Olivia felt puzzled as she made her way across town to Kathleen's apartment. Katie had text her a few days prior asking her over, of course Liv had immediately panicked that there was something wrong - but she reassured by Kathleen's insistence that all was fine. She just wanted to talk to her. The nerves mounted as Olivia took the lift up to Kathleen's floor, she wondered if this was about Elliot, their relationship - or lack thereof, perhaps Kathleen thought there was more going on than there truly was.

She arrived at the right number and knocked the door, the young woman opened it with a big smile,

"Liv, it's been ages" she cried as she threw her arms around her second mum

"It really has, but everything's ok right? With you, your dad, the family?"

"We're fine Liv, promise, come in. Can I get you a coffee?"

Within a few minutes they were sat on Kathleen's couch, coffees in hand chatting about work, Noah, Kathleen's siblings, the weather - it seemed to Liv that they could chat about anything apart from Elliot. After a catch up and drinking the majority her coffee she felt brave enough to say,

"So what did you need to talk to me about?"

Kathleen immediately looked a little uncomfortable, she shifted slightly in her seat and looked at the floor.

"I'm guessing this is about your dad?" Liv asked, Kathleen gave a small nod and Liv continued "there's nothing going on between us if that's what you're worried about, I promise Kathleen I don't want you to feel uncomfortable…"

"Liv" Kathleen interrupted, "that's not was this is, I didn't invite you here to tell you I don't want you and him together, hell I'd be thrilled if you guys got together - we all would!"

Ignoring the last bit, as she had no idea how to respond to that Liv replied "Oh, well, what is it then?"

"It's just, there's something I think you should know - I'm not sure I'm the right person to tell you this, in fact I'm definitely not, but you should know it and dad won't talk about it and…" her speech was getting more rapid

"Take a breath Katie" Liv said in a calming voice, "just tell me."

"It's about why dad left all those years ago."

Liv took a sharp breath in, this she was not expecting.

"So after he shot that girl, dad was a mess - it was understandable I know, but still, he was a total mess. I was living at home for a bit after collage so I saw it all first hand. He was broken, I'd never seen him like that before - neither had mum."

"I know he was affected by it, we all would have been, but…"

"Let me finish Liv." Kathleen said gently, "we tried support him, mum and I, but he was unreachable. After a few weeks, it became clear it wasn't just the shooting. He was having nightmares, would shout out in his sleep. I was down the hall and I could hear him, so it must have been awful for mum. At first he would shout things obviously related to the shooting, but then it became different. He would shout for you Liv."

Liv's eyebrows shot up, but this time she stayed silent.

"He began to cry for you in his sleep, he told us it was the shooting - you'd been there and that was why he called your name. I think mum believed him for a while, she tried to convince him to go talk to you, but he wouldn't. After a few weeks though she began to ask me if I thought there was more to it, if there was something… well, something between you."

"Kathy thought we were having an affair?"

"She didn't know what to think Liv, she was scared - we all were. Dad was just so different, he was hurting so much and nothing we said or did helped at all. In the end she confronted him. I know I shouldn't have been listening, but… Well I was, and anyway she asked him if you two were sleeping together and of course he said no"

Liv let out the breath she hadn't realised she'd been holding

"Mum believed him, but then she asked him if he was in love with you." She paused and then sighed, "he couldn't answer her Liv, he couldn't deny it. He just nodded. Mum started shouting at him. I guess she was so scared of loosing him, so frustrated with the whole situation. She told him it was her, and us - or you. I'd never heard her like that before. She told him she'd take Eli and go away, that he'd never see them again - or she said they could all go away together, if he left the job and…

"And left me as well" Olivia finished for her

Kathleen nodded miserably, "I talked to dad afterwards, let him know that I'd heard and that we would support him no matter what he did. He cried, I'd never actually seen him cry before then. He told me that he hadn't realised he was in love with you until the shooting, said that afterwards it was like a light had switched on in his brain showing him what he couldn't see before. He knew then that he'd been lying to himself for a long time, that he'd loved you for longer than he knew. I told him that mum didn't mean it, that she wouldn't take Eli - but I think we both knew that wasn't true, she felt so betrayed even though he hadn't done anything wrong really. Dad couldn't bear the thought of loosing his family, especially walking out on Eli, so he chose her, well us." Tears were streaming down Kathleen's face now as she relived such an awful time in her family's past.

"Did Kathy, did your mum" Liv choked back tears of her own, "wouldn't she let him say goodbye to me."

"She would have I think," Kathleen answered, "but he said he couldn't do it. I think, I think he felt that if he saw - or even talked to you - again, you know after he'd realised, that he wouldn't have been able to stop himself from blurting out how he felt. And then either you'd have hated him, or something would have happened that he couldn't take back. That would have shut the door on him and mum forever. She wouldn't have forgive him that."

"I see." Liv said simply, leaning back against the sofa cushion. Silent tears flowed down her cheeks, she tried to imagine what she'd have said, what she'd have done - if Elliot had come to her then, told her how he felt. She knew she'd lied to herself for a long time about her feelings for him, told herself there was nothing there. She had always known, though, that she couldn't be the one to break us his marriage, his family. 'I'd have sent him back to her' she thought to herself. She finally felt she understood why he'd left.

"Why didn't your dad tell me this?" Liv asked when she finally felt able to speak

"I begged him to, I did, since he's been back I've told him he needed to be honest with you. But with mum gone, he didn't want you to hate her, or think he was making up excuses for his behaviour, he wants you to forgive him for leaving on your own terms. But I don't think he understands how difficult it would be for you to move past something when you don't even know why it happened. Plus I think he's embarrassed to admit how strong his feeling were for you, and - I hope you don't mind me saying this Liv - how strong they still are. I know he still loves you, 10 years and half a world apart has not changed how he feels about you."

Liv felt the tears come again, she couldn't help but say, "I love him too Katie, I'm just so dam scared of loosing him, of him leaving again."

"I know Liv, I get it, and I don't want you to think I'm telling you this to excuse what he did to you, or to try and push you in to a relationship with him. I just thought you needed to know the truth."

"Thank you for telling me" Liv reached out for Kathleen's hand, "I need some time to process it all, get my head around it - but I will talk to your dad. And whatever happens there, I'm grateful to you and I'm so glad I know what happened."

Kathleen nodded and they hugged as she showed Liv out.