Author's Note:

4/17/2023 Update

In keeping with film canon, Jake's name in Na'vi is roughly translated as: Tsyeyk Suli
However, because of how Neytiri pronounces it differently from other Na'vi (to my ears at least but also I believe she spends enough time hearing the hard J that she is able to pronounce it more closely to English), that in this story, she pronounces Jake as Jeyk Suli or simply Jeyk

Other Na'vi characters will pronounce Jake as Tsyeyk Suli

A Heart Beats in Space — Prologue

Orbiting behind the great father's shadow is the fifth of fourteen moons'—Pandora. A daughter to a father who are bound together by the intrinsic ballet of the universe, sharing nothing more than the weight of gravity and the pull of time. Hidden of unique features, Pandora, like many of her sister moons' that orbited around Polyphemus, was very nearly tossed into the garbage bin of history; had it not been for a curious species four light-years away who started to understand what was so special about this tiny moon.

Discovered in 2051, RK (Rigil Kentaurus) d.5 was dismissed by every other astronomer as another barren, lifeless rock floating in the void of space. Perhaps more critical, RK d.5 to everyone on Earth was no less interesting than the next celebrity casualty to drift across their news outlets on a bad Monday afternoon.

But then one day, that all changed—as they usually do. Telescopes orbiting around Pluto were rented out by astronomers from the University of Hawaii, their mission: find pulsars nesting in the blindness of space. Hardly out of the ordinary for these astronomers who quickly picked up a broadcast one hundred light years away, right behind Rigil Kentaurus. With a quick notation of navigation codes transmitted out, the deep-space satellites began their slow crawl to aim for Alpha Centauri and beyond.

As with anything far removed from Earth, the telescopes took time to focus on the supposed radio signal. Along the way with gradual, carefully calculated movement, they began to take pictures. Pictures that allowed for the astronomers to adjust the focal length of each telescope while re-calculating the lenses, and overall, practicing their interstellar photography. Again, they took photos of the same two desolate planets of Alpha Centauri A. Again they saw the same old purple-blue gas giant that was discovered by the COSTIN ground satellites decades prior. Its own atmosphere nearly ruining the mission when it orbited directly in the path of the binary star system, creating a haze of light that scattered right in the way of the pulsar, obscuring what the astronomers wanted.

Frustrated by this, they made corrections and transmitted the new codes out to each telescope. The time it took for the transmission to be received was long enough for the gas giant to move on with its orbit and long enough for the astronomers to capture a picture of a tiny black dot with half of its surface facing its parent stars. In the photo, the astronomers could see by the grainy pixels smearing the image, two colors: Green and blue.

"This is impossible!" became the motto within the Mauna Kea observatory.

Before long, the pictures were studied, tested, and studied again. Between Mauna Kea to universities across the world, the pictures of this grainy dot were challenged. Some attested the colors to a glitch in the telescope, arguing that it had picked up stray color fragmentation off of the gas giant. Others however believed this could be groundbreaking. By the year's end, they found nothing that contradicted the initial belief that it was quite likely, an exomoon!

There was no point hiding the biggest discovery of the twenty-first century—and the world had to know it.

Starting like an infectious virus, news of the first confirmed Earth-like world spread, filling the daily news cycles of 'the moon that looks like Earth!'. Astronomers that initially dismissed Alpha Centauri were now praising the system for potential habitability. But they needed to know what exactly they were looking at. This required time, and time was all they had. Combining telescopes from both Pluto and Neptune, they embarked on an exploratory investigation into RK d.5.

Inside of five months' time, millions of pictures were taken. And slowly, the story of the 'moon that looked like Earth' began to weave a narrative from out of this world. Grainy in focus, the first true images they could see were shocking to the human eye. Continents that were green as a blade of grass. Oceans that divided the continents were of a sharp blue.

Each astronomer that day became instant celebrities and the only subject of discussion that humans from the Moon to the Marshall Islands could ever talk about was this moon of Alpha Centauri. But they could not just keep calling it RK d.5 — someone had to give it a name.

