Beautiful Sorrow

End of ch 26

She was a stateless refugee, trapped in the infernal circles of hell. She had nowhere to go even if she were to break free from her chain.

Looking at the now strange house, she recalled a night five years ago when she came home elated from her first true encounter with Carlisle Cullen. She didn't know then how in the course of a few short years her elation would devolve into horror, and her hopes would burn out to ashes.

End of Chapter 14:

"Good luck with college, Isabella. Give my regards to Charlie, would you? I hope we meet again."

With those parting words, his car pulled away from the Swan driveway, leaving behind a bedazzled, young girl rooted to the spot. His rational mind, which normally dictated all his decisions, told him to keep his distance from Isabella Swan; that prettier and better skilled, not to mention age appropriate, substitutes could easily be found elsewhere. But his heart was already addicted to the high only she could provide. As he approached his estate that night, he was already thinking of ways he would orchestrate his next fix.

Chapter 27

Bella, age 17-18

A dazed Bella stood by the road as the sleek and elegant car carrying the most beautiful man she had ever seen sped away from her view. She stayed rooted on spot even after the taillights disappeared in the distance, mentally construing alternative ways the last few moments she had with Carlisle Cullen could have played out. She wished she had been more articulate, better collected, and made a refined impression on the man instead of proving to be the naive and inexperienced girl that she was.

Her musings were interrupted by the porch-light coming on. Shaking away her erratic thoughts, she came back to reality and made her way inside the house. Renee was waiting right by the door it seemed. The noise of the approaching car's engine alerted her to Bella's arrival. She had been eagerly waiting for her daughter's safe return without alarming Charlie, and pulled Bella into an intense embrace as soon as she walked through the door.

"Oh Bella, I was so worried, baby. I was so scared. I'm so sorry I said those awful things, honey. I was mad at myself and took it out on you. Please forgive me, Bells, and never run away like that again," she prattled off without taking a breath or letting Bella say a word.

Bella hugged her mother back with the same ferocity. She could imagine the stress she had left Renee in all day, but she couldn't bring herself to call or face her until she'd done everything in her power to fix the trouble she had brought down on the family.

"Mom, it's ok. I'm fine. I'm sorry too for not calling you, but I... I had to do something to make things right again. How's Dad? Is he ok?" Bella asked, lowering her voice toward the end as it just occurred to her how late it was and that on any other night Charlie would be sound asleep by now.

"He's fine. He took his meds and is sleeping now. He doesn't know anything. I told him you were staying over at the Brandons. I was worried out of my mind, but knew that if your dad got all worked up I would have double the problem in my hands.

"Oh, sweetie, I was so scared. I had no idea what I'd tell him if you didn't come home. You can't do that to me again, honey. No matter how mad I get or what I say, you can't leave home like that. Ever." Renee asserted her plea with force and Bella nodded in understanding.

She pulled her mother toward the kitchen so she could fill her in on the matters that had transpired since that morning. Renee hadn't turned on any of the lights in the house so as not to wake Charlie, so they navigated in the darkness as they sat down at their kitchen table. Only then did Bella notice the tears in Renee's eyes. She appeared to have aged visibly in a single day.

"Oh Mom, have you been crying? Don't cry. I'm ok, everything will be okay. I spoke with Mr. Cullen. He said he'd call his lawyer and set everything up as before. You don't have to worry about anything, Mom. Really," Bella said gently in order to ease away the strain the day had brought on Renee.

The mention of their financial plight persuaded Renee to wipe at her face and look at Bella with a serious expression.

"What happened today, Bella? Where's your car? Who dropped you off just now? What did Mr. Cullen say when you went to see him? He didn't yell at you, did he?" Renee asked a slew of questions without pausing long enough to let Bella respond, as if she couldn't be sure which one she wanted the answer to the most.

Bella collected her thoughts and decided on the best method to brief her mother. With the good news already delivered, she thought now would be the appropriate time to spring the one that might be less well received.

"Well, you know I left you a note that I was going to fix things. I went to the Cullen estate first thing in the morning but the guards there wouldn't let me in. They told me to contact his office in Seattle. I thought I'd drive there, but the car broke down near Port Angeles. It needs to be towed but please don't worry about that, ok? I have the money from the diner. It will cover the cost."

