A/N: So, it's almost a year since I last updated this story. Officially the worst author EVER. If any of you end up reading this, congratulations, you are marathon readers, and also thank you for picking this story up again. I don't know why this one keeps popping back into my head, but it does, and I really want to finish it. This is probably the second to last chapter and it is looooonnggg. I should probably also mention that I stopped watching this show after season 2, although I still love the characters, so none of my stories will likely ever reflect any canon plots the happened during season 3.
The first thing Quinn saw when her eyes opened the next morning was Rachel's naked back, a strip of sunlight falling across it from the space between the curtains on the window, making it glow like brilliant gold. She sucked in a breath, then stifled it, praying she hadn't woken the brunette. The silence permeating the house, the peaceful, slanting shafts of sunlight falling across the bed, and Rachel's even breathing all made for the first non-chaotic moment of Quinn's life in weeks. She was a little grateful that Rachel was still asleep because the peace and quiet afforded her time to take in the night before – the articles of clothing strewn across the bedroom, the tangled state of the bed sheets, and the naked singer in bed beside her. Quinn crawled very carefully out of the bed and crossed to the mirror that stood in the corner of the room. She slowly surveyed her reflection, taking in the familiar swell of her own breasts, the patch of blonde curls between her thighs, the way her hipbones jutted out like butterfly wings. She didn't look any different than before she had touched a girl, laid with her in the way she'd be told would damn any woman to an eternity in hell. She didn't even looked that different than before she'd had the baby. Her hair was still the same thick blonde; her eyes were still round and hazel, her lips still full. She was still beautiful. It was a realization that shocked her as she stood staring at herself.
I'm the same.
Despite the baby, despite Rachel, despite defying her father, despite losing her mother, she was the same - only smarter, wiser, and stronger. Her gaze fell on Rachel's sleeping form in the mirror and she saw again the way the singer had writhed and moaned in pleasure under her ministrations, the way their bodies had responded to each other so readily. Quinn felt, for the first time in a long time, that her mind and body were completely hers. She had come to understand herself, had recognized something in herself that there would be no turning away from now. And she had made Rachel come undone, Quinn and Quinn alone had witnessed, had caused, the singer's undoing. The sheer power she felt, the power to face what she had faced and love so fiercely in spite of it was something the blonde in the mirror knew couldn't be taken away.
Suddenly, the beauty of the morning – the sunlight, the newfound awareness, the peace of the house, was too much to take in alone. Quinn climbed back into the bed – her bed, now – and carefully brushed Rachel's hair back, planting a line of gentle kisses down her neck. Rachel smiled sleepily and rolled over to look at the blonde.
"Good morning," Quinn grinned, "It's a beautiful day."
Living at the Berrys' house was like moving from a life in a long, dark tunnel with only a dim light ahead to living in an open, sunlit field of flowers with a gigantic rainbow shining overhead. So much of the Berrys' lives reflected their comfort in being who they were, in living out in the open. Not even in relation to their sexuality, but their quirky personalities and likes and dislikes, as well.
Quinn was used to first living under Russell's rule, where everything down to what classes she took at school to what her mother cooked for dinner was decided by one man. She had then grown accustomed to living with Judy, where she was lucky to see her mother awake for more than ten minutes, let alone share stories of her day with her. Hiram and Leroy set out adorable bowls of cereal topped with fruit every morning, and asked what the girls might like to eat for dinner that night. Hiram would often peer over the top of his little glasses and ask,
"Did you girls get enough sleep last night? I heard some giggling coming from your room, Quinn," or else, "Have you two done your summer reading yet?"
Whereas Leroy would wink a warm chocolate brown eye at Quinn and ask if there would be a pick-up rehearsal that night, and should he keep some plates warm for them. Dinner was much the same, with the whole family around the kitchen table – Quinn had never seen them set foot in the impeccably decorated formal dining room - their stories of rehearsal, work, and shows punctuated by "pass the peas, please," and "these kale chips are delicious." Quinn realized that this little family, a unit that her previous community would have damned and never recognized it for what it was, was more wholesome than any right-wing Christian family of hypocrites she had ever known. Rachel had a strong moral compass and good values, and it was clear that she had been taught by these two men to love, accept, and support others. Quinn had only ever been taught to judge and manipulate, and it had taken her all these years to break away from that.
