Chapter 10:

It was only after I had visited Socrates in the owlery that I realized the pointlessness of having an owl – it wasn't as if I had any family to send letters home to, or any friends to write me. But I couldn't get the image of Harry and Hedwig out of my head – the one from the first movie, when he lets her take flight amid all the lovely Hogwarts snow? I could have that moment. I had visited Socks' almost every morning before breakfast. He was really the only family I had here now, and talking to him really helped. One morning I had woken up extra early, so I made the trek a little sooner than usual. I reached out to lay my hand on Socks' head. He pushed up against my palm and gave me what I liked to believe was a little owl-smile. I offered the tawny bird my arm, and we moved together over to the window that overlooked one of the courtyards.

"And it's not as if Harry really had anyone to write while he was here either. The only person he ever wrote while at Hogwarts was Sirius."

"Excuse me?"

I spun around, knocking Socks off balance. He squawked and spread his wings in indignation before taking off to the rafters. I frowned, clutching my arm where his claws had gently raked my skin, then turned back to Sirius. He was holding a rolled piece of parchment and had one hand on the top of the stair railing. He looked slightly embarrassed that he had caused me to startle.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you. I just thought I heard my name." he said, approaching a group of owls on the north side of the owlery.

"Oh, no." I said quickly, my eyes scanning his face. "I was saying something was 'serious'." He laughed, and I continued. I could feel the temperature rising in my cheeks. "I imagine you get that a lot…"

He nodded. "I normally don't talk to my owl though." Chuckling, he tied his piece of parchment to a dark black owl, then carried the bird to the window and allowed it to take off. Finally he turned back to me. "How's your arm?"

"Fine, I think," I replied. I removed my hand and found that Socks had only barely broken the skin. It wasn't bleeding. "Just a couple scratches." I brushed my fingers over the broken skin before looking up to the rafters. Socks wasn't anywhere within eyesight. I would apologize later. Instead I walked to the window across the room from Sirius.

That was way too close. If I started saying things like that carelessly someone was bound to start having suspicions. Best not to say anything at all about… anything, I guess, if it means they find out.

"Well, are you coming?" Sirius asked, breaking the silence. I looked back at him and nodded with a smile. I glanced back to the courtyard one more time and saw Sirius' black owl circle one of the far towers before heading south and disappearing from view. I tore myself away from the window and followed Sirius down the stairs.

Best not to say anything at all.

The common room was still quiet when we climbed in through the portrait. It was still too early for most people to be up, but I wasn't about to go back to bed. Remus had left last night, using the excuse that his mum was ill. I was truly concerned for Remus, but I had acted concerned for his mum with the rest of the group and had handed him a wrapped package with a couple of Ronnie's scones for the "trip home".

Now James was curled up with a mug of some steaming liquid in one corner, and a couple fourth years were flipping through the latest Daily Prophet near the fire. Sirius headed over to James and took the chair immediately to his left. I lounged across the chair opposite James and stared up at the ceiling, remembering Remus' look of gratitude for the scones. I only wish he didn't have to hide it, I thought. No matter. Things will turn out how they turn out. Hopefully. If I don't totally screw this up.

"Brendi?" I looked over at James, who had put his mug down. He was frowning slightly. "Do you mind… uh… leaving us for a bit?" Sirius started to say something, but I cut him off.

"Uh, sure. No problem." I swung my legs over so my feet were on the floor and stood to leave, but Sirius motioned for me to stay.

"Come on, mate. You know she won't say anything." Sirius was talking to James in a whisper. James looked pretty adamant that I leave. "James…" Sirius growled. James finally nodded, but not without rolling his eyes and bringing the mug back up to his mouth. Sirius looked up at me and motioned for me to sit. I sat back down in the chair, thoroughly confused. James slowly put his mug down again and curled up in the chair.

"Sirius, I really don't think –" he started. Sirius threw his hands up in disbelief and then looked at me.

"Look, Brendi," he said in a very low voice. "Just… promise you won't say anything to anybody about this. Peter, Remus, … Lily… no one."

I scrunched up my eyebrows, still confused, but I nodded and Sirius glanced back at James and then sat forward in his chair to grab James' mug and drain whatever was left. James made an irritated noise, glared at me, and then leaned forward. I took this as a clue to lean in as well. Sirius spoke first, to me.

"You've noticed Remus leaves a lot, right?" I nodded yet again. They're figuring it out...

"Yeah, that's twice now. His mom gets sick a lot, doesn't she?" I asked innocently, and then chuckled. "It's not like it's a big secret, I don't understand all the hush-hush."

"It's not just twice. He's left four times since we got to school. First it was his grandmother, now his mom." Then James cut in.

"So either his whole family is dying or something else is going on." He had this gaze in his eye like he had been given a challenge. "You don't go home unless it's serious, and that many people don't get sick that often. I'd put a sickle on it that he's hiding something else."