"Oh, honey. You really think I am worried about that right now? We will manage. One way or another, we will manage. We'll call the Rusty's in the morning and get it fixed. I can't believe you went all the way by yourself. Bella, I'm so sorry I made you feel like it was your job to fix things. It's not. It never was. It's my job, baby. I'm a horrible mother to say those things. I'm... I'm..." Renee pulled Bella into her arms and allowed the tears to return, unable to put into words her regrets and apologies.

Bella shushed her as she held Renee close. "Mom, I'm fine. Look, I'm perfectly ok. I'm not mad, not at all. I wasn't gonna run away. I just wanted to fix this."

After a few moments, Renee collected herself and pulled away to look over her daughter carefully to make sure Bella's claims indeed held true.

"So, what happened then? You went all the way to Seattle?" Renee asked.

"Yah. I took the bus and I found his office. But when I got there they told me he wasn't in the country. They would've thrown me out too, but there was this really nice lady who told the security to lay off on me. She let me wait in her office and told me that Mr. Cullen was coming back in the evening. I knew it would get late, but I had to wait." Bella recounted her experience of the day as well as she remembered it.

She didn't know who Carmen Lake was and how she had unwittingly reset the course of her life with her kind intentions, but she was immensely grateful for the refuge she provided when the men from security were dead set on tossing her to the streets.

"So, he came in later?" Renee nudged her on.

"Yes. He came in at around six and he agreed to see me. So, I went in there and said how sorry I was and that I didn't mean for any of this to happen."

"Was he angry? Oh, honey, was he mean to you?" Renee asked with concern.

"Well, yah, a little. He was angry at first. He told me how my essay could hurt his business by giving a false impression to his other employees. When he said that, I didn't think he was going to give us another chance. So, I was gonna leave, but then he said he was going home to Forks too and wanted to give me a ride.

"He told me in the car that he'll forget about the whole thing!" Bella couldn't hide the excitement from her voice. "He said everything will be back to normal. He wanted me to tell you that. So, now you don't have anything to worry about. He won't stop helping us."

"Really? He said that? Oh, thank God. But why did he change his mind? If he was angry at first, what made him reconsider? He just decided to forget about the journal? Just like that?" Renee wanted to know.

"I think it's because he realized that I won't be able to go to college if he didn't help us and he didn't want that to happen. He made me promise that I will start school in fall," Bella said with a downcast face, not wanting her mother to see the reddish hue that was sure to have colored her cheeks as she recalled the last few minutes she spent in the car with Carlisle Cullen.

Her hero had come through for her again. All wrongs were made right in her world once more. Only because of one man: Carlisle Cullen.

However, Bella's attempt to shy away at the mention of the man didn't go unnoticed by Renee, and like lightning, a dreadful thought flashed across her mind. Much like Bella, she too always held Carlisle Cullen in high regards. But she was the mother of a teenage girl, and she couldn't help but consider the worst possible case scenarios that could arise from a man of Mr. Cullen's position coming across a desperate and inexperienced young woman like Bella.

Renee knew her daughter well; Bella was a caregiver and a nurturer at heart. She was selfless to boot, and Renee had done a wonderful job at making her feel responsible for their problems. If she was presented with a choice of making it all go away for a high, personal price, she would pay it willingly, without a thought to her own well-being.

"Bella," Renee said in a fear-gripped voice.

Bella looked up at the sudden change in tenor of Renee's voice.

"Sweetie, are you sure you are okay? You are not hiding anything from me, are you? He didn't... he didn't say or do anything... inappropriate, did he?" Renee asked as she clasped Bella's hands tightly in her own, scrutinizing every contour of her face for signs that might confirm her suspicion, while fervently praying that they wouldn't.

"'Cause I swear to God, if he's laid a finger on you, I'll... I'll..." Renee's voice trembled with pent up fear and frustration. She didn't know what she could do to remedy the catastrophe, if it had in fact befallen her daughter, but she knew she would never rest until she had avenged Bella's honor, even if it meant going up against an insurmountable opponent as Carlisle Cullen.

"Mom! Of course not! How could you even suggest such a thing about him?" Bella jerked her hands free from Renee's and exclaimed with indignation, momentarily forgetting to keep her voice low. "Are you completely out of your mind? Of course he didn't do anything 'inappropriate'. He's not... he's not like that. Jeez, Mom, how can you even think like that about him?" Bella shook her head with disdain as she vehemently defended the man she believed to be a saint among men.

