The story deals with adult subject matter and occasional description of explicit sexual abuse. Not meant for underage readers. Read at your own peril. And oh, Twilight belongs to SM. This is just a fanfiction.
Beautiful Sorrow
End of Chapter 6:
It was nearly early afternoon and Renee agreed that there was little point in Bella making it to school that late. Bella was grateful for the reprieve. She was lost in her thoughts of Carlisle Cullen and what his benevolence meant for her life. Her father would receive the care he needed, her mother wouldn't have to work two jobs to keep them fed, and most likely she would be able to go to college someday. She was indebted to him forever. Even if they could, by some miracle, become self reliant in the near future, it would not negate what his support meant for them today. She felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude and her eyes teared up.
She asked to stay home that day when Renee drove out to see her father at the hospital. She spent the day cooped up in her room, trying to think of ways she would someday be able to repay Carlisle Cullen.
Chapter 7
Bella, age 15-17
The life at the Swan household fell back into a relatively easy rhythm in the weeks following Harold Jenks visit. Bella returned to school but Renee wasn't able to get her job back at the post office right away. Her worries diminished to a great extent the day she received the first pension check. Charlie was released from the hospital after two days shy of three weeks. After speaking to a few contractors, Renee hired a local crew of home renovators to remodel the house to make it wheelchair friendly.
The practical aspects of their new life became routine fairly quickly. The emotional weight of the change, however, took longer to adjust to. Charlie Swan, who had been a fairly active man his whole life, struggled to accept his frail, withered body that failed to obey his wishes anymore. Adding to this, his initial inability to properly articulate words crushed his spirits so much that he refused to communicate verbally, making his treatment that much more difficult in the early days of his convalescence . The crushing knowledge that he was now an invalid, and that he and his family were dependent on charity for their very survival, wrecked havoc in his mind with nearly the same ferocity the hemorrhaged blood had done to his brain.
His depression was understandable and expected, and his doctors made a point to have him seek emotional counseling, in tandem with physical and speech therapy, as part of his recuperation regimen. However, the mental hardship it posed on Renee and Bella was not as obvious but nearly just as debilitating at times.
Renee had met Charlie while they were both in their teens and he had been her protector ever since. Once they got married, not too long after finishing high school, he had become the principle provider; he had seamlessly assumed the position of the head of the household, making all the major decisions regarding their life and future, and Renee was perfectly happy following his lead. Being forced to step into his shoes all of a sudden, left her feeling out of breath most of the time. Seeing her husband lying in the bed, helpless as a child, not knowing if he would ever be the man he once was, took its toll. She managed to keep it together, but only just. She found herself relying more and more on her daughter to lessen her load.
Bella, having inherited much of her father's protective instinct, fit into the role surprisingly quickly. In many ways, she became a grown up within the span of a few weeks, going from being an average, carefree teen to a level-headed, responsible caregiver who was mature beyond her years.
She quietly shuffled her priorities, setting aside her erstwhile hobbies and leisure activities and replacing them with household chores and extra babysitting jobs - when time allowed. She took up the cooking responsibility from Renee the evenings she had to drive her father to and from his therapists. She spent hours sitting with Charlie, trying to coax him to talk and participate in a conversation. And once she turned sixteen and got her license to drive, she also became the designated person to pick up groceries on her way back from school.
She threw herself into her schoolwork. She knew now, more than ever, the necessity of keeping her grades up. CDs, shopping, makeovers, and catching the eye of the cutest boy in school, things that had once filled her free time, took a back seat in her new reality.
She was thankful for having Alice in her life. Like a true best friend, she stood by Bella and supported her through the transition, even though it meant they wouldn't be sharing as many frivolous and joy-filled hours in each other's company anymore. When she finally went back to school, Bella told her at length about the ordeal she had been through and the miraculous knight in shining armor who had come to their rescue.
"Carlisle Cullen himself came to see your dad? In person? Really? Wow!" Alice exclaimed as they sat together in the school cafeteria.
"You know him? Alice, how come this is the first time I'm ever hearing about this?" Bella asked back, slightly disgruntled that her friend would keep this precious nugget of information hidden from her for all this time.
