Chapter 3 –
Reflections part two
AN: received official permission to do this – hurrah.
Again all praise to Those Four Last Days of the War By: oscarpaz00 Rated: T - He and his story got me writing again, I can wait until he gets back from vacation so I can read what happens next in his tale. It's a good read –believe me. My tale is rated M because of adult stuff - savy?
The theme of his story and mine is an old one, Hermione cheats on Ron. This doesn't mean she is a slag, although in anger she is called that. The reasons for her indiscretion will be different between four days and core, and I hope you compare both stories for the fun of it.
Enuff said – roll film
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Isolated from the magical world Harry and Hermione had wandered about England clueless, with each Potterwatch broadcast deepening their feeling of gloom. Hermione had kept careful notes of each show; a list of the fallen, and the other news. Through this notebook/diary she had tried to keep abreast of the changes at the Ministry. The new anti-Muggleborn legislation that had passed the Wizengamot in particular - - the horror stories she heard about it due to the Muggle-born Registration Commission had made her feel a-lot less guilty about the protective steps she had taken for the safety of her parents.
Potterwatch had also been the way they'd learned that the Order of the Phoenix had been all but wiped-out during coup's take-over of the Ministry - - with its few surviving members scattered into hiding, or fled the country. There were wanted posters for Harry posted everywhere and Hermione, apparently - had her fair share as well.
Although it hadn't been planned that way - their very public declaration of love at Hogwarts, less than a week before Dumbledore's burial and the Weasley's family very negative reaction to their betrayal of Ginny and Ron was a source of unexpected comfort for Hermione. The total break for Harry with the Weasley's might well-be the reason that the radio had not mentioned any of the Weasley's among the recently arrested or killed.
They'd heard on the radio that Bill and Fluer's wedding had been raided by DE controlled Aurors searching for Harry on the day the Ministry fell on the first of August. But as she and Harry weren't on speaking terms with the Weasley's at the time - neither had gotten an invite to the nuptials. So beyond a few quests being roughed-up no one was apparently - seriously hurt.
With the Wizarding Wireless stations and the Daily Prophet taken over by the DE controlled Ministry. That left only the bootleg Potterwatch station still trying to tell the truth to the public. The broadcast point had to move constantly and it came on the air at odd times but still the Ministry had failed to shut it down.
Potterwatch was openly advocating that all half-bloods and Muggleborn's flee the country and in fact as Harry and Hermione had discovered during their wanderings - - many had done just that. Dozens of half-magic villages had several homes ransacked or burned out, their occupants gone without a trace. Potterwatch even theorized that at the current rate of genocide - the U.K. magical population could be cut in half by years end.
Then out of nowhere came some good news for a change, for there had been a report of a massive break-out from the dangerously overcrowded Azkaban prison on New Year's Eve. Potterwatch joyfully reported that well over two thousand Muggleborn and half-blood women and children - - being held as hostages for the cooperation of their husbands and fathers, had escaped at one time - - every single prisoner had just vanished!
Although the state-controlled media had downplayed the report by claiming that only fifty had gotten away - - and only temporally. Potterwatch gave lie to the official report by indicating that the entire DE garrison of the island prison had been executed by you-know-who… for their colossal failure.
This was a new-year bittersweet victory; for it proved that someone was belatedly striking back - - the sad thing was that the news made Harry feel even more depressed and useless. There was an active resistance to Tom's rule going on - - but Harry had no part in it.
Then in mid-January; Potterwatch declared more good news. Apparently you-know-who's bounty hunters - - called 'Snatchers' by the public - - were now themselves were being hunted. A group of resistance wizards were allegedly attacking entire bands of Snatchers - - in broad daylight; killing them and freeing their prisoners. Several Muggleborn's speaking to members of the French Wizarding press from exile - - explained their miraculous escape in awe - and rumors were running rampant that it was Dumbledore leading them - - returned from the grave.
Things were definitely happening - - the DE coup was tardily being resisted and Harry and Hermione were stuck on the side lines. In fact only one good thing had happened to them directly, the one bit of outside help they'd gotten, beyond the very familiar looking Russell terrier patronus visit; had been a strange event that accrued on the first of October; twenty-eight days after they had broken into the Ministry.
