After Christmas had come and gone, the weeks passed very slowly. The people who had stayed for Christmas break were not very social, so I spent most of my time by myself – studying in the kitchens while enjoying chocolate parfaits, talking to Socks in the owlry, or curled up on my four-poster with one of Ronnie's pastries and a textbook. One of those mornings about a week after Christmas, I had pulled Remus' long letter out of my trunk and worked my way through it. I didn't know someone could write "I'm sorry" in so many different ways. It was sad though – he went on and on about how badly James had treated them while they had been away from me. Apparently it had taken nothing to set him off again, and he had locked Peter in a broom closet with Ms. Norris just to prove a point. What point that was, Remus wasn't sure, but Peter had come out of the closet shaking and swearing on his poor mother's life that he would never betray James. I scoffed when I read this, but I had seen James' true nature and was honestly getting quite sick of him. As much as it pained me to say it, the three other boys were probably better off without James in their lives. He was a bully and an arrogant prat who didn't care about anyone but himself.
Another letter arrived from Lily that evening. She inquired on my health and well-being, and wanted to make sure I was getting along alright without them. She thanked me for my gift (a green jeweled hairpin) and asked if hers got to me alright. Nothing particularly interesting until the last bit – apparently she hadn't heard from Gwen since the morning they left Hogwarts for break. This was apparently unusual, and she wanted to let me know that things may not be easy for me when everyone returned. I scribbled a quick note back to her and sent it off with Socks. Honestly, Gwen didn't frighten me anymore. All she had were her words, and once I had stripped those from her, she was no longer a threat to my friendships.
Four nights later, the stone Sirius had given me woke me up with its glow. I had kept it on my nightstand next to my pillow, just in case – I reached out for it once it had grown dark again and held it in my palm. "Sirius…" I said allowed, wrapping my fingers around its round edges and clutching it tightly. It glowed a little fainter, but I knew it had worked. The whole event worried me though – I hadn't heard from Sirius since Christmas. The concern was quickly softened by the remembrance that they would all be arriving back in a couple of days. I would speak to Sirius about it soon.
And indeed, the carriages started arriving up to the gate that Saturday evening. I had been in the owlry talking to Socks when I saw black shapes moving quickly up to the front gate. Leaving Socks a couple of extra treats, I hurried down to the Entrance Hall to find students milling about, seeing their friends for the first time in a month. I saw Lily first – her brilliantly red hair stood out easily amidst the sea of black robes. As I hurried toward her I was tackled in a bear hug from Ronnie, whose first order of business was ensuring that I had enjoyed the pastries she had sent. Once I had convinced Ronnie that I had fattened up sufficiently, Lily was already upon us with hugs and smiles. She was telling us about her summer (apparently Petunia had refused to speak to her the entire time) as Jeanne approached.
I waved at Remus when I saw him step into the room – there had been a full moon over the course of the break, but he had been recuperating for a week so he was looking healthy and happy. He waved back before being startled by a very irritated James. They shared some whispered conversation before Remus turned back and gave me an apologetic smile. Then they both made their way out of the room, a newfound Peter quickly on their tails.
"What a bunch of jerks," Lily said from behind me. I glanced over my shoulder and saw that the three other girls had watched the scene play out as well. "Pettigrew is pretty dumb on his own, but I was giving Lupin way too much credit – doesn't he know that Potter couldn't give a newts arse about any of them?" I simply shrugged my shoulders. I knew that Remus and Peter did know what James was capable of, but both of them had labeled themselves outcasts before they even arrived at Hogwarts. They were trying to find a friend wherever they could, even if it meant putting up with James. Sirius would have been normal had he been sorted into Slytherin, but he too was a misfit, determined to seek solace wherever he found it. Speaking of Sirius…
I looked around the Entrance Hall, but I was too short to survey this many people with enough accuracy to find him. And I knew he hadn't left with the other boys, I had watched the three of them exit. I knew he had to be around somewhere... Ah, well, we would probably just meet up in the common room. Joining back in to the conversation with the girls (something about Ronnie's mum), I let the worry slide away just as a sallow faced boy stepped up behind Lily. He was dressed in his Hogwarts robes, but they looked dirty and worn. His longish dark black hair covered most of his face, but I could see there was a bruise healing under his right eye. Everything about him seemed… black. Dreary.
"Can I have a moment?", the boy murmured to Lily as he grabbed her wrist and tried to pull her away. She allowed herself to be pulled a fair distance before putting her feet down, and with a glance the other two girls and I pretended to be talking while we were trying to eavesdrop.
"What's going on?" she said in an undertone.
"I didn't see you all of break," he replied. "I waited in the park every day but you never showed."
"Oh, Sev, my parents took me away for the holiday. The only days I was home I was preparing for the celebrations." At this point Lily pulled her hand away – he had been holding it. "I didn't know you would be waiting… I just assumed that you had your own celebrations."
"Oh," the boy said tersely. "Well, then, uh… I'll see you around then." And with that he pulled himself inward, turned around, and headed toward a group of laughing Slytherins.
"Sev, I'm sorry!" Lily called after him, her face slightly pink. When he didn't respond she turned back toward us and rejoined our circle.
"Who was that?" Jeanne asked quietly, glaring over at the Slytherin group who had welcomed the boy in with open arms. The hall was clearing out so we moved with the crowd up the stairs toward the seventh floor.
"His name is Severus," Lily replied. "We… uh… we live near each other and apparently he thought we would be spending time together this holiday. I didn't think to tell him that my parents were taking me to France."
"You do know he's a Slytherin, right?" Jeanne muttered. "Why on earth would you want to be mates with him?" Lily looked as if she was going to retort, but instead her face grew red and she was silent as we moved our group up the stairs. It was a long quiet walk up toward the dormitories - the rest of us didn't talk until we were clambering into the portrait hole.
"Has anyone seen Gwen?" Lily finally asked, breaking the silence. "She didn't write me at all over break, even when I sent her present."
"She hasn't owled me," Ronnie said. Jeanne shook her head too. I didn't even bother replying. There's no way Gwen would choose to write me if she didn't write the others. We grabbed the ring of chairs on the wall opposite the fire. Lily pulled a Herbology textbook out of nowhere and had her nose buried deep before we could talk to her anymore about Gwen's strange silence.
"I wasn't really expecting anything anyway," Jeanne said. She was slowly undoing the ribbon she had braided into her hair. "It's not like we were the best of friends. I didn't even send her a Christmas present, after the way she treated you, Brendi." I felt a wave compassion grow for Jeanne – she hadn't stood up for me in the beginning, but at least she knew Gwen had done wrong. That was enough for me at that point. Ronnie, however, shook her head.
"I sent her goodies, just like I sent everyone else. She may have taken it out on you, Brendi, but we all know it's really James she's mad at. Just give her another chance, I'm sure she'll come round." With our pointed stares, her face flushed and she added, "Eventually." At that moment, Remus hurried up behind Lily's high-backed chair, looking flustered.
"Have you seen Sirius anywhere? We can't find him." He laid his hand on the back of my chair and looked around at us, almost as if he thought we knew a secret we weren't telling. Lily was the first to answer.
"None of us are hiding Sirius Black under our cloaks," she said (I sniggered at this – one day Remus would be saying the same line to a Dementor, and with the glare Lily was giving Remus, he might have well been one). "I suppose you'll have to go back to your little leader and inform him of the bad news". Remus looked fairly started at this coldness coming from Lily, but then he shrugged and turned back to join the two other boys who were huddled in the corner. Peter didn't look as scared as he had earlier, but James had probably backed off once he realized that Gwen wasn't in the room. He did look up and catch my eye as Remus returned to them – his scowl went even darker when Remus told him we knew nothing. With that, they hurried up to the boys dormitories, probably to figure out where Sirius could have gotten off to.
After a couple of hours of chatting with the girls, we retreated up to our dormitories where we found Gwen unpacking her satchel into her trunk. She must have slipped by us in the common room while we weren't paying attention, but she wasn't too keen on seeking our company even now that we knew she was around. She immediately retreated into the bathroom as we began to unpack, and was first in bed with her curtains shut tight. Lily frowned in her general direction as she was getting into bed, but Ronnie just looked sad.
"I wish none of this had ever happened," she whispered to me as we slipped into bed. Jeanne's soft breathing meant she was asleep, but both Gwen and Lily's beds were too silent to tell.
"I know," I replied quietly. "But it has, and now we have to live with ourselves. Hopefully she'll come round soon." Ronnie gave me a hopeful smile before she closed her curtains. Before I pulled mine shut, I grabbed Sirius' token from my bedside table. I turned it over and over in my hands, while the other girls slowly drifted to sleep. The concern that he hadn't made it back safely was bubbling to the surface of my mind. I realized that even the happieness of being with the girls was overshadowed by my worry. To put myself at ease, I clutched the stone as hard as I could and whispered his name. The stone glowed faintly and then faded away. I don't remember how much longer I was able to keep my eyes open, but my last thought going to sleep was willing that stone to glow.