My Little Boy

Story Six

Paternal Instincts

It was the usual time, usual date. Location was usual, not that it was going anywhere…

The memorial had a few bushels of tumbleweed here and there, and the site literally collected dust, as it was set in the desert. Breakdown carefully cleared the mess of the memorial, placing a carved piece of energon and silently prayed to Primus. Once his prayer was done, he glanced out into the horizon, the Nevada sun retreating for the day.

Earth was such a strange planet to get used to. It wasn't like Cybertron with its organic texture, the hours of the day, and the living things that were on the planet. It was now the Cybertronian's permanent home, thanks to Optimus Prime. Ever since their presence was known when the war finally ended, the trouble didn't end there. There was a group of humans called the Neo Luddites, anti-Cybertronian protestors who want all the Cybertronians to leave Earth. Breakdown hated humans, well not all of them, and he founded them annoying from time to time, but where would the Cybertronians go when their own home was gone?

Breakdown wondered what Knock Out would have thought.

If he was with them right now…

Breakdown wanted to stop Knock Out from sacrificing himself. He wanted to reach for him, bring his mind back and knock some sense back into him. But here he lies. His spark extinguished, gone from the universe. If Knock Out hadn't fallen in love with Arcee, the war would still be going on. He would still be alive… but Breakdown couldn't blame Arcee for Knock Out's death. She was already going through so much, with giving birth to Cliffjumper. Every time he looked into little Cliffjumper's ruby optics, he swore he saw Knock Out. And he didn't want to dishonor the memory of his best friend.

It was the usual time, usual place, and usual sunset. It was the usual time to talk to Knock Out. Each time Breakdown came back, he always had more to tell.

"Hey, doc, I can't believe it's been almost three years," Breakdown began. "Time does sure fly on this planet… Cliffjumper gets bigger each day. He looks so much like you. Don't worry about Arcee, I haven't forgotten. I'm taking care of her."

So much had happen the past few weeks… where was he going to start?

"Ever since the war ended, most Decepticons left Earth, some of them are hiding here. Doesn't help, since the Neo Luddites now have something on us, but Optimus seems to know what he's doing. It's so awkward being around the Autobots… Well, for you it isn't. Being around them can get intimidating."

The feud between the Autobots and the Decepticons waged endlessly, no one thought it would be over, until now. Trying to bring back the two sides as one species and race was going to be long as well. At least there was going to be some sense of peace if no one was stupid enough to cause trouble.

"Same old with me and Bulkhead," Breakdown chuckled. "That's one of the things that haven't changed… When we're not beating the slag out of each other, I still find grease in my hanger, around my bed, on the floor. Something tells me pesky, little humans weren't the culprits this time… and the pipes were all cleaned out when the human soldiers came, so there couldn't have been any spills."

Breakdown and Bulkhead were at each other's necks for Primus knows when. Breakdown could still remember how it all started out that day. It was clear and crisp like looking at his hand right in front of him. There was no room for forgiveness. It wasn't impossible to erase those memories, though since the war was over, Arcee tried to reason with him to try and at least meet half way with Bulkhead. Breakdown would rather lose his other optic. Though, despite the bickering and the disagreements, Arcee did have a point.

"Well, since you're gone…" he continued. "I remember the time when Arcee told me she was sparked. She must have been so scared. When everyone found out she was with you, it must have been equally as hard. A baby was going to be with us soon. An actual Cybertronian baby…! We've been at war for so long, there was no time to settle down and raise a family. Arcee was going to be a mother, but you were gone… At first I was uneasy being a spark guide to Cliffjumper, but when I held him the first time… I swore to myself to protect him, no matter what. You told me to protect Arcee, now I'll protect Cliffjumper as well. I'll promise you that."

Not a spark of paternal instincts glowed in Breakdown's spark, but his walls just about crumbled when he held a smaller version of Knock Out in his mighty hands. Out of all the things Breakdown was, innocence was definitely not him. He was far from that, and children were all about innocents, not to mention their screams and random turbulent bouts. Though, little Cliffjumper was the exception. And Breakdown was always going to be there for him.

"On the topic of parenthood…" Breakdown could feel his spark cringe in uneasiness. "Arcee seems to be taking this parent thing easily, and I'm glad she has the strength to see it through, she always had. I think that's one of the reasons why you liked her from the start."

"You remember Airachnid right?"

"Careful, muscles. One more look from you, and you may find yourself off the floor hanging in the morning."

"You know how I said she was intriguing and the jokes we said about her when we thought she wasn't near us…" Breakdown paused. "I… I was with her for a while. I thought Arcee was going to throw the energon at me, but, Knock Out, she… she… She gave birth last week to our daughter."

"I have to leave this planet. I can't stand this organic life irritating me…!"

"Can't you stay a little longer? Thrash In's yours; she's ours, our daughter! You just gave birth, stay!"

"Airachnid found a ship and she's going to leave first thing tomorrow morning… I tried everything to make her stay, but… you know how she is, with the one man act. She's not exactly a people person, I know, but… Out of all the trouble we've been through, I love her. I love her… so much. When I say she's not a people person… I'm sure she didn't even take a second glance at Thrash In. Now that I'm probably going to be the only parent around my own flesh and blood… what am I going to do? What am I going to do, Knock Out…? I, I…"

He felt his optics brimming with tears, knees collapsing to the ground. He was a full grown Cybertronian mech. He shouldn't be breaking down like this. But he couldn't control the tears silently, but rapidly flowing down his faceplates.

"Knock Out, I don't think I can do this…!" he felt himself sobbing. "This parenting thing, the whole fatherhood spiel… Dammit, why did you have to go? Why were you so stupid, you just had to sacrifice yourself? I can't go through this alone. You're a father, but you're not even alive to see it. Now I'm a father, too. Why aren't you there… when I need you the most right now? What… what would I be… without you?"

They both became fathers at almost the exact same time… and Knock Out wasn't with him.