Annie didn't go into lunch with Alison knowing she'd come back to the group on Monday. But now that their meeting had inspired her, she spent the rest of the weekend in a cocoon of nerves. To her relief, 75 percent of them were happy nerves, while only 25 were panic induced.
That 25 percent caused her to just tell Britta, Shirley and Pierce via text that she was coming back. It also settled in more than once during bedtime on Saturday and Sunday night. After all, this was Annie's biggest final exam to date.
She would now put herself into the study room, where both Jeff and Alison were, and have to be on her very best behavior without a single slip up ever. It seemed so silly to worry about at all in these last few great weeks. Yet she knew it was different in practice.
And there was the little fact that Annie was seeing Jeff for the first time in two months, after she abandoned the group because of him. She could see him without wanting to kiss him, she knew that. But enduring him yelling at her and being mad at her and….being unable to forgive her was another matter.
Then again, since Annie did this to protect Jeff and Alison from her crazy side, she might say she didn't need to be forgiven. And then who knows how and when their argument could end. Both of the most likely outcomes – angry hurtful words or angry making out – were equally troubling to her.
But Annie had to laugh that off, and not just because it kept her from a heart attack. After two months of such great progress, and with the prospect of seeing all her friends at once in her favorite room again, the first day was not going to end that badly. And once she got past that, and the next day, and then the predictable Halloween madness, getting through the next seven months with no setbacks would look more manageable.
She knew she could handle it – if only because another round of isolation afterwards would destroy her. And there were other more meaningful, moral, less selfish reasons as well. It was just a matter of remembering them and who she really was at all times.
As such, she started to return to who she really was on Monday morning. She once again got up extra early, followed her old pre-school routine, and drove to her regular Greendale parking spot. Although it was near her friends' parking spot again, and only a hundred steps away from Jeff's, Annie was still breathing steadily when she got out of the car. She kept it up as she started walking her old route to campus again, yet she felt a little more nervous as she got inside.
Annie was sure to take a deep breath every few seconds, in lue of every .4 seconds, as she got closer to the study room. But in the meantime, her brain produced one last ugly fantasy over facing the people she left behind again.
However, her brain reminded her that she didn't leave them all behind. She lived with two of them, saw three of them more and more over the last month, and just saw one of the two most troubling ones for lunch. All Annie really needed to worry about was the other troubling one.
But in front of everyone else and his girlfriend, Jeff wouldn't risk doing anything to upset her. This morning would be filled with hugs and welcome backs from everyone else, and that should make Annie happy and fulfilled enough to go from there.
So Annie kept it into perspective as she finally neared the study room. Once she was in range, she saw that the door was closed and the blinds were down. On some level, she knew instantly what that meant. But she was so focused on just seeing everyone again right now, and getting any unpleasantness over with, that she focused her tunnel vision on getting inside.
As such, she was actually taken aback when she opened the closed, blinded door, entered the room that she could no longer see from the outside – and then heard a loud call of "Surprise!"
Annie's first reaction was shock when she heard that. But when she actually saw all her friends and realized what they screamed – and saw the "Welcome Back, Annie" banner hanging nearby – the next several reactions all but turned her into mush. Fortunately, she kept from babbling and tearing up too much as the group came over to her.
Shirley beat everyone else to get the first hug, then Annie sped things up by giving both Troy and Abed a big hug and a "You guys!" all at once. She then went to Britta and hugged her before remembering that this wasn't her thing, yet Britta still gave her a good embrace anyway. Pierce then wrapped his arms around both of them, for obviously disturbing reasons. But since Annie even missed that, she broke from Britta and hugged Pierce tightly anyway.
Annie knew that was probably the last hug for the morning, since there were two more people she hadn't greeted yet.
Alison came over first after Annie left Pierce. Although it was too awkward for many reasons for them to hug, she still gave Annie an encouraging smile. She returned it, finding herself happy to see Alison like she would any other friend. Albeit to a more subdued degree by comparison.
