The story deals with adult subject matter and occasional description of explicit sexual abuse. Not meant for underage readers. Read at your own peril. And oh, Twilight belongs to SM. This is just a fanfiction.

Beautiful Sorrow

End of chapter 31

Bella tore her eyes away from his face and forced herself to step out to the curb. Her mind was abuzz with the parting words she had received from Mr. Cullen. She quickly made it through the glass door and turned around to see his car speeding away.

She made it up the three flights of stairs. Her steps were light though her mind was heavy as she tried to decipher what Mr. Cullen had meant.

However, her starry-eyed musings came to an abrupt halt the moment she walked into their apartment and found a very angry and very worried Alice sitting on the couch, waiting for her.

Chapter 32

Bella, age 18

"Where have you been?" Alice asked, sounding concerned and irritated all at once.

Bella guiltily took in the outfit and make up Alice had on as she recalled the plan they had made earlier in the week to go to a social mixer taking place in one of the sorority houses. She had forgotten all about it as she allowed herself to get swept away to a utopian world when her path crossed with Carlisle Cullen.

Her mind was still reeling from everything that had transpired during that evening as her brain tried to make sense of his parting words. But she pushed down the inclination to sit in a corner and analyze them for hours to come in favor of what took precedence: her need to apologize and placate Alice.

"Oh shit! Alice, I'm so sorry. I... I was just... " Bella paused as she realized that ending the sentence with 'enjoying dinner' would only compound her crime in Alice's eyes. She would have to break it to her when Alice was in a calmer mood; with finesse and diplomacy. Now was not the time.

"Why didn't you just go ahead on your own? You didn't have to stay back for me," Bella said, deciding on deflection as her strategy of choice.

"Because, Bella, you have the invitations and the address! Now if you had a cell phone, the one I've been begging you to get, I could have called you or you could have texted it to me! But no, you couldn't even be bothered to pick up a pay phone!" Alice stormed toward Bella as she spoke accusingly, eyes stormy with anger and lips pouting in disappointment.

"I don't get it. Why would you do something like this? You know what it's like for me. I thought things would be different now. I thought you understood that..." Anger left her voice and sadness took over as she trailed off, leaving Bella submerged in an ocean of guilt.

High school wasn't an easy experience for Alice. Her quirky personality and poor verbal filter didn't endear her to her peers. She had put in her mandatory four years either being bullied or ignored, barely hanging onto her sanity by a thread. Bella had been her lifeline in surviving the ridicule and shunning. College held the promise of a new beginning for her to meet new people and forge a social life.

Bella, ever the nurturer, felt wretched for placing her selfish fantasies ahead of her friend's needs.

"Oh, Alice... I'm really sorry," Bella said as she stepped closer to Alice and pulled her in a hug. "I'm such a jerk. I'll make it up to you, I promise," she added.

Alice resisted with silence.

"Listen, I screwed up, ok? I know that," Bella said as she pulled Alice toward their couch. "The boys from astronomy are doing something for Halloween; I saw a flyer in the quad yesterday. It's open to us freshmen. We could go to that one.

"What do'ya say? It will be fun!" Bella tried to salvage Alice's mood with the prospect of a bigger and better party than the one they had missed.

"Where did you see it? What's the theme?" Alice asked as she perked up a little. "I don't know..." Though she was unwilling to forgive and forget just yet.

"Come on, Alice, you like Halloween parties. You'll love it. It will be fun, I promise."

"You won't flake on me again, will you?" Alice asked as she mulled over her choices, finding it hard to hold on to a grudge against her best - her only- friend.

"Of course not," Bella promised.

"Fine," Alice relented. "I'll go," she said with as exaggerated gesture of defeat.

"Yay!" Bella cheered. "I'll dig up the flyer tomorrow and we can start planning our costumes. Good thing we have plenty of time. I can borrow my mom's sewing machine next time I go home. I can help you with yours too," she volunteered enthusiastically, feeling relieved that Alice seemed to have accepted her apology.