Choosing the name came down to the five astronomers who took the picture. A debate that lasted no more than two minutes when the team agreed to give the honor to Dr. Neville Dorman.

"Pandora," he said. So named after Hephaestus' tale of a woman unleashing evil upon humanity. Though intended to be tongue-in-cheek, he never believed this moon would become such a thing as the myth relates. "Polyphemus," the team gave to the gas giant. The one-eyed giant for its Jupiter-like storm roaming over the gassy 'surface'. It was a name that suited the gas giant perfectly as did Pandora for the exomoon.

Over a couple of years, excitement for Pandora refused to wane. People's imagination thirsted for what could be on the surface moon of Pandora. Gelatinous creatures maybe? Perhaps better, they were humans, separated by the divine. Others saw a more philosophical tale from which Pandora was used to lay their ideas on. No matter what, people wanted to know what was there and if possible, how to reach it.

Missions to Pandora were prepared as early as 2054. Ballooning costs killed some projects and the reality of reaching the system killed the rest. Four thousand years was the earliest for the first probe to reach the system and that was far too long for anyone to be alive to see it.

All hope of ever seeing what Pandora held behind her secret veil simply vanished.

By 2058, Humanity proved that their curiosity had limitations. For war, disease, and environmental catastrophes was all that plagued the Earth; hurting the very people who lived on their only world.

Looking to the stars for an answer, they believed colonization held the key to all their problems. It was a short dream that could never last as terraforming projects on Mars collapsed under the weight of contractual disagreements and constant revolts from worker unions. Another wrench thrown into their desperate need for survival was the fact that Mars proved far more hostile than once believed.

Finding themselves on borrowed time, the same old problems sought them out again among the stars. A war between rival nations scorched the cratered moonscape of Mare Insularum. Station colonies orbiting around the moon also began to revolt against their parent shareholders, believing they could run it better than the suits on Earth.

Left in the wake of man's problems was Pandora, the faint memory of green land and blue oceans.

'Pandora?' They would ask.

'A fantasy!' Others answered.

Then, in 2061, the Resource Development Administration took on the difficult task to reach Pandora first. Known for colonization efforts across the Solar System, they were not afraid of the undertaking to reach out across the stars and touch Pandora. Their slogan became, 'Ad Astra Per Aspera'—to the stars through difficulties. And difficult it would be.

The first major hurdle to reach Pandora was constructing a viable telescope to pull investors in for future projects. Dubbed, 'Eye of God'. The one trillion-dollar project took ten years to construct around the ice giant Neptune. Six months were granted for mathematicians to calculate where to point the telescope, and half a year of rendering the images to stitch them together.

By the time the picture was taken, people questioned the purpose of spending so much money on what amounted to as a very expensive photograph. But when they saw it, all doubts were erased from their minds. Pandora had returned to the forefront of people's minds and mouths. It was the supernova that the RDA needed to get investors on board for their projects.

What the image could show was far clear than any previous pictures taken. They could see trees undulating across the white poofy clouds. Some tall, others taller and some were so massive that people wondered if they were comparable to their modern-day skyscrapers. The moon also captivated minds for its brilliant deep blue oceans, licking the coastlines like a child eager for sweets. She was dubbed the primordial twin of Earth.

The People of Earth made quick use of the images, parodying them, replicating them, and some even dreamed of walking through the thick jungles of Pandora, wondering what lied just behind a bush.

The Resources Development Administration however felt differently. Believing they could use Pandora as a means of expanding their reach further into space, they first needed governmental approval to do so. A feat that required them to persuade the major governments of Earth.

A full series of promises and what-if's were exchanged over a year, with debates ranging from why and what purpose to, is it possible? Eventually, the RDA settled for a successful agreement, granting them full authoritative claim to Alpha Centauri. An additional promise was made to help with colonization efforts within the Solar System. This—in effect—made the RDA the sole proprietor of Alpha Centauri.

