Hello again :D I'm here with the chapter with most of the answers! Hope you guys enjoy this chapter. It was really troublesome, but fun to create the explaination and whatnot. Next few chapters are gonna have drama stuff, but I promise there will be happiness in later chapters. You guys already know I don't like sad endings XD This story may or may not have more chapters than the other stories. I'm not done writing it on Word yet, so I'll see how many chapters this will have maybe in a day or so? I'm sorry if this has a few mistakes. I have a real bad headache and I was editing it while still kind of sick so forgive me, but don't hestiate to tell me where the mistakes are. I love reviews :3
The next morning I get up at nine so I can take a shower and get dressed for my meeting with Tom. After doing all that I head downstairs and walk over to Russian Sushi where Tom told us we were going to meet up. But before I get there I get a text from Izaya.
Good morning Shizu-chan. How are you, sweetheart~?
Didn't I say not to text me anymore?
Well, yeah, but you should know that I never listen to a word you tell me (heart) Do you want to meet up later today? I've got some meetings but I can meet up with you tonight if you have time.
I don't want to meet up with you at all. Every time I run into you, there's trouble. So fuck off.
Shizu-chan…I don't mean to cause any trouble…I just want to see you. I haven't seen you in so long.
If you don't mean to cause trouble then why the fuck did you get me fired from my job?
Oh…that…well I have my reasons…But you have to understand that I really didn't want to leave. I had to…I didn't want to get you into any trouble. I can explain if you'll let me tonight.
I don't need to listen to your excuses.
They aren't excuses, Shizu-chan. Please, I really do want to explain everything. Tonight is the only night I can do this. Please.
The way he seemed to be practically begging to talk seemed to really tug at my heartstrings, leaving my brain at the mercy of my naïve heart. I sigh and type in my answer.
This better not be a fucking trap.
I promise it isn't (heart) I'll see you tonight. Love you~
I must be an idiot.
I make it to the entrance of Russian Sushi and meet up with Tom to discuss the job in question. During our conversation we talked about pay, job hours, and just plain description of the job. I agreed to everything and he asked me if I could start right away. I told him I didn't mind. I needed the money. He needed my help so it was a win, win situation. Basically my job was to scare the people who didn't pay their debts to Tom in time or who have extended their due date because they usually come up with excuses. I was told by Tom to just scare them into giving him the money. Since I'm already pretty infamous around here, most people took one look at me and surrendered the money so fast they made Comcast high speed internet look slow. I didn't have to do much throughout the day and we finished before five.
"Hey, Shizuo do you have time to spare?" Tom asks me as he smiles.
"Huh? Why?"
"Well, do you want to accompany me for some drinks?" He asks generously. "We haven't hung out for so long I've just been wondering what you've been up to."
"Well, I actually have somewhere to be, but maybe I could have just one." I say as I scratch the back of my head. I don't usually drink, but all this stress I'm getting from that stupid louse might be calmed down by a drink or two.
We head into a bar called The Drunken Forest and take our seat at the stools in front of the bartender. Tom pats my back and tells me that he's buying.
"It's my treat." Tom says happily. "You look pretty tense lately anyway."
"Do I?" I asks as the bartender serves us each some beer. Tom nods and takes a drink. "I guess I have been really stressed out lately. I mean, I just found out that my ex, who moved away, is back in town." I say vaguely trying not to mention that my ex is that fucking flea. Tom knows Izaya from middle school before Tom transferred to another school. Izaya and him weren't really buddies, but if I told him that I was with Izaya he'd know who I'm talking about. I rather not come out and tell Tom that I'm queer. I rather like my reputation as is even if people think I'm a monster.
"Oh, you hooked yourself a girl?"
"Um…yeah…but she moved away without telling me and now she's back…It's just really troubling me." I hold onto my small mug and bring it to my lips. I drink a little and put it down after a big chug.
"Cuz you still like her." It wasn't a question. Tom looks at me and pats my back. "I can tell by the way you look while you're talking about her right now."
"I don't still love that damn flea." I say bitterly. I hate it when I slip up with my words.
"Flea? Didn't you used to call Izaya that when were in middle school?" Tom asks as he looks up at the ceiling trying to remember. "Yeah, you did." He looks over to me and laughs nervously. "Is it the beer talking now or is it true?"
"Either way what I just said would be true…with or without the beer." My mother always told me that children and drunks always told the truth. "That damn flea…" I breathe out angrily. "Look, I better head out; I'm not really in the mood to continue our little chat."
"No need to leave so soon. I mean, if it's really bothering you, we could still talk." Tom says with a shrug. "Relax a while. It really helps." I sigh and nod as I sit back down next to him. "I'm not judging you, Shizuo, but why all of a sudden did you…?"
"I don't know…" I say honestly as I look at my beer. "My brother once told me that sometimes you can't help who you fall in love with; it just happens. I told him that if he wasn't my brother I would have punched him in the face."
"Haha, that's just like you; always the fighter." Tom says with a laugh as he pats my back.
"I hate violence." I say simply. "Anyway, that damn flea just left without telling me and now he's back and I just want to break his fucking neck for what he did to me."
