Berries and Bimbos and Boobs, Oh My
The rest of the actual conversation with her wasn't bad. Mostly she was excited about the wedding and couldn't seem to stop the flow of words spilling out of her mouth. Kinda like vomit.
…On second thought, that's disgusting. Moving on.
But overall I think I could have gone home unscarred. Until she decided she didn't like what I was wearing. Why? There's nothing wrong with it. It never did anything to her. It's comfortable. What's wrong with that?
A lot apparently. She ended up dragging me through the entire mall and buying out half the stores. I'm not gonna have room for half the shit she got me. Even if I decide to get rid of all my current clothing. And I swear we got some really weird looks from the people running the registers.
It's not beyond the realm of possibility that she could be a cougar, but I'm not stupid enough or desperate enough to fall for something like that.
When she tries to offer me a ride home, I do my best to deny her. But she ends up pointing out all the useless shit she bought me. I guess I could try to turn it down again…I doubt I could win that fight though. She'd probably start crying. I don't handle crying well.
Damn it. I don't need any more people knowing where I live.
By the time we make it back to my flat, the circus had already made their way there and were currently trying to pick the lock to my front door. I should just have another key made so they don't fuck up my door. It would be cheaper than replacing a doorknob…
Princess Lolly looks rather confused as she parks, and even more so when I go to meet them. Yeah…a spare key would be really good. I don't need people calling the cops on my house. And I'm not bailing anyone out of jail.
Boobzilla lights up the minute she sees me and Zan opens the door. People start piling in with Princess Lolly following close behind with the ass load of bags she got in the mall. She better not dump that shit in my room. I'd really like to be able to go to sleep tonight without having to hunt down my bed.
Mostly other people look confused by her, but Ichigo manages to figure it out quick enough. Though I think I can speak for all of us when I say I'm terrified by the number of bags she's bringing in. I don't remember buying that much…where's she getting it all? A black hole? Bottomless pit? Either way it needs to stop. There's not that much room in here.
Zan gives me a funny look and I mouth "stepmother" at him. He cringes. Good to know I'm not the only one she scares.
When she finally stops bringing in bags, she nods in satisfaction. Looking around the room, she seems to remember she's not alone and smiles at everybody before giggling. "Hi, I'm Mila-Rose!"
Immediately introductions begin and she's still smiling at everybody. The guys do realize she's almost twice as old as they are right? Right?
Ichigo makes his way over to me while still staring at her. He's got this weird look on his face. Like he's trying not to judge her but she's just too horrifying. Better than me I guess. At least he's actually trying.
"I told you she was terrifying."
He scowls and I chuckle at him. Wrapping an arm around his shoulder I pull him closer. He relaxes a little bit but the scowl doesn't disappear. Soon after he starts fidgeting. I quirk a brow at him in question.
His scowl deepens. "The double date."
Shit. That's right. I have to go play nice with some strange chick. Kinda makes me feel like a cheap club host…Ok, I shouldn't say cheap. I have a feeling the movie'll make up for whatever I'll be sitting through tonight.
I must have made another face because Ichigo elbows me with a frown on his face. "What's that look for."
I smirk and hug him closer. "Aw, no need to be jealous," he flushes bright red. "Just thinking about my movie date." His blush deepens and he looks away. I chuckle. "So when are we supposed to meet our dates?"
He sighs. "Dad said to meet back at the clinic about seven."
"He say where we're going?"
Ichigo shakes his head, both of us watching as Princess Lolly bids everyone adieu (finally). Cool. Now I have an excuse not to look nice when we go out. Not that it matters. I probably would have made something up anyways. Me plus nice clothing equals monkey in a suit. Suddenly not so attractive, huh.
As soon as the door closes everybody gives me a what-the-fuck look. I just shrug. I mean seriously, how do you explain something like her?
Ichigo looks around at the bags before looking back at me. "Do I even want to know about all this?"
"Probably not."
There's a short pause before he says, "I'm going to ask anyways."
I smirk at him. "Apparently my wardrobe did something to offend her."
He looks down at my clothes and just stares at them for a minute. Eyebrows knitting together in confusion he asks, "How?"
I shrug. He frowns but says nothing else about it.
Over the next hour he ends up helping me move all the bags to one closet or another. I really don't want to sort everything out and put it away. I don't even think I know what half of it is let alone where to put it. Almost makes me wish I had a Narnia closet. Almost.
At some point he starts digging through some of the bags. Some he gives a funny look, others he looks at almost appreciatively. I do hope he knows I'm not a doll. I don't want him dressing me up. I'm perfectly capable of doing it myself...though I guess it's better than having Princess Lolly doing it...or Boobzilla...or the ditz...
