The story deals with adult subject matter and occasional description of explicit sexual abuse. Not meant for underage readers. Read at your own peril. And oh, Twilight belongs to SM. This is just a fanfiction.
Beautiful Sorrow
End of Chapter 21:
In a way, it seemed to him like no time had passed at all since his Harvard days; days that were indelibly marked by memories that were directly responsible for bringing him to this point in life.
Chapter 22
Carlisle, age 18-19
On his way back from his visit with Elizabeth Masen, Carlisle pondered on his next course of action and how it would impact upon his future. He realized that, however unexpectedly, he had just acquired a new family. He had a baby brother now. The deep seated loneliness he felt in his heart ever since his father's death seemed to ease substantially with the knowledge. He wasn't alone any more.
Of course he realized that he had Eleazar, but while his uncle's presence gave him a sense of security and strength, it left a lot of be desired when it came to providing him with the warmth and care a family could.
Uncle El. He's not going to like this one bit.
He could anticipate Eleazar's disapproval. He would not be thrilled that he went to meet Elizabeth Masen without proper representation; he would be even less thrilled when he learned about Carlisle's decision regarding Edward.
Carlisle didn't know how to break the news to Eleazar. Eleazar visited him in person as often as work allowed, but their primary mode of communication had been the video conference system Eleazar had insisted on installing at his house in Cambridge. They conferred once a week on Fridays when Carlisle would report on his academic progress and Eleazar would bring him abreast on what was going on at the headquarters.
Carlisle was mildly relieved that their next meeting wasn't due until the end of the week, but he knew he was only postponing the inevitable. Sooner or later he would have to inform Eleazar about his unscheduled meeting with Elizabeth. He didn't relish the prospect and decided to delay it as long as possible.
The pressure of exams and term papers kept Carlisle busy for the duration of the week, and when he finally spoke with Eleazar he managed to keep their conversation limited to course work and how many 'final clubs' had invited him to join at the end of the 'punch season'. Given the long and illustrious history of the Cullen men who were Harvard alums, the warm welcome he had received on campus was not surprising. That, combined with his impeccable good looks and an ingrained sense of aloofness that exuded superiority, made him very attractive to many of the elite clubs.
Eleazar, a Harvard man himself, was sufficiently gratified to hear about the Fox and the Phoenix club invites, but vetoed against the Porcellian club. They casually discussed the pros and cons of each which thankfully ate up enough of their time to delve into any real work. Eleazar ended their meeting with a quick reminder that while it was ok to have fun in college, Carlisle must know the boundaries that shouldn't be crossed, and most importantly, when it came to a girl, no meant no.
Carlisle rolled his eyes like he always did, and agreed to abide by the moral code like he had done numerous times before.
"And Carlisle, get a haircut," were his parting words, which made Carlisle guiltily reach for the back of his head where the hair was just about to grow past his neck line. He didn't particularly fancy a mullet, but now that he was in college he felt a certain nagging pressure to conform. All of the boys on campus seemed to be sporting one.
He had hoped his juvenile attempt to grow out his hair would go unnoticed by his guardian, but little escaped Eleazar's keen eyes. Carlisle understood and even accepted the argument that he didn't have to follow the pop-trend to grow up into a well adjusted adult - he was meant for bigger and better things - but on occasion he did have the errant thought that made him wish he could blend in and be one with the crowd.
He sighed in relief once they disconnected the video feed. He was grateful that he wouldn't have to deal with this for another week, and hoped that he would be better prepared to broach the subject next time he spoke with his uncle. He also wanted to spend more time with Edward and his mother so his judgement on the matter would not appear to be propped on an inane and flimsy evidence-base.
Furthermore, he was eager to see his baby brother again. As an only child he was lonely even when his mother was in good health, and they were a perfectly happy family. Apart from Eleazar, he didn't have a large extended clan of kin to spoil him or keep him company. His grandparents from his father's side were deceased long before he was born, and his maternal grandparents wanted nothing to do with him since they opposed their daughter's marriage to a boy who wasn't one of the 'chosen' people. Eleazar was the sole exception who went against the wish of his parents in order to watch over his sister, lest she ever came to regret her decision of settling for the goy and needed a safe place to turn to – she didn't.
Carlisle cherished the time he had with his father, even when Kyle was too distraught to be the anchor his son needed. It took months after his mother's death before his father could even look at his face, let alone console him for his loss. The tenuous emotional connection they shared, however inadequate, sustained him through his childhood and adolescence, but he grew up with an undefined longing in his heart that he didn't know how to fill. Until now.
While holding Edward in his arms he realized what he was missing. He missed being connected to another human being like he was to his father and his mother. He missed a bond of blood that would tie him to someone irrevocably. He missed being part of a family, not just the cut and dry brand of supervision he received from his uncle, but one that involved an emotional touch that was sadly lacking in his life.
With this aim in mind, he called Elizabeth Masen the next day, a week after his first encounter with her. She had given him permission to come and visit with Edward and he was going to take her up on that. However, he wasn't about to show up unannounced once again. He didn't want to seem rude. He recalled how he had insulted Elizabeth's integrity with his suspicions and tactless demeanor. Whether or not he completely trusted her yet, the fact remained that she was Edward's mother and could easily refuse him the courtesy to visit or be in his life if she chose to do so.
Elizabeth seemed sufficiently surprised to hear from him but invited him over that afternoon with genuine warmth. It occurred to Carlisle when he was on his way to Elizabeth's place that he ought to bring a gift for Edward. Wasn't that what one did when they visited a child? However, as he approached one of the large malls in the city he was hit by the realization that he had absolutely no idea what would constitute an appropriate gift for an infant.
He sat in his car, dumbfounded for several minutes before he conceded defeat and decided to call the personal shopper Eleazar had put on a retainer to keep him acceptably clothed.
Morgan Kean, who usually did his shopping for him, was taken aback when Carlisle told him what he needed his help with. However, he bounced back quickly enough and asked all the pertinent questions about the said infant:
How old is the child? Is it a boy or a girl? Have the parents registered a wish list at any of the stores?
Carlisle told him what he knew; it's a boy who was about six months old. The wish list was irrelevant since this was meant to be a spontaneous gift. Morgan offered to have something appropriate picked out and delivered to his house that evening, but Carlisle didn't want to waste the day waiting. Instead, he asked Morgan for suggestions as to where he could go to make a purchase himself.
Armed with the name and address of three top stores that exclusively catered to all baby-related things, Carlisle headed off towards the nearest one. However, he regretted refusing Morgan's help as soon as he walked into the store. He felt completely out of place and clueless, which he was in every way imaginable. To top it all, he still had no idea what he should get for his brother.
He had a fairly good idea of how lost and uncertain he looked, and he didn't want to prolong the time whereby he'd be perceived that way by spectators. He squared his shoulders and put on the best 'I own you' face he had been practicing as he approached a sales lady.
Once it became apparent to the sales person that the pretty, young boy, in spite of his age and lack of knowledge on infants, came with a very deep pocket, she poured her heart into the transaction. She successfully convinced him that in the absence of any personal knowledge about the need and restrictions of the baby in question, the best way to go would be to allow the parents to make that decision. Carlisle couldn't fault her logic. Twenty minutes later he exited the store with a nicely wrapped box that held a snugly, koala bear with a gift certificate tucked away in its front pocket. He was fairly pleased with his purchase; he'd bought at least a year's supply of baby products for his brother.
When he arrived at Elizabeth's apartment, he noticed that the buzzer had been fixed and he could no longer simply walk inside the building. He deemed it to be a good thing, since it indicated a safe environment for Edward.
Elizabeth greeted him with a warm smile at the door.
"Hey! Come in, please. Here, let me take your coat," she said as she put away his winter jacket. "Go right in. Edward is in the living room."
Carlisle noticed that the sparse room looked neater than what he remembered from his last visit. Elizabeth had cleaned up her modest space in lieu of receiving a guest. It made him feel slightly guilty for putting her out the way he did last week when he dropped by unannounced.
He found Edward strapped to a car seat that was placed on the coffee table. He thought it was immensely curious that a car safety seat could be used indoors in this manner, but then he essentially knew nothing about child rearing.
Edward appeared to be alert and pleased with his general surroundings. He cackled a guileless laughter when he noticed the newcomer approach which seemed to have the predictable effect of melting Carlisle's young heart.
"Hey there, buddy. How are you doing today?" Carlisle knelt down before the car seat that kept Edward from rolling over and smiled at him to establish a channel of communication. Whether Edward understood the question or not, he answered by flapping his limbs with enthusiasm, all four of them, and chortled loudly.
It was in that instance, though Carlisle was hardly aware of it himself, the mask that he'd been taught to don to keep people at arm's length was stripped away completely. Even if he were to know the vulnerability he was embracing by allowing this tiny human being to disarm him so thoroughly, he probably wouldn't have cared.
"Aww! Look, he's so happy to see you," Carlisle heard Elizabeth say as she followed him into the room. She smiled and took a seat near her son. "What's this?" she asked, motioning to the colorful box that Carlisle had set down next to Edward when he entered the room.
"It's just something I picked up for him. I didn't know what would be... useful, so..." he said as he handed the box to Elizabeth.
"It's just a store card. They said you can pick out whatever you need," he added as Elizabeth unwrapped the gift and pulled out the stuffed toy from inside.
"Oh, it's lovely! That's so very thoughtful of you. You didn't have to bring anything, but thank you. Edward could really use some new clothes; they outgrow things so fast," she said with a warm smile and genuine appreciation. "But I have a feeling he'll prefer the bear over the card."
When she noticed the name of the store after taking the card out of the toy, she shook her head in amusement. "Oh, you Cullens, of course you have to go all fancy. You realize you could have just gone to Walmart, right? How much did you put on this thing anyway?" she asked.
"Uh... not much. The lady at the store did some calculations. I went with what she suggested. She said you should be able to get everything you need there," Carlisle explained.
"I'm sure I will. This is perfect; it's very sweet of you," Elizabeth said with a smile.
She placed the stuffed toy in Edward's small hands and he took to the soft, new object with great ardor, wasting no time before he began sucking on its nose. "See, told you he'd prefer the bear!" She laughed as she tried to pry it out of his mouth.
"Could I get you something to drink? Coffee, or tea perhaps? I baked a batch of cookies this morning. You are welcome to try some," she offered.
Unlike last time, Carlisle accepted the hospitality with gratitude, "That would be wonderful, thank you."
"Great, I will be right over in the kitchen there," she said as she stood up. "Would you be ok sitting here with Edward for a bit?"
"Sure, we'll be fine. No worries."
"It will only take a minute, but just holler if you need me for anything, ok?"
She left the room to fetch the drinks and cookies. Surprisingly Carlisle wasn't instantly riddled with panic to be left alone with Edward like he was the first time. He had this odd sense of certainty that, if need be, he would be able to take care of Edward, even though his experience or knowledge on baby-rearing hadn't increased in any way in the past week.
Carlisle spent the afternoon and much of the evening chatting away with Elizabeth over coffee and cookies. She asked him about college and his future plans, and he inquired about her work and Edward. As if following an unspoken rule, neither mentioned Kyle. His absence was felt by both in their own different ways but this didn't seem to be the right time to confide in the other or voice their pain.
They both learned new things about each other as they played with and entertained the easily amused baby, but what Carlisle valued the most were the fascinating tidbits of information he gathered about Edward.
He found out that his brother's full name was Edward Anthony Masen, and that he was named after Elizabeth's first foster father. Someone she'd been very close to but had to move away from when he became too old and infirm to look after an eleven year old girl. She didn't elaborate on the genesis of 'Anthony'; she didn't have to. It was Kyle's middle name.
He learned that even though Edward was a finicky eater, he had a penchant for putting any non-edibles he could grab with his tiny hands in his mouth and then proceeding on to chew on them, proudly using the lone tooth that he had only recently sprung. Nothing seemed to be beneath his voracious curiosity; including his own fingers and toes, the stuffed toy he'd been given that day, and even Carlisle's ear when he got an easy access to it.
He discovered that despite his age and size, Edward had a surprisingly strong grasp which, given the opportunity, he frequently employed to get a deadly hold over the hair of unsuspecting adults. Carlisle learned this the hard way when Edward got his iron grip on the rudimentary mullet that he had been grooming. It took an active intervention from Elizabeth to coax Edward into letting go of his poor victim's hair. Embarrassed and slightly put off for being bested by an infant, Carlisle grudgingly decided to get the haircut Eleazar had insisted on earlier. Small babies and long hair clearly didn't go well together.
He also ascertained that Edward had very little compunction about damaging personal effects and private property. He slobbered without shame and wasn't in the slightest bit apologetic for leaving a large drool-stain on Carlisle's expensive, Armani shirt. Elizabeth, of course, apologized profusely and even offered to pay for the dry cleaning, but strangely enough the challenges and hardship that came with being around Edward didn't deter him in the least.
Carlisle didn't even notice the passage of time. It was only when Elizabeth mentioned that she ought to start preparing supper and asked if Carlisle would like to stay for the meal or not that he realized that it was time for him to take his leave.
As he hastily gathered up his few belongings to return to his house on the other side of Charles river, Carlisle realized that he was sad to leave the cozy and disarming refuge of Elizabeth's home. He took a last glance at the sleeping form of Edward who had fallen into a nap after all the excitement of impressing upon a new human being. He wished he didn't have to go.
As he stood by the door and bade his host goodbye, he decided to ensure his smooth return before he lost the nerve to ask. "Thank you for having me over today. It was really great to spend some time with Edward; he's a great kid."
"Thanks, I'm glad you could come. Edward's very fond of you too. And thank you for the gift card, you really shouldn't have, but you definitely made his day with the bear," Elizabeth replied with her customary kind voice.
"Would it be ok if... I mean unless you already have plans, would it be ok if I came by next Saturday to check on him?" Carlisle asked with hopeful hesitance.
"No, we don't have any plans. I usually just catch up on housework on the weekends. If you don't mind me doing laundry and cleaning, you are very welcome to drop by. I'm sure Edward would love the attention.
"But don't you have plans for the weekend? College is supposed to be the time of your life. I'd guess you have something far more entertaining to do than babysit," Elizabeth pointed out.
"Actually, I don't. It's really the crunch time in school; I barely have time for anything other than term papers. But I could certainly use a break by the weekend. I really had a wonderful time today. I wouldn't mind keeping an eye on Edward while you work," Carlisle insisted.
"Very well then. I'll see you next week. Drive safely."
With that, she closed the door to go back and check on her son.
Carlisle drove back to his big and lonely house in Cambridge. Even after spending nearly half a day in her company he still didn't know whether Elizabeth was a friend or a foe. She appeared very amiable; sweet and kind, but he knew that the question was made redundant because she was the guardian who was entrusted with his brother. It mattered little if she was after his money - though she claimed not to be - because he would do anything to ensure Edward grew up with the same privileges and comfort he did. It was his responsibility now to fulfil the duties his father couldn't.
The only obstacle that remained in his path was to convince Eleazar. He went to bed that night thinking of ways to safely spring the news to his uncle. He wondered how Eleazar would react when he found out that after all the preparation and sharpening up legal strategies, he had waved the white flag even before the battle could begin.
AN1: Story rec - The Learning Curve by Amethyst Jackson
If you read Bonne Foi or Madman's Mercy, you know AJ rocks! This drabble is no exception.
AN2: Come find me on twitter: ToTheDreaming.
A huge round of thanks goes to lulabelle98, for making all this readable. I couldn't do it without her.
Thanks to Detochkina for pre-reading and pointing out holes the size of Chicago!
Thanks to WutheringBites for validating my story at Twilighted. I am most grateful.
Thanks to Dinx219, ordinary_vamp, LadyTazz7, DoobaWrites, AishaRotterdam, and shelikethesound for WCs. You ladies rock! They are all esteemed authors. Please check out their stories.
I am thankful to all those who've read, alerted and fav-d my story. But reviews are like pay day. So, kindly review and make me rich, even if it is for a day!