"But you also want him back, am I right?" Tom says with a laugh. I look over to him with a glare and hold the beer more tightly in my hand. "Shizuo, face it. It may be hate you're feeling for him, but you want him back all the same."
"Why the fuck would you think that?" I ask with gritted teeth.
"Because a person never really forgets their first love and you, my friend, were always lonely, always longing for someone to love you. When it finally happened it overfilled you with that feeling you were deprived of for so long and so that's why you feel so much hate for him right now. To be given something you were deprived of and then have that taken away upset you that much more, but because you're a very passionate man—expressing both hate and love intensely—you still long for that feeling you once had, with the person you loved the most."
"You sure know how to monologue, Tom." I say simply. He laughs and pats my back.
"Eh, I read a lot of books and besides I know you pretty well." Tom says with a smile. I nod and then sigh.
"I think I'm gonna head home. I'm a little less stressed now. Thanks Tom." I slide the beer towards him and tell him he can have it. "I'm not much of a drinker and besides I don't want to show up drunk as hell when I meet Izaya." He nods and wishes me luck. I only drank half of the beer, usually one full or two beers would get me wasted since I don't have a high tolerance for alcohol so I'm glad I didn't over do it. If Izaya is anything like he used to be he'd be freaking pissed off he saw me drunk. Not that I care much, but I just don't like him nagging at me. It's fucking annoying and I don't want to get another headache.
"Have a good night and thanks for the hard work." Tom says before I walk off. I wave goodbye and then look at my phone. My phone annoyingly tells me that I have twenty new messages from the stupid flea.
Shizu-chan, are you off work yet? I'm getting really bored.
I'm already done with my meetings so I'm gonna wait for you to text me. I rather like it if you didn't call. Don't ask why.
Are you done yet?
Hello?
Shizu-chaaaaaan~
Are you dead or what? Did someone murder you? If this is the person who murdered Shizu-chan I will hunt you down and castrate you. If you're a woman I shall chop off your breasts! Hmm...you'd have to be knocked out for me to do that. I'll probably hit you with a bat or a 2x4 if I can find one laying around. Ooh~ I have a bunch of pans! I can hit you with one of those. Never underestimate the power of kitchen utensils :D
Shizu-chan, please tell me you're off work now…
Shizu-chan did you know that I still have that sailor suit? You know, the one I wore to make myself appealing to you, well, more appealing than I already was. I still have the clips too. You want me to wear that outfit to our little date~?
Geez, he really doesn't know when to stop. He probably already had a damn heart attack. I type up my response and wait for him to answer.
I'm off work now. Why the fuck did you send me so many messages? You just kept talking about nonsense!
Ah, Shizu-chan! I was waiting for you for so long. I began to think that maybe I was stood up.
You'd deserve it if I did go through with it.
So mean, so mean. Anyway, I'm waiting over here at your place. I'll see you soon~
My place! What the fuck is he doing there? I hurry back home and find that my apartment door was opened. How the hell did he get my key? Did he pick my lock? Fucking louse! He's a dead man! I walk inside and notice that the lights are on. I walk into the kitchen and see the flea standing there wearing an apron. He looks over to me as if what he's doing isn't abnormal at all and tells me to sit down and have dinner.
"I made all your favorites." He manages to say before I walk over to him and pull him up by the collar of his gray sweat shirt that he's wearing. He only smirks at me and laughs a little. "Always so violent, Shizu-chan."
"What are you doing in my house, you parasite!" I say loudly as I tighten my hold on him. Even though I do want to beat the crap out of him right now, the closeness of our bodies seems to make me drift off into a daydream of us holding each other while in bed. I shake the thought and just stare at the flea until he provides me with the answers I have the right to be given.
"Now, now Shizu-chan, just sit down and I can explain everything if you'll let me." Izaya says as his smirk seems to disappear and in its place appears a sincere smile. I decide not to fight with him since I might mess up my house so I just sit down at the table angrily and begin to eat. Izaya sits across me calmly before sighing and looking at me with a serious expression on his face that I haven't seen for a long time. "You look well."
"Yeah…I guess…" I say awkwardly.
"I don't expect you to love me again after what I did." Izaya says with a short laugh. "But I just want you to understand my reason for suddenly disappearing without notice. And I don't want you to tell anyone. Got it?" I look up at him and nod.
"Well, I better start at the beginning…Hmm, well I guess I should start with what my father had said to me…" Izaya begins sternly. "It was a few weeks before I disappeared. Thinking about it now makes me feel quite stupid, but at the time I got really upset. You see, I made the mistake to inform my parents about my relationship with you."
"You what?" I ask calmly.
"Yeah, I spilled the beans." Izaya says simply. "At that point we had already been dating for five months, I'm guessing." He pauses to drink some water and then clears his throat. "Let's just make a long story short and say that he didn't take the news very well. He and I had an argument and that's when I wanted to really move out and maybe live with you, but I knew that was too much to ask for since we were still young and unstable in our relationship. But before all that, I had caught note that the yakuza were after my ass for selling some information that had caused them quite a bit of trouble. Turns out, my little stunt cost them a few of their best men to get shot. Ne, that upset them quite a bit."