That was the easy part. When Alison nodded her head to the right, Annie turned there and prepared to face the music. No matter how soothing or ear piercing it was.
Annie took two steps over to Jeff, first noting that he hadn't gotten disfigured since she left. He looked the same, as even he couldn't get hotter every day. It probably helped that she wasn't analyzing his hotness as much.
She focused more on his face, which looked still as usual, yet Annie could detect flickers of uncertainty, doubt and ever so slight nerves. He could convincingly hide these emotions from everyone else, but rarely from Annie. The fact that this hadn't changed even now gave her some kind of relief. What kind it was, she didn't know yet.
Jeff reached his hand out, and Annie briefly thought he might pat her head with it, like he often did to brush past their problems. Yet he took her hand, then bent down to give it a quick little peck. Annie then saw him move his lips – like he was forming a "Mi" – but then he stopped himself.
If there was any chance that Jeff kissing her hand would do….things to Annie, that very brief moment stopped it. But not in a bad way.
He wasn't trying, accidentally or not, to make her melt for him by kissing her hand. To her, he was recreating their second study room session – the one that really started the long term journey of the fully united group – when he kissed that hand and called her "Milady" for the first time. But this time he stopped himself before using that old nickname, and instead went on to just say "Annie."
Saying her regular name instead of an enduring nickname could have been taken as a slight. Or it could have been taken as him being too scared, or just cautious, to call her that with Alison there. And yet Annie knew enough to see it as something else. Instead of using a charming nickname to charm her, or to deflect something unpleasant or real, Jeff used her real name out of a deeper respect. As if she was more of an equal – which was what she hoped she was after all this.
Annie knew this was a new, uncertain, less emotional stage of their friendship. Jeff obviously had to know as well after all this, as even he couldn't be that obliviousness now. At least on this comeback day, he was trying to behave like it, though whether it stuck would be another matter. But that was for when another matter arrived.
For this one, Annie just smiled and said "Jeff" instead of "Milord" right back – and then felt herself using her usual teasing Jeff smile. Already they were slipping back into old habits – albeit with new twists – with just two words. In spite of the huge things they still had to talk about and explain at some point.
However, the fact that even now, she and Jeff could still be teasing, playful and yet genuine in ways that were uniquely them – only without any lovey dovey feelings slushing deep inside her this time – was huge. It got even bigger when Jeff led her to the table, where her old chair on Jeff's left was slid out and waiting for her.
"Wait, wait, this is Alison's chair now," Annie remembered. "I can't ask her to move."
"It's not like I'll be going far away," Alison chimed in. This made Annie finally notice that there was a new chair in between Annie's old chair and Shirley's.
"You're going to sit there?" Annie realized as she pointed to the new chair. "But shouldn't you be sitting next to Jeff now?" This risked making things uncomfortable again, yet Annie gave herself credit for offering to sit further from Jeff.
"Let's just try it this way for now and see how it goes," Alison counter offered. She then went over and sat in this new middle chair, so Annie had to admit that closed the discussion. With that, the rest of the group headed to their seats, and once Shirley got past Annie and Alison to sit down, Annie took a breath and lowered into her old chair.
Once she settled back in, she closed her eyes and let the past memories of sitting in this chair flood her. When she was done being nostalgic, she opened her eyes again and took in how everyone was staring at her and smiling. Even Jeff and Alison.
Annie needed to say something before she started sobbing, so she got out, "Thank you so much….I'm so sorry I had to leave here. But I missed you all…." Annie stopped herself, since she saw everyone at some point just last week, except one person. So she corrected, "I missed being here with you every day."
Right then, Annie saw just how true that was. In fact, she realized she missed being in this room with the whole group as much – maybe more – than she missed Jeff. He was one person, whereas this entire group made up all her best friends. Her only friends in her whole life. Now that she let herself come back to them and was back where she belonged, everything else seemed trivial.
Annie preemptively wiped her eyes, deciding to segway back into her old role in this room. "Now I know I e-mailed you notes the whole time, but I wasn't here to help you go over them. If there's something you still don't get from Friday's notes, we can clear it up now and get it out of the way."