Barbie issues aside, I'm afraid of the kind of person Ichigo's dad has picked for me to play nice with. For all I know it could be another Cirruci. Which is the last thing I need. I have enough stalkers as it is. Any more and I think I might loose it. What little of it there is.
With nothing else to do, I think I'll sit here and freak out about the date for the next few hours. Or...you know...not. I'm not really all that concerned about my first impression. If she doesn't like me, then all that means is there's one more person I don't have to pretend around. Hooray for not pretending. It's probably bad for your health or something.
Well, I'm screwed anyways, a few more health problems couldn't do that much harm.
There's suddenly something latched onto my arm. My first thought is Cirruci, but it doesn't feel like someone's trying to break my arm off. Turns out to be Ichigo. He looks absolutely horrified. I sigh and free my arm to wrap it around his shoulder.
That is what you're supposed to do right?...Right?
Well, he doesn't seem to mind, so I guess it's not that big a deal. He just huddles closer to my spot on the bed and for a long time neither of us says anything.
He finally mumbles, "I don't wanna go."
I fight back a smirk and reply, "Yeah, well at least you know who you're going with. For all I know I could be 'dating' another Cirruci." He chuckles at that. "So not funny."
"Yeah, it kinda is."
I frown at him and he tries to hide a smile. He's failing miserably but he's smiling so it's not quite so bad. He hugs me and we both fall back on the mattress. I really hope nobody walks in. Knowing his group, we'd get so much shit if they thought we were screwing.
He just settles closer and yawns. As a matter of fact, a nap sounds fucking amazing at this point. We'll be up in time for the date. Even if we don't wake up by ourselves Zan will come in and beat our asses out the door.
Damn it.
I'm being shaken awake. I don't like it. I like it even less when whoever it is smacks me. Out of pure instinct I smack them back. Good thing it was only Zan and I didn't hit him hard.
"Get your lazy ass up. You've got about an hour before you have to meet your dates at the clinic."
I almost want to whine at him. Almost. I may be emotionally retarded, but I'm not mentally so. Big difference. For one I can wipe my own ass. No offense, but I don't want someone else's hand anywhere near there. And I'm really not comfortable having someone else in the room watching me take a shit. How weird is that?
So I mumble at him instead and he walks out. I lay there for a minute before I sit up. Ichigo's still asleep so I reach over and shake him awake. He does whine. In a weird way it's kinda cute.
"Up. We've got an hour."
He mumbles something into the mattress before sitting up as well. His hair does the same thing mine does. It lays flat on one side and sticks up on the other. I run my fingers through it to try and get it about even. It only half works and he bats my hand away.
I roll my eyes at him, stand up and stretch. Where the hell did my pants go? Ichigo seems confused by this too. They're at the end of the bed so I must have somehow managed to get out of them in my sleep. I've never done that before. Is it even possible? Sleep stripper? I hope I haven't been sleepwalking anywhere weird...
Pulling my pants back on I pull Ichigo up with me and we both head out into the living room. Half the group is gone by now and the rest look like they're getting ready to leave. We end up talking to a couple people before leaving to head over to the clinic.
Is this like a job? Can I call in sick?
Too late now anyways, I guess. We're already out the door and on the way there.
Most of the walk is spent in silence, Ichigo fidgeting and me trying to think of a way out of it. I don't manage to come up with anything that would work...or that was legal...so it looks like we'll be facing who knows what whether we like it or not.
About a block from the clinic he stops. Confused, I stop with him and just stare. He fidgets a minute more, worrying his lip before he quickly places them against mine. When he pulls away he's turned bright red.
Still confused and now surprised, I keep staring at him. He doesn't say anything, just walks up to the clinic. I follow him, still somewhat dazed. I'm not complaining, I just want to know what brought it on. Maybe I'll ask him later.
Inside the clinic we're met by Ichigo's dad, the hermit, and some chick with long black hair. She looks real happy to be here. My first thought was the grudge. Hey, maybe we can convince Ichigo's dad that none of us want to be here and he'll let us go home.
Ok, probably not, but it was a nice thought, no?
The hermit smiles at us and his dad starts ranting about...I don't even want to know. Grudge chick looks surprised by the whole twin thing. But only for a second. Then she goes back to being grudge lady.
When his dad finally seems to remember we're here (maybe we could have snuck off without him noticing...), he finally introduces grudge lady. "This," he says motioning to her, "is Kunieda Ryo. And this," he says motioning to me, "is Shirosaki Hichigo."
