Cuts
(DISCLAIMER: Contains self harm, don't read if you're uncomfortable with this, or if it may be a trigger)
Kurt tried to tell himself he didn't know why he did it. But that was a lie, he knew exactly why he did it. He was so sick of being invisible, of everyone just assuming he was fine because he wasn't breaking down right in front of them. He was sick of all of the pain, he felt so helpless he needed to be in control of something, even if it was his own pain. So that's why he got the razor. That's why he began wearing long sleeves all the time even though it was only the beginning of fall and not quite cold enough for that yet. He hated how everyone was so god damn happy around him, he hated that not even the one person he prayed would notice, didn't.
Blaine came into the dorm room quietly, like he had taken to doing lately. Kurt was usually asleep or studying when he came in, so he was used to not making any noise. And being quiet, coincidentally lead him to being able to hear other things, such as the muffled sounds coming from the small bathroom. He frowned and made his way over to the door, he pressed his ear against it, and there was no mistake of what he heard. Quiet, muffled sobbing and sniffling. Blaine was instantly worried,
"Kurt?" he called out, there was no answer, and Blaine considered asking if he could come in, but Kurt would just say no. He could be naked, he was in the bathroom, but honestly, Kurt was crying and Blaine just didn't care how clothed he was at the moment. So without waiting for any kind of consent, he turned the knob and opened the door. It took a moment for his mind to register the sight before him. Kurt was sitting on the tiled floor, his hands were shaking and his face was deliberately turned away from Blaine, and the blood.
"Kurt…" Blaine choked and instantly kneeled next to him, plucking the offending object from his fingers and throwing it across the bathroom. Kurt's phone flashed and Blaine saw the number on the screen. The Trevor Project, he choked again. Kurt's head lolled against the cabinet below the sink, looking simply and utterly defeated. Blaine shot up suddenly and grabbed a washcloth from the towel hanger, he ran it under hot water and kneeled next to Kurt once again. He held Kurt's arms still and cleaned them off one at a time, all the while muttering
"What did you do, what did you do?"
He felt sick, he felt so sick, had he really not noticed? Kurt felt bad enough to want to kill himself, and Blaine hadn't seen the signs? Well, of course he did now, Kurt had stopped hanging out with the guys after school, saying he needed to study. He'd stopped smiling as much, god, Blaine was his fucking roommate and he hadn't noticed. He kneeled in front of Kurt, who was sitting on the edge of his bed, looking down at him lazily.
"Why? Kurt…why would you do this?" he held Kurt's hands in his own, Kurt shrugged. Blaine didn't know what to do, he felt like screaming, crying, begging Kurt to tell him why in the world he would do this to himself and, god, how stupid was he for not noticing?
"Whatever is happening, talk to me, please, Kurt, it'll be o-" Kurt frowned
"Don't…don't say it'll be okay. Because it hasn't been…I've heard that so many times. It just makes me want to kill myself a little bit more." Blaine flinched
"Tell me." Kurt looked at him suddenly, seeming much more awake.
"Because I'm invisible," he spat "and the only people that seem to actually see me are the ones who torture me." He took a breath "I'm sick of it, I'm sick of being tormented, even when I don't even go to that damn school anymore, I'm sick of being ridiculed for who I am, I'm sick of feeling like the only thing I have control over is this." He gestured to his arms "I'm sick of pretending all day that things don't bother me, I'm sick of you being so god damn oblivious to how I feel so I come back here and .this."
Kurt watched the color drain out of Blaine's face, the worst part was, he knew exactly what he was saying. He basically just told Blaine that he had caused the cuts on his arms. He saw the tears well up in Blaine's eyes and his mouth open and close like he just couldn't get the words out. Kurt bit his lip and regretted ever saying those words. But suddenly, Blaine's arms were around him
"No…Kurt, no, you're not invisible, people care, the Warblers care, I care, I care so, so much." Kurt allowed Blaine to run his fingers through his hair, because this was one of those rare moments where the situation mattered more that how his hair looked. So Kurt just kind of melted into him and allowed himself to be vulnerable.
"Kurt…don't do this…stop doing this." Blaine begged, "I'll help you, I swear, just don't hurt yourself." Kurt nodded and wiped at his face
"You…will you stay with me?"
"Always."
Blaine lead Kurt over to his bed and laid down. They lay, facing eachother, not talking, Blaine just running his fingers over the upraised lines on Kurt's arms, eyebrows furrowed and tears falling slowly down his own cheeks.
"I…I did this?" Blaine asked, sounding small "some of these…were because of me?" Kurt didn't say no, because what was the point of lying
"I…it hurt the most that you didn't notice." Kurt said simply, he could have said, I did it because I value your attention the most, because if you had noticed, I would have stopped, because we hang out and I want so badly to hold your hand. Because you don't love me like I love you. Blaine took a deep, shuddering breath and brought his eyes back up to look at Kurt. And what Blaine was about to do was probably against his better judgment, but he scooted closer to Kurt, so their faces were inches apart he cocked his head a bit, so the tip of his nose was brushing along the side of Kurt's
"Is this okay?" he asked, and waited for a small nod from Kurt, before moving in and gently pressing their lips together in a short, chaste kiss. When he pulled away, Kurt asked,
"Why?" Blaine sighed
"Because you're beautiful, Kurt…and you don't deserve any of that. Not the bullies, not the loneliness, not these, and I want to be there for you, and not just as a friend." He bit his lip "You're so strong, you're stronger than anyone I've ever known, and I'm not going to say it's okay…but we will get through it, I promise you." Kurt's eyes were wide from the moment Blaine said that word…beautiful.
"You said 'we'." Kurt blurted before he could stop himself
"Of course I did. I'm not letting you go through this alone, I'll be there, for however long you want me to be."
"Forever." Kurt said, moving in and tucking his head beneath Blaine's chin
"Forever, then."
(AUTHORS NOTE: It was kind of hard writing this, because I really have no experience with this sort of thing, but the idea was on my mind, soo. Leave a review!)