It's times like these when I miss just having the place to myself. No one to clean up after and more food survived the week. I swear, pretty soon I'll be living off of nothing but rations…now that I think about it…I think a relative of mine once gave me food stamps for my birthday. I wonder what I did with those…
Some argument breaks out amongst the group and Cirruci somehow ends up passed out under the table. And it's times like these that I'm glad I know these people. They know how to control that beast of a woman. Something I could never hope to accomplish.
Not that I have a problem hitting girls. I just happen to know which fights I can and cannot win. And although I'm pretty sure I could take Cirruci out, it wouldn't be without injury to myself. I'd rather avoid that. I like my body. Even if it seems to hate me.
Unfortunately I don't even get to finish eating before Zan's ushering everybody out the door and to school. He'd make such a great mom. Kinda makes me wonder what his girlfriend's like.
Ichigo ends up talking with Frodo on the way to school, something about one of their classes. And everything seems to be going good until his phone rings.
He glances at the caller id before picking up, and from the sound of it I assume it to be his dad. He talks to him for a minute before glancing at me. I just quirk a brow as he continues the conversation. I've already got a really bad feeling about this. I feel like I should be looking out for Godzilla.
Ok, not really. But it feels like something just as bad is on its way. I'd rather not be Tokyo. I like all my organs and limbs just the way they are.
Falling behind the group just enough to give us room to talk, he tells me, "My dad's trying to set us up on a double date. He says he think he found someone you'd be interested in. A friend of Ogawa." I give him a blank stare. Have I mentioned I don't do names well? "The girl I'm 'dating'."
Ah, the hermit. I nod and he looks at me for a long moment. "What?"
"Nickname?" Wow. I've never had someone curious about how I labeled people before. It's weird. I hope I'm not corrupting him…I don't need him going around repeating these to anybody.
"Hermit."
He scrunches his nose up. "Like…the crab?"
"Well, she's not exactly outgoing."
"True," he concedes after a moment. "But you say hermit and I think Kermit the frog."
I give him this weird look. How the fuck had he gone from a crab to a talking frog on crack? You know what, never mind. I don't want to know. I like Ichigo. I do. It just scares me sometimes how his mind works.
"So…the double date…" he asks hesitantly. I don't know why. Am I really that difficult to talk to?
"As long as I don't have to put on anything remotely nice, we're good."
He chuckles before asking, "Are you sure? You really don't have to-"
I roll my eyes. "If I wasn't sure I wouldn't have said anything."
He watches me a moment longer before nodding. "I'll make it up to you."
Make it up to me? Why the hell was he going to make it up to me? It's not like I'm being forced into this or anything. Of course, having met his dad, I'm not so sure he would take no for an answer. Besides, it could be fun. (I refuse to say it could be worse, the universe takes it as a personal challenge. And as much as it's fucked up my life, the universe is not something I'd like to take on….sober…)
Looking back at me he asks, "How about a movie?"
Movie…as in…our own date? That could certainly be interesting. But if he'd wanted to go out, why didn't he just say something? Chuckling I grab his hand, "If you wanted me to take you out, all you had to do was ask."
He flushes bright red and looks away, trying to deny it. He's so cute when he's flustered.
But I like the fact that he's still holding my hand. Tell me how mushy and cute this is and I'll bash your skull in. I just happen to like having some hold on him. Even better is the fact that he won't shy away from me in public. You have no idea how weird it is to be out and dating someone so far in the closet, they're in Narnia. I hope they learn how to defend themselves.
Coming up on the school, the bulk of the group heads their separate ways as the rest of us head for the art room. That drawing is due tomorrow. I should probably figure something out.
It isn't until we reach the door of the classroom that I let his hand go. Along the way, though, I'd noticed all the strange looks we'd been getting. Now that I think about it, I hope no one assumed incest. That might be just a tad bit awkward.
Taking our seats, the instructor starts rambling on about something or other. Boobzilla, Frodo, and the Ditz are all passing notes back and forth to each other. They're so bad at subtle it's a wonder they haven't been caught yet.
Ichigo on the other hand, has his sketch book out. Glancing over I find him trying to figure out what he's going to do. I am so glad his mind isn't as fucked up as mine is. If it was, I'd probably end up as some freak transsexual cat. Female Shirosaki is not such a pretty image. At least, not coming from my mind.
I continue to watch him work for a while, completely caught off guard when the instructor calls my name. Holy shit, did I do something wrong? Ok, probably. He sends me off to the front office and Ichigo looks concerned. I discreetly run my hand over his shoulder on my way out.
The entire way to the main building I can't help but wonder what I'd done. Because now that I thought about it, I'd been pretty good about staying out of trouble so far. And nothing in the office tips me off either. It's only when I talk to the woman behind the desk that the horror of the day begins.
She gives me this really sympathetic look, telling me how sorry she is as she motions for someone behind me. By now I'm pretty sure the universe has a thing for just popping people into my life. I don't even get fair warning. It's like being hit in the back of the head by a ball. Only less painful.
Because who should be here but (drum roll please) Mila-Rose. Which I believe should have been the end of the surprise, but I don't ever get a choice in the matter. Not only is she here, but she's been crying. Crying plus emotional retard equals…I don't even know. But whatever it is it's not good.
