(The pair and MEWTWO land on the edge of Cinnabar Island, upon the eastern shore by BLAINE's gym, a battle that RED is much too underskilled to challenge. They disembark from the MEWTWO and OLD MAN puts it back into its ball. They stand there at the shoreline, staring at the long, licking ocean that extends for miles into the horizon)

RED
… So, what exactly are we doing here?

OLD MAN
First of all, we're going shopping! Time to buy clothes!

(Five minutes later, RED is fully equipped in a band-new outfit identical to the one he lost to BLUE/BOOBIES)

OLD MAN
Mission accomplished!

RED
Did you really have to make me buy the thong, though? This thing is uncomfortable. It's like floss for your butt. (Shifts and fidgets in discomfort)

OLD MAN
Nonsense! Don't complain! Everybody knows that women's panties cost less than men's briefs! Besides, you'll have a sexy little secret to hide from the world.

RED
I really doubt they're cheaper, man.

OLD MAN
You're ten years old. You've never taken Retail Economics. (Faces the water) All right, now it's time to fish for your first real Pokemon!

RED
I have a Metapod and a Mankey already. And I'm not far enough into the game to have a fishing rod.

OLD MAN
Jesus, you really are an idiot. (Removes a fishing rod from his pocket)

RED
… How does something that big fit in there?

OLD MAN
That's what she said! Besides, I fit larger things in these pants.

(RED slaps himself on the forehead)

OLD MAN (Cont.)
Anyhoo, do you know how to fish?

RED
No.

OLD MAN
It's easy! All you do is cast your line into the water, wait for a few minutes, and when you have a bite, press the A button at a precise time to snag your wild Pokemon on the bait!

RED
Sounds complex, actually.

OLD MAN
Not when you get used to it. You'll be catching mermaids in no time! (Points at the water expectantly) Now cast your line.

RED
Okay. (Does as the OLD MAN instructs) So what exactly am I trying to catch here?

OLD MAN
A Pokemon. Are you deaf?

RED
No. I'm not like you.

OLD MAN
What was that? What did you say, son?

RED
I rest my case.

OLD MAN
Are you trying to ask what kind of Pokemon you're fishing for?

RED
Jesus Christ, how dense are you? I've been wondering that since Viridian.

OLD MAN
I can answer that! (Dramatic pause) Water Pokemon!

RED
(Sarcastically surprised) No way! You don't say?

OLD MAN
(As RED's fishing line begins to seize and shudder) Young trainer! Quit being stupid and distracting yourself! There's something on the end!

RED
(Genuinely excited this time) Huh? Whoa! (Grabs the line and pulls with all his might) Old man, I can't get it! This Pokemon's too heavy!

OLD MAN
What do you mean, you spineless shrimp? Water Pokemon don't even weight that much! Back to the gym for you!

RED
Shut up and help me! Please!

(The OLD MAN sighs begrudgingly and, with no absence of expletives under his breath, marches over to RED and clamps onto his waist, pulling with all his might)

OLD MAN
My God, you weren't lying! How heavy is this thing? A ton and a half?

RED
I told you so!

(The line suddenly comes free and splashes out of the water, bringing an agitated MISSINGNO with it. It hovers in the air above the stunned OLD MAN and RED as they gawp at the dark lord of glitch Pokemon)

A wild MISSINGNO appeared!

RED
Um… what is that?

OLD MAN
(Horrified) Egad! It's a Missingno!

RED
What's a Missingno? (Studies its stagnant form) It looks like a badly pixilated backward L.

OLD MAN
Oh, but it's far from that! You see, Missingno is the bane of all trainers' existences! Missingno ş̴̧ͧ̐ͨ͗͆̐̿ͥͯ͊ͤͬ̚҉͔̺̰̗̘̲̳̼̪̱̰̕g̜͖͇̝̠̎̄̑̋̔ͨͭ̀̚͢f̧̡̻̰̠̬̻͙̦͍̖̖ͪ̈͑ͤ̃̉͒̿̆̓ͧ̒ͬ̋̀͜
̶̷͓͚̺͙̗̤̰̱̝̖̱̯ͦ͋̆ͯͭ̌͂̍͗͐̔̃͐̂̅̀ͅ
̵̸̎̉ͧ̾̽̃ͪ̀̚̚͏̣̱̘͙͞

RED
Wow, that sounds dangerous! So ̵̸̎̉ͧ̾̽̃ͪ̀̚̚͏̣̱̘͙͞?

OLD MAN
4̷̨̝̞͙̜̰̬̙̯̫ͫ̂̍ͨͤ̀o͗̃ͨ̈́ͫ͘͏͉̮̙̥̯͙͎̤͓̱͍̘r̫̝̻͚ͩ͂ͦ̈́̈́́͜͞t̢̡̹͇̥͈̼̼̣̼̤̗͔̱̩͈̺̪̠͐̾ͪ̒̓̃̀ͮ̇̂̚̕ͅ

RED
̛̃ͯ͆͒̏͋̏͛ͥ̊̇͆̄͛ͦ͜͏̘̰̭͍̥̖͚̝̰̰̭̥͖̻̜͚̝

OLD MAN
Wait, what did you just say?

RED
What have you been saying?

OLD MAN
Egad! It's been too many years since I've encountered one of these pieces of rubbish! Missingno jumbles your speech!

RED
Why?

OLD MAN

k̬̙͙̰̱ͩ̎́q̷̦͙̣̥̤̮̲͖̋̐̌ͥ̑ͨj̸̟̬̓̊̍̽̾ͨ͌̀h̷̞̖̰ͤ̓͑̈́ẅ̻́̆͋̀͘͠w͗̽̎͏̦̲̖̩̩̩͕Å̷̦̗̫̇̐̌ͩ̾Ḭ̜̪́̐͟͝Ò̧̖̙͗ͧ͂̆͡

RED
… Never mind, I'm just going to try and catch this thing. (Pitches a Pokeball at MISSINGNO) Go, Pokeball!

(MISSINGNO disappears into the Pokeball. It shakes a few times vigorously, then sparks with a triumphant click)

RED (Cont.)
Yay! I caught the world's most volatile Pokemon!

OLD MAN
You fool! What have you done?

RED
You speak English again?

OLD MAN
Missingno isn't just dangerous—it's downright murderous! It has a taste for cold blood, a revenge for never having been officially recognized as a Pokemon! The League will not allow it! You're making a mistake, training a monster like this! Do you know how illicit this is?

RED
But I've already been walking around naked and haven't been arrested.

OLD MAN
(Considers this) You're right. Never mind, go ahead and raise it!

RED
Thanks! Now I need a nickname. How about… Beezlebub?

OLD MAN
That's foolish. Name it Hades!

RED
I like that better! Hades the Missingno it is!

OLD MAN
… Wait, when did you catch a Missingno?

RED
Uh, I never said that. I said Magikarp. See? Magikarp, Magikarp, Missingno. It sounds similar, that's all.

OLD MAN
I miss my wife.

RED
And I really don't care.