If I Could Trade Mistakes For Sheep

Santana

Brittany and I are hanging out at the Pierce residence, lazily draped on her big couch, watching Twilight. I'm not complaining or anything, but Brittany barely knows how to work the TV, so she couldn't figure out how to put on subtitles. Since it's not an action movie, I have no idea what the hell's going on. It's very hard to read lips on TV, because they keep going to other cameras at angles which you can't see the actor's lips. But honestly, I'm just happy to be hanging out with Brittany.

Speaking of Brittany, the blonde gently nudges my leg with her foot. I turn to her, as she probably wants to make a comment of some sort.

I'm so excited for Regionals! I don't know how Mike and I are going to be able to put together an entire number for the whole show. It's going to be a lot of work, she says, and I nod. I'm very happy for Brittany, and it's nice that she's finally getting noticed in Glee club. Her dance moves are 'pretty sweet', as Artie always says. Artie is a bit strange, as it seems like he acts very 'hip hop/ R&B' all the time. It's very amusing.

I'm happy for you, Britts, I say, signing as well. You'll do fine, and with your sweet moves; we'll totally win Regionals. As I finish my statement, Brittany smiles and winks at me.

I'm so lucky to have a friend like you, Santana. You're like a breath of fresh air for me.

How so? I turn my head to the side a bit and cock an eyebrow.

Well, everyone at school thinks I'm retarded. You came to school, not knowing anything about anyone to hold against them, and everyone loves that about you. After your mall trip with Kurt, he texted Mercedes, who texted me, that he was so happy that you didn't judge him on his looks, or his voice. Which sounds very womanly and high pitched, in case you were wondering. He gets beat up a lot for it.

He gets beat up for his voice?

Yeah, and because he's gay. But he's a fighter, and he won't let anyone get in the way of his dreams. Especially not Karofsky.

Karofsky? I've never heard of him. It pisses me off that someone's been hurting innocent Kurt.

Who's this punk Karofsky? What's he got against Kurt?

Brittany looks at me curiously, making sure that I said 'punk'. I usually don't use degrading words.

He's on the football team with Finn, Sam, and Mike. He's the school's biggest homophobe.

Does he beat Kurt up a lot?

He never used to, he would just slushie him once or twice a month. Now for some reason he pushes him up against lockers and things. It's kind of bad.

It pains me to hear that Kurt's been beaten up. He's never raised a hand to anyone, not that I've seen anyway. I'm going to have a little chat with this asshole Karofsky.

Oh my gosh, this is the best part! It has great music, when they're playing baseball. It's Muse's Supermassive Black Hole. Brittany says excitedly, pointing to the screen as she's explaining it to me. I nod vehemently, and motion for us to switch chip bowls. She has popcorn, and I have potato chips. Out of nowhere, Brittany's face turns red, and her mouth is open.

Oh, Santana, I'm so sorry. That was so ignorant of me, to be talking about music when you can't hear it, she apologizes, and I shake me head.

No, it's okay. I'm fine with it; it's not a big deal for me-

I didn't mean to, I know you probably feel annoyed, not being able to hear stuff. I feel bad.

Did she even hear what I said? I hate when people interrupt me.

Brittany, it's fine. Don't worry about it, I say, trying to get off the topic. But Brittany doesn't want to let it go. I turn away from her, but I can still see her mouth moving out the corner of my eye. She's still apologizing, still feeling bad for me.

I hate that.

You know what B? Just leave it alone. You know, everyday when I wake up, I don't notice that I'm deaf. I don't notice when I eat my cereal in the morning, or when my mom drives me to school, or when I walk with you to class. But then someone mentions that I'm deaf, or that I have a handicap, and then I realize that I'm not like everyone else. I'm painfully different, and there's nothing I can do about it. I get up from the couch to address Brittany formally, and I'm signing angrily as I speak.

I don't want people to feel sorry for me, because I don't feel sorry for myself. I just want people to treat me like everyone else. I thought you of all people would see that. On my first day of school, no one talked to me until they saw I was hanging out with you. And no, I'm not annoyed that I can't hear, because I can tune out negative, ignorant people like you. I shout, and storm out the door, slamming it hard. The cold autum air hits me hard, and I sit on the stoop and text my mom to come pick me up.

When my mom finally comes, I see Brittany watching me through the window. I don't look back as I lift myself into my mother's SUV.