She nods her head at me. I can't tell if that's good or bad...and I don't really care, I just never really understood the gesture when you were being introduced. Hi? Nice to meet you? Go fuck yourself?
We all end up listening to some long rant about what not to do while we were out. The only part of that conversation I heard was that at some point he'd given Ichigo a sexual assault whistle. Apparently it has a light attached. Somebody actually mass produced these? And made money off of them?
The rest of the list went over my head. Mostly because it was common sense. That and considering my childhood, I highly doubt we'll have any real problems.
When he finally hustled us all into the car, Ichigo and the hermit are fidgeting like hell. Grudge lady's just staring out the window. I'm staring at everybody in the car. I can't wait for the night to be over.
By the time we make it to the restaurant I'm surprised Ichigo hasn't worn a hole in his pants from wiping his hands on them. His dad ushers us in and the waiter gets us our table.
The first five minutes were extremely awkward. No one says anything. Mostly it's everybody looking at their menus. The waiter comes back (probably our age and way to fucking happy), takes our orders and leaves.
At some point, Ichigo and the hermit magically start up conversation. I have no idea what they're talking about, nor do I care. Grudge lady ends up pulling out a book. Ok, one, where the fuck did she hide the damn thing? She doesn't have a bag, and she doesn't have pockets. What the hell? And two, why didn't I think of that?
Then I notice the book she has. City of Bones.
I've learned something about myself recently. Apparently I'm a very animated person. Everybody at the table seems to notice. Grudge lady just looks at me questioningly.
"It was a crappy book."
She looks down at her book and then back up at me. "I like it just fine."
"That's because you're only about half way through it. You haven't reached the freak twist or all the whining yet."
She arches a brow. "For twenty pages somebody will say something and somebody else will whine that they're lying, that it can't be true. It took me two days to get through it."
She thinks about it for a moment. "Was the end worth it?"
"No."
She wrinkles her nose and puts the book down. Damn. That's the first time anyone's taken my advice on a book...Ichigo doesn't count. But I've learned something. She likes books. I can work with that. Maybe this won't be a complete disaster. And if it is, I have full rights to blame Godzilla.
"Then what would you suggest?"
Anything not by that author. "Dresden Files. Need. Dark-Hunter series. Anything by Beth Fantaskey." As soon as I mention the Dark-Hunter series she tries to hide a smile. "What?"
"You read romance novels?"
"And?"
"I've just never met a guy that's admitted to something like that."
I shrug. "I'm not exactly normal."
She hums thoughtfully at that and conversation picks up. We end up talking about almost every damn book on the planet. She's not as creepy as she first appears. Good to know. Got a good sense of humor too. Meaning she doesn't run screaming when I make a joke. Again, Ichigo doesn't count. He's special. He doesn't get lumped together with everybody else.
When our food arrives, I notice conversation has become scarce at the other end of the table. I'd offer to help with that...ok, no I wouldn't. I'm not even the right person to ask. They're on their own.
About halfway through dinner, I notice Ichigo glancing over at me every once in a while. I bet he wishes his middle name was subtlety. It might make him feel better about not being able to be discreet.
All conversation is halted when the hermit says she's not feeling well. Everyone's attention turns to her and she glances up at us apologetically before giving this weird look to Ichigo. Probably whatever pain she's got getting worse.
Ichigo suddenly gets up, pulling me with him. Grudge lady looks about half as confused as I feel. He makes a beeline for the bathroom with me stumbling behind him. Fortunately there's no one in there when he comes bursting in. I think it might scare the shit out of whoever was in there. Good thing it's a bathroom in that case.
Still confused I ask, "Why are we in a bathroom? I thought only girls went to the bathroom together. Seriously, I don't even know any gay guys that do this." Confusion tends to push out the first thing that comes to mind. Lovely how my mind works, isn't it?
He's fidgeting again. I reach out to pull his hands away from each other. I figure it's kinda like marriage. You may love each other to fucking pieces, but you still need time apart occasionally.
He refuses to look at me. "Ichigo?" Nothing. "Ichigo." Still nothing. "Talk to me?"
He bites his lip and pulls away. And all I can do is stand there like an idiot. Not that great a feeling. I'd really like to avoid it as much as possible.
There's a long silence before he sighs and says, "She seems nice."
I blink, even more confused. "Who? Grudge lady?"
He half smiles. "Yeah."
Shrug. "She's alright."
His eyebrows knit together as he thinks. "Think she'll go for the same act Ogawa and I have going?"
Thinking about it, I'm not quite sure. She doesn't seem like she'd mind, but then again it's hard to get a good reading on her. "Maybe."
