It was mildly amusing to watch Rick sweat it out next to me in the car. I hardly said anything and he must have thought that saying anything more would have put him in the doghouse with me. We had a temporary stop off for some take out. I did not feel much like cooking and I assumed that Rick was not much in the mood himself.
I unlocked my loft door and entered first with Rick not far behind me. It appeared from my point of view that his swagger had disappeared. I was in control and I think he knew it. I got the plates down and served the food to a silent Rick.
"So you wanted to talk. Now would be the time." I said breaking the silence we had maintained since leaving the precinct.
"I guess we do. Do you want to start or do you want me to start? We have a big mess to clean up it appears." Rick was more nervous than me.
Of course he had a good reason to be nervous because he was the guy who started this whole mess. If I had done something to hurt or offend him, he should have spoken up the day I did it instead of acting like a womanizing jerk.
"Please start first. You have made it very clear that I need enlightenment." I finally picked up my fork.
"I wished you would have told me that you remembered everything. I told you I loved you and you never told me exactly what you felt. I thought your silence had meant that you did not remember and that you did not hear what I had said. When you told Bobby that you remembered everything, it was as if you hit me below the belt." Rick softened up in his expression.
"Okay. You could have told me that when it happened. You should not have used Jacinda, the plane stewardess and Detective Slaughter, the Gang Department's loose cannon. I could have explained everything if you had given me half the chance." I could not help but sharpen my tone.
"Okay, okay. I did not do very well in the communication department. You would have felt the same if the shoe were on the other foot. You can't tell me that you would not have been as livid as I was if I had done the same to you." Rick lost a little more of the swagger I had come to loathe.
I chewed on my food and thought about what he had said. Maybe I would have been a little mad but I don't think I would have been such a jackass about it. I felt like I had to defend myself just a little bit. I was the one healing, if he had not forgotten that fact.
"What you call cruel and unusual punishment on my part was actually trying to make sense of things. I had a lot to deal with and dealing with that part of the shooting took a lot of time. I was trying to heal. I am sorry that I hurt you by not telling you first but there are just some things that take time to deal with." This time I removed the edge from my voice, I wanted him to have some compassion for my situation.
"Then we only have one question left to work out. I need to know if you love me or if I should walk away with what little dignity I have left." Rick's eyes and voice were serious yet soft.
I sat there chewing the last of my food contemplating what I should say. Did I love him? I did not always know for sure, but I did then. My guilt and my worry told me all that I needed to know. I loved him but up until this moment I had not been sure how to deal with it or what to do with it.
"I do love you. There you got your answer. Surviving being shot takes a lot out of you. I have had to spend a lot of time with the doctor to get through everything. All I have left to do now to give you and give myself the kind of relationship we want is to make peace with my mother's death. I told you that a long time ago and I meant it. I would hope that you would understand that." I felt as if I had opened myself up more than I ever had in my life to a man.
I thought about how I had closed myself off with Josh and all the other men of my past. It made it easier get out of the relationship if I found something wrong with it. Rick had always been so different from them. He had showed me how to have a good time and do my work. I wanted more than anything to give him the kind of relationship that made him feel secure. I knew I needed that as well.
"Now that my interrogation is over, I would like to know how long you were going to keep your secret from me. I need to know why for me to figure out where we go from here." I put my plate down and concentrated on his face.
"My turn huh? I have a perfectly logical explanation for that. I know that my explanation might seem something out of one of my books, but it is all true." I prepared myself to hear something that would be stranger than any of his fiction.
I never took my eyes from his face. This time he was not sweating it out but actually thinking of his words very carefully. I was not prepared to hear what he was about to tell me.
"You were supposed to die the night that Roy died. The men who were behind your mother's shooting and countless others wanted you dead. Roy called me to drag you away to prevent your death. I saved your life that night. After Roy's death, Roy sent some files back to someone I don't know. I only know that he gave me his number once." The story was eye opening and vivid in my memory.
"I got the call from that man. He warned me to keep you as far away from the case as possible. So that is what I did. He said that if you got involved any more than you already had, you would be joining your mother. I could not let that happen to you. I loved you too much to see you end up dead. I tracked the case without you ever knowing so that I might be able to give you that peace. I feel bad for the deception but I had to. It was the only way to keep you safe from the men responsible." I believed Rick despite the strange story I heard.
"Actually Kate, I do owe you a huge apology for all of my behavior. I was a drunken idiot when you saw me at The Old Haunt and I wish now that I could take that back. I should have thought twice about working the Detective Slaughter. I almost got you and the boys killed. I am even sorrier that I hurt you." He reached over and took my hands.
I looked into his eyes and I could see the remorse in his eyes. I could see the question that he was not using words to ask. Would I forgive him for everything that had happened and would I give him a second chance to prove his words.
"Do you still love me?" I put the words out plain and simple.
"I do. I tried stopping but I found that I couldn't. Mother once told me that you can't shut off love and I tried. I just couldn't. I did dangerous and stupid things to do that." Rick was bearing his soul to me in a way that he had never been able to do before.
"Forgive any reservations I may have. You have been married twice and divorced twice. That doesn't show much positive." I allowed him to understand my greatest reservation.
"I can understand that reservation. I just want to be given a chance. My first two marriages were not the smartest moves I have ever made. The best thing to come out of any of them is Alexis. You have seen my loyalty and you can trust me. I only ask for a second chance if you could give me that much." Rick was practically groveling and sweating in front of me.
I could have let it go on further if I had the heart. I just did not at that moment. I could see that he was genuine in his pleading, not just trying to get into my better graces. I knew that he was looking for me to respond with words, but I thought of a far better way. I had been itching to do it since the first time it happened.
I stood up stood up in front of him. I pulled him to his feet. Without a second thought, I laid a kiss on him that blew both of our minds. I was in shock and I could tell he was too. It felt like pure electricity and it stopped when we had to breathe.
"Is that good enough of an answer?" I was still catching my breath.
"That was the best answer I have ever received from a woman in my life." His hands were still wrapped around me.
"So where do we go from here?" I asked enjoying his arms around me.
"How about we figure this one out a day at a time?" He answered.
You just never know where a night and a bunch of aired secrets will lead you.
Spoilers from season 3 and 4 include: Knockdown(Kiss), Knockout(Roy's death and funeral), Rise(conversation in the park), 47 Seconds(Secret revealed), The Limey(Jacinda), and Headhunters(Detective Slaughter.)