"He was... he was so nice and kind about the whole thing. He... he didn't have to do anything for us, you know. He helped us all these years and never once expected anything back in return. And today, the only reason he was mad was because we – I – broke the rules. He didn't have to help us back then, and he didn't have to forgive me today, but he did. And instead of thanking him for it you are saying such awful things about him.

"He can have any woman he wants. He doesn't have to make a pass at no-bodies like me."

The truth of the last statement stung her as much as it was meant to sting Renee. Bella knew quite well that Carlisle Cullen was out of her league, and she also knew just by how large a margin she fell short of making the cut. There was no room for such impossible dreams in her world but the truth hurt just the same.

The bitter reminder of reality prompted her to quickly reel in her temper. Renee was only looking out for her as any mother would. Bella didn't want to worry her further by over-zealously defending the object of her juvenile crush. She wasn't delusional; there was no reason to make her mother think that she was.

However, Bella's enthusiastic denial seemed to have the welcome effect of lessening Renee's worries. She exhaled a breath of relief and smiled sheepishly. "You're right. That was uncalled for. I don't know what I was thinking. It's just that there are bad people out there too, honey. And it's my job to keep you safe. You're sure everything is okay, right?"

"Yes, Mom. I promise, everything is peachy. I know there are men out there who... that I need to be careful about. But he isn't like that. You don't have to worry," Bella reassured her mother in a soft and gentle voice that released all the accumulated anxiety of the day.

Finally, mother and daughter looked at each other and smiled with hope and relief.

"Good. Now go to bed and get some sleep. You have to cover my morning shift at the diner for me, by the way. The Center called, they had to move Charlie's physio session to the morning. I'll have to drive him," Renee informed her apologetically.

"But what about my car? How will I get to the diner?" Bella pointed out.

"Damn! Completely forgot about that. I'll drop you off, then call Rusty to have your car towed, and then drive your dad to the Center. Can you ask Alice to give you a ride home? You have to call her anyway, she is worried about you too. I called their house looking for you," Renee informed her as she made plans for the next day.

"Oh no, you called Alice? Now she'll probably stake out at the diner and follow me around until my shift ends tomorrow. Great! Just what I needed; more yelling from Cora." Bella ascended the stairs to her room as she grumbled under her breath, though the affectionate note that lay underneath her words belied her eagerness to see her friend.

~CBE~

"What a douche!" Alice interrupted Bella mid-speech with her exclamation.

The two girls were sitting on their favorite bench outside the diner the following afternoon. As Bella had predicted, Alice had shown up at the diner a little after nine and used every opportunity to pump Bella for information about her mysterious disappearance the previous day. Bella received mild warnings twice for being distracted while on the clock from the owner of the diner. The third time, she was told to ask her friend to either order something or wait outside for her shift to end.

Finally, the wrap time came and Bella left the diner to meet an impatient Alice who could hardly sit still to hear where Bella had been the day before.

Bella filled Alice in on the events of the past two days, starting from the letter they had received two days ago. She was in the middle of recounting how Carlisle Cullen had pointed out ways in which her article was detrimental to his business when Alice rudely interrupted her with an exuberant outburst.

"Huh?" Bella was taken aback a little.

"I can't believe he treated you like shit after you took the trouble to go all the way to see him! And instead of giving you a medal or something, he lectures you on his stupid business? You did him a favor for God's sake! Arrgh! What a douche!" Alice reaffirmed her conviction with righteous anger.

"Hold on, Alice. He is not a douche, okay? He was just telling me the truth! And you didn't let me finish even," Bella objected with furrowed brows. As always, her inherent need to defend Carlisle Cullen overrode all other prerogatives, and she stood up to let Alice know that she meant business.

Alice recognized Bella's battle stance and decided to side with restraint and getting the chance to hear the full story over proving her point. "Fine, tell me the rest."

"Okay, but you have to promise; no more trash talk." Bella laid down the rules in a stern voice, and then took her seat again to retell the rest of the events of the day.

When she was done, she looked at Alice expectantly with hope that perhaps her friend would finally see why she had placed Carlisle Cullen on the high pedestal, and how he had earned the spot. But her hopes were for naught.