"And when did this all happen if we were dating at the time?" I ask as I begin eating the meal he prepared for me. He still cooks pretty damn well, but his great cooking alone won't make me forgive him.
"I was doing this during my free time. This experience actually helped me to be the information broker I am today. But besides that, I ended up getting mixed up in this dangerous situation. The yakuza got a hold of a lot of my personal information like my address and such. They kept sending me threatening e-mails and phone calls, but it wasn't until they threatened to kill my family and friends that I actually gave into their demands. So, now I'm working solely for them. If I even try to sell information to try and betray them, they'll hurt my family and friends. They'll hurt you."
"What?"
"Oh, believe me, they had some scouts of theirs do their research and noticed my attachment to you. That's why I had to do what I did when we first met again. I need them to believe that I hate you that way they won't target you anymore. That's why I've been sneaking around to meet up with you and that's why the yakuza were out there that night when that guy got shot. I had disobeyed them and had run off for too long and they had sent some guys after you, but had killed someone else on accident."
"So…"
"So, whatever I do to you from this moment on, you need to know that I really don't mean anything by it."
"So you didn't tell me about this before you disappeared because?"
"Because they told me if I told anyone that they'd kill them. They don't want word getting around that they're not playing fair by keeping the number one information broker around all to themselves."
"You give yourself too much credit." I say then pause for a moment. "So you moved with them?"
"Yeah, I mean I have my own place but I had to move to Shinjuku. I moved out a couple days after my dad and I had our argument. The yakuza told me I had a week to move out but I had decided to just get it over with. I wasn't pissed enough at my dad to allow the yakuza to murder him." Izaya says as he serves me more vegetable tempura. "I don't know if that makes you hate me less, but at least I gave it a shot. I would have called you or texted you, but I really didn't want to risk it. I texted Shinra with another cell phone I bought. I actually bought two. I texted you the very first message with the other cell phone I have at my apartment. Then, I hadn't had that one with me for the other texts I sent you, so now I'm just continuing to send you texts on this phone." Izaya says as he shows me his new cell phone.
"They're letting you stay out here this late though?"
"Most of the guys who work with me, counting Haru, are out drinking their asses off tonight. They don't know I'm even gone since they're probably really wasted by this point."
"W-who's Haru?" I ask a bit angrily as I swallow hard.
"Hmm?" He asks and then waves his hand as if it's not a big deal. "Oh, that's one of the members who keeps a close eye on me. He usually comes by to my place to check my progress of various things." He probably notices me getting a bit tense because he smiles at me and puts a hand on mine. "You don't have to worry, Shizu-chan. I love you, remember?"
"Che, I'm not worried." I say as I get my hand away from his. "Besides, all that shit that you just explained doesn't change the fact that I'm still fucking upset at you." He smirks and laughs a little.
"Hard-headed like usual, I see." Izaya says as he laughs. "Well, there's no helping it since you're such a protozoan. Nothing will get through to you anyway. Why do I even try?" He says as he picks up some of the dirty dishes and places them in the sink before picking one of them up and washes it. "After this I better get home…"
"Right, well nothing's gonna stop you." I say as I drink my water. "You can get out of here now because I really don't want you here. Just leave the dishes there." He turns and sighs.
"Difficult and hasty. That's just like you." Izaya says as he pats my shoulder as I approach him. "You haven't changed a bit, Shizu-chan. But you have changed slightly. You used to be so affectionate towards me. What happened?"
"You fucking broke my heart, that's what happened!" I say as I clench my hands into a fist. "Now get the fuck out!" He frowns suddenly and sighs before heading to the door.
"I really didn't mean to break your heart, Shizu-chan. It really broke my heart to do what I had done; I just want you to know that." I hear the door close slowly and then there's the suffocating silence that I hate more than Izaya. I put my hand on my forehead and curse myself for letting myself drown back into this. I just want him out of my life that way everything will be better. I don't want him to mess everything up like he already has. Besides, he's mixed in with a fucking gang! I don't want to be a part of that. But then again, I can't just let this slide. My heart is still saying that Izaya is in some deep shit that he never meant to get into and I should help him, but I'm not entirely sure how the hell I can do that. My heart really needs to shut the fuck up.
I sit on my couch and rub my temples in frustration. Here comes that damn headache. I could have sworn that I got rid of this nuisance yesterday. They really need to make a cure for love because I'm really getting sick of it.
A/N: PAY NO MIND TO THIS NONSENSE BELOW IF YOU ARE ANNOYED OF POINTLESS CRAP. I'M JUST SICK AND HYPER:
Me: Ne, Shizu-chan is lovesick, not sick of love.
Shizuo: No I am sick of love (growls)
Me: Liar :O You love your Izaya-kun
Shizuo: :( You're dead, you know that right?
Me: My soul will live on :D
Shizuo: No, I'll fucking put your soul in a damn bottle and throw it in the ocean!
Me: My soul would still technically be alive :3
Shizuo: Gah! (picks up something heavy)
Me: Please, please review! It shall save me from Shizu-chan! DX
Shizuo: Only the damn flea is allowed to call me that! No...wait...no, that's not what I meant!
Me: Hehehehe