It didn't take Quinn long to become enormously grateful that by some grace of God she had ended up in a family as loving as the Berrys. After a week or so, Leroy announced that Lexie and Angie had invited them over for dinner. Rachel was ecstatic, of course, "I can't wait to see Elijah!" But Quinn was nervous. She hadn't called the lawyer since she had last seen her, and she still wasn't sure what her best course of action regarding her parents was. She was also nervous about how easily Mrs. Levine had been able to see through her the day that they had met. Lastly, "Lexie and Angie" were obviously important to Rachel, and Quinn wanted to make a good impression. It made her nervous to think about all the dirty laundry that the lawyer already knew about.
The following evening, the Berrys plus Quinn piled into Hiram's gold-colored SUV and drove to a neighborhood even nicer than the one Quinn had grown up in, with intricately curly-cued streetlights illuminating every portion of the street, beautifully manicured lawns and community areas, an impeccably clean playground, and a well-lit jogging track that wound its way throughout the neighborhood. The driveway that Hiram steered the car into was attached to one of the nicest houses Quinn had ever seen, and that was certainly saying something. It was modern, sleek, and elegant, with tall glass walls built in such a way as to maintain the privacy of the residents but allowing them what must have been a magnificent view.
Leroy rang the doorbell, and Quinn felt her heart clench as, through the huge glass doors they saw a tiny blonde head bobbing excitedly as its owner toddled down a long hallway toward them. A red-headed woman with a rounded look and a huge, beautiful smile ran after him, and opened the door, laughing.
"Auntie Ray!" Elijah hustled forward as Rachel dropped to one knee and opened her arms.
"Hello, pumpkin!" the brunette cried, scooping him up and pecking the red-headed woman on the cheek before bustling into the house.
The woman greeted Leroy and Hiram, and then turned her radiant smile to Quinn, who felt her face stretch into a grin without waiting for permission from her brain.
"You must be Quinn! I'm Angie, Lexie told me all about you!" she pulled the blonde in for a hug, and Quinn sucked in a sharp breath as she heard a giggle and squeal of delight from Elijah, somewhere in the house. Quinn couldn't tell from Angie's kind gaze just how much Lexie had disclosed, but Quinn hoped that her newfound discomfort with babies and children didn't show.
"Come in, come in!" Angie grinned, motioning Quinn into the house.
Quinn followed Hiram and Leroy through a spacious foyer and into a huge living room, decorated in a sleek and modern style that was punctuated with framed photos of the small family. Rachel had situated herself in the middle of the room, sprawled on the plush cream-colored carpet with Elijah beside her, helping him unwrap the gift the Berrys had brought him – a colorful toddler-proof plastic boombox with a microphone.
"Dinner's almost ready!" Quinn heard Lexie's voice coming from somewhere in the house.
"Everyone sit!" Angie motioned to the square-cushioned sofas. As they sat, Angie offered them water or drinks. Quinn had a hard time taking her eyes off of Elijah's pudgy little fingers pushing the buttons on his new toy and testing to see how loud it could make his babbling voice.
"Quinn?" Quinn turned around quickly.
"What? Er, I'm sorry?" Angie was watching her with the type of sympathetic look that told Quinn that Lexie had pretty much spilled the beans on her past.
"Would you like water? Soda? Apple juice?" The redhead winked at the last suggestion. Quinn shook her head.
"I'm fine, thanks." Angie had barely returned with the drinks for the Berry men when Lexie called from the next room, "Dinner is served!"
"And it's time for Elijah to go to bed," Angie said, scooping the toddler off of the floor and pausing while Rachel kissed him goodnight and Hiram and Leroy each shook his pudgy little hand. To avoid interacting with the baby, Quinn quickly stepped over to the mess on the floor left behind by Rachel's gift. The brunette was already grabbing up the stray bits of wrapping paper, leaving the toy leftover for Quinn, who grabbed it and instinctively followed Angie down a hallway, the lightweight plastic feeling particularly strange and heavy in her hand.
The thought of having to enter the nursery to put the toy away didn't dawn on Quinn until she was standing in the doorway, watching Angie lay him gently on the changing table in the soft glow of a bedside lamp, dimly illuminating the sage green walls and the jungle animal theme of the nursery.
"Thanks so much, hon," Angie said quietly, "You can put it in there," she jerked her head toward an overflowing toy box in the corner.
"No problem," Quinn murmured, and crossed the room practically at a run, then turned tail and fled to the dining room she had passed on the way in.