"So, what you are saying is that in the four plus hours it took for you to get from Seattle to home he could have told you that you had nothing to worry about, but he made you sweat the entire time? He had to wait until you were practically home to let you know he would fix everything for you? What kind of a douche bag is this guy? Oh my God, Bella! How can you still take his side? This guy's a massive crap-case!"

Alice clearly wasn't impressed with the man the same way Bella was, and though it irked Bella to a great extent, she resigned to let the argument go.

"You just don't get it," Bella said sadly and decided to move on to a different topic. "So, did you hear back about the apartment?"

The two friends spent the rest of the afternoon doing what they usually did these days; talking about college, independence, adulthood and the possibility of meeting the love of their life. That was until Bella checked the time and realized she should be heading home to start dinner.

"Hey Al, can you give me a ride home? It's getting late. Mom and Dad will be home soon and I should get dinner ready," Bella asked. "You are welcome to stay over," she added.

"Sure," Alice said as they headed towards her parked car. "What are you making? I'll stay as long as it's not spinach soup again." She scrunched her nose at the memory of her last meal at the Swan house.

Bella shook her head in amusement. "Spinach is good for you, but no worries, I'm not making spinach tonight. I'm thinking I'll try something with chicken and broccoli. I'll even let you help. So what do'ya say? Are you game?"

"Har har! Fine, count me in," Alice said half-heartedly. She knew how Bella felt about her responsibility toward her family, and that she would never blow off her tasks in favor of an evening filled with meaningless fun with Alice. Helping her with cooking would at least ensure she'd get to spend some more time with her friend – threat of broccoli aside.

~CBE~

True to Mr. Cullen's word, the Swans received correspondence from Harold Jenks within the week. They were informed that after taking the mitigating circumstances under consideration, Carlisle Cullen had reinstated their financial arrangement. Unless they were again to be found in breach of the key conditions of their agreement, they would continue to receive the monthly allowance checks for Charlie and Renee was welcome to submit reimbursement requests for costs incurred in connection with his treatment.

Renee was ecstatic to get the concrete proof of Carlisle Cullen's verbal assurance. Bella never doubted his words but was glad how it eased her mother's woes. She wished there was a way she could thank the man in person for his generosity and kindness. In the end, she decided not to rock the boat. Mr. Cullen clearly was extremely protective of his privacy. Her enthusiastic gratitude could be perceived as an unwelcome encroachment on his personal space. It was better that she didn't tempt fate again. This time Mr. Cullen might not be as forgiving.

Nonetheless, she couldn't help but fantasize about ways she could demonstrate her appreciation for the man. After all, he did extract a promise from her. Would it be so wrong if she tried to show him the evidence of her compliance? Her imagination ranged from baking cookies to sending a thank you note saying that she was indeed attending college. She laughed at the futility of them all and in the end directed all her energy to prepare for her move to the big city instead.

They got lucky with the apartment near campus and made plans to move in on the first of the month. The Brandons offered to pay for the deposit on the place which took a big load off of Bella's worries. The cost of towing and fixing her car had taken out a big bite out of her start-off funds that she was diligently saving from her pay checks at the diner. It meant there wouldn't be any carefree time for her on campus at all; she would have to find employment as soon as they moved to Seattle.

Bella wasn't deterred by these minor hindrances. They were nothing compared to how close she came to the possibility of having to drop out even before she could start college. So, with indomitable optimism and eyes filled with dreams, Bella hugged her parents goodbye on the morning of the first of September to make her journey to officially move to her new home over one hundred and thirty miles away. She had packed the back of her car with her meager possessions and was ready to embrace the challenges the long road ahead held for her.

Bella moved in first and Alice arrived at their new place the following weekend. Her parents wanted to be actively present to oversee their baby girl set up her first home away from the nest. So, the first few days Bella had the apartment all to herself. It gave her the chance to unpack and settle in, and even start a scouting mission to find work around campus. She had never stayed alone in a house before. She was excited and scared in equal parts about this lesson in adulthood that awaited her in her new home. She was also immensely proud of herself in the morning when she woke up to the strange surroundings, and realized that she had successfully survived a whole night all by herself in a city she wasn't yet familiar with.

