"Morning, Mom…Charlie." Seth nodded to Charlie, who was sitting at the breakfast table. Seth looked gaunt, with dark circles under his eyes, but Sue resisted the temptation to ask if he was sleeping better. The answer was pretty obvious.
"What can I get you, Seth?" Sue asked. She was scrambling egg whites for Charlie, and she put a plate of turkey sausage on the table between them.
"Just some toast, Mom. I'm not very hungry," Seth said in a monotone. He thanked her and nibbled at the dry wheat toast, ignoring the butter and homemade jam she set in front of him. Sue poured him a tall glass of orange juice and sat down at the table with her coffee.
"Are you going out for a run, son? It's a little early for you," she smiled at him.
"No, I promised Paris I'd stop over and I shouldn't put it off any longer. She did save my life, and after the way I treated her I don't quite understand why." He sighed deeply. "Anyway, I won't be too long."
Charlie looked at Seth. "I've been starting your truck every few days, just letting it run in the driveway. It'll be good for it to take a run to Forks." He lifted his jacket from the hook by the door and walked over to Sue's chair. With his jacket slung over his shoulder, he cupped her chin with his free hand and kissed her gently. Seth pushed back his chair and followed Charlie out the door. He waved listlessly as Charlie backed his police cruiser out onto the street, then climbed into his truck.
The truck was dusty and the windows filthy. It was a black F-150, several years old, that Seth had always maintained in immaculate condition. With Jake's help, they also kept it in excellent running order. Seth barely noticed the layer of dust that now covered it, but he activated the windshield washers to clear a wiper-wide path in the grime. The muddy water dripped unheeded across the dusty hood.
He found Paris in her small, neat garden, pruning rose bushes. She heard him approach and set down her shears, smiling as she turned to greet him. The smile froze on her pretty features as she took in his haggard appearance. His dark wavy hair was unkempt, and his clothes looked like he'd slept in them.
She caught herself staring and recovered quickly. "What a nice surprise!" She took his hand and led him to a bench tucked under a trellis, then sat beside him. "Can I get you something, Seth?" He shook his head.
"I just wanted to thank you for…what you did, Paris," he said softly. "And then I wanted to say good-bye. I'm sorry, but this just isn't going to work." He stared at his hand, clutching the trellis, and refused to look at her.
Paris bowed her head slightly and spoke quietly. "Is it something I did, Seth? I'd really like to know."
Seth took a deep breath. "No, it's not you. But look at me, Paris!" His voice was rising now. "Why on earth would you waste your life on a useless bum?"
Paris took his chin firmly in her hand and forced him to look at her. "If you can look into my eyes and tell me you don't love me any more, I'll accept your leaving. I won't bother you again. But I'm betting you can't do that."
Seth closed his eyes, trembling slightly, then shook his head. "I never said I don't love you, Paris. But I'm letting you go. It's just too hard, and I'm too tired. You're young and beautiful, and you deserve to have a life. You deserve someone better – someone whole."
Paris wrapped her arms around him, and he stiffened. She pressed her cool lips to the side of his face and held him until she felt his body start to relax. He felt her lips move as she smiled, and she whispered "I'm not going anywhere, Seth. And I don't intend to sit by and watch this downward spiral you're hell bent on. I plan to nag you and push you until you decide to accept your life as it is and move on. I don't expect the old Seth Clearwater to suddenly reappear, but I look forward to getting to know the new Seth. I believe he's a special person, and I already care for him deeply."
He looked at her then, his eyes haunted. "I'm not sure I can get past this, Paris. I feel like something inside of me is broken, and I don't know if it can be repaired. Do you have that kind of patience, with no promise of a happy ending?"
Paris smiled at him sadly. "You're alive, Seth. Do you have any idea what I'd give to be alive? Don't throw it away. Please. Take all the time you need. I can be very patient."
His breathing hitched, and he looked so vulnerable it tore at her heart. "I'm trying, Paris, believe it or not. It's like I'm trying to reach the surface but I'm not sure which way is up."
"Then let us help you, Seth. You have lots of people cheering for you – your mom, Charlie, Leah, Jake, the rest of the pack. And me." He allowed her to kiss him, and although he didn't respond he didn't push her away. Baby steps.
On his way home, Seth stopped at Leah's. She was in the back yard, hanging clothes on the line, and she glanced up at his expression. "What?"
Seth smiled slightly. "You look so much like Mom, hanging clothes like that."
"But lots younger, right?" Leah grinned at him. She put an arm around his shoulders and led him into the living room. "It's nice to see you, Seth. I'm glad to see you up and about in the daytime. Jake's on patrol, and he'll be sorry he missed you."
Seth sighed. "I just came from seeing Paris. I tried to break up with her, but she's having none of that. She seems to think I'm worth waiting for."
Leah smiled. "Well, for once I agree with the vampire! She's a good kid, Seth, and I'm glad to hear she's standing by you. She knows what you've been through, and she'll be a good ally. I wonder if Sam will ease up on her when he finds out he didn't scare her away."
"I'll talk to him," Seth promised. He leaned back against the couch cushions. "Other than that, I don't know where to start."
Leah narrowed her eyes. "I think a haircut might be a step in the right direction," she suggested. "Come on out on the porch and I'll get my scissors. I've been trying to convince Jake to let his hair grow out, but it's not working for you. Too wavy." She dragged a kitchen chair out the back door, and when Seth was seated she wrapped a towel around his shoulders. She chatted as she trimmed his hair.
"There!" she announced when she was finished. "All you need now is a shower and some meat on those bones." She poked him in the ribs as she spoke.
"Ow! We're not starting that again, are we?" Seth complained. "I've been trying, Leah, but I just don't have any appetite."
"Eat anyway, Seth," Leah replied. "Force yourself. You're living with one of the best cooks on the reservation, and your skinny body is ruining her reputation! You don't see Charlie wasting away, do you?"
Seth actually smiled. "Okay, I'll try harder. And thanks for the haircut. It's been a long time since I let you get near me with a pair of scissors." He stood and removed the towel, shaking it over the porch rail. Then he surprised Leah with a one-armed hug, and she hugged him back.
"I've gotta go, Sis. NOBODY wants me to be late for dinner!" She smiled and waved as he climbed into his truck. As he pulled into his driveway, he thought he might just have time to wash the truck before dinner.
A little while later, Charlie pulled in behind him and smiled when he spied Seth polishing the side mirrors on the shiny truck. He grabbed a chamois and started drying the chrome bumpers. They worked in companionable silence until Sue called them in to eat. Charlie put his arm around Seth's shoulder as they walked up the steps to the porch He sniffed the air. "Smells like fried chicken, Seth. And nobody can fry a chicken like your mom."
Sue smiled at them as she held the screen door open. "Flattery will get you nowhere, Charlie. You two get washed up before it gets cold." As Seth soaped his hands at the kitchen sink, he was surprised to realize that he was actually hungry, and the chicken really did smell wonderful.