But while the RDA constructed the telescope, they did not plan on wasting those ten years by doing nothing else. Their research and development team went ahead and began developing in parallel with the telescope, new technologies that aided colonies across the moon and Mars. Creating an intricate network of near instant communication without lag that would later become the superluminal communication that the colonies of Pandora would use to talk to Earth. Expanding the maglev systems across Earth and her colonies. Creating water filtration systems that relied on basic fusion reactors, eliminating entirely of the threat of thirst. Patenting genetically modified seeds that eliminated world hunger. Creating a robust cloning production of animals to feed the world. Pursuing and advance medical technologies that for the first time, saw the defeat of major diseases.

To everyone on Earth, the RDA was a Godsend. And towards the end of the decade, the RDA was responsible for alleviating most problems on Earth. Their net-worth exceeded most countries and through lobbying, they even exceeded legislative power over hundreds of countries. A corporation with legislative power—a prospect by which no one cared to question.

By 2073, the RDA's R&D program cracked the code of interstellar flight that to this very day, has not been revealed to the public. The first test began by achieving near the speed of light from Earth to the Oort Cloud, using a test vehicle that would later be re-engineered into Project Jules. The mission was a success, spending no more than two months to reach the Oort Cloud and another two to return home.

With Project Jules underway, the construction of the Interstellar Experimental Vehicle Bradbury begins. The multi-trillion-dollar project would see Humanity's first attempt at interstellar voyage from Earth to Alpha Centauri. A daring task that could destroy the RDA or make them more powerful than anyone could imagine.

In 2077, ISV-X Bradbury is completed at a manufacturing station orbiting Neptune. On December 18th, 2077, the Bradbury successfully launches with a crew of twenty and two ROVRs—remotely operated ground vehicles that will be used to explore Pandora.

After seven long years through space, the Bradbury finallyreaches Pandora in 2084. And for the first time in human history, eyes from another world descend upon the moon, watching in awe as the illusive emerald jewel of Alpha Centauri drifts out from under the shadow of Polyphemus to greet the crewmembers of the Bradbury. Everyone aboard the ISV-X were amazed by how green the land was or how much the oceans sparkle in the sunlight, leaving many dumbfounded with some even questioning how Pandora could look almost like Earth in every way imaginable.

To find some of their answers, they began deploying the ROVRs to the surface. An unfortunate circumstance caused one of the ROVR's in its deploy pod to crash into the sea. While the other, by a miracle of luck, lands on the continent that will later be named Australis. The first footage of the Pandoran landscape is revealed to be a near identical ancestor of Earth's Amazonian rain forest. A lush, alien, exotic world. Full of living trees, bizarre plants, flowing streams, and unexpectedly… organic life.

Animals of various shapes, size, and weirdness approached the ROVR; with every one of them sniffing, prodding, or licking at the metal alloy in their unique way. To everyone's amazement aboard the Bradbury, they were not expecting to find this kind of life—at least not complex life of this magnitude. Scientists back on Earth believed at most, there would be simple bacterial life. They were happy to be proven wrong.

However, by most calculations, life being this close to Earth should be impossible. Did anyone care? No.

But they were quick to record every encounter by these animals and saved them onto various backup drives. Every day was like Christmas as something new, something wild, something strange, something fantastical approached the ROVR. No one would believe them had it not been for the copious amounts of recorded video footage, collected samples, and photographs that were taken over the next month.

Among their collection was a rock sample, dubbed 'unobtanium' due to the properties of superconducting that should not exist. The shiny ore fragment discovered near a riverbed was immediately sent up by a rocket-propelled drone to meet the Bradbury along with its extensive samples of animals and plant life that the ROVR collected.

Though nothing could compare to their rising excitement when the ROVR was encountered by a humanoid. The face inquisitively investigated the ROVR. It too sniffed at it, touching it with what resembled a hand, hitting it with a paleolithic spear before ultimately destroying one of the cameras of the ROVR.

No one minded that the ROVR was attacked. What they just witnessed however was the first identifiable proof of extra-terrestrial intelligent life outside of Earth.

