Yay! The next chapter! I'm really loving the reviews, you guys! I had to say that because you guys are awesome and I love to hear your opinions. This is a bit of a dramatic chapter, I think. But don't get so sad because the next chapters will be better! Just hang in there :D Also, I'm really hyper because I'm getting my Shizuo and Izaya keychain today! I virtually give one to each of my reviewers and readers! (I wish I could really give one to each of you TT~TT If only magic existed, darn it!) Anyway, I hope you all enjoy this chapter. If you don't then you can yell at me to release some of your anger. I don't mind hearing complaints or whatnot. Let it all out! Back to the story!
Because of that damn headache yesterday, which is still with me this lovely morning, I decide to head to Shinra's because I ran out of pain killers a couple days ago. Besides, I want to talk to Celty about Izaya. Maybe she could give me some advice.
I head downstairs and head in the direction of Shinra's place, but before I do I come across Izaya who's talking with some kids, a blonde kid and a black haired kid. He seems to be acting really friendly with them and for some reason, it really ticks me off. Something in me just snaps and I grab the first thing I see and throw it at the louse. Luckily the thing I threw at him blindly was only a trash bin, so he gets knocked down, but I know I didn't hurt him too badly.
Izaya gets up and looks at me with a smirk.
"Ah, Shizu-chan." Izaya says with a smile as he suddenly whips out his switchblade and laughs a little. "You're always the one to pick the fight, Shizu-chan."
I look over to the two kids and glare before looking over to Izaya menacingly. Why am I so pissed off?
"I'm sick of that fucking nickname! I always have been! My name's Shizuo! Don't ever call me anything else!" This strikes a nerve in Izaya and makes the black-haired boy flinch in fear. "Fucking louse. You're dead."
"My, my Shizu-chan you really are a monster. How could you say that to your poor Izzy-kun." I suddenly blush fiercely. "You remember, I can tell." Why would he say that! I told him never to talk about that! I told him that it was supposed to be our secret! Fucking bastard!
"Shut the fuck up!" I say as I tear a traffic sign from the ground.
"Now, now Shizu-chan you don't have to be so embarrassed~" Izaya says as he dodges the traffic sign I had just tossed. He smiles and then runs off. I then feel the stabbing headache starting to get worse so I hold my head and try to see where that damn louse went but he's disappeared; seems like that's his specialty now.
"You two!" I say as I point to the two kids that Izaya was talking to. The two flinch and get kind of nervous as I approach them. The black-haired kid is a bit more nervous looking than the blonde kid since he's shaking more. "What did that little psycho tell you two?"
"Huh?" The black-haired kid asks as looks at his friend.
"What my friend is trying to say is that we have no idea what you're talking about." The blonde says with a smile.
"Don't play dumb!" I say as I pick the black-haired boy up.
"He just asked if we've seen you around here!" The black-haired boy says frantically. "He said he had a surprise for you!"
"Mikado!" The blonde kid says to his friend as I release him. "Izaya-kun told us not to say anything!"
"I thought he was gonna bash my brains in! What was I supposed to do!" This Mikado kid whispers to his friend.
"Where'd he run off to?" They suddenly both cooperate and point to my left (their right). I clench my hands and run off hastily and try to find the little snake. Right now I'm running on instincts. I'm still not sure why the hell I'm so mad. After the talk with Tom yesterday I feel more confused about my feelings. If I'm still in love with him I wouldn't want to break him in two, right? So, what is it that drives this passionate hatred? Could it be I'm lying to myself and substituting love for hate because it's less painful for me to do so?
When I finally spot him he's on the other side of the road. Without thinking, I head straight for him instead of looking for the oncoming traffic. Once I make it to the middle of the road I find myself feeling a rush of force hit me and send my flying, skidding on the pavement painfully until I come to an abrupt halt.
Izaya confronts me, but he's a bit too blurry to see, but I can see his smirk fade away as he mouths the words, "I'm sorry." I get up and try to grab him but he evades me and pushes his favorite switchblade to my throat.
"You should have stayed down, Shizu-chan." He says with a serious look. "They're watching us." He adds as his eyes turn to the right.
"I don't fucking care. There's no point in trying to save what we had! It's over for good! I fucking hate your guts! I want you dead!" I say loudly. He looks hurt as he puts his knife down, but then starts to laugh.
"Just what I wanted to hear, Shizu-chan because I want you to die too." He says as he cuts my chest, ripping my shirt in the process. Suddenly I see Tom approaching the scene. A lot of other people have already gathered as well, including our old schoolmate Kadota and his damn pack. That annoying girl is blurting out obscenities about me and Izaya being lovers or something, while her friends try to calm her down. Simon is watching from his shop and those two kids from earlier are watching too. I feel like I'm in some damn movie or some cliché anime.
Suddenly Izaya takes off again, finding an opening through the crowd. I follow him angrily, but then when we're finally are out of the crowd's sight I catch up to him and grab his arm. He flinches from the sudden action and then struggles to get free, but I pin him against the wall and glare at him.