The last baby she had been that close to had been her own. Her own fantasies of putting Beth to bed in a lovingly decorated nursery, playing with new toys, sharing her quirky habits and developmental milestones with friends all came rushing back to her as she entered the large dining room with the dark wooden table, set with trendy square plates and fancy glasses. She saw concern pass over Rachel's face before she could smooth her own to a mask of indifference. She did her best to smile convincingly and sat down with everyone else at the table.
Lexie entered the dining room carrying a lasagna dish between two red potholders, dressed in jeans and a black sweater, her hair in a loose ponytail, quite the contrasting presentation to what Quinn had seen in her office.
"It's vegetarian lasagna made with squash pasta and fake cheese, Rach," Lexie said before she even sat down. Then, "Hello, Quinn, good to see you again."
Angie appeared after a few minutes, and Quinn watched her kiss her…wife, she supposed, and listened as Lexie asked whether the baby got to sleep alright, and spooned lasagna out for everyone.
Quinn saw the loving looks that passed between the two women, the way they laughed over something their son had done the day before. She took in the beautiful home they shared together, the child they were raising together, and the friends they shared together.
It was the life Quinn had been hoping to live, and until now had thought to be completely unattainable. Despite the times she lived in, and even despite living with the Berrys for the past couple of weeks, she hadn't allowed herself to believe that such a life could be hers.
Until now, everything seemed to be taken away from her: her social status, her body, her home, her baby, and all of her goals. Looking around the table, and thinking of everything that had happened in the past months, she saw a new, supportive group of friends, a new home, a new family, and the unexpected addition of Rachel to her life.
As dinner came to a close, Quinn offered to help Lexie with the dishes and Angie showed the Berrys back into the family room to look at new pictures of Elijah. Quinn brought a stack of dishes into the kitchen as Lexie was spooning the leftover lasagna into a Tupperware dish.
"You were pretty quiet during dinner, Quinn," the brunette woman said, snapping the lid onto the leftovers and crossing to the refrigerator.
Quinn continued scraping plates into the garbage can, considering her answer, and the woman across the room, before admitting, "I guess I have a lot on my mind right now."
Lexie nodded, pausing to survey the girl and leaning against a counter.
"You know," she began, sighing a little and crossing her arms over her chest, "You and I had very similar experiences in high school."
Quinn stopped with the dishes to look at the older woman in disbelief, "Really?"
Lexie nodded, "I mean, I didn't have a baby, obviously, but I fell in love with a girl, and my dad found out about it, and he threw me out, too."
"I'm sorry, that sucks."
"Hiram's parents let me stay at their place through high school, they even sent me money throughout college, and they were at my graduation. They encouraged me to finish law school and then let me stay with them again when I was studying for the bar. They turned out to be better parents than my real family would have allowed themselves to be."
Quinn nodded, thinking of Russell and Judy and rubbing at an invisible spot on the granite countertop.
"But," Lexie continued, "I know my parents loved me, they just couldn't get past their own stupid ideas of who I was supposed to be. They thought they were doing the right thing. Now that I'm a parent, one side of me can't imagine turning my own child away-" Quinn cringed, seeing Beth in her hospital bassinet, "-but the other side so strongly wants to see him become something great and to help him avoid all those things that I perceive to be bad influences. I know you know what I'm talking about. You're a parent, too."
Tears immediately sprung to Quinn's eyes. No one had ever called her Beth's parent. She hadn't even considered permitting herself to be called that. She blinked rapidly, but the tears started to fall, anyway. Lexie crossed the kitchen and put an arm around the blonde teenager.
"Listen, I have a baby, and I've been where you are now, and there is no way you or I would have been able to handle both at the same time. Of course you miss your baby, of course you wish you could have kept her, but good mothers always put their kids first, and you made the ultimate sacrifice for her. You gave her a better life. No one else could have done that for her. And you're a better parent than your own parents will ever be. You know there's no way they don't love you, just like there's no way you don't love your baby. They may never see where they were wrong, but you hating them won't change a thing."
Quinn's face was in her hands, her shoulders shaking with silent sobs. It was everything she hadn't allowed herself to think; the guilt, the pain, the anger, the forgiveness. She hadn't said a word and yet this woman had been able to recognize all that in her which she had been hiding for so long, from everyone.
The two of them stood in the kitchen for a long time, Quinn quietly crying onto Lexie's shoulder, the older woman gently rubbing her back. After awhile, Quinn stopped crying and Lexie crossed the kitchen to get her a paper towel.
As she dabