"I'm sorry to bother you but I'm really worried about Sam." Cassie said into the phone.
"Is she alright?" Jack asked jumping up off the couch.
"I don't know. She's not dead because she's breathing but other than that she isn't moving. Please come over I don't know what to do and I'm really scared."
"It's ok I'll be there as soon as I can."
"Thank you." Cassie hung up the phone and sat on the bed next to Sam trying to get her to do something, anything really but she wouldn't move. After a while Cassie finally heard the doorbell ring. "I should go get that, now don't you go anywhere while I'm gone." She joked knowing it wasn't funny at all.
"How's our girl?" Jack asked after Cassie had opened the door and invited him in.
"Still not moving. She's catatonic. I know it's only been a week since the funeral and I understand being upset but this is way more than that, this is unhealthy. I thought she'd get better after the funeral but she didn't she's gotten worse." Cassie said worried about her friend.
"Ok. I'll see what I can do." Jack took a deep breath and walked back to the bedroom while Cassie went to the kitchen and made some dinner. "Hey." He knocked on the door as he opened it. "Cassie say's you're not doing too well." He saw her lying on her bed and decided since she was rolled on her side staring at the wall it wouldn't be too awkward to sit next to her on the other side of the bed. "She's really worried you know." He said as he sat down. "Yeah she said you were in a real chatty mood today." He said after a bit of awkward silence. After a minute she rolled over and looked at him. Her eyes were puffy and still full of tears. "There's that face we all know and love." He smiled at her. Her face didn't change at all she didn't say anything or even attempt to she just looked at him occasionally blinking. "Look I'll be straight with you, I really suck at this kinda stuff, you know the emotions and talking about them kinda stuff. But never-the-less I'm here. Why? Because I care about you, just like Cassie and Daniel and Teal'c and we're all worried about you." Still no change. Jack sighed. "OK I'm going to tell you something only a handful of people know." he thought of the best way to tell her this. "I know there's nothing I can say to make this better, I've been there I really have. You know about my son, Charlie. Well right after his death people would come up to me and express their sympathies and tell me it would get better and honestly, I just wanted to punch them in the face. I got so bad I thought nothing would ever be ok again I thought I'd never be able to be happy or have a normal life." He paused not sure if he should tell her the rest, it's a secret he's kept hidden from most people he was embarrassed by it and he certainly didn't want any of his subordinates to think of him differently, especially her. He didn't want to do anything that might make her think less of him, but still he knew she needed to her it. "I was in a pretty dark place back then." Maybe he shouldn't say it, dark place seems to sum it up it up pretty well. But then he looked at her and saw that same look he had in his eyes all those years ago. "Carter, what do you know about the first mission through the stargate? Probably just what's in the report but there's something you don't know, I wasn't supposed to just blow up the bomb and leave. I was supposed to stay with the bomb and make sure it did its job. Which, obviously means, I was supposed to die. And I was ok with that, not just because I didn't mind dying for Earth but because I wanted to die." He gave her a second to process. "After Charlie died I was in a very, very dark place, and I wanted to die. Him and Sarah were my world, I had already lost Charlie and it was looking like I was about to lose Sarah too. So when the military offered me a chance to do something I had already been thinking about doing… I agreed."
"Why are you telling me this?" Sam finally whispered.
"Because I'm worried about you. When you just rolled over and looked at me I saw that same look in your eyes."
"I'd never kill myself." Sam said still whispering.
"I'm not saying you would but I know what grief does to a person and I know that you feel like the only person in the world to have this pain and I want you to know you're not alone."
"Thank you, sir."
"So, do you wanna talk?" He asked.
"Now?" She asked surprised.
"That's why I'm here isn't it?"
Before she could respond there was a knock on the door. "Sorry to disturb you two but I made dinner." Cassie said walking in with a tray of food. "Hey you got her to roll over, how'd you do that?"
"A good magician never reveals his secrets." Jack joked.
Cassie smiled and looked at Sam, "do you want to eat?"
Sam nodded yes and sat up on the bed as Cassie handed her the food. "Thank you." She said still barely above a whisper.
Cassie smiled again and handed her a glass of water. "Here this should help. I'm sure you're throats tired from not really talking for so long and I'm sure you're dehydrated from not drinking anything." Sam half smiled at Cassie. "Well I don't know what you've been saying but it seems to be working." She said to Jack. "So I'm gonna go in the other room and let you guys keep talking. But be sure to come and get me if you need anything. Oh and there's some more food in the kitchen if you're hungry Jack, or if you decide to make up for not eating for 3 days. " She said to Sam. "Ok have fun doing whatever." Cassie said leaving the room.
"3 days?" Jack said amazed.
"I wasn't hungry." She said taking a bite of her soup.
"Well you sure seem hungry now." Jack laughed as she shoveled the soup into her mouth.
"Guess I'm feeling a little better." She shrugged.
"Better enough to talk?" he asked watching her face drop. "I know you don't want to, but you have to."
She looked down knowing he was right. "Ok." She nodded. "We can talk."
The two started talking about Pete and then started talking about everything Sam was going through and feeling and Jack helped her with ways to cope. Neither of them knew how long they were talking for but it must have been a while because before they knew it Cassie was interrupting them again saying she was going home.
"Hey I'm so sorry but it's getting late and I've got classes tomorrow. But Sam if you need anything, an-y-thing call me. And thanks again Jack, I don't know how you did it."
"Good night Cass" Sam said as Cassie left.
"Is it that late already?" He looked over at the clock.
"11 p.m." She said in disbelief "where did time go?" She looked over at him awkwardly "I guess you probably wanna go home."
"Yeah I should probably get going." He said as this awkward tension started filling the room.
"Hey thank you for this, you know for getting me to talk and listening to me and all of this…" She tried to clear the awkwardness. "It was…. Really… really… nice..." She whispered as he began to lean in. "what are you doing?" She whispered slowly when he was just a few inches from her face.
"I don't know." He whispered honestly.
Her heart was beating so fast she could barely breathe. She knew she shouldn't but she also knew if she didn't her heart might beat right out of her chest. For once she finally ignored everything and just did what felt right. She knew he was hesitant so she took the lead by putting her hand on the back of his neck and pulling him in to close the gap between them but after that he took over. Everything felt so natural and right that they forgot how wrong it was. But Sam was soon reminded once she realized where her tongue was.
"Oh my gosh!" She said pulling away and gasping for breath. "I am so sorry I shouldn't have-"
"No . I shouldn't have this is way too soon I mean you just lost your husband for crying out loud. What am I doing? Not to mention I'm your commanding officer. What the hell am I doing?"
"It wasn't all you, ya know." She said.
"Yeah. I should get going." He said standing up. "I'll see you at work tomorrow, or not, I mean I know you're still dealing with a lot so don't feel like you have to. But you can if you want to, I mean don't stay home because of me, just… do what you want." Jack stumbled over his words then awkwardly left.
Once she heard the front door open and close and she knew he was gone she let down her guard and let out the tears she was trying to hide from Jack. "What have I done?" She asked.