They were in the tent, when an odd, bluish ball of light had appeared before them, informing them in a soft, cold and unidentifiable voice about a Taboo put upon the use of Voldemort's name. The ball had warned them not to say the name out loud, because it would break the protective enchantments around them and reveal their position to the Ministry, the Death Eaters and the Snatcher's. And after saying that, without relaying any more information and without telling them who was behind the warning, the blue ball had vanished.
Back then, that sudden and unexpected help had lifted their spirits, given them a tiny ounce of hope. They had just recovered Slytherin's locket, and now someone was helping them, giving them information. But that hope had slowly died away. The strange bluish ball had not appeared again, had not given more advice or more information. That had been the last time someone had contacted or helped them, and everything had gone rapidly downhill from there.
More tears ran down Hermione's cheeks while the question sounded again in her mind. 'Why? Why had this disaster happened?' She suppressed a sob, and brushed her face, wiping away her tears. Where did I go wrong?
But she knew. Deep inside her, she knew. She knew why they were so miserable, why they couldn't carry-on a casual conversation - why they felt so rudderless, so sad. She also knew why they had not laughed for so long. Deep inside her, she had known it since the beginning. The reason wasn't entirely Dumbledore's lack of proper instructions, or the absence of an understandable plan - - even the Godric's Hollow trap; those things were part of it, but was not the core of it. The true cause was something much more important - it was the missing third leg from the foot stool called the trio.
Ron.
Ron wasn't there with them. Ron, their former best friend, because they - rather - she — had betrayed him. She hadn't intended to break his heart, she hadn't consciously wanted to make him so miserable that he had left Hogwarts in humiliated disgrace the day before Dumbledore's funeral - and as a result of her run-away mouth - neither she nor Harry had any idea where he now was, what was he doing, or even if he was physically alright.
'Hypocrite how is it - that only now you care, you didn't back then?' The bitter voice of her conscious spoke inside her head. 'You chose Harry over him, publicly in the common room - - you may have intended to do damage control after Ginny caught you - - but that's not what happened - was it? You had just wanted to explain - to tell him calmly that you and Harry hadn't started out intending to hurt him. That what had begun as just physical had developed into genuine love. You had wanted a cordial break-up – you'd wanted to be rational and composed. You had expected Ron to be furious to yell and swear, with his hot temper that was expected. But you intended to be the adult in the room.
But Ron didn't have a fit – did he? Not at first anyway. He was stunned, obviously - crushed and strangely resigned, as if he had expected this to happen all along. You heard him mumble over and over – "I knew this would happen" followed with "sidekicks never get the girl" and hearing him put himself down as unworthy – for the thousandth time - - you lost it. So instead of rational and calm something came over you and you told everyone within hearing - the poor as dirt - immature …ickle Ronniekins would never measure up as a wizard or a man to the great Chosen-One?
Your mouth spat things without consulting your brain - you belittled him, called him a cockolded fool - - insulted his manhood by referring to his confession of love for you childish and pathetic. How can he be alright - after you mocked years of feelings for you, by calling them an immature little boy's crush? How can you blame him for leaving when you made it brutally clear that you couldn't stand being near him?
Fresh tears began to spill from her eyes, and she rolled on the bed, facing away from Harry, and put her left hand over her mouth to suppress a sob. What had made her forget that Ron had been her first love, the boy who could annoy her more than anyone else was also the boy who could make her laugh and smile like no other could. She had no more in common with Ron than she did with Harry - - and yet, he always seemed to find common-ground for them.
In ten minutes in the Common room Hermione had behaved horribly, saying things – she hadn't meant to say. It was as if she was someone else's dummy with another person's words coming out of her mouth. Never before had she said things so deliberately cruel. Guilt for what she done had perhaps made her lash out defensively against an unarmed opponent. He just stood there and just took it – looking so crushed. So maybe – just maybe – she'd been so mean because deep down she felt that she deserved to be yelled at and her insults were intended to prod Ron to yell obscenities back at her.
