House Rules

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"I don't need you here to help me pee on a stick," Cuddy told House. She sat on the toilet in his apartment and crossed her legs so he couldn't see her pee. It wasn't that she was embarrassed of her bodily functions, but rather nervous about the results of the test, and House watching her wasn't helping.

"No, but I have a very important job of opening the packages," He told her, ripping open another pregnancy test box and placing the stick on his sink so she could grab it when she was ready. She guessed that it was his way of staying present in the action. It was nice that he was involved, if only to be the first person to read the results of the test.

She finished with her first test and set in on his sink.

"Hey!" He moved it to the other side of the sink. "Finished go on this side!"

She winced in disgust. "You don't have to touch that." After hearing his numerous complaints of having to touch patients' urine, she didn't want to add to his annoyance since they were already in a stressful situation, and it was something she was perfectly capable of doing on her own.

Strangely, it didn't seem to bother him today. "I'm a doctor. I deal with pee daily." He opened another box. She guessed that this testing system he developed helped him focus on what he could control in their predicament. She was feeling overwhelmed at the possibility of having to deal with a baby, so she couldn't imagine how he felt.

There were five tests in all and she managed to pee on all of them before the first test was up. She stood up with him to watch the sticks, lined up in the order that she took them. "This could take a while."

"Only about five more minutes." His eyes were glued to the first one.

She sat down on the edge of his tub. "What are we going to do if I'm pregnant?"

"If?" His hands gripped the side of the sink. "There's no 'if' about it. You are definitely with child."

She'd known. She had an idea after she threw up at the restaurant, and when Cameron had mentioned it in the differential, she knew. But she didn't really want to deal with it, and now House was making her. She couldn't figure out just how he was taking the news. Despite claiming to know that she was pregnant, his reaction seemed to hinge on the result of the pregnancy test. "Then why are you watching that stick closer than you study my breasts?"

"First, I don't study your breasts that closely." Almost negating what he said, he lifted his eyes from the pregnancy test to stare at her chest. "Second," His eyes returned to the stick, "knowing my specialty, you could have something that looks exactly like pregnancy, but isn't. And if it isn't, it could be very dangerous. I'm just looking out for you."

There was something in the tone of his voice that suggested he wasn't. Ever since he'd felt her up in her office and became convinced that she was pregnant, he was back to his old self again- sarcasm, games, dishonesty. She knew he could be just weirded out by the sudden intimacy having a child with her would bring, so she ignored it momentarily. "If it looked exactly like pregnancy, the test would be positive, genius," she reminded him, holding the stick up.

"It is." He took the stick from her and examined it.

"What?"

"It is positive." He held it up to her.

They slowly watched the other four tests turn positive. Cuddy tossed them into the trash and wiped off House's sink. She waited for his reaction. He didn't seem pissed or sad or anything.

"We knew you were pregnant," He told her as they walked out of the bathroom to settle on the couch in his living room.

"Yeah," she leaned back and pressed her back against the couch. She held her hands to her stomach. It didn't feel like there was anything growing in there. Obviously, it was too soon to physically feel anything, but emotionally, she didn't feel like she was carrying a child. She couldn't quite comprehend that she had a potential to create another person inside of her.

"What are you going to do?" He laced his hands together and rested them on his stomach.

She'd hoped that he would just tell her what he wanted to do. It would relieve the pressure on her decision. If she made the wrong choice, she would feel perpetually guilty. If he decided incorrectly, she could always blame him, which was quite easier than feeling guilt. She told him, "I don't know." She wanted to continue to feel out his reaction.

"What's your instinct? Just off the top of your head."

Gut instinct meant she dropped obsessing over what he would want. She closed her eyes and zeroed in on how she was actually feeling. All she could think about was her job. How it would look if she got pregnant out of wedlock with her newly hired employees baby. "Get rid of it. Forget this ever happened." The second she said it, she wanted to be sick, and she regretted voicing her opinion. Actually, if she was going to start regretting, she'd take back going off her birth control at such an inopportune time, but Cuddy wasn't one to worry about things in the past that she couldn't change.

"Really?" He seemed stunned. His hands were still pressed into his own stomach, and she noticed that this was the longest time they'd been in the apartment together without touching each other.

"But I don't think I can," She took it back. This was why he needed to make the decision. "I'd be an awful mother. I don't deserve a baby for even thinking that."

"You could always give it up for adoption." He was speaking like the baby was only hers, like this was her problem and he was an outsider. Suddenly, she hated that he could just up and leave her. She hated that he had no physical tie to their child other than DNA. She was carrying it, and it'd be attached to her for 9 months, completely dependent on her. It was unfair.

"What do you want?" She finally asked.

"What do you mean?" He didn't even think she'd consider him.