"I meant what I said flea." I say angrily. "I'm done with you. From this point on we can see each other, but just know that every time we do, I'm gonna try to break you in half."
"S-Shizu-chan…" Izaya says softly. "I was trying so hard to get back so we can be together again and you're not even trying to forgive me?"
"You're involved with some shady characters and I don't want any part of that. Besides, no matter what you say, I can't forgive you. Not only did you break my heart but you didn't trust me enough to tell me what was going on before this all happened. You went behind my back giving out information to gangsters! Obviously you should have known what kind of danger came with doing all that shit, right?"
"I did know, but I had to do all that for money!" He says sternly. "I was doing all that stuff for us." He adds as he escapes from my hold. "I wanted to make enough money so we could live together one day. Being the brute that you were (and still are), I had figured that a job was out of the question for you, so I had to find a job that paid really well to allow us to buy a nice place." He pauses. "Ah, but that doesn't make a difference. You're still mad at me no matter what I say, right?" He asks bitterly. I look at him with a surprised expression on my face. Again there's this stupid silence.
"Izaya…I…didn't…" I say nervously. So this wasn't out of some evil intentions? He was doing this because he wanted to live together? Why, why would he get himself in such a mess all for that?
I then remember something from a long time ago.
Flashback
"Izaya, why the hell would you do something like that for?" I ask as I put an ice pack on his eye to make the swelling go down. Before coming back to my house to get patched up, Izaya had suddenly got in the middle of a fight that I was having with some upperclassman. Even though Izaya is quite evasive, he's still pretty weak so when the punks actually got a hold of him, he didn't last too long. I fought them all off after that out of blind fury.
"Ne, ne that's not something you should ask. The correct question is 'Izaya, why are you such a great boyfriend?'" He says happily as he holds the ice pack on his eye. I roll my eyes and tend to his other wounds.
"This is serious, flea." I say as I wrap his arm up in a sling. "You're hurt pretty bad. You should have just stayed out of it. You know I can handle myself." I tie the makeshift sling to his shoulder and position it just right so he's not in so much pain. Those guys had also managed to hurt his arm pretty bad too.
"Ne, but Shizu-chan they were hurting you…It was out of instinct that I went to go and save you." He says as he blushes. "The least you could do is say 'thank you'."
"Fine, thank you, but why would you do that if you knew they could beat the shit out of you?" I ask as I look at him seriously. I understand his reason for going in to try and save me, but what lead him to act so instinctively to forget that he's too scrawny to go up against beefy guys like we fought moments before?
"I guess the same reason why I fell in love with a monster like you. Love makes you do stupid things." He says with a laugh. I shake my head and tell him that love makes him do extremely stupid things. "Shizu-chan I know this is off topic but can you call me by my pet name~? It'll make me feel a lot better if you could do that for me."
"What 'flea'?" I ask with a smirk, knowing full well that isn't the pet name he means. He looks at me with an annoyed expression and elbows me with his elbow (the one not in a sling).
"No, the other one, Shizu-chan." He begs as he nuzzles his head under my chin. Damn, I love it when he does this.
"Fine, fine, fine…Izzy-kun." I say before kissing his forehead. "You're too needy, you know that?"
"Yeah, but Shizu-chan likes me that way because you're the same way right?"
"Shut up, flea."
I escape from my thoughts and notice that the switchblade he's carrying suddenly comes into my view, right below my chin.
"As you said, the next time we see each other we'll be enemies." He says before he turns around and leaves. There's a pain in my chest that arises out of nowhere after he leaves. I hadn't even given it another thought about his reasoning for doing the shit he did. I kind of feel like an ass now. I may not be mad at him anymore (the feeling kind of dissolved once he said it was all for us), but now I'm just mad, possibly at myself, for being such an ass to him.
My fist then acts out of its own accord and comes in contact with the wall to the right of me, making a crater in it. Damn it, damn it, damn it.
I decide not to go to Shinra's after all since I'm fucking way too pissed off right now and I rather not make a mess of his place.
After a while of violent meditation, I find my way back to the front of Russian Sushi to meet up with Tom. Said man is standing there kind of casually despite what had just occurred moments before. When I approach him he just states out the list of people we have to collect money from and leaves it at that before we head out. I don't think he wanted to be too nosey so he didn't ask me about Izaya during our walks to the clients' places.
After work I head straight home after saying goodbye to Tom. It's such a boring life sometimes when you have no one to sulk and complain with—and to bicker with. I'm about to head upstairs to my apartment when I hear someone behind me. I turn around and see some guys hiding in a dark alley. They're whispering to each other when I approach them, cracking my knuckles menacingly.
"What are you two punks doing here?" I ask as one of them smirks.
"Just the man we wanted to see." The heftier of the two says with a smile.
"Who sent you?" I ask angrily.
"You should already know." The man says with a laugh. "You know, it must really suck to know that the man you once loved left and betrayed you." Betrayed me?
"Yeah, betrayed you." The other man repeats.
"What the fuck are you guys saying? Are you the guys keeping Izaya hostage?"