"Ladies and gentlemen, was the ROVR attacked by an alien?" Someone mentioned. The crew were far too enchanted by video that played on loop for a week straight to give a straight answer.

The video was investigated thoroughly by everyone aboard the ISV-X. Frame-by-frame, they paused and looked at the alien looking at the camera, not knowing it was staring at humans from another world.

"Why is it blue?"

"Looks… masculine in the face."

"Look! It has elf ears!"

"I see a tail!"

By the end of the month, it was time to return to Earth. They were unsure how people back home were going to react to seeing video evidence of alien life on another world. Many assumed that people were going to be thrilled by the evidence, while some felt hesitant about sharing such information.

None the less, the Bradbury returned to Earth and seven years later, they were hailed as heroes. And before long investors from far and wide across the Solar System began pouring new blood into the RDA's exploration program. Pictures and videos of the sapient blue being were all the only thing anyone talked about. Who were they? Are they friendly?

The video that the Bradbury brought with them, had been viewed by nearly every human throughout the Sol System. Mesmerized by the fact there was truly, another intelligent life out there and it was within their neighborhood. The RDA capitalized on this fact and began producing in mass, merchandise to reflect this zeitgeist. But work on Pandora was far from over.

Biologists became xenobiologist overnight with most hired out by the RDA to consult on the blue indigenous life of Pandora. They were quickly given a name: Homo Pandorus

Within a year, another expedition was planned and launched. Soon, another ISV was built, named Venture Star. And soon, that expedition was launched.

Their mission of Pandora shifted from scientific endeavors to a mining operation after the 'unobtanium' proved revolutionary—turning the RDA into the single most important and profitable corporate entity on Earth. Earth itself grew exponentially with the help of this unobtanium, where entire buildings could be suspended on top of one another by a mere centimeter and never touch, creating a honeycomb-like system by which cities became crammed and overlapping. Land, once rich and green, were decimated to make room for ever expanding city growth. Coupled by the advancements in medicine, death it seemed, was delayed by almost fifteen additional years.

It looked as though; Humanity had entered a new industrial revolution. One that incorporated Pandora into their plans.

In 2107, both ISV Venture Star and Bradbury are retrofitted thanks to the new shipment of unobtanium that allowed the construction of a larger matter/anti-matter chamber. Now it takes six years to reach Pandora.

The RDA have also begun their communication with the indigenous lifeforms in 2099 with a small settlement left behind after Venture Star departs back to Earth. A small team of xenobiologist come to learn that the Homo Pandorus are called the Na'vi—The People. Language, culture, history is recorded during this year. All information is relayed back to Earth

The United Nations of Earth believes the RDA needs a diplomatic approach with handling the indigenous lifeforms of Pandora. Pressuring them, the RDA creates the Avatar Program, thanks to Dr. Cordell Lovecraft who is known as an eccentric genius and a pioneer in genetic modification and transhumanism.

A decade prior, Dr. Lovecraft with several RDA R&D team members were working on Project Dark Dreamer. The project was aimed at the possibility of transmitting the consciousness of an individual to that of a clone who is vacant of a consciousness; allowing the operator or 'driver' to work in far more dangerous environments across the Solar System without risking their own life in the process.

The project was nearly scrapped after a male test subject had their consciousness stuck inside of a clone worker. The subject later died, along with the clone. The RDA picked up the project again following the UNE's recommendation to amicably find a way to communicate with the Na'vi peacefully.

Years of studying Na'vi physiology led to the first creation of an avatar sometime in 2120. Ten candidates for the program were selected, based on their field of expertise and ability to communicate with the Na'vi. Among them was Dr. Grace Augustine.

By 2119, the RDA finishes construction on Extra-Solar Colony 01 on Pandora, which housed hundreds of RDA employees. All of whom began their mining operation to extract even more unobtanium at an unprecedent rate while the Avatar Program personnel handle the diplomatic side of dealing with the Na'vi.