"Do you want me to have this baby? Or terminate or give it up for adoption? It's half yours." She was giving him an out, giving him permission to ask her to get an abortion and she'd do it.

"Yeah." He took a few minutes to consider that. He put his forearm on the armrest next to him and traced the outline of the fabric of the couch. "I don't want to be a father." He laid his other hand in her lap. "I can't give you enough reasons why I shouldn't be someone's dad. But I told you I want you so there's a possibility that I could want your child too." He didn't sound too sure about that.

"Our child," She corrected him. He didn't even think of the baby as his child. She couldn't do this on her own. "Why did this have to happen now? I just need a few more years at my job." She needed to earn a bit more money to buy a house, and start saving for the kid's college. She'd always imagined she'd have a husband, a job that didn't require more than forty hours a week.

"Wishing for a better situation isn't going to help you now." He was trying to make her angry, and she figured it was because he blamed her. She knew it was her fault, going off the birth control, but they'd both gotten caught up that night that they'd had sex at the bar. He was so different than he was acting now.

She looked around his apartment and remembered all the past girls he had and the hurt she felt at his indifference. The sex was amazing, but they were just screwing around. They couldn't do that anymore. Not with a baby.

Maybe that's what was scaring him about her pregnancy. He was afraid they could never go back to the way things were. She didn't want to. "I hate it here. I hate knowing that I lived here and remembering all the crap that happened."

"You want me to move?" He sounded disbelieving, and he looked at her like she was crazy.

"Yeah."

"That's kind of insane." Maybe it was. Maybe she was expecting too much of him.

"Well, I'm kind of having your child so I thought I'd voice my opinion." She was sounding less and less convinced of her strength. Noticing her own weakness, her own fear, a thought crossed her mind- she needed him desperately. But she ignored it, so he couldn't disappoint her.

"So you're having it? Two seconds ago you wanted to terminate." He seemed mad, but more about her indecision than her desire to have the baby.

"No, I said abortion was my first instinct." She paused, knowing that he might freak out at what she was saying, "But having thought about it and not wanting to be selfish..."

"It is selfish." He stuck his thumb in his mouth and she watched him run his teeth under his nail in thought. "We have no time for a child. It'd be shipped off to boarding school and hate us for the rest of its life." He scooted back in his chair uncomfortably. "And what happened to my opinion?"

"I didn't hear one." Her fingers dug into the cushion of the couch between them.

He thought for a couple seconds. "I don't want it."

It hit her harder than she suspected, in her stomach, and she felt nauseous. She guessed he meant, 'I don't want you.' She held her hand close to him, almost touching him. "You said..."

"If you're so intent on being selfless, do you think it's a good idea to be dating a guy who may or may not want your child?" His hands went to his knees and gripped hard. She could tell he was struggling with his own insecurities, but he was playing with hers.

"His child?" She reminded him, again. "Yeah, actually that option's not looking so hot now."

"Did you ever sleep with Wilson?" He asked her without a smirk, so she knew he wasn't making fun of her.

"No. Why are you bringing that up now?" She thought maybe he was actually concerned that he was not the father. He knew that she hadn't slept with Wilson. He knew it, and he was just trying to anger her, sabotage their relationship so he didn't have to feel bad when he dumped her. "You'd better not..."

"I'm just saying, if you did, and you could pass it off as his kid, I think that'd be the better choice for all of us."

"I think you're being a fucking asshole." She realized how painful it was to be held at a distance from him this long, when all she wanted was for them to be together. "We just need to cool off. We can't be freaking out at the same time or else it's going to end badly."

"It's going to end badly regardless." He sunk into the corner of the couch, as far away from her as he could be without standing. He was falling into his self-loathing mood that made him see everything through a cloud of pessimism.

She needed to remind him of the good that they had. "What made you come back to me, in the bar?"

"Your ass." He glanced at her and smiled for a split-second.

She saw it. Maybe things were looking up. "Is that it?"

"You." He cupped her cheek and then dropped his hand. "I think I wasn't trying hard enough. I think I could have sex with someone else if I really tried."

She wanted to crawl up in her bed and cry. After everything, she didn't think he'd want to give up. But he was here and she couldn't shy away. "You really don't want to be with me anymore? Before we knew for sure...everything was fine. You wanted me. I still want you. Please don't give up because of this." She considered terminating just for the sake of being with him, if that was ultimatum. But she knew she couldn't do that. How sick and wrong of her. She didn't want to be with him if he was going to leave her any way.

"I can't believe this happened. I was ready for anything." He collapsed, hiding his face in his hands. "Except this. This is too much."

"I can't abort it." It terrified her to say it, but she knew it was the truth. "I would give it up for adoption, but I don't think I could stand knowing that someone else was raising our baby. Someone that we created with parts of us in him. Or her. Could you?"