I just shook my head. It's not as exciting as you think, James.

"I'm sure there's a perfectly reasonable explanation. I don't understand why you're swearing me to secrecy over someone's mum being sick." I stood up and took a couple steps toward the dormitories, but I turned back. I was getting more and more frustrated at James' desire to 'win' this challenge. "And if he is lying to you, I'm sure he has a good reason."

James just shook his head and then grinned wildly and looked back at Sirius, ready to share his new theory. Sirius looked up at me. A fleeting look on his face said I'm sorry, but as soon as it came, it was gone, ready to conspire with James again.

This isn't something you can win, James. I'm sorry.

Remus returned to class the following Monday. We all asked about his mother, and if she was in good health. He smiled and said she was fine, that she was faring better now that he had seen her. Most people let it drop at that. Mid-year finals were in only a few days and everyone was much more preoccupied with their tests. Luckily my extra lessons had paid off, many thanks to Remus – I was doing exceedingly well in Charms and Transfiguration. Potions was still not looking good, but Remus had told me he was still willing to help. I put on a smile just for him but I wasn't the only one who noticed the latest cut on the back of his head.

"Bloody hell!" James said Tuesday afternoon in the common room. "You fall or something Lupin?" He began prodding the wound and Remus raised his hand protectively.

"If you don't mind, James…"

"You get that when you were at home with mum?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact."

"What did you do?"

"I fell."

"Fell how?"

Sirius finally cut in. "James. Mate. Really. Let'm be." James made this irritated face at Sirius and then sat down in a huff on the couch beside me. I looked at him with raised eyebrows, but he didn't seem to want to talk about it. Instead he reached for his Charms book and pulled out his wand.

I heard a few pages turn, then a rustle of fabric, and finally a whisper. Then something exploded.

Well, someone exploded.

"JAMES POTTER!", Gwen screamed. I snapped my head up and saw what had Gwen so upset. The ink she had just been using to write her final potions essay had risen up off the desk and turned itself over – all over her essay and her newest white blouse.

"Oh come on Hunter, I'm practicing."

"You're practicing? You're PRACTICING? Son-of-a-"

By this time, Gwen had found her wand and had it pointed at James. "Acricio!"

I barely avoided an orange jet of magic by diving into the pillow to my right. James, however, managed to get hit full on. I imagined that was probably the intention, but James immediately started yelling in pain. He dropped his wand as he tried to scratch at his chest.

"Gettit ooooofffff!" he yelled, now clawing at his buttons. Lily started laughing and packing up her things, while Gwen sat grinning cruelly for a moment before packing her things as well. Sirius and Peter were staring stupidly at James, who was furiously unbuttoning the shirt under his robes, while Remus had already gone back to studying.

James was now scratching at his open chest, which bore no marks except for the ones he was quickly making.

"Oh someone stop him, will you?" Remus finally said. He had put down his book and reached for his wand. "He's going to scratch his skin off." Sirius looked dumbly at Remus and then gathered his wits and rushed to James, grabbing his hands.

"Finite Incantatem" Remus said calmly. No light came from his wand, but James suddenly keeled over, breathing heavily. Sirius let go of his hands, but James didn't move.

"Stinging Hex." Sirius finally said. "Nasty bit of work, but really shouldn't have lasted that long."

"She must have really meant it." I added, finally shutting my book. I stood up and brushed off my robes. "Not like he didn't deserve it."

James shot up like a rocket. "Don't you start with me, Miss Perfect." he said quietly, glaring at me. The tone in his voice was scary. "Don't think you can play both sides of the field. I know you think you're just great mates with all of us, but you don't know anything."

"James –" Remus tried. James continued anyway, his pitch rising.

"You can't just think that you're friends with everyone. You can't be friends with us and them!" He pointed up to the dormitory. I didn't say anything. I couldn't. I was completely shocked. James took the silence as prerogative to continue. "You think you have Lupin and Black right under your finger, but I'm not blind. You can't be on both sides. You can't be friends with them if you're friends with us. In fact, I don't even know if you are friends with us. We only put up with you because it was a load of detentions otherwise. You think we wanted to give you lessons all bloody term? You're a right pain in the arse, you know! Just assuming you know everything about everybody. Well now that your lessons are over, you can just go back to your pretty little girlfriends and leave us the hell alone!"

I was clutching my Potions book so hard that my knuckles were white. I could feel tears rising to my eyes, and I was shaking. James was the only person I could see, and he was just standing there with his back to me, having turned around after his rant. The common room was dead quiet. Before I completely broke down, I turned and ran up the stairs to the girl's dormitory. I heard Peter and Remus call my name but I didn't stop running until I reached the first year dorm. I climbed into bed, robes and all and cried myself to sleep.