I'm trying to update more often :) Haha I have awful sleeping habits XD

I can't help smiling as I crawl under the electric fence. I haven't gone hunting at all since I've come back. I'm sure to be a little rusty; no doubt Gale will tease me about that. But none of that really matters. I'm here with him. Just for this short period in time, we are the boy and the girl in the woods again. I stand before the trees and take in my old second home. I feel so much better than I have in ages. The air is so much fresher than it is in the District. A new adrenaline that I haven't felt for a long while courses through my veins.

I grab Gale's arm and pull him to our old meeting place. I can't explain it, but it's as if it's calling me. When we finally push behind the bushes that have kept it hidden for so many years, I'm not sure what to do anymore. I stand and stare, letting the memories run wild in my mind. Reaping day, the day I was sent off to my first Games. I'd met him here, and we'd shared the goat cheese that Prim gave us, threw each other berries, mocked the Capitol…

"And may the odds…" the words pull me back into reality faster than lightning. I turn around on instinct and catch the blackberry in my mouth.

"Be ever in your favor!" I finished. We laughed, but there was something heavy about it. This wasn't just a joke anymore. It had become my reality in the arena, and Gale's from the other side of the screen. It's hard to joke about something that almost took your life. Twice. I look at Gale, and he must be thinking the same thing. I manage a weak smile, which he returns. But both our moods have darkened slightly, and we're starting to take a walk through the past.

"I never asked you this. What…how exactly did they show it on screen? During the 74th Hunger Games?" I remember wondering what he thought about the star-crossed lovers from District 12, and if he was even watching at all.

Gale thinks about his answer for a second. "It started with the countdown at the Cornucopia. They showed close-ups of all of your faces. I could see the wheels turning in your head. You were going to run in and grab a bow and arrows, just like I told you to," he smiles. "Then they showed Peeta. He was looking at you, and he seemed…disapproving. He shook his head. You noticed." There's a slight trace of bitterness in Gale's voice as he says this. "I'm not sure why but…you got off the plate a second later than you could have. That never made sense to me. You have reflexes like no one else. What happened, Katniss?"

"I was distracted." I wave my hand to dismiss it. "Go on."

"So they were trying to show as much as they could at the same time. There were the careers fighting for the big stuff, and I think the District 1 girl got your bow and arrows. Then they showed you and a guy from District…nine, I think? Nine. Anyways, you both wanted it, but someone got him in the back with a knife. And he died. That was the first death." I grimace at the memory, then nod for him to continue. "They showed you running off for a few seconds, then they went back to the bloodbath. We didn't see you for some time until the next day, after the Peeta killed some girl – from Eight, I think - that didn't think before lighting a fire. He was with the careers. Everyone but his Dad thought he'd gone insane, becoming allies with the Careers and all. But the kids from Districts One and Two were both talking about wanting to kill you, then they left, and then you hopped out of the tree and starting smiling. I swear, Catnip, you made it look like a movie." He laughs. "Then there were ridiculous walls of Gamemaker fire, and you got it really bad in the leg. There was you climbing up a tree, dropping a tracker jacker nest on the careers, getting the bow…and of course, Peeta running back with his friends, got all big eyed when he saw you, and they went crazy with the part when he yelled at you to get up and ren. It was close ups on his face, then your face, then you running, then him back with the Careers…and they sliced his leg right down to the bone. One of the bloodiest parts, if you asked me." Gale cringes. "You blacked out for a couple days. Then there was you and Rue…" He looks at me warily, unsure of how I would react to her name. Unwilling to show the pang I felt, I tighten my jaws and wait for him to continue. "They showed you both plotting against the Careers, then they switched to Peeta. He'd dragged himself into a completely different part of the woods than you. He woke up around the same time you did, and he completely covered himself in mud. The second he closed his eyes I didn't know where he was anymore. He tried to move, though. Tried to look for you. But he was too weak, and he knew it. A leg cut up that bad…" Gale seems genuinely upset at this memory. He subconsciously moves a hand downwards to his leg, and takes a moment before he carries on. "Rue was flitting around, setting fires, and you blew up the Career's food stash. When you got up again, you started poking around your ears like you heard flies. Like there was something in it. What was that about?"

"I was deaf in my left ear. I don't know what they did, but the Capitol fixed it when I got out. But that doesn't matter. What next?"

