Desperate Souls

Chapter 4: Ruined

Morning After

The morning sun touched her face and the sound of birds chirping slowly started to bring her back to consciousness. The sun infiltrated Emma's slumber with painful, stabbing rays of light that violated her eyes. With a groan, she placed a hand against her forehead and curled in on herself, her mind muddled and disoriented as she tried to figure out why she was in so much pain.

A definite soreness radiated from between her legs, and she felt as though she had several scratches and bruises on various parts of her body. Finally opening her eyes, Emma blearily took in the sight of an ornate bedroom with old-fashioned furniture. As she rubbed the sleep from her gaze, she suddenly put two and two together and shot up as if attached to a rocket.

Emma found herself on a king-sized bed between velvet covers and the half-clad body of a man. Mr Gold's hair showed from above the sheets, sprawled to all sides like a mess. His body was warm against hers, but not restricting her from movements. Their bodies only touched at one side.

Whether Mary would be worried about her was something Mr Gold had taken care of, when he had called her last night to tell her Emma had been drinking and was in no state to return homewards. They had agreed he would walk her home the next day, which was now.

In full-blown panic mode, Emma suddenly felt the warmth of another human being and jerked to the right, her limbs flailing once she spotted a shock of hair pooling out from beneath the velvet sheets.

"Oh, my God," she whispered, her cheeks burning with a mixture of horror and rage. "Oh, my God !"

Practically falling out of bed, Emma glanced down at her prominent nudity and blanched upon discovering the stickiness coating her thighs. Now feeling sick, the blonde promptly ducked into the attached bathroom and ran straight to the toilet. Lifting the lid, she quivered and unloaded the contents of her stomach into the porcelain bowl, her sobs now choked with vomit as she began to cry.

Gold...he'd tricked her somehow. That much she could remember...

Wiping at her mouth, Emma furiously brushed the tears from her eyes and glared back in the direction of the bedroom. Now rising on unsteady legs, she stormed back into the room and began to search for her clothes. Amazingly, she found them neatly folded on a high-backed chair. Slipping into her dress, Emma thought she heard a groggy noise behind her and instantly froze.

Head whipping in Gold's direction, a fire burned within Emma's soul and her feet began leading her toward the bed despite her better judgement. Once she was standing beside her attacker, she ripped back the covers and seized Gold by the throat amidst her fury. Yanking him up into a sitting position, she slammed him back against the wall so hard that his teeth rattled, her forearm now pressing against his windpipe as she crawled into his lap.

"Rise and shine, motherfucker," she hissed, now pressing harder on his throat. "Did you actually think you could get away with raping a Sheriff? Did you really expect me to welcome this situation with open arms?"

Her eyes appeared almost feral as she held him in place, and coupled with her wildly mussed hair, she looked like an animal caught in a trap.

Breathing heavily, she finally let back a bit on her hold so Gold could breathe. Her mind was struggling wildly to recall every snippet of the night before, but she was still slightly under the effects of the drugs and couldn't remember everything in its entirety.

Mr Gold struggled under her grip, but only for a moment, then he relaxed and reached up his hands to circle around her wrists. She could see now that he had traces of sharp moon-like circles on his wrists. They had, no doubt, been created when she had held him there last night. He gave her a smug smile as their eyes met.

"Emma, I was by no means intending to hurt you. All I tried to do was make you recall." He gave her such a sheepish smile it made him look innocent. "Don't you?" He shook his head with a smile. His long brown hair fell to cover his eyes and he had to shake it aside, revealing a look of hurt.

"You don't remember last night, do you?" His face was sour. His hands were still upon her wrists, their touch light like feathers and not at all hostile. It was a pity, he thought, that the girl who had been writhing underneath him, screaming for him in pure lust some eleven years ago, had now been begging for him to stop. Now that she had come to know him she seemed to treat him like a monster, like all other villagers did. And all he wanted from her was affection and a life with their son. He was even willing to put his selfishness aside at one point but she had crushed his hopes with her high pointed heels and left him to crawl in the dirt of desperateness. If he would lose her he would, but he wasn't going to lose their son. His son.

Emma gave a bitter laugh. "Not intending to hurt me? Do you even know anything about women, you narcissistic asshole ? Because here's a course refresher for you: if you want to get on a woman's good side, you a) don't break their trust, b) don't lure them into some sick trap, and c) you do not fuck them against their will! Do you have any idea how harmful that sort of behavior is to most women? You could've seriously hurt me or gotten me pregnant!"

Still seething, her bangs fell into her line of vision and she quivered with rage as he spoke. The more Gold talked, the more she loathed him, and the painful reminder between her thighs made her want to seek vengeance all the more. A thought suddenly struck her, and she felt the desire to go forth with guns blazing.

"How many other women have you raped?" she demanded, her eyes flashing with a fury unlike any other she'd experienced. "Huh? Have you hurt Ruby? Or maybe Ashley Boyd?" When he failed to speak, she shook him harshly and shouted, " Answer me, damn you!"

His jaw clenched. "I brought you here last night to bring back memories. Did I fail to do that, Emma?" he looked at her, his eyes tempted to dart to her lips. Those very same lips he had ravished time after time again while she had been under the drug's influence. There was no doubt she couldn't remember any of that. But he could. So very tasty she had been.