His answer surprised her. "No." One of his hands dropped to the couch between them and just grazed her leg. "We need an impartial third party."

Wilson was surprised by the call. Ever since they all started work at PPTH, he hadn't spent much time with House outside of the hospital. It didn't surprise him that House called him so late, but the fact that Cuddy would be joining them was out of the ordinary.

He was curious as to what their relationship entailed currently. House had been rather evasive of the details when they'd had their occasional lunch together. If they were inviting him over as a couple, then they would have invited Sam as well.

But it was just him, he thought as started up the stairs to his old apartment. He knocked on the door. House answered, looking pretty solemn. Cuddy was just behind him, her hand around his upper arm. Her eyes were red- she looked like she'd been crying.

"Hey, what's going on? Is everything all right?" He stepped into the apartment. House and Cuddy went into the living room and sat, and he followed.

Before they'd even gotten comfortable, House told him, "Cuddy's pregnant."

Cuddy looked at him with disdain and covered her face with her hand.

"Seriously?" He didn't know what to say. He noticed that it didn't seem to be good news for them.

"Yep."

"Crazy odds. Out of all the women you slept with..." It was Cuddy, the one who'd almost driven them apart, the one who House had fallen for. His first instinct was trying to picture them with a baby. It didn't fit. House was still growing out of his rambunctious years and Cuddy was still enthralled with her job.

Having a kid would change everything. House was not ready to be a father and he wasn't sure if Cuddy wanted to be a mom. He'd assumed they'd discussed this.

"Yeah. We know." House and Cuddy were sitting next to each other but not touching each other. Cuddy had not said a word yet. House spoke again, "So what should we do?"

"What do you mean?" What other options did they have? "You need to find an OB, get an examination."

"You think we should have it?" House rested his elbows on his knees.

"Have it?" He looked at Cuddy, who finally looked up at him, her eyes watering. "You were going to abort?"

"I'm the youngest dean of medicine in history of the hospital. I need this job. I don't have time for a baby," She tried to justify.

"Wow." He hadn't even considered it. He couldn't believe that she had. Something like this, he would have expected out of House in his early years, but this was not like Cuddy or even House now. His relationship with Cuddy had matured him, even though he wouldn't want to admit it.

"You think that's a bad idea?" House said.

"Yes." It was a no-brainer. "The guilt would drive you insane. It would ruin your relationship, your lives..."

"Plenty of women have abortions and get over it," was House's excuse. It sounded insensitive to Cuddy, and he knew it. Wilson saw House's hand come up to rest on Cuddy's knee.

All of a sudden, their conversation had a weird feel to it. He was sitting across from them, as a separate entity, instead of three friends trying to figure something out. "Is this couple's therapy?" Wilson asked, in response.

"Something like that," Cuddy said. "We couldn't make a decision without fighting. We need you as a voice of reason."

A voice of reason? When House was in the room? The news of the pregnancy must have really screwed him up. "You guys don't want to abort...at least right away...trust me."

"Yeah, I just don't think I can do that," Cuddy said, looking at House.

"So, then, adoption?" House suggested.

"Why can't you just keep it?" Wilson wanted to know. They were responsible people. They could have a kid, and at least figure it out how to be parents on the way.

"Let's be honest, here." House separated himself from Cuddy again. "I would not make a good father."

"I think you could be," Cuddy spoke up.

House leaned away from her, in disbelief. "What the hell are you thinking? Don't deny what you know is the truth to pretend what you hope is real."

She turned toward him, facing him on the couch. "I'm not lying. Or crazy. I just think it could work."

"Sorry," He inched further away. "I can't be what you want me to. I don't want this."

"I can't do it on my own!" Cuddy started to tear up again.

"Okay!" They were making it very tense in the room and Wilson could see why they'd called him. "Just calm down, everyone. This is not the end of the world." He watched them relax and sink down back in their seats. "As unfortunate as this timing may be, Cuddy is carrying a child and you can't do anything to reverse that." He stared at House, "Don't you think you've waited long enough for her? You want her. More than you've wanted anybody else, and now you have her. Don't waste this."

House leaned back, so he rested against the couch.

"I will give you five minutes to think about what you want while I'm going to the bathroom and then I will be back and you will have made a decision," he decided for them. He stood up, and walked to the bathroom. He knew that House would fall for her as soon as he left the room.

Sure enough, when he stepped out of the bathroom after relieving his bladder, he found them making out heatedly on the couch. House was pulling her as close as she could get and she was scratching her fingers along his jaw.

"Typical," He said out loud.

They didn't hear him.

A/N: Next time, it'll be a little better. But, really, you knew this wasn't going to be easy. :)