"Who said anything about keeping him hostage? He wants to be with us; he especially likes to be around Haru." Haru? Izaya told me he was just one of the members of the yakuza and that's it. He wouldn't have lied? Right?
I pick the man up by the collar and glare at him. "What the fuck do you mean by that?"
"Kind of sad really. You were his lover way back when and you never had sex with him. Now he's with us and he's having sex with Haru without even being lovers with him. Kind of ironic don't you think?" The man says with a laugh. I push him to the wall and I'm about to fucking smash his face in when he makes a kind of signal with his hands and suddenly everything turns black after I hear a gunshot. Then I hear footsteps running off in the distance and then nothing.
The next thing I know, I'm at Shinra's, bandages and all. I wake up with no recollection of how I got here, but the memory of what the men said still lingers in my mind. How could he do this to me? How could he fucking lie to me? If I ever see him again I'm gonna…
"Shizu-chan, you're awake." Izaya says as he approaches me carefully. I'm too weak to even curse him out right now. "I'm sorry Shizu-chan if I would have known that they would do that I would have never left you alone. They just did it to see if it was true…if it was true that you really hated me. I hope you didn't cave in."
"You fucking liar."
"What?"
"You fucking lied to me!" I say angrily even though it hurts to talk.
"Shizu-chan, I don't know what you're talking about." He says simply. "I haven't lied to you."
"You said that you still loved me." I say more calmly. "You fucking whore!"
"What?" He asks with surprise. "What are you talking about?"
"You slept with that Haru guy!"
"What? Is that what they told you?" He asks as he shakes his head. "They're the liars. I never slept with anyone. I'm still a virgin. Why would you believe them and not me?"
"Because you lost my trust a long time ago. You can't expect me to trust you the same way, like before." I say angrily.
"Look, I don't know what exactly they told you, but I still a virgin whether you believe me or not." Izaya says as he looks at the only window in the room. "It's just like you to believe anyone on the street. You're still a protozoan."
"And you're still a fucking louse." I say as I try to relax. "I thought you said the next time we see each other, we're enemies."
"I had to say that since they were still watching." Izaya says with a sigh. "You know I'd never leave you out in the streets to die. You'd probably leave me to die though." He says bitterly. That seemed to tug at my heartstrings as I remembered the old Izaya crawling into my lap during lunch, kissing my cheek whenever he pleased, texting me just to say that he loved me during class. It wasn't like I was heartless and I have to admit that somewhere deep inside me still has feelings for him—the stupid part inside me.
"That…that's not true…" I say as I look at him looking out towards the city through the opened window. His black hair is flowing in the wind, the same black hair I loved running my fingers through; that soft black hair that I loved to feel tickling my chin and neck when he nuzzled against me. "I didn't mean what I said earlier…I was just mad…"
"You're always mad." He says with a laugh. "I just never thought you'd be that mad at me." He says without looking at me. "I've saved it for you, Shizu-chan." He says vaguely.
"What?"
"I've saved my first time for you, like I promised." Izaya says with a smile as he still looks out towards the city. "You never seem to keep your promises, but I do." He pauses and sighs. "You promised you'd always love me and you lied. I should be the one upset at you. I know what I did was horrible, but I always kept my promises. I kept my promise to always love you and to save my first time for you."
"Izaya…" I really am left with nothing to say. How could I say anything after that?
"Shinra wants you to rest since you got shot pretty badly at your side. I hope you feel better." Izaya says as he heads towards the door. He puts his hand on the doorknob, but doesn't open it yet.
"Izaya, wait…I…" He keeps his hand on the doorknob as he turns his head towards me and sighs.
"Don't hesitate to text me sometime. It makes me happy when you answer my texts even if you're just angrily cursing me out." He says with a smile before heading out. Not only is the pain at my side killing me, but the stabbing in my heart is too. Why did he have to say all that? Now I'm fucking guilty.
"Ah, Shizuo you're awake. Good, good." Shinra says happily as he enters the room. "You gave us quite a scare. I hadn't thought that Izaya would come out of hiding and bring you here, but it was really quite kind of him."
"He brought me all the way from the outside of my apartment to over here to your place?" I ask curiously.
"Yeah, he was basically dragging you, though. I told him to start doing some weight lifting or something to build muscle, but you know how he is about altering his body even if it's for something good." Shinra says as he checks the machine's I'm hooked up to. "Turns out you're doing much better than when you first came in. You're pretty resilient though, so I'm not too surprised."
"Shinra…you know how I said that I'd never fall back in love with Izaya?" Shinra flinches out of surprise from the lack of Izaya's usual nickname but nods to answer my question.
"Yeah, I remember you saying something like that." Shinra says nervously, not really sure where this is headed.
"Well…I lied…" I say with a sigh.
A/N: Well, duh! Of course you lied Shizu-chan. You freaking love Izaya XD Anyway, I hope this wasn't too depressing. Next couple chapters are gonna be better, not too sad I hope. Heartwarming, I would say. Anyway, I love reviews and don't mind if they're ones which yells at me for making mistakes or whatever because I make a lot of them sometimes. Bye bye until next chapter!