After a few moments of amicable silence Bella reiterated softly, "I'm really sorry, Al. Forgive me?

"We could still go..." she added after stealing a quick glance at the clock. It was close to ten. Not too late for a Friday night.

"Nah, it's ok." Alice shook her head and sadly looked away into empty space. "Why don't people like me, Bella?" she said in a forlorn voice.

"Who said people don't like you? They love you!" Bella protested. "Everyone loves you."

"We both know that's not true," Alice said with sad indifference.

Bella sat upright on the couch and faced Alice as she prepared to present her counter argument. "I know no such thing and neither do you. People are just jerks sometimes. Honestly, do you even want to be friends with skanks like Vanessa?"

"It's not the same, and you know it. My Prom date was my best friend who's a girl, need I say more?" Alice laughed bitterly as she pondered that the pain of being an outcast probably wouldn't hurt so much if it weren't for the fact that she truly wanted to be included so badly.

"You are smart, kind and awesome. If people can't appreciate that, it's their problem, not yours," Bella stated.

Alice shrugged indifferently. "I thought things would be different in college, you know. Yet, look at me, still a pathetic loser."

"Alice, you are not a loser. You just..." Bella paused to consider how to put her thoughts into words that would not sound scathing and heartless. "You just need to keep your opinions to yourself sometimes," she stated carefully, hoping she wouldn't make matters worse by sounding judgemental.

"What do you mean?" Alice asked as she too sat upright and alert.

"Well..." Bella proceeded cautiously, "you don't always have to tell people what's wrong with them just because it's obvious to you."

"Huh? When did I do that?" Alice seemed honestly oblivious, just as Bella had always feared. She quickly sifted through her memory to locate a recent example to cite.

"Ok, don't be mad, but remember back when school started, we met Rick and Tran?" Bella asked.

"Yah... " Alice remembered. The two girls had met up during the orientation week to share lunch on campus when two seemingly nice boys struck up a conversation. Rick appeared to be quite taken by Alice and even exchanged phone numbers to meet up later. She had been buoyant for days in hope of his call - which never came.

"Well, did you really have to tell him that your cousin, the dentist, could fix up his chipped tooth and maybe even give him a discount?" Bella pointed out.

"But... but I was only trying to help. I thought he would..." Alice said in a perplexed voice.

"I know you did. But, Alice, just think, maybe it's a sore point for him. Maybe he was hoping you wouldn't notice it. Or maybe he'd already been to a dentist and they couldn't fix it.

"Maybe you hurt his feelings without even meaning to, you know?"

Alice shook her head in denial, though Bella's words were beginning to take root.

"You think that's why he never called me?" she asked hesitantly.

"I don't know, Al. But you gotta be a little mindful about what you suggest to people, know what I mean?"

"I was just trying to be helpful," Alice said with a downcast face and slightly pouting lips.

"I know that. I know you. I know how fabulous you are. But others don't always. You can't go around offering advice unless people ask for it.

"Sometimes people don't like to hear things they don't want to," Bella emphasized.

Alice frowned and moped for some time as the weight of her friend's words began to settle on her mind.

"Is that what I am? A meddlesome bitch? Damn, man! That sucks balls," she finally said. "Kick me next time you catch me at it, okay? I can't go through another four years of the same old same old."

"I promise," Bella replied with a smile, pleased that she managed to defuse a potentially volatile situation with poise and wits.

"So, what do you wanna do now? Watch TV?" Bella proposed.

"We could," Alice agreed lukewarmly. "But you know what will be really fun? Drinking beer while watching TV! You want one?" she said with excitement in her voice.

"We have beer? How the hell did you score beer? They didn't card you?" Bella wanted to know.

"The old lady on the ground floor, Mrs. Gunnerson. I walked her three giant dogs and helped her with carrying the groceries. She gave me a case." Alice beamed.