The orientation week didn't start until the end of the first week of the month and Bella devoted all the time she could spare – when she wasn't proactively reading up on her course work or accompanying Alice to locate all the 'cool' spots on campus - to look for work. She would have preferred to work as an intern or research assistant for a professor, but she soon learned that these coveted positions were in short supply, and when available, usually went to graduate students or those in their final year of bachelor work.

Her eighteenth birthday was coming up and she wanted to drive back home to spend it in the warmth of her parents' welcoming company, but she was hesitant to spend her paltry savings on gas without having a solid income source at hand. She had approached all the cafes, book shops, supermarkets, and malls within an acceptable distance and was somewhat encouraged when she finally got a call from a high end department store just as she was getting antsy about her job prospects.

She went for the interview armed with her sparse resume and a letter of reference from Cora's, and was much relieved when she was offered a job on the spot to man the perfume counter of the store. She would be required to wear a sleek looking uniform that Bella thought resembled a flight attendants' attire and would have to stay on her feet the entire time she was on duty. However, she was immensely happy to have the promise of a steady pay check and the guaranteed work hours on Fridays and in the evening of one other weekday to be determined later. She was further delighted to learn that she wasn't expected to start her training until the week following her birthday.

As she settled into her new life in a new city, she pondered how things were working out for her in spite of all the obstacles that lay in her path. She frequently thought of Carlisle Cullen as well since he had been instrumental in making everything possible for her.

The high rise building that housed the Cullen headquarters was visible from the front of department store where Bella worked. She thought of him every time she went to work, and she silently thanked him every time she left for the day. She really didn't think she would ever see the man in flesh again, but she were to be proven wrong soon.

On a Friday afternoon, after she had finished her shift at the perfume counter, she paused on her way home to look through the window of a Verizon outlet. She didn't have a cell phone but was seriously considering splurging on a basic package. After all, it was practically half way through the first decade of the twenty first century. Wasn't it about time she caught up with the age? Everyone she had met on campus owned one. Even Alice, who was socially challenged on most days, had recently gotten a Nokia from her parents. Having one of these was more of a necessity than a luxury, she argued with her frugal self.

She was consumed by her thoughts and was examining the displayed products so minutely that she didn't at first notice the reflection of the man appear on the glass right next to the spot where a shiny Motorola was nestled in its holding slot.

Even when she noticed his face, she smiled at the reflection without turning around, chalking it up to her creative imagination and the countless spritz of assorted perfumes she had inhaled all day. Surely the man himself couldn't be standing right behind her. Better to enjoy the vision while it lasted. And what a vision it was. The slanted rays of autumn sun had cast a golden hue on the world and it illuminated the locks of his mane in the most spectacular manner. He looked glorious.

She hungrily took in the beautiful face and smiled again at her imagination. Her imagination smiled back. She would have happily stayed rooted to the spot, ignoring the street crowd and curious passersby for all eternity, or until her mind failed to sustain the conjuring of such vivid apparitions. But the magic was shattered to a million pieces when she heard the reflection speak.

"We meet again, Isabella. I hope college is agreeing with you."

AN1: I have posted my drabble Where the Streets Have No Name. Would appreciate it if you checked it out. Very inexplicably I got embroiled in a "Drabble War". As a warring party, Chapter 3 of this story will go up on Friday and will have daily updates from then on.

AN2: I am donating an outtake of Beautiful Sorrow to Fandom4Heroes, and a little something I wrote for Lulabelle98 to Fandom4Children. I won't deceive you into thinking that the compilations are going to be particularly enriched as a result, but these are worthy causes, so consider donating. The links and details are on my profile.

AN3: And Tenement Halls by Nayarit
I read this OS last night and was rightfully floored. Pure, gut-wrenching angst presented with poignant poetry. I strongly recommend it, but only if you have a stomach for heartbreak.

AN4: A huge round of thanks goes to lulabelle98, for making all this readable. Check out her new story Life As We Know It.

Thanks to Detochkina AND the the brilliant ladies at EBS for making me write and helping in shape the narrative!

Thanks to WutheringBites for validating my story at Twilighted. I am most grateful.

I am thankful to all those who've read, alerted and fav-d my story. Reviews are absolutely amazing, but I just wanted to say how happy I am that you are here even if you don't.