"Actually, there's one thing we should address before we do anything," Jeff spoke out, and Annie couldn't quite pretend that her blood wasn't chilled. She thought Jeff would wait to talk about her 'absence' until Alison and the others were gone. Yet perhaps taking it on now, and having her other friends as potential backup, would be the easiest way to go.
"Halloween's in two days. This means we're running out of time before this year's Greendale horror show. So we need to start figuring out just what horrors are coming for us this time." So much for the dramatic confrontation theory.
"Wait, Jeff, you're actually planning ahead for Halloween?" Annie couldn't help but ask. "Don't you ignore these things until you 'reluctantly' become the big hero?" How much had Annie missed?
"Well Annie, this is our last year, and Abed and the 'Mad Men' incident made it clear that final years are the craziest and dumbest of all. It's Greendale's last chance to drive us to the nut house, and since I want to leave with my bachelor's and my head, I'm not taking any chances," Jeff assured. "So, should we prepare for the Dean putting a zombie virus in our punch, or Chang forming a vampire cult?"
"Zombie virus, it's gotta be zombie virus!" Troy insisted. "I mean, how in the name of God have we not done zombie virus yet?"
"God's got nothing to do with it, this isn't His holiday," Shirley reminded. "If the other side's going to strike, it'll be with raining long overdue frogs and locusts on us! Or at least a frog and locust escape from the science lab."
"Oh, we'll have that coming, but not because God commanded it!" Britta started, before the rest of her pro-frog and locust rant was drowned out. Maybe nothing really had changed.
Like for example, how the group kept predicting what this year's Halloween crisis would be, rather than doing any studying. Annie loved seeing this again at first, yet she soon became annoyed at how nothing was getting done – just like the old days. But at least this time she could share glares of bemusement and annoyance with Alison, since she was actually a serious student too.
So Annie decided to settle this herself before they wasted too much more time. "Okay, okay! If we have to plan ahead for something, it'll probably be from slasher movies. I don't want it to be, but we're way overdue."
"Then you'll be relieved when it turns out to be an alien scare," Alison countered.
"What? How does that make sense? At least slashers are human….kind of," Annie reminded. "Troy or Pierce will get a slasher mask and a kitchen knife stuck on them, then we'll get riled up to think there's a real killer, then we'll act out dumb slasher clichés and both of us will have our shirts off somehow! I don't see how that hasn't happened by now!"
"Come on, there's only so much you can get from spoofing that! One good story, tops!" Alison laid out. "Aliens are far richer! You really can't see Chang in an alien suit, going off his school mandated meds and making Dean Pelton think we're being invaded? Troy and Pierce might get masks glued on them, or a knife, but not both at once! Maybe Leonard would, but you didn't nominate him."
Annie couldn't argue there, and was at least glad to see one other plausible theory than hers. Before, she might have argued further with Alison to avoid being proven wrong, or to beat her at something. Yet she didn't mind being shown up that much by her – and not just because she really didn't want the horror movie theory to be right.
Annie had thought so many times in the past that Alison was taking her place, whether it was on purpose or not. However, the group had shown her so many times lately – and Jeff even did it today – that no one could replace Annie and what she did for them. That no matter who else came into their lives, Annie would always have a place with them.
And Alison really wasn't trying to be a new Annie either, even with Jeff. Annie knew Alison wasn't trying to show her up, but to chime in with a valid theory. She was just learning to be in a group of friends that she'd never had before – which Annie knew wasn't easy. But it sounded like Alison was doing okay so far, and now that Annie could see it, maybe she could help her along too. It was certainly better than being jealous of her.
Plus her Halloween theory helped the group settle down and get in five minutes of token studying before class. That was a big point in Alison's favor right there.
Annie's relief continued when she went to English class and looked at and sat near her friends for the first time. Avoiding that made class….slightly less fun before, yet now it was perfect instead of mostly perfect. Thinking of an English class as just mostly perfect was one of the sadder side effects of her sabbatical.