"Well, no. I mean, I don't know him. But I've heard my dad and uncle talk about him a while back. My uncle George, you met him at the barbeque, right? Well he works for him in Seattle, and I heard him say that the Cullens are like filthy rich; richer than Bill Gates even. Wow, Bella, you met someone famous! What is he like?" Alice asked with a naïve curiosity.
"He was there for just a few minutes, and he only spoke to Mom, but he was…so nice." Bella suddenly found herself short of words to describe what Carlisle Cullen was truly like, and it surprised her, because he had been on her mind quite often since that day. Yet, she was now floundering for words while Alice looked at her expectantly. She came to realize that her vocabulary was severely limited to accurately recount what she recalled from that day. Her first response was to say 'god-like', but she stopped herself just in time and opted for something less dramatic. She blushed a little and looked away.
"Nice, really?" Alice sounded a little disappointed. "I thought rich people were all mean and snooty. Like Mr. Burns from The Simpsons. Are you sure he wasn't showing off his gold teeth and jewelry and what not?" she asked teasingly, ever the spokesperson of the downtrodden and disenfranchised.
"No." The mental vision made Bella giggle. "He didn't have gold teeth, or stupid jewelry. He really was very sweet. He talked to Mom and said how he wouldn't let anything bad happen to us, and left," she said as she felt her cheeks redden a shade deeper.
"Why are you blushing? Jeez, Bella, do you have a crush on him? Eeew! That's sick! He's like a zillion years old!" Alice could read her friend's face well enough and saw no reason to cut back on expressing her disgust.
"No! Of course not! Are you crazy?" Bella denied vehemently. "And even if I did, which I don't, he's not that old," she added, unable to agree with Alice's appraisal of Carlisle. "And he looks fantastic," she emphasized.
"Yah, well he's still older than the dinosaurs!"
"He is not."
"Is too."
"No he's not, and he looks way better than your Leo!" Bella fought back, using Alice's near-stalker like obsession with Leonardo DiCaprio as her last resort.
Alice and Bella went to watch Titanic on a special re-release night as a treat for Alice's thirteenth birthday. Bella was yet to hear the end of ways in which Leonardo DiCaprio was a god among men. Alice's 'love affair' with Leo bordered on insanity. The autographed picture of the star, which she'd procured after sending an endless chain of requests to his publicist, was the most prized possession in her poster-covered room that showed off the actor in various poses. Suggesting anyone in the world looked better than Leo was a sure fire way to get her attention to shift from whatever they were talking about. And it worked.
"Take that back, take that back right now! How could you say that? Have you gone blind?" Alice beseeched her desperately.
"Fine! Leo is the best looking man on the planet. Happy?" Bella relented while laughing; glad that she would no longer have to justify her fascination with Carlisle Cullen, because deep down she knew that she indeed had a crush on the man. To her, he was the vision of perfection. Not only did he own a massive fortune, but he used his riches to help others. In her eyes, that made him a far greater hero than any movie star could ever be. He was a real life hero, not someone who just pretended to be one on the screen like Leo as Jack in Titanic or any other Hollywood idol.
Carlisle Cullen was real, not made up, and he was breathtakingly handsome. She recalled his crystal blue eyes and blushed all over again. Yes, she had a very real crush on the man. However, she was also pragmatic enough to know that the chances of Carlisle ever noticing her as a woman were just as slim as Leo falling in love with Alice. She accepted that with a graceful resignation.
Nonetheless, every now and then over the course of the next few years, her subconscious would prompt her into acting out in random ways that would reinforce her ever growing enthrallment with the man. One day, a few months after Charlie's stroke while grocery shopping for her mother, Bella's eyes fell on a magazine called 'Rich & Famous' with a good looking, blond man on the cover that reminded her of Mr. Cullen. Purely on a whim, she decided to splurge three ninety-nine on the glossy piece of yellow journalism and waited with baited breath until she could get back to her room.
She flipped through the magazine, cover to cover, as soon as she was alone and then threw it into the garbage with a pouting disappointment. There wasn't a word written in there about Carlisle Cullen. She didn't know why she thought there would be, since the bold letters on the cover did not promise any such thing. Yet for some reason, the picture of the man on the magazine set something off inside her, and she couldn't stop herself from making the purchase in an irrational hope that it would contain some fairytale account of what Carlisle Cullen was up to these days. She felt tears of disillusionment prickling her eyes.
She lay down in the bed, letting her pillow soak up her tears. Of course there wasn't anything in the magazine about him. How could she forget that he didn't like to be talked about or discussed in gossip magazines? Even after he had went out of his way to make them aware of his dislike? She felt stupid and berated herself for squandering their meager grocery budget.
Unlike Alice, Bella didn't have it in her to make a spectacle of her unrequited admiration for an unattainable man. She nurtured her fixation in private and managed to not make it too obvious to the people that surrounded her. However, the next time she stumbled upon Carlisle Cullen, it was completely unexpected and it distracted her so thoroughly that she ended up burning dinner for the family.
It had been nearly two years since the day she had first met him. It was a summer's Monday and she was preparing dinner for them all, while Renee accompanied Charlie to one of his physical therapy sessions. Their eating habits had gone through a significant change following Charlie's illness. Since he had to adhere to a strict diet, it was deemed easier and cheaper if the whole family adopted it as well. While there was no doubt that it was healthier for all concerned, it didn't particularly make for mouthwatering cuisine. On that particular day, after Bella had placed the casserole in the oven, hoping that her latest experiment to make dinner more palatable would be a success, she walked into the living room to channel surf while waiting for the food to be ready.
She rapidly skimmed through the channels that were available to them and almost didn't notice the familiar face flash by in her hurry to check what was on the next one. Once her brain registered her oversight, she quickly began to press down on the channel key to move backwards, carefully checking each frame to make sure she didn't make the same mistake again. She finally found the right one. There, on PBS, she saw what she was looking for.
Carlisle Cullen was sitting in a large room with several other important looking men. He appeared to be just as beautiful as she'd remembered him, but had a much more serious expression on his face as though he was trying to concentrate on something. She watched the screen with such rapt attention that she didn't pick up much of what was being reported on the show. The camera angle shifted all too quickly and he was gone. Only then did she start listening in on the voice in the background. It was something called the Evian Summit for the G8 leaders taking place in France, and they were reporting on the innovation in industry and commerce impacting health and water resources. She didn't understand much about its significance, but gathered that Carlisle Cullen was most probably part of the delegates that represented the industry leaders. She watched the remaining ten minutes of the show, hoping that maybe they would feature him again. But she was disappointed.
She couldn't bring herself to move away from the TV even after the show was over. She stayed rooted in front of their set, hoping they'd rerun the segment eventually. That's how Renee found her when she returned home with Charlie. Their dinner had been charred to a crisp by then, and other than a sincere apology, Bella had no explanation to offer with regards to her sudden interest in PBS.
Bella's perseverance paid off and she did manage to watch the whole segment on the Evian Summit the next day. She watched it with avid interest and cherished the forty-three seconds of airtime when Carlisle Cullen occupied the screen. She learned that the man he was sitting right behind was Gerhard Schröder, the Chancellor of Germany. She wished she could tape the show, but their VCR had been broken for years. To her parents' baffled amusement, she began to watch PBS and other news shows on a regular basis. Although she never caught another glimpse of Carlisle on TV ever again, by the end of that summer she'd gathered extensive knowledge on current affairs and international politics.
Bella's dedication to her hero remained a constant and understated part of her life which very rarely found an outward expression. She didn't bring it up with Alice again, knowing for certain how she would be ridiculed ruthlessly. Nor did it seem appropriate to reveal her secret weakness to her mother.
Life moved on, and as Bella neared the end of her high school years, the pressure of impending adulthood weighed on her shoulders more and more. The school's guidance counselor, Mr. Berty, began holding preparatory sessions during after school hours for the student body who hoped to make it to college after graduation. Not too surprisingly, there were only a handful of students from Bella's graduating class who harbored any such ambitions.
Though Bella was determined to go to college and use her education to forge a path out of poverty for herself and her parents, she wasn't quite sure how exactly to go about it. She didn't know yet what field to pursue, or what courses to pick that would allow her to choose a marketable career in the future.
She considered journalism, but then she thought of her hero's aversion to reporters and quickly discarded that goal. Medical school or a life in academia wasn't an option, as it required a much longer stay in school and thus a considerably higher tuition. A business degree or accounting was eliminated because economics and math weren't her strong points. She toyed with teaching, or nursing. They weren't the highest paid professions, but they qualified one to enter the job market relatively early. She also considered the sciences. Her chemistry grades were fairly good and Mr. Berty told her that chemists could make good careers within the pharmaceutical companies.
She was undecided about many things, and was glad that she still had some time to figure things out. She wondered what Carlisle Cullen studied in school and wished she could follow in his footsteps. She could imagine that he had probably attended a fancy, ivy league school somewhere, and knew that she could never afford to attend the same campus, but the idea of specializing in the same area as he did was just as exhilarating to her.
Bella was grateful for the advice and guidance Mr. Berty provided. With his help, she narrowed down a list of colleges to apply to that had decent academic reputations and affordable tuition. Her GPA was high enough and her ACT scores were promising. But she learned quickly, that filling out application forms required a lot more time and work than she'd thought it would at first. Mr. Berty lectured them on the importance of writing a good Statement of Purpose to set their applications apart from thousands of others with similar GPAs. As a form on encouragement, he engaged the services of the English teacher, Mr. Forrester, who also moonlighted as the literary critic and editor of the local weekly newsletter 'Fresh in Forks', to publish the best essay in their fall issue.
The day Mr. Berty made the announcement, Bella was running late. She went back home after school to shuttle her father to the rec room at the community center. It took her a little longer than usual to settle Charlie in with his group of friends, and as she ran to make it to Mr. Berty's session, she hoped that she hadn't missed much. She was slightly out of breath when she took a seat next to Alice. She whispered to Bella, filling her in that they were discussing the strategic approach to essay writing. Bella was glad she hadn't missed this part. She wanted to speak to Mr. Berty to get pointers on what to write about.
Mr. Berty elaborated the importance of picking a unique topic and to imbue it with sincerity. He encouraged the students to choose a subject that they were passionate about and how that particular college could help realize their aspirations. He shared his plan on motivating the students by making a competition out of it. He then sent out a signing sheet and a waiver form for all those who were interested in taking part. Bella put her name down without a second thought. She wasn't very competitive in nature, but she was fiercely determined to get into college, and she was ready to use every single advantage she could get to increase her chances.
She spoke with Mr. Berty after the session to seek advice on how to start her essay. He repeated what he'd said during the session and added that she was welcome to meet with him with drafts and ideas anytime during the week, and that he'd be happy to give her feedback and steer her in the right direction the best he could.
Bella played with possible subjects to write her essay on, and in the weeks to come, she drafted and redrafted several versions that she discarded. She considered writing about the noble contributions teachers make, or why the nation could use more nurses or chemists, but no matter how she framed her sentences, or how carefully she chose her words, nothing really spelled out 'passion'. Mr. Berty told her so when she met him with her third draft.
She still had over a month before the deadlines closed for most universities, but not having this important part of the package ready yet made her edgy. She envied Alice who knew exactly what she wanted to study and already had her essay written, which received glowing praise from Mr. Berty. Alice was good with numbers; what she lacked in social graces, she more than made up with straight A's in math. She wanted to become an accountant, and her outlook of getting accepted at the schools of her choice was fairly good.
Alice tried to get Bella's mind off of college applications by talking her into attending their Senior Prom that spring. They hadn't been to many school socials in the past few years, including their Junior Prom. Bella felt that the time it'd take to prepare for one and the cost of buying a fancy dress, could be better spent on studies or groceries. While the financial assistance they continued to receive from Carlisle Cullen allowed them to live with their basic necessities met, it didn't leave much margin for comfort.
Renee had eventually found a job at the local diner as a waitress where she worked three nights a week, but she relied heavily on Bella to stay home with Charlie when she worked her shifts. Bella willingly sacrificed a social life to bear her share of the responsibilities. But her withdrawal from the social scene affected Alice quite badly. Bella was her only friend. Without her, Alice was uncomfortable to face the school crowd, not to mention she rarely got invited to any of the parties. Alice had her heart set on their Senior Prom and even Renee insisted that they go to the dance; their school days were numbered and she wanted Bella to experience at least some of the milestone events of teenage life before it was over.
Bella relented and was actually looking forward to dressing up and acting silly for a change. She even was asked by Tyler Crowley to be her date for the night, but she declined politely. No one had asked Alice out, and Bella wasn't about to let her best friend go to their Senior Prom alone. So, they'd decided to go together as each other's date.
The Saturday before the prom, Bella drove Alice to Port Angeles to buy something appropriate for the night. Alice had extracted a promise from Bella that she would not harp on about her college essay, nor would she bemoan the frugal spending she was about to make on a dress; at least not until after the prom. They spent several hours in search of the perfect dresses that would not only make them look gorgeous, but were easy on their pockets as well.
Neither was too keen on fashion and eventually they found something that was a good compromise between the desired looks and their wallet. They decided on a quick visit to the bookstore before heading back to Forks. As they were passing by the magazine section near the entrance of the store, Bella was stuck to the spot by the new edition of The Economist on the rack. It had Carlisle Cullen on the cover, with the word 'The Outliers' printed towards the bottom. Completely forgetting Alice's presence, Bella reached out and picked up the copy, and rapidly began to flip through the pages to find the feature story. She probably would have finished reading the whole article on the spot, but Alice shook her out of her trance, "…are you even listening to me? Hey, Bells, what's going on? I thought we were going to the sci fi section?"
"Sorry, Al. I just need to buy this first, do you mind?" Bella said as she collected her thoughts quickly. She wished Alice wasn't with her to crack fun. But she didn't want to put off purchasing the magazine; chances were, the puny newsstand at the gas station that passed for their town's only book shop didn't carry The Economist, and worse yet, she couldn't risk them getting sold out.
She paid for the magazine and tried to stash it away in her bags, but she wasn't quick enough for Alice.
"What is it? What did you get? Let me see!" Alice pulled it out of her hands to inspect it better.
"Since when do you read The Economist? I thought you hated business talk?" she asked while perusing the magazine.
"Uh…I don't. I just thought this one looked interesting…" Bella stammered as she looked away, avoiding Alice's gaze.
Alice silently flipped through the journal, and then realization dawned on her. "Bella, is this Carlisle Cullen on the cover? Is this why you went all goo-goo eyed back there? Holy smokes Bella, you still got the hots for Grandpa?" Alice began to giggle while mocking her, "Oh my God, Bella, are you serious?"
"Shut up!" Bella snatched the magazine out of Alice's clutches and stomped away from the bookstore while blushing furiously. Alice called after her as she ran to catch up.
"Hey, wait up! I'm just kidding! Let me see that thing, I didn't get a good look," Alice tried to placate Bella, though she was still laughing.
"No. Go buy your own copy if you wanna look that bad," Bella replied angrily as she made her way to their parked car.
"Bella, I was only kidding! No need to get all your 'granny' panties in a bunch!" Alice fell apart in another roll of laughter.
Bella huffed and continued walking, trying to ignore her friend who was trailing her with poorly concealed mirth in her voice.
Once inside the car, Bella tried to keep up the silent treatment, hoping it would dissuade Alice from mocking her further, but she was wrong. As soon as their car hit the highway, Alice pulled out the magazine from Bella's bag and began inspecting the cover picture while giggling.
"Put it back!" Bella ordered.
"Not a chance! So this is what Carlisle Cullen the Great looks like? Wow, nothing like what I imagined– not that I'd ever waste time thinking about old dudes…" Alice couldn't help but poke another jab at her friend.
"Alice, put it back, or I swear I'll throw you out of the car and you will have to hitch a ride or walk home!" Bella warned, trying to sound as formidable as she could muster. She regretted the fact that Alice had grown out of her Leo fetish over time, so she could no longer use that secret weapon to mock her back.
"Ha, you don't scare me; I know you won't leave me in the middle of the highway. But fine, I'll shut up," Alice said, sounding sincere, until she added, "but before I do, can I just ask one last thing? Do you think his penis is as wrinkly as his face?"
Without another word, Bella pulled into the shoulder and stopped the engine.
"I swear Alice, if you don't shut up, I will leave and you can drive back home on your own." Her voice cracked as tears escaped her eyes. She made a motion to open the driver's side door when Alice reached out to stop her. She realized that she had crossed some kind of an invisible line with her otherwise patient and level-headed friend.
"Hey, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. Jeez, Bella, I was just shooting off my mouth. I'm sorry, Bells. Please don't cry," Alice's own voice began to strain towards the end. Bella was her best friend, her only friend. She loved her dearly. She had no idea her words would affect Bella like they had.
After a long moment Bella restarted the car. They sat silently for few minutes before Bella decided she needed to explain something to Alice.
"We have a roof over our heads and food on our table because of that man, Alice. I will probably go to college because of him. And prom? That dress I just bought? That too is happening because of him. He saved my family, Alice. And I'd be really grateful if you didn't …" Bella's voice choked with emotions and she couldn't finish her speech, but Alice had heard enough and she understood her transgressions.
"I get it, Bella. I'm sorry. Forgive me?" Alice apologized.
Bella nodded her acceptance and they continued on for some time in companionable silence.
"You know what, you are right, he does look rather good for his age." Alice broached the topic again carefully, hoping it would make her friend happy. And she was right.
"You really think so?" Bella asked enthusiastically, all their previous quarrels forgotten.
"Yah, I do. Just look, even if they airbrushed the picture, you can tell he's got really pretty eyes," Alice reinforced.
"I know, right?" Bella gushed like the young girl that she was.
Alice nodded with a smile. She was glad she could put a little sunshine back on her friend's face.
"And nice clothes too! Come to think of it, from this angle, he looks a bit like the guy from Equilibrium," Alice added.
"Guy from what?" Bella questioned. She wasn't familiar with the reference.
"Oh, it's this sci fi movie…never mind, you won't know. Any who, he looks a lot like the hero from that movie," Alice confirmed.
The two friends chattered on as they drove home, and as Bella dropped Alice off at her house, she planted an idea in Bella's mind that would have a far reaching consequence in her life.
"Hey, why don't you write your essay about him? He's sort of a real life hero and you'll be writing from firsthand experience. Just think, if nothing, it will be totally unique," Alice spoke the fateful words before exiting the car.
Bella couldn't get those words out of her mind for the rest of the week. She thought about it as she read the magazine article; it was about corporate entities that stubbornly defied economic trends and according to the author, the Cullen name represented all such outliers. The more she thought about it, the more convinced she became that she should write her essay about a real hero, about how positive actions of one can save the lives of many, and how she hoped to prepare herself, through her education, to have the ability to influence others' lives the same way Carlisle Cullen had hers.
Once her decision was made, she began drafting her essay and even ran a Google search to see if there were more stories like hers that could be connected to Carlisle Cullen. The search came up with surprisingly little. Other than a few reports on high level, international conferences that Carlisle Cullen had attended and a link to a Wall Street Journal article, there was nothing else.
Despite the paucity of information, Bella wrote her essay the best she could, drawing largely from her personal experience. Mr. Berty applauded her essay when she showed it to him once it was ready, and with a few minor corrections she was prepared to send out her applications to the schools she'd short listed. On a Friday afternoon following their Prom, Bella and Alice dropped off their applications at the post office, keeping their fingers crossed and wishing each other luck. University of Washington was their top pick, as it fit perfectly with their family situations. It had decent science and social sciences programs and was conveniently located only a few hours from their home town. It would be ideal on all fronts.
The summer rolled by, and as they neared graduation, both Bella and Alice were delighted to receive acceptance letters from University of Washington. Life seemed perfect and full of promise. They graduated with proud parents cheering for them from the audience.
They giddily made plans for the unfolding future, deciding to share an apartment near the campus come fall. Alice's parents, while not wealthy by any means, had sufficient means to put her through college so she wouldn't have to take up work on the side. But Bella's college fund was barely enough to meet the tuition and books. She would have to take up part-time work to make up for living expenses. Even though the distance was not prohibitive, the cost of gas sure was, so visiting her parents every weekend would not be possible, but she still vowed to make the drive every other weekend at least.
Renee knew the time was near for her to let go of the crutch that she'd relied on for so long, and she was happy to see Bella stretch her wings. It wasn't unknown to her the ways in which Bella had sacrificed most of her teen years to be a supportive daughter. She hated herself for not being a better mother, and wished she could set her daughter off on her way with more provisions for her upcoming journey, but the very thought of Bella getting the chance in life that she or her husband never had, filled her heart with joy and hope. She understood that life without Bella would be difficult to say the least, and she knew she would flounder to cover all bases by herself at first, but finally she felt she was ready to face that challenge.
Over the last three years, Charlie had become ambulatory enough to operate his wheelchair within the house, and didn't need a nurse to visit him for in-home care as much. His speech had cleared up considerably, though he still preferred to speak as little as possible. The few words he spoke were usually to his daughter. The day she graduated, on a rare spurt of enthusiasm, he told her, "You made me so proud Bells. I wish I could be the father you deserved...and needed. But I want you to go and live your life now. Think you can do this one thing for me?"
Bella sat by his wheelchair on the floor and leaned into his shoulder. "I don't want anyone better, Dad. You are the best father in the world. And I love you. Promise me you'll take care of yourself when I'm gone. Promise me you will listen to Mom, and won't give those guys at the therapy center a hard time?"
He nodded his head silently and hugged his daughter with his good arm. Both had tears streaming down their faces.
Bella was ready for college, and for the first time in a long time, she felt optimistic about the future. Everything she wanted for herself and her family, everything she wished she could do to give them an easier life; all seemed within reach. She couldn't wait to jump in and fight for it. She channelled this agitated energy to earn some pocket money before school started in fall and took up a waitressing job at the diner where Renee worked.
Two weeks before her planned departure, Bella came home from the diner and knew something was wrong the moment she walked in. Renee was sitting at the kitchen table, holding her head in her hands. Her entire posture screamed disaster.
"Mom, what's wrong? Is Dad ok?" Bella asked with trepidation.
Renee raised her head and silently pushed a large envelope across the table towards her. Bella picked it up and took out the typed up letter that lay within. It was a letter from Harold Jenks, the man she had met three years ago.
In concise, targeted words, he informed them that all forms of financial assistance that they'd been receiving until then would now be revoked, due to the breach of one of the clauses on their part.
She was utterly confused and read the letter again.
"What does this mean? What breach? What is he talking about?" she frantically asked Renee.
"This came with it..." Renee said in a dead voice as she pointed at something on the table that looked like a glossy magazine. Bella took a closer look. It was a copy of 'Fresh in Forks', a local weekly newsletter. She was familiar with it, but couldn't see how these two things could be connected. He picked up the magazine and flipped through it, until she came onto a page that had a section highlighted with a marker pen. It was her essay. As promised by Mr. Berty, the winner of the competition got to see their handy work in print. Bella looked at it with baffled eyes as realization dawned upon her.
"What were you thinking, Bella? You're not stupid. Why did you do this? You knew this would happen. You were there, you were sitting right there when that guy explained it all to us. Didn't you think once what would happen to me, or to your dad? What am I going to do now?" Renee asked hysterically, but in a hushed tone, indicating that Charlie was awake somewhere in the house and wasn't yet aware of this development.
Bella could hear the distinct sound of the world falling apart around her. Renee had always claimed that their dependence on charity was a temporary thing and that as soon as she managed to get a better grip over things, she would put an end to it and pick up the reins of their family. However, that day never came. She never found a job that paid enough to free them from their chains and she never managed to set aside enough to have any form of safety net to see them through a rough spot. She was just as ill prepared today as she was three years ago.
"I'm sorry Mom...I didn't know they were going to...I mean I knew they might, but that was before I was going to write that and I just forgot to withdraw my waiver...oh Mom, I'm really sorry," Bella stammered to give an explanation, but she didn't see how her mother could forgive her when she couldn't excuse it herself.
What have I done? I have messed everything up! How will I fix this? My mother and father will suffer because of me. How could I be so careless?
Renee stood up and walked away without acknowledging Bella's plea.
"Mom," Bella called out.
"Mom, please. I will fix this; somehow. Please Mom, don't be mad. I'll find a way, I promise," Bella said with lot more confidence in her voice than she felt.
Renee paused.
"What will you do? Write more gossip for those trashy magazines? You think that will solve this mess now? Go and live your life, Bella. Go to college, have fun. Leave us be, just leave us be."
Renee left without looking at her again. Bella had never heard such harsh words from her mother. Tears came unbidden. It wasn't just the guilt of knowing that she had brought down a catastrophe on her family with her carelessness, nor was it only about the cruel words her mother said to her, but also to think how angry and hurt Renee must be to be able to say such things, that crushed Bella inside.
She looked at the magazine again. It was hard to believe that such an unassuming piece of document could wreck so much havoc on people's lives. She hadn't been told her piece was being published in this edition. In fact, she hadn't seen Mr. Berty or Mr. Forrester since her graduation. But little would be achieved by picking a fight with them now.
She read the letter from Harold Jenks again and suddenly felt a flicker of hope. The letter came from Mr. Jenks. It's very possible that he was simply following orders and complying with the preset rules. It could very well be that Carlisle Cullen didn't even know about the infraction. And even if he did, he surely would see how her essay couldn't be lumped with the gossip columns. In fact, she wrote nothing but praises of him. She didn't reveal or insinuate any personal information – how could she? she knew next to nothing about him. If she could just explain to him her honest mistake and if he could actually read the essay, he would see that she hadn't really broken any rules and maybe he'd forgive them. Also, he graced the cover of The Economist a few months ago, if he was ok with that, maybe he could be made to see reason that her mistake wasn't so grave.
With that seed of hope in mind, Bella went to her room to spend a sleepless night, waiting for the morning to come. She would go to Carlisle Cullen and plead their case. He was kind and he was just. He would listen; she had faith.
He saved us once; I know he will save us again.
And the next day, three years after she'd seen him at the hospital, Bella went to find Carlisle Cullen.
Important AN1: Much to my delight I've been informed that I have made it to Round 2 of the Avant Garde Awards. Thank you so much for your vote. Your faith in me is scary and exhilarating in equal parts. But what makes this occasion REALLY special to me is that my friends have made it through as well. Round 2 voting will open on 12th June. I humbly request you to consider casting your vote for these talented and sweet people:
BellaScotia for Secrets and Lies, Bronzehyperion for Bring on the Wonder, MrsEdwardCullenP for Price of a Broken Heart, I Need a Life Bad for Control, AELGP for Marital Psychosis, Nickeyd26 for A Voice in the Darkness, and pixie-belle88 as Best New Author.
And while you are at it, vote for me too – if you think I deserve it.
AN2: Thank you for reading and giving me a chance. Thank you for reviewing. Hearing from you makes me ridiculously happy. Come find me on twitter: ToTheDreaming.
Thanks to lulabelle98, for making all this readable. I couldn't do it without her. She is the creator of "Fresh in Forks". She is far more creative than I am. Without her, I probably will call it something really lame, like "Forks R Us". Please read her story The Long Walk Home.
Thanks to kimbo06, lulabelle98, roon0, karebear8706, and Shattered1025 for WCs. You ladies rock! They are all esteemed authors. Check out their stories.
AN3: The Evian Summit of the G8 leaders took place in France, 1-3 June, 2003. Among other things, water, health, and promoting responsible market economy were part of the agenda of the conference. Yes, Carlisle Cullen wasn't really present there, but it seemed like just the kind of thing he'd be involved in. Let me know if you like to find out more about the summit.
AN4: Story rec - Crash by BelleDean: A financial collapse, a hurdle, a breakdown and a collision – though not necessarily in that order. E & B. This story completely took me by surprise. If you like AH stories that are realistic, well written, and engrossing, then please give this bad boy a chance.