"She paid you in alcohol? Seriously? No way!" Bella was rightfully impressed.

"I know, right?" Alice giggled as she jumped up to fetch the beer in question. "I had one while waiting for you, but we still have five left."

Alice came back with two bottles and handed one to Bella.

"Cheers," they said as they both took a swig, delighted to experience yet another milestone of adulthood: being able to drink alcohol without having to look over their shoulders.

"Still awful," Bella said as she crunched her nose in disgust after the first sip. It wasn't the first time they had tasted beer. On a couple of occasions they did manage to steal a sample from Alice's dad or the diner where Bella worked. She thought it tasted atrocious then. Apparently, she hadn't yet acquired an appetite for the popular beverage still.

"Well, chug it down and get used to it. Bet this stuff will be flowing at the Halloween party. You don't want the boys to think you're a baby. Bottoms up," Alice pointed out as she gulped down a big swig for good measure to prove her point.

Alice's words prompted Bella to recall the grape juice incident at dinner. A renewed sense of shame colored her cheeks as despair replaced the delightful mood they had forged. Mr. Cullen thought of her as a child; a fate worse than death, she deemed.

Her face fell and she lowered the beer bottle on the coffee table.

"What's wrong?" Alice's noticed the shift in Bella's demeanor.

"Nothing," Bella said in a not so convincing way, fooling no one.

"A-ha, really? Spill it, Bella. I know when you're lying. This wouldn't have anything to do with you pulling a vanishing act on me today, would it?"

Bella pondered how to answer the question. She never intended to keep her evening a secret from Alice. She just wanted to wait until her friend got over her anger for being stood up. Now that she seemed to be in better spirits, Bella decided this was as good time as any to tell Alice about her magical encounter with Carlisle Cullen.

"Well, sorta. But you won't believe it even if I told you. Guess who I ran into today after work?"

Over the next hour Bella recounted her experience to Alice, gushing and squealing at appropriate points.

"Shut up! Euphorique? The place from the guide book?" Alice questioned disbelievingly.

"Yes, I know! I still can't believe it," Bella confirmed.

"Then what happened?"

Bella unburdened her soul to Alice, not even leaving out the bits about her mortification over the grape juice and the lobster bisque cappuccino.

When she was done, she asked for Alice's input. "What do you think he meant by that, Al? 'I'm glad you wrote the essay?' He was so angry about it before, but then he said something like that. I don't know what to make of it. What do you think?"

Alice was thoughtful for a moment. "He's hitting on you, of course."

Bella shook her head in vehement denial. "No way. That's... that's totally impossible."

"Bella, just look at the facts: he's stalking you at your place of work-"

"He is not stalking me. We just ran into each other." Bella felt compelled to set her straight.

"-He tells you that you smell good, takes you to the fanciest restaurant in the state, and then drops a bombshell by saying he's glad he met you, cause that's the only logical explanation for his cryptic bullshit I can think of," Alice said as she frowned slightly.

"And he wants you to ride with him to Forks, which will give him four solid hours of drool time when you'll have no means of getting away," she added with displeasure. "What do'ya know? Grandpa's got a crush on you," she mocked, reverting back to the moniker she had coined for the man a while back, knowing full well it would irk Bella.

"Shut up! That's not true! You are wrong, he's not like that." Bella assumed her natural defense stance. "And don't call him that! It's disrespectful."

"Well, what makes him so high and mighty? If he acts like a jerk, he deserves to be called out on it!" Alice refused to back down.

"He never acted like a jerk! What are you talking about? And he's done plenty to earn our respect. You're the one who's being a jerk now!" Bella lashed back.

"Nothing wrong? A man his age getting all slime-ball on you is not wrong? In what universe is that right? And if you can't see that then you're delusional. You have to stay away from him, Bells. When he or 'his people' calls you to ask about your plans, just tell them you are not going. You hear me?" Alice asserted her opinion on the matter with strong footed confidence.