But at least lunch was perfect again too, as she was finally back at the popular table. Since the seating arrangements were looser here, Annie let Alison sit next to Jeff and gave them their space. She only looked up a few times to see them talk, feeling neutral each time.
However, the big thing Annie needed to get through was a one-on-one talk with Jeff alone. She could wait to see him after school at his apartment, but the last time that happened…..well, best to take baby steps first.
So when she finally saw him alone at the lounge area couch, playing games on his phone, it seemed like the right time to make a move. No one they knew was around, yet it was enough of a public place to keep Annie or Jeff from making a scene.
Annie walked carefully to the couch as Jeff stayed focused on his phone. "Are you winning?" she asked quickly to get his attention and break the ice.
"I'm letting the phone think its winning for a while first. I thought I'd be merciful for at least one round," Jeff quipped, although there was a bit of his usual snark missing. Annie let herself notice for just a second before she sat next to him.
"Jeff, I don't know what you think of me right now. I kind of went out of my way not to know lately," Annie noted. "I don't know how Alison explained it to you, or if you even understand it now. But I need you to know that none of it was your fault. You didn't make me do this, I did….to get away from you. But it was for all the right reasons!" She tried to assure, before pausing to find better words.
"I wouldn't blame you if you thought I acted like a crazy school girl again. But I did this to kill that school girl once and for all! To make sure she never terrorized you again!" Annie grimaced a bit at using those better words, then saw that Jeff had as well. Now she probably made him feel guilty for killing her innocent romantic world view, or something like that.
"Jeff, I didn't do this to stop caring about you," she revived. "You're still the most important person in the world to me. I did this so I wouldn't want to make you more important to me! Which is….kind of twisted when you say it out loud like that," she couldn't help but note and slightly chuckle over. Even Jeff cracked a tiny smile, so Annie got more confident from there.
"I gave up the study group….to a point….so I'd be sure I'd never act out at you and Alison again. And that was the second time I left a family behind to fix myself! But I want this family back, and I hope you still really want me back in it. I'm not saying I'm sorry for doing this, because I did it to help you and her and me! But I'm sorry if you hated it anyway," Annie conceded.
"If you still don't trust me to keep my distance, or don't trust me at all anymore….I understand. I just wanted you to finally hear this stuff from me, in case I don't get another shot." Annie wanted to give Jeff several seconds, before leaving after he didn't answer.
Yet it took just a second and a half until he said, "I missed you." This made her breath catch a bit – more by shock than by any other feeling.
"I don't miss people, Annie. I can take or leave being around most of them every day. But it was different with you. And not just because it'd have been nice if you explained those notes in person," Jeff added.
"It was all right there if you really studied it, Jeff! I guess that was the prob – no, wait, I can set you straight on that later," Annie reminded herself.
"Right…." Jeff tried to stall for a moment. "Annie, I don't know what I can and can't say to you. And you can't expect me not to be a little offended by all this. All I can safely say is….I'd usually brag about being awesome enough to make women that crazy. With you….I, well….hate making you feel anything but….important, in your own words. You're too important to me for me not to miss you, Annie. Even being with someone else doesn't change that."
Old Annie would have nitpicked Jeff deeper, or been suspicious that he was that open. Or she'd accuse him of holding back and not being entirely truthful. Or been deflated that he reminded her he was with someone else, even after saying Annie was important to him. But although "You're important to me" and "I miss you more than I've missed anyone" could be read on many different, deeper levels….new Annie understood them on another.
Just because Jeff didn't love her didn't mean she wasn't important to him. She knew that much all along, except for when she forgot it for a while during their rougher moments. But she understood how Jeff could not feel that way and still miss her deeply – because she felt the same way about being away from Jeff. Now that she could love him without being afraid that she'd love him again, she appreciated this, and having Jeff back in any way, all the more.