"Catnip…" his voice quiets a little. "Well, you looked for Rue. And then…that District One boy…"

My heart breaks. Rue. I see her jumping through the trees, running soundlessly over the leaves on the ground, leaning forward just a little when she stands as if ready to take flight…

Then Prim. Lovely Prim. Beautiful Prim. The little girl before her sister was sent off to fight in the Hunger Games. Treating that ugly cat like a child. Nurturing her goat back to complete health. Full of love and innocence and a purity so priceless… A purity I tried to protect. A purity I failed to protect. My legs give way and I'm on my knees, crying, saying her name. I can feel Gale on his knees next to me, hugging me, trying to apologize…

I can't think anymore. I can't breathe. I don't try to hold back the sobs. I don't even know what I'm saying. I can barely make out Gale's voice through the tears, "Katniss, I'm sorry…"

That does it. "She's dead, Gale!" I stand up and scream at him. "She's dead! She's gone! Both of them are gone! Rue, at the hands of the Capitol, and my sister, at the hands of those that tried to stop the Capitol! That's us, Gale. US! You killed her! And it's not even just you, really. It was me, too! If I'd just shot myself in the arena, if I'd only done everything that Snow had asked me to do, she would be alive! But she isn't! Gale, she's dead!" My lungs feel like they are going to burst. I pound on Gale's chest as hard as I can, willing him to fall to the ground, clutching himself in pain. Instead, he stands and lets me hit him, wincing every now and then. "Between the two of us, we pretty much put that bomb on her. It wasn't just your fault, it was mine! Gale, I killed my sister!" I don't know what I'm saying. I'm just shouting my thoughts aloud and letting everything else go. I collapse. My breathing is shallow and rapid. Gale slowly gets down and rests my head on his shoulder. We stay like that for what seems like the longest time. "Prim…" I whisper, again and again, her death on repeat in my head.

It was my job to protect her. I was supposed to do everything in my power to protect her, and I failed. Katniss Everdeen, the Mockingjay, the icon for our 'freedom', failed to prevent the death of her own sister. But no, I'd failed long before that. I'd left her at home to watch me starve, and fight, and kill other children. I'd left her twice. She'd been forced to watch her own sister - her role model, her hero – drop tracker jacker nests on people, shoot arrows through people's bodies, fight and scream like a madwoman. She'd had to watch me pretend to be in love with a boy who was really in love with me. Watch me kiss him and snuggle with him in caves and feed him soup. As if it wasn't enough, I defied the Capitol because I was too selfish to give up my own life. I caused enough trouble to stir and uprising against President Snow. I'd put her through the experiences of bombings, underground bunkers, watching her District burn to ashes, and 13's sorry excuses for meals. I'd done everything I could, and I ended up driving her to her grave. Beautiful, wide eyed Prim…

"What did they show when she died?" I ask suddenly, sitting up.

"What?" Gale looks back at me, confused.

"Rue. When she died. What did they show on screen?"

"You shot the boy behind her, and you held her, and you sang to her… you sang to her until she died. Then you pressed three fingers to your lips and raised them forward," he answers warily.

"Nothing else?" He shakes his head no.

I look down and shake my head. Her family never got to see me put a wreath of flowers on her. The Capitol must have gotten rid of them before they sent her body home. Poor Rue. She was far too young to be sent into the games. She had a whole life ahead of her. She wasn't meant to die that way.

I'd always wanted to avenge her somehow. I thought that taking down the Capitol would do it, but it didn't. Something still feels wrong. I can still hear her voice in my head. You have to win. Haven't I won? She was talking about the Games. She didn't know anything about the rebellion, but even so, haven't I won that too? There is nothing left to win. But her words still ring in my head.

You have to win.

Her dying wish.

But I'd done it. I'd done what she'd wanted. She wanted me to win the Games. I know for a fact that that's what she was talking about. But I can't shake the sense that there's something that I still have to do…

Just then, Peeta and Haymitch come bursting through the trees. Me and Gale both sit up, startled. How did they find us here in the first place? Peeta's jaw tightens when he sees Gale, and Gale does the same. Haymitch seems to have bigger things on his mind.

"Get up. Get up, now. We just got news from Paylor." He shakes his head. "None of this is over yet."