The story deals with adult subject matter and occasional description of explicit sexual abuse. Not meant for underage readers. Read at your own peril. And oh, Twilight belongs to SM. This is just a fanfiction.

Chapter 16

13th September, 2008

Somewhere above the Atlantic

My dearest Bella,

Happy birthday. I wish I could be with you today. Are you having a big party? Did you get a lot of presents? I hope it's exactly as you wished for.

I realized today that it's been nearly two years since I've last seen you. I keep trying to picture your face when I close my eyes; I keep looking for your likeness in all the brown haired girls when I walk past them. I know it's wrong of me to think of you like this; you have made your choice and I can't fault you for choosing what's best for you. But it still makes me sad sometimes.

I hate that I am beginning to forget how your face looks in the morning light.

I probably shouldn't have said that. I don't want to make you feel guilty or bad about this. You did the right thing and I have learned to accept that. I know by now that I can't sway your decision. I can honestly say, however much it hurts me, you couldn't have chosen a better man. Carlisle is a great man, the best there is. He can give you everything you deserve and in return, he deserves the best; that is you.

I am writing to let you know that I am leaving Boston. I am sitting on a plane that's crossing the Atlantic as we speak (or write in this case). I gave up my spot at the Boston Philharmonic. Besides, Jasper was quickly coming to the end of his rope with me. Chances are, he probably won't fire me from the bar, but there's been too many complaints about my pieces; they are too depressing some say. Not something the Friday night crowd can dance away their troubles to. It seems I don't know how to play happy tunes these days. Not any more, anyway.

So, I will be going away with some people I met at the bar. They are trying to make a documentary on the mountain gorillas and some other endangered animals around the world. Gatsby (his real name, I swear!), the director, liked some of my frames and cityscapes that Jasper uses in the bar. I told him that I have no real training on wildlife photography, but he's convinced that I have the 'eye' to see beyond the obvious.

Our first stop will be the Volcanoes National Park in Rwanda. I can't say I am terribly prepared for this, other than the briefing Gatsby gave me.

I know you won't be reading this, 'cause I don't think I will ever send this to you. But somewhere in my heart, I feel the need to tell you where I am at all times. I can't shake this silly hope that maybe you'll change your mind someday, and if you do, how will you find me if you don't know where I am? Writing longhand letters is all I have left, I'm afraid. What other way do I have? You won't accept my emails. You have even changed your phone number.

This is the only option left to me now.

Of course, all of the above is moot since you won't change your mind. I know that. What use do you have of knowing my whereabouts? I suppose this is the only indulgence I can allow myself; I hope you won't begrudge me that.

The plane I'm on will take us to Paris, and from there we will switch flights to make our way to the heart of Africa. I have no idea what is waiting for me out there; what kind of food they have, or even if they have clean water. But we are all well vaccinated, so hopefully we won't get sick at least.

I think I have babbled quite a lot about myself. Do you mind if we talk about you now?

I feel I should ask, how's your dad? I hope he is doing well in the warmth of Florida. Did your parents fly in to be with you on your birthday? Did you take a lot of pictures? I remember you told me once that you used to look forward to your birthdays 'cause the cake your mom made for you was to die for. Did she bake you one this year?

How is college? Did you finish this year like you planned? Will you go on to grad school? What about Alice? I know I never met her, but I feel like I know her from what you told me. Is it strange to feel that way? I suppose it is.

How is my brother? Is he well? Are you two happy together?

I really didn't want to ask that, but some morbid, masochist part of me can't help but wonder about these things.

I want you to be happy, even if it is not with me. I want him to be happy too. Yet here I am, keep running away because I don't have the strength to see it with my own eyes.

I don't think I know who I am any more.

I miss you so much. Do you miss me? Even a little bit?

I will write again when we get to our outpost. It could be a few weeks.

Once again, I wish you a very happy birthday.

With all my love and a million warm wishes,

Edward

AN1: Ladies and ladies, I give you Edward. Give me your thoughts.

A lot of my friends are nominated at the Tomato Soup Award. Please head over there and vote. These amazing people deserve a nod. Go on, make their day! You won't regret it. The link is in my FF profile.

AN2: Story rec: The Cherished by PerAmore91

Summary: In 1918 before the closing of the war, Edward writes letters to his beloved until they can meet again. They both yearn for each other's touch and love, but as time between them is lost, so are the letters.

The delightful short chapters are perfectly packed with emotional punch. Give it a shot.

AN: Thank you lulabelle98, for making all this readable. I couldn't do it without her. Please read her story The Long Walk Home.

Thank you Detochkina for pre-reading and pointing out holes the size of Chicago! She is awesome. Don't miss out on her story Sinnerman. It's amazingly unique.

Thank you WutheringBites for validating my story at Twilighted. I am most grateful.

Thanks to idealskeptic, DariaChenowith, December_LeNoir, KekahJ, KlrTwiLuver, Dooba, Shattered1025, Twinerdforlife, jneag2071, I2want2knowu, musicflare87, opheliasmuse, twilover76, lels2768, yesmrcullen, LadyTazz7, and lulabelle98 for WCs. You ladies rock! They are all esteemed authors. Please check out their stories.

Come find me on twitter: ToTheDreaming.

I am thankful to all those who've read, reviewed, alerted and fav-d my story. Kindly review and let me know what you think. They make me do mental back-flips!