"First, he is not hitting on me. And second, even if he was, which he isn't, why would that be a crime? He is not that old. Age is not everything. He's an amazing human being. Him offering to give me a ride home is an act of kindness, not something sick and perverted like you're making it out to be. It's not a crime to be thoughtful. Or are you just mad 'cause I forgot about the stupid party? Well, it's my fault then, not his. Why do you always put him down like that? What did he ever do to you?" Bella was visibly worked up and her voice was registering above what could be construed as normal.

Alice hated to upset Bella and tended to pick her battles carefully, but she felt this one warranted intervention, even if it meant risking Bella's ire. "Is he really that amazing, Bells? Really? To me he sounds like a heartless bully who likes to play with people's feelings just because he can. He gets his kicks at the expense of the little people, those who are not in a position to return the favor, instead of picking on someone his own size."

"No, he doesn't-" began Bella.

"Yes, he does!" Alice didn't let Bella finish. "The prank he pulled on you with the pukey-coffee? Who does that? There's nothing 'thoughtful' about that. What kind of a man makes fun of someone for not being born with a silver spoon in their mouth? And are you forgetting how he treated you when you went to meet him that other time?"

Bella hadn't forgotten anything about the two encounters. However, her recollection of the events differed from Alice's interpretation so vastly that she couldn't even begin to present a counter argument.

"That's... that's not how it happened. You weren't even there. You are just twisting everything to make them seem sinister and evil. Yes, he was angry when I went to meet him, but he treated me with kindness and respect. Both times. And tonight, he apologized about the coffee thing. He explained and told me about his life and that's... that means something, Alice. You are just choosing to look at everything in the worst possible way."

"It's 'cause I care about you Bella. You just told me that I give unsolicited advice to people. Well, I can see you don't want it, but you are not Rick, or any other random person. I care about you. I will tell you even if you don't want to hear it. This guys is bad news. A man his age shouldn't say the things he does or act that way around a girl who's young enough be his daughter. If you don't think I'm making sense then ask your parents. See what Renee says." Alice felt quite satisfied with the cogent and airtight argument she had made, but only for a second.

"Alice." Bella's voice fell noticeably as she hissed out the words, telling Alice that she had made a big mistake by using Renee as a weapon in this battlefield. "Don't you dare bring my mom or my dad into this. I know what I'm doing and I'm old enough to make my own decisions. If you can't be happy for me, well then, that's fine by me. But if you drag my mother into this and make her worry over nothing, I swear I'll never speak to you again. They have enough worries to last a life time, they don't need more. Do you understand me?"

Alice cringed under the icy glare Bella fixed her with.

"Bella..." Alice tried in a timid voice to placate her friend.

"No, you listen, Alice. I'm sorry you can't see past some ridiculous notion that you have drawn up in your head about a man you haven't even met. You don't have to like Mr. Cullen, and you don't have to agree with me. But you do have to respect my decisions and those who matter to me. I think I've earned it.

"If you want us to be friends, that is."

With those ominous words, Bella stood up and strode away to her room, slamming the door shut for good measure.

AN1: Today marks the 1 year anniversary of Beautiful Sorrow. I can't believe it's been that long. Hell, I can't believe some of you are still here! It's been a very interesting journey for me. Some good, some bad. Some spectacular, some heartbreaking. Thank you for being a part of it.

I need to thank Lulabelle98 for being with me from the very beginning. I can't do it without her. Literally!

I need to thank BellaScotia for being who she is. The wisdom and kindness you showed me is something I will always be grateful for. Thank you, Kat. Human cloning couldn't get here fast enough. Every new writer needs you!

AN2: Story rec - What If by WhatIfThingsWereDifferent
Edward made a terrible mistake - twice! Can he find his way back to grace again and be part of Bella and their son's life? I sure hope so!

AN3: Thank you for reading. Thank you for reviewing. I'm here because of you.