No other boy with as little in common with her as Harry did – would use his free time to sit with her a listen to her ramble on-and-on about things he had no interest in - - but Ron had done that for her. He could have hung-out with other blokes - instead he spent time with her. Why hadn't she realize what she had until it was gone? No one else, not Cormac or Viktor had made her feel so wanted, needed and complete. And yet at the end, Ron had been the adult in the room and Hermione the immature spoiled child screaming terrible insults.
It was only three months into being together with Harry before Hermione acknowledged on any level - that he only half-listened to her ideas and never ending suggestions. He'd always found her know-it-all attitude irritating, she'd always been aware of that. Why hadn't she realized before making her choice - - that it had been Ron that had been her idea advocate with Harry - subtly recommending her suggestion's and smoothing-over hurt feelings.
And then to drive him away she had belittled his maturity in public, broken his heart and forced him out of their three-way …six-year personal friendship - - because Hermione had somehow convinced herself after being caught red-handed - - that Ron tagging along on the Horcrux hunt would have made her and Harry as a couple - - uncomfortable, like three people going on a honeymoon.
Unable to hold back the sobs anymore, she got off the bed and headed for the tent's tiny bathroom. Once inside, she closed the door, leant against it and let her body slide down until she was sitting on the floor, crying as silently as possible, thinking about Ron's absence and about how cruelly she and Harry had publicly disrespected him and his entire family, at the end of term.
During the first weeks of summer, protected by the physical demands of their newly found love they acted as if they were behind super-strong wards – a magical shield that fully insulated them both from the negative options of others. Hermione rationalized, her out of character brutality by convincing her-self and Harry - that in the name of safety for the entire Weasley's family; her unintentionally cruel break-up with Ron in front of an audience - had been the proper thing to do.
But eventually the novelty of teenage sex wore off, and without an emotional foundation behind it to support it - - everything had begun to unravel, and now she had finally acknowledged the painful truth that she had tried to push out of her mind during those first blissfully-happy months in bed with Harry. Not only were she and Harry intellectually and temperamentally incompatible they were also socially handicapped without Ron acting as a go-between.
Ron … the clearly underestimated sidekick, had been the only bridge that had made her friendship with anyone at Hogwarts work. Not because he was especially gifted magically, or extraordinarily skilled intellectually, but because he had always been likeable by all her age peers – in and out of Gryffindor - able to find the middle of the road …between her intellect and his recklessness - - between her rules fetish and the twins pranks. Ron had been the ever so subtle peacemaker within the trio and without. He kept them on speaking terms repaired frayed nerves … he managed to make everyone laugh to ease tensions - and he'd kept her - content… if not outright happy.
And hadn't she known that truth forever? Hadn't she told Ron that very thing - - herself - - more than once? And yet somehow she had convinced herself that the two keys of defeating Voldemort were 1); Harrys emotional happiness (ie) get him a girlfriend and who better than herself - - and (2) get rid of any impediment to success (ie) Ron
Why hadn't she realized until now - that Dumbledore had a real-good reason for allowing Harry to explain everything about Horcruxes to her and Ron? He had clearly expected the three of them to stick together like they always had. He must have known of Ron's importance in the Grande-scheme of future events for Albus had given him the deluminator which Hermione now suspected had other uses besides turning lights on and off. That device might have shed light on the next location, or a third mind - - even a weak one like Ron's - - could have given this hunt the desperately-needed outside-perspective that it now lacked.
And she had sacrificed his wit, sense of humor and conversational skills for a romance which she and Harry had fallen into accidentally. And when caught - because of course she hadn't thought of a way to undo the damage they'd done to their friendship. She had lashed out at the victim of her crime because she lacked the practiced experience that Lavender had with breaking-up with boys. And now they were both paying the consequences for her never-ending … self-righteous arrogance.
"I'm so sorry, Ron," she whispered, sobbing. "And I think Harry is, too. We shouldn't have cast you aside as unnecessary, old Albus was right - - we needed you here, with us. We - - 'no dammit be honest with yourself, Granger,' Hermione said to her-self - "I miss you, more than you can imagine. We're both adrift without a rudder …without you."