Again there's a long silence. And our tiny little conversation has solved nothing. I'm more confused than when I first came in here. That just shouldn't happen. "Ichigo, what's this really about?"
He shakes his head. "Nothing. I just thought she seemed kinda in to you and was wondering if she'd be up to the whole act."
Wait...she seemed kinda...in to me? As in she likes me? I got the the whole I like you as a friend vibe off of her, what the hell was he getting? And more importantly, did he seriously think I'd just out of nowhere turn straight? Was that even possible?
I couldn't help but laugh. He flushes bright red and scowls. "Fine, forget I said anything," he replies, trying to push past me and out the door. I grab him and pull him to me before he can make it two feet past me.
For the next minute or two I try to kill my laughter in his shoulder. It doesn't work like I'd hoped. When I finally manage to get enough air to think I kiss him, smile refusing to leave. He's frowning now. "No woman in the world could ever turn me straight."
He flushes again. "I know."
I roll my eyes. "Obviously. I spent the last...four years identifying myself as gay. I agreed to date you because I like you. You're adorable." he scowls a that. "What made you think that would change?"
His scowl keeps it's place and he again refuses to look at me before mumbling something.
"What?"
"You just...had a lot in common. And really seemed to like each other."
"I was getting the I-like-you-as-a-friend vibe. What were you getting?" I ask, still a little confused about that part.
He shakes his head but I refuse to let him go. "Come on, let's just get back to the table."
"Not until you tell me."
Trying to pull away he replies, "No. It's stupid and they're waiting for us."
"Well it's not like they're going anywhere." He scowls at that and struggles harder to get out of my grip. I just chuckle and hold him tighter. He starts cursing before he finally stops.
"She just..." he sighs, "it looked like she kept leaning in closer. Maybe I'm just reading into it too much."
I grab one of his hands. "You are. And even if you're not, it's not going anywhere. Now let's go."
He half smiles at me before heading back out into the restaurant, dropping my hand half way there. When we make it back I happen to notice that the hermit is feeling much better. What is with the people around here? They never seem to stay sick very long. Did I miss some freak vaccine or am I just the odd one out? Not that it's that big a deal, it's just...weird.
The hermit smiles at us as we take our seats again and grudge lady just kinda watches us. Fortunately nothing seems amiss and conversation picks up again. Something involving all of us though I don't remember what.
Ichigo and I end up paying for everything and we all walk outside to wait for his dad to show up. Which isn't so bad until we all pile up in the car. His dad's bouncing around in the front seat like a three year old with too much sugar. Or a hobo on crack. Either way it's weird.
Somehow we end up completely skipping the whole "Guess what? We're gay!" speech. I have no idea if that's good or not, but I'm rather glad I don't have to deal with it at the moment. I can only handle one emotional...thing...at a time. So the bouncing around is weirding me out a little more than it normally would.
He makes sure to take the quickest way to the girls' houses before taking us back to the clinic. Remember last time when he fired off a hundred words a minute without breathing? Imagine that on fast forward. That's what he sounds like right now. I really don't even have time to process anything he's saying.
It takes him a few minutes, but I think the blank stare might have finally tipped him off and he starts slowing down. I try to answer the questions as he asks them, but fail miserably. Nel I am not. Nor do I ever want to be. That's weird. And I don't think I could handle the emotional shit. Or the boobs. I wouldn't know what the hell to do with them. They'd just be in the way.
But anyways, he seems more than happy that someone he's set up has hit it off. I almost want to tell him it was terrible, just to deflate his ego a little. Unfortunately we kinda need this whole little act with grudge lady. Even if she doesn't know about it yet.
The night just gets better and better when ends up talking my ear off for the next couple hours. Ichigo finally manages to somehow get us out the front door and halfway down the street, which I am more than thankful for. It's gotten pretty late by this point and I'm tired, so conversation on the way back just...doesn't happen.
We manage to stumble into the flat before eleven. I don't know why it matters seeing as it's Friday. But somewhere in my mind it matters and I'm tired enough not to complain.
Locking the door behind me, I follow Ichigo down the hallway and into my room, stumbling over everything in the damn place on my way there. Normally I could navigate no problem. Why me and tired don't work well in the dark.
When I finally make it into the bedroom, Ichigo's collapsed on the bed and out cold. Didn't even bother taking off his shoes. Again, for some weird reason it matters. I reach down and pull them off before striping down and laying beside him. He's really fucking warm.
Ok, for the last chapter, I got two or three reviews telling me I was epic. What the hell? Why am I epic? Why can't I just be me?
None of the books or authors mentioned are mine, and grudge lady courtesy of Redfaerie (who for some reason really really liked City of Bones).