As such, Annie answered Jeff back with, "So, dropping the being with her bomb already, huh?" But she quickly backtracked from her lame joke and got serious. "It's all right, Jeff. I stepped back because I didn't want to stop you from loving her. I really, truly get why you do, and you're lucky to be with her. And I know she's more than lucky to have you and all of us now. Now that I won't forget it, I promise I'll never leave you guys again. Well, not by choice."
Annie let Jeff take that in, wondering if she had put a proper, reassuring bow on this. In a flash, she came up with a more comical bit of closure. "So….resolved!" Annie cheered right as she reached over and patted Jeff on the head, since he was easier to reach on the couch. The head pat was one of Jeff's more childish methods of brushing her off, but if Jeff could subvert one of their running gags, she could do it too.
If that didn't say something about her new resolve, she didn't know how louder she could be. She was already laughing pretty hard at pulling that off, and from the sound of it, Jeff was too. After they calmed down, they took a breath and focused on each other again.
"Well, at least you came back at the right time," Jeff reflected. "From all our theories, we need all hands on deck for the Halloween stuff. The costumes, the parties, the zombie virus or alien Chang attack….just so I know, you didn't renounce Halloween on your break, right?"
"Crap crap crap, the costumes!" Annie yelled in place of an actual answer. "I was so busy I forgot about costumes! Even when we discussed Halloween this morning!" She got up in a panic and hoped that pacing around would give her quick last-minute costume ideas.
"Well, aside from panicking over costumes this time, so much for the new Annie," Jeff mocked.
"Jeff! You don't put any effort into costumes, so you're not one to judge!" Unfortunately, Annie was too preoccupied to be proud of mocking Jeff back. "I, I know we've still got a lot to talk about, but I've got to start…."
"Go on, Halloween needs you dressing up, anyway. Besides, I've been merciful enough to my phone, anyway," Jeff pointed out as he got ready to play his phone game again. Annie just nodded, leaving Jeff behind in a panic for far different reasons than she feared.
Yet after Annie borrowed Abed's laptop, she made a preliminary list of 25 costume ideas. However, she finally made herself put off narrowing it down until after school. By then, Annie found herself thinking about Jeff again, if only in hopes of saying good night before he went home.
She found him and Alison just in time before they left campus, then straightened herself out so she didn't look flustered – although the costume list really caused that today. Nevertheless, Annie stayed steady and stated, "I just wanted to thank you two for….holding down the fort while I was gone, and for welcoming me back. I'm sure that should earn you a nice night out. Not that you need my permission!"
Annie hoped that came across as a self-deprecating joke more than anything else. Yet the couple looked okay with it, so she took that as a relief. "Okay, so I'll be back tomorrow and we can do this all again, then."
Jeff nodded, then let her know, "Hey. I'm glad you're staying." Admittedly, not flashing back to when he said those words right before the Transfer kiss took extra effort. However, it didn't show on Annie's face and her stomach was only in a very tiny knot. As such, she easily responded, "I'm glad I am too. And I'm glad you're staying too, Alison."
"I kind of like it myself," Alison agreed. "So, we'll see you tomorrow, then," she confirmed, then once Annie nodded, she and Jeff nodded back and headed on their way.
Annie watched them go with relief, having now officially passed this final exam with flying colors. Of course, all of her effort would be for nothing if she didn't do this every single solitary day. However, with the way she and Jeff got back into form – and how she didn't read anything into it – she was finally feeling pretty good about her chances.
Before, she would have noted that it felt like she and Jeff didn't settle everything, and that there were still some leftover issues left unaddressed. That Jeff may have been a little more open and relieved to see her than she would have expected. That it really shouldn't have taken that fast for them to look back to normal. And that while they were good on this one day, Annie still didn't know if one Jeff/Alison fight or one close Jeff/Annie adventure/subplot would throw her off later.
Still, there was no way to answer all that now, and this probably wasn't the day to do it. Yet this had to be the day that Annie chose either a fairy or wicked witch costume for Halloween. So she rushed to get at least that much settled for good.