By now she was panting amidst her fury, and when Gold asked her if she didn't recall the night before, she leaned back a bit and regarded him in confusion. What else was there to remember aside being taken against his dining room table?

Bosom still heaving from the adrenaline, she glared down at him as he spoke, her limbs quivering as he asked if he'd failed to bring back memories.

"...Memories?" she dumbly asked, now swallowing as a feeling akin to dread entered the pit of her stomach. Her head was pounding, and she momentarily lost consciousness due to the effort of racking her brain for something - anything - that could help grasp what he was talking about.

He parted his lips in a gasping desire and looked her in the eyes with a gaze that pleaded mercy.

"When will you see, Emma? When will you recall your past and when will you prepared to ask the right questions?"

Gold shifted slightly underneath her, and the sudden movement brushed against her crotch and caused a jolting pain to sear through her. Simultaneously, she was able to envision Gold thrusting into a younger version of herself, and she gave a cry before tearing away from the man as though she'd been burned.

Falling to the floor with a 'thud,' she raced back into the bathroom and dove for the toilet.

At once she began to empty the remainder of last night's meal, her temples throbbing as the image of being entangled in Gold's embrace burned in her mind. "No," she whispered, coughing as she spat into the toilet. "No, it's not true..."

Tap. Tap.

Mr Gold appeared behind her in the doorway. His weight rested on his cane, as usual, and though he wasn't fully dressed he looked like a gentleman instead of a monster. A worried frown passed his face as Emma's nausea could be explained by the sickness caused by the idea of what had happened or by the same reason she had been throwing up eleven years ago. He gave her a worried glance.

"You weren't as disgusted last time." He noted, resting his shoulder against the doorframe. He studied her form as she sat hunched over the toilet with her blonde hair clinging to her face. She looked lovely despite her state, and he wanted to take her in his arms and caress her till she felt fine again. He knew he couldn't. He had gone too far, had taken far too much liberties already in this game.

Emma sniffled and hurriedly wiped the stress tears from her eyes. She hadn't realized Gold had followed her into the bathroom, but she decided she should've expected as much.

Slowly moving away from the toilet, Emma sat with her legs beneath her and gazed blankly down at her hands. It was all too much... much too much, for that matter. She liked to think of herself as a woman who could handle anything, but at the moment she wanted to pinch herself and awaken in some sort of alternate reality.

"In fact, you liked our time spent together." He was silent for a moment.

With a scoff at his words, Emma bitterly returned, "Perhaps I did, but you're forgetting I was drugged. Who's to even say I would have slept with you otherwise?" As soon as the words left her lips, she shuddered. The thought of willingly being mauled by Mr. Gold left her longing to crawl back to the toilet, but she resisted the temptation.

"I never knew that one day I would end up wishing to be the good guy instead of the bad." Mr Gold let out a short sniffing laugh. His words were ironic and tasted like iron. "I'd never imagined I would end up craving family life again. To have you and our son together in my home. To provide for you. To cherish you and to protect you."

His right hand gently slid past his chest and back to his cane. He looked down at his hands.

Rubbing at her cheek, Emma finally turned to regard Gold with blood-shot eyes. The words he was uttering seemed surreal and impossible - perhaps she was the victim of a cruel joke?

When he spoke of wanting to cherish and protect her, Emma gave a derisive snort and hugged herself for support. "You're so full of shit, it's not even funny... You say you did this to help me remember, but why couldn't you just tell me instead of...of..." Unable to finish, she bit her lip and closed her eyes.

She'd often dreamed of finding a father for Henry, but now the cruel irony was like a gruff slap to the face. His next words, however, were far more sobering.

"I'm afraid you could be pregnant, Emma. They are the same signals the hotel manager told me about when I had left. I had someone watch you, trace your every step, shadow you to see how you were doing and where you went. And when I heard you were pregnant I was as happy as could be. It all fitted the plan so much. Your child would be handed to Regina, she would educate it, I would watch it to make sure it was fine. And one day,… one day the child would come looking for you. And it happened so." He ran a hand through his hair.

"I am not pregnant," she sternly assured him. "When something upsets me enough, I puke, ok? And if I were pregnant? I'd abort the little monster."

Glaring up at him to show her defiance, Emma inwardly regretted her words since she knew she could never do such a thing...even if it was Gold's spawn. A baby was a baby, and she knew she didn't love Henry any less now that she'd been told the truth.

"Do I regret? No, but I regret having hurt you last night. It was the only way I could think of to make you remember. To use the drug you were given eleven years ago, to have you under my touch…" He bit his lip as he eyed her innocently. "I hope my intentions are clear to you now. You must be aware of my motivations. The boy means as much to me as he does to you. No doubt I don't need to tell you how far I'd be willing to go to get him back, fully. Now you can choose. Either we do this together, the proper way. Or we work against one another."

He gave her a sidelong glance, hands on his cane. "What will you choose?"

Finally drawing the strength to rise to her feet, Emma re-adjusted her dress and flinched at Gold's announcement. "I...what would constitute the "proper" way, and "together"? Because if you're expecting me to let us ever be alone again, you're even more full of shit than I thought. You broke my trust - again - and I don't think I can ever forgive that. I can't believe you made me think I might actually like you..."