Immediately she starts bawling again, pulling me into a tight embrace. One, ouch. Two, what the fuck. Still crying she starts saying something about how my grandfather is dead. Which is odd because if he was, I seriously doubt she'd be the one to tell me. My father would use it as an excuse for me to come back for a while.
She starts dragging me out the door and towards her car, crying the whole way. The lady behind the desk still looks sympathetic.
The minute we make it inside the car, the crying stops, she wipes the tears off her face and smiles at me. Now I'm really confused. What the fuck just happened? "Ok, the last time I checked, my grandfather was alive and well and coming back from Vegas after winning a jackpot. What exactly just happened?"
She laughs and suddenly I know who she reminds me of. Princess Lolly from Candyland. Too happy and too damn sweet. She's going to be one of those people I avoid at all costs. Or take in small doses if necessary. Now she sounds like a drug…like she could be some freak spinoff of ecstasy.
"I just got you out of school," she replies, more than happy with herself. "I really wanted to spend time with you and get to know my new stepson."
"And you couldn't wait until the weekend? Or some other time I didn't have school?"
She shook her head, smile still plastered on her face. "Nope. We've been so busy planning that I've hardly had time to do anything. Today was the only day I had off. So," she turns in her seat so she's facing me. "Now that I'm finally here in person, I'm Mila-Rose."
And I'm scared shitless. Not that she needs to know.
"Shirosaki." I wonder if I could make a break for it and run. Ok, probably not. Considering all the shit that's happened lately, it wouldn't surprise me if she knew where I live. The universe needs to get off my back and get laid.
She stares at me expectantly. She wanted more? I'm not sure how much I want to tell her so I stay quiet. She sighs exasperatedly. "Come on, give me something. Hobbies? Sports? Extra curricular activities?" Don't really have any of those. No I don't consider my drawing a hobby. "Are you dating anybody?"
"Yeah."
Again she waits expectantly. "Well?" she asks eagerly. "Who is she?"
"He," I correct her.
She stares at me for a moment. "You're gay?" I nod. She gushes, "That's so cute!" I didn't know being gay was cute. Was I missing something? Is this another part of the normalcy I'm missing? Because if it is, I'm glad I'm not normal. "Is he cute? Is he nice? What's he look like?"
Why do people always assume that just because someone's gay, they tend to revert to their 'feminine side'? I don't think I have a feminine side. If I do she's a real bitch and probably what's been kicking my ass the last few years whenever I tried to throw a pity party. I like her already.
I shrug. I don't want to give anything about him away just yet. I'm not sure he should be subjected to her quite yet. I'm not sure anyone but my father should ever be subjected to her. Too much energy in too little space. "He's nice."
She pouts and all I can think is: at least she doesn't look constipated. "You're not very talkative are you?"
"What gave you that idea?"
She sticks her tongue out at me and I'm not quite sure what to think. Princess Lolly really does suit her. She's like a four year old. I wonder if I can distract her with CSPAN and candy.
Suddenly my phone vibrates. It's a text from Ichigo asking what happened. I just tell him my four year old stepmother is having a fit.
"Who's that?" she asks, leaning over to try and get a glance at my phone.
"Ichigo." In reply he sends me: Your stepmother is here?
Yeah. And you are so lucky you don't have to sit here and talk to her.
"Who's Ichigo?" Oh, come on. She can't be that bad.
"My boyfriend." You have no idea.
She immediately brightens up. "Tell him I said hi!" she waves at my phone and I add, Princess Lolly says hi.
She seems satisfied as she settles back into her seat. I prompt her to talk about the wedding. Great thing about women: they like to talk. Granted not all women are like this, but a good chunk of them are. Fortunately, she's one of them. She starts blathering on and on about it. Now I can pretend I'm listening while talking to Ichigo.
Candyland?
Should you ever meet her, you would understand. Please kill me now.
I waited a while longer this time. Time seemed to go by agonizingly slowly as she talked about all the people she would have to call and talk to and all the problems she would have to fix. I never understood why women went to such extents for a wedding. Wasn't it enough that you were going to spend the rest of your life with this person? Why did it matter how it happened?
When I finally did get a message, it definitely wasn't what I was expecting.
But then who would keep me warm at night?
Cheesy? Incredibly so. I could just see Ichigo turning bright red at having sent a message like that. But something about that message made my day seem…better. I'm turning sappy. I don't like it.
But he was right. And I have to admit that I'd definitely miss sleeping next to him at night. Being able to watch him (I'm really not creepy). I felt this sudden irrational urge to have him next to me so I can hug him. I swear to god if anyone ever learns about this, someone's not going to be happy.
Suddenly there's a hand in front of my face. Glancing up, I find Princess Lolly trying to get my attention. "You've been staring at that thing for a really long time. Everything ok?" Gee, she sounds so concerned. I just wave her off.
I almost hate myself when I suddenly feel eager to see him again. This whole emotion thing is really fucking weird.
I don't even know if anything needs to be mentioned, if it does...maybe I'll catch it later and fix it. I'm now braindead. Gonna go keel over and die.