For a while, it appeared that the Na'vi came to terms with accepting the 'Sky People' living on their land, thanks to the work by Program leads and their drivers. However it did not take long before conflict, such as the one that haunted Earth for centuries, came lurking out from the shadows to hunt the Na'vi and in 2152, it appeared at long last, there was no turning back.

While no official declaration was made, barring the fact the Na'vi had no concept of this, the RDA ensured that the Na'vi were to be left alone, with very little interaction to be made with them. This led to ostracization by the Na'vi who viewed humans with contempt. It appeared at long last, that there was no fixing the Human-Na'vi relationship after deteriorating completely by 2154.

Back on Earth, Humanity has forgo forging a relationship with their interstellar cousins across the stars. To many, they have become nothing more than pests. To the Na'vi, the Sky People were invaders.

In the summer of 2154, an avatar driver by the name of Jake Sully leads a rebellion against Extra-Solar Colony 01. And on August 23rd, 2154, the Assault on the Tree of Souls begin.

August 23rd, 2154 — Tree of Souls

"It's all over—"

The Colonel from inside the amplified mobility platform was pleased to hear it. Grinning from ear-to-ear, he spins the blade in the mechanical hand, showing off the serrated edge that is still dripping of blood—of the thanator's blood—and teasing Jake of the death that was to come.

"Nothing's over while I'm breathing." Quaritch said, taunting Jake.

Jake agreed with the sentiment, saying coolly, "kinda hope you'd say that."

Quaritch refused to give Jake another second. Rushing towards him like a metal rhinoceros, he prepares for the killing blow.

The avatar dashes towards the mechanical beast, causing Quaritch to raise both robotic arms into the air, hands clutching around the hilt of the blade. From where Quaritch was standing, he guessed that if Jake is willing to run into his attack then the point-end would drive right through his body. But Jake's attack was a ruse. There was no way for him to fight bare-knuckled against this thing. Reaching down, he scoops up the bayonet that once belonged to the high-powered cannon of the AMP, a gift from Neytiri's palulukan who managed to break the cannon moments before, and braces for Quaritch's killing blow. Quaritch utilizes the strength of the AMP to drive the blade down, slamming hard against the bayonet and stopping mere centimeters from eviscerating Jake wide open.

Quaritch holds onto the knife, finding that the blade is caught in the bayonet's metal looping. With strength leaning onto Jake's side, he twists the bayonet, sending the AMP's knife spinning into the air. Jake just turned the fight into a life-and-death struggle.

Each man blocked the other's delivering blow, deflecting the energy elsewhere before coming up again to try and gain the necessary edge of victory over the other. A fight that from Neytiri—the tsakarem of the Omatikaya—believed her mate would win. But when she saw the metal creature fling the bayonet at the strange home that Jake resided in, she knew then what was going to happen if she did not help her mate. Gritting her teeth together, she pushes down with both hands against the flesh of the palulukan, her fingers digging into the thick armor plating from which she began to feel the weight slowly slide off of her, alleviating one leg to slip free. She hears something else, pulling her attention onto Jake as she catches him falling to the ground. Something was truly wrong.

"Jeyk!" She cries out.

Jake could not hear her voice pleading for him as he slips back temporarily into his human body.

The link-bed was still connected to the avatar and immediately throws him back into the same blue body as before.

Waking back up, Jake realizes he has little time left as the toxic Pandoran atmosphere fills the science shack, causing him to phase in and out of his avatar. Shaking off the bleary confusion, he gathers what was left of his bearings before feeling a massive metal hand reaching down to grab at his queue.

Raising the squirming avatar up to his eye-level, Quaritch stares him down, glad to have finally caught the traitor of Humanity. Reaching over to his right side, he yanks the massive Na'vi blade that Jake used to attack Quaritch with—and missed. Turning the blade against Jake, Quaritch believed the only value this blade had left was to slit open Jake's throat.

Another leg free, Neytiri turns over, searching for her bow that she lost during the fight. It flung somewhere, on the ground, hiding from her among the blades of grass.

Grunting with all of his strength, Jake swore this was not the end. He needed a plan. He always knew how to get out of tight situations like this before.

C'mon Jake, think!

The mechanical rotors on the AMP's arms whine against Jake's strength, his own quivering retaliation futile. Quaritch maintains his fixed attention on Jake's throat. Once he kills his avatar, he was going to allow the cripple to suffocate to death. Two deaths for the price of one. Glorious.

Then, out from Jake's peripheral, a flash of an arrow flies across his vision, striking hard against Quaritch with the momentum that caught the monster off by surprise, throwing the AMP off balance and allowing Jake to fall to the ground, free of both Quaritch and the blade—but not of the toxic fumes.

Neytiri runs right in the view of the Sky Demon, fear not stopping the woman as she allows herself a clear view of her target. Nocking another arrow to her bow-string, she wanted to show the demon her fury as her hand pulls back, drawing on the taut bow-string with enough of a force that when her fingers release the bow-string, the arrow whistles straight and true. The arrow flies across the diminishing space of air dividing the warriors with the arrowhead over-penetrating not only the demon's body, but right through the metal frame behind it. The only lasting impression Quaritch has is of a Na'vi woman defeating him in battle.

Rushing over, she defends Jake's lifeless body from the metal beast that staggered around. She rears a hiss to it, flashing a warning with her teeth that if it desired for more, she was ready and willing.

A death grimace corrupts the last vestige of life from Quaritch as he and the AMP teeters to the ground, creating a magnificent cacophony of metal-on-metal crashing into the earth.

With the beast dead, Neytiri turns her attention to Jake. She grabs him by his sides and realizes in the confusion that this body was still breathing—only that he was not responding to her.

Inside the shack, Jake explodes out from the link-bed, his mouth gasping for air as he attempts to grab his wheelchair. The momentum of his hand pushes the chair away, leaving him with no choice but to pursue the emergency respirator unit resting on the wall. His only wish was that his parents could give him genes that made him slightly taller as he struggles with one hand to grab at the mask. His fingernails scratch pathetically at the protective plastic, mocking his endeavors to save himself before his left hand gives into exhaustion, throwing him and the rest of his straggling body to the ground.

Spilling to the floor, Jake lets out the last bit of oxygen from his lungs. His crippled body crawls along the floor, desperate to cling against the metal frame that divided the shack wall. Up on high from the floor, the mask waits for him. His hand shoots up from his side, fiddling to grab some tangible part of the mask and bring it down to him. The carbon dioxide starts to absorb into the alveoli of his lungs, making good work in pushing out the remaining oxygen from his blood.

One final effort from his hand clutches at the mask, but not enough to save Jake as he slips onto the ground, his body convulsing while the carbon dioxide pools inside his lungs, making the world around him go black.

"Jeyk!" She calls to him again.

No response.

She shakes him a little, her hand caressing his face, desiring her Jake to return to her as tears threaten to break through the warrior's fear.

But as she could see, he was not responding to anything.

However, Neytiri was not yet ready to give up. Looking over her shoulder, she instantly made the connection in her mind that her real Jake was still alive somewhere inside the strange metal home. Running to the shack, she looks inside from an observatory window, her eyes desperate and clueless before discovering his body on the ground. Fueled by panic, Neytiri searches feverishly of a way to get in before finding a hole in the wall. Vaulting through the shattered glass, she sees Jake convulsing on the ground—now in his human form.

In all her life, she was disgusted by the sight of the Sky People. Small, pink, irritable and violent. She told herself that she would never spare a second of her own life to touch one. And yet, she was on her knees, cradling for this one to stay alive. She shook him, hoping to wake him up before remembering the odd jewelry object that they wore over their face.

That was what they needed to breathe! She told herself, remembering Augustine's teachings about the Sky People.

Dashing her attention all across his home, she could not find such a thing until her attention pointed to the mask sitting beside his arm.

This has to be it!

Without a second's hesitation, she grabs it and tries the best to her knowledge to fit it over his face.

She feared she was too late. Clenching her jaw, she waited. Waited for life. Waited for death. Whatever the outcome, she waited.

Then, flashing across her view, his small arms swung around to grab at the mask, to which Jake adjusted it before pressing on something that made him wheeze for air. The visor briefly fogs of oxygen, allowing Jake to drag air after air until his vision cleared enough to see the one who saved him.

For a moment, Jake thought—no, believed—that her seeing him like this would have made her rebuke him in this current state. In fact for Jake, he prepared himself mentally for this day when she would eventually see him. How could she love a man who reminded her of so much pain and misery? She loved the strong, tall, and blue avatar and Jake—for all intents and purposes—knew she would never love him for who he was; small, short, and pink.

Yet here she was, still cradling him, a smile tugging on each corner of her mouth as he found a steady rhythm to breathe with. Hesitant to touch her, Jake reaches up anyways with a hand that glides along the contour of her warm cheek, lured in by love that still remained in his heart. Then, in a moment that was all too brief and somehow incredibly slow, he sees Neytiri for the first time in his entire life. Not as a Na'vi, but as a woman. A woman he cares for no matter who she was. A woman he needed now more than ever. A woman he cannot live without.

"I see you," Jake warmly greets her. This felt... true.

Overwhelmed by the raw biting emotion of her aching love for him, a tear breaks through the withering worry of her expression, allowing the warmth of it to trickle alongside his hand. Neytiri then attempted to reason and process the fact that she very nearly lost the man of her life while she tried to formulate the greeting in return. But something inside of her told her to stop. It was not enough to say it in the blind wake of burning emotion. She needed him to know. Curated by the coursing instinct, Neytiri brings Jake closer, wanting to see him more clearly as she finally says:

"I see you."

Jake smiles back to her. Raptured by her love.

That was thirteen years ago. And for thirteen long years, it felt like I had lived a life I did not deserve.

The first year after was like an earthquake that could shatter worlds, and maybe that was what I needed. A shattering where I get to pick up the remaining pieces that I made. Which required strength I knew I never had and to this day, I still struggle defining. The Na'vi and by extension the Omatikaya had replaced the hole in my heart that I left behind on Earth. No longer was I that man who went from bar to bar, seeking a way to poison my remaining years of life.

Now I was the man they looked up to. I was the man they needed, and I continue to question, am I that man? No one could give me the answer. Not even Neytiri who insists I was. But how could I look at them and believe that? So much was lost.

Speaking of lost. There was this kid, too young to be an individual of his own right but too old to be a parent of. He lost both of his parents in the war. A result of my reckless planning that measured against losses, but not all. Now he was lost without guidance or care. How could I lead these People if I could not reach out and take care of one of their own?

I don't know if it was guilt that drove me to bring him under my wing. Not that I ever thought I could be a parent, but I took him in, guided him, showing him the ways of his People but every single time that I looked at him after a big meal, I could see a sense of betrayal digging into my soul. It was this recognition, a realization, a revelation, and a connection to the fact that I was somehow responsible for the death of his parents. He had every right to hold a grudge against me. Even now, I could see it when he would return from a hunt, it was those eyes, just lingering for a split second of a hatred that never went away. Then he would show a smile, wave a greeting, and even hug me. I didn't deserve it.

Tarsem… he turned out all right. Tonight, he was going to become One of the People.

But eventually we did become parents—real parents. Our firstborn, Neteyam was rather… wild. Wilder than some might have expected. I remembered seeing his little baby fingers grabbing hold of one of Neytiri's braids and just yanking it like he had to start a motor. I never heard Neytiri cry out in both pain and shock of his strength. That smile of hers as she looked over him that evening never faded from my memories, and I hope it never does.

Our second was much calmer, Lo'ak. Not that I didn't mind wild, but it was welcoming to have a chill kid around, until his brother took his wooden toys and declared a tug of war right in front of me. Any efforts to bring peace was met with resistance. I liked that. But occasionally you had to be the father, y'know?

Our third was Tuktirey. Tuk was quite special and very close to Neytiri. Maybe because she was a girl and Neytiri was praying that they would have a girl. She would show her how to weave, decorate, and dance. The boys were kinda mine, but Tuk also enjoyed watching me field strip firearms and wrestle with her brothers (after I told them that she had to win each time).

Then there was our adopted daughter Kiri. What could I say about her? Grace's avatar had a child, and we had no idea who the father was. I was not about to start thinking of a virgin birth – no way! But if you told me I would be having a life on an alien world, I would have called you crazy. I still kinda call myself that from time-to-time. But Kiri? She wasn't crazy like me. She was a gift to us.

Curious of knowing who the father was, I brought up a suggestion to Norm to test the fetus. He shook his head, as usual, probably thinking some grunt had no idea what consequences would follow. He argued and rightly justified in our debate that it was none of our business to know. Neither was it in the best interest for Kiri to know either. Not until Norm understood how Grace even became pregnant in the first place. I had my suspicion, but Norm was hardly on my top ten most wanted list. He respected Dr. Augustine too much to dabble in that. Besides, his love was killed back during the battle.

That aside, she was a wonderful kid and a daughter too. Curious as a cat who sought adventure, looking at the world in ways I could not even begin to imagine. She almost reminded me of me when I first came to this world. Her eyes were lit with a fire of awe and wonder, her hands touching practically everything she came across, as though it was all new to her again. I personally lost count how many times she would come across a simple flower, hunch over and began studying it – just like what Grace would do. Without the cursing and the smoking.

But the greatest benefit about Kiri was her relative peaceful nature to keep to herself; except her opinions. Whenever there was an argument, she played the contrarian, right up until Neytiri's last remaining nerve threatened her with silence. I almost had to duck out of the way when one day Kiri dropped a gnarly opinion on Neytiri's lap about refusing to train as a huntress. Like a bomb from above, it exploded and so did Neytiri. I always intervene to save Kiri the sheer embarrassment and remind her to apologize. Because the truth is, she wasn't a bad kid, but a bright one and I was never going to tell her to shut up about her opinions. Let them roll, I say.

Then lastly, there was this other kid – Miles Socorro. You're starting to get the picture that maybe we have too many kids swarming around us like bees. I think of it as running a massive circus and keeping it all up was a juggle onto itself. He was human. Born and raised on a world that was not fit for his body, whose mother and father died in battle. A father that Neytiri ended up killing.

Quaritch… the man has not entered my mind since those days and Miles hardly reminds me of him.

He wore, laughably, blue stripe body paint. An attempt to blend in with the Na'vi when he would hang around my kids. He was tough though. Once staring down a viperwolf and scaring it off with his own ear curdling howling. Strange kid. But I liked him too. The kids also liked him, and he liked us—except Neytiri. She wanted him gone.

Every day and night was a blessing to be around my children, regardless who hung around us.

Meanwhile, Mo'at, Neytiri's mother and spiritual guide, looked lost. Without her own mate, she busied herself with keeping the tribe closer through spiritual insights, but I tried to bring her around as much as possible. I knew she liked me, however just like Tarsem, she did not see me the same way as Neytiri would. I tried to make her happy by cracking a joke or two but the most she could do was nod. I wish I could make her laugh. That's my ultimate goal this year.

What I hated was how they never told me directly of how they felt. No one spoke ill of me or try to gossip. Not that the Na'vi were known for it, but I wish they kinda were. I felt uneasy leading them, governing them, and being there for them. Every morning I tried to make the best of it. But each night, there was a stone in my heart, sinking further down and pulling my soul with it.

If they did not tell me what they believed of me, my nightmares certainly did.

It was the glares of the dead. They could see past my skin and recognize the true inner-being that was me. A human. A man who masquerades as one of them. They would remind me I wasn't one of them.

Then there were the other nightmares that reminded me of my sins and soon enough, they will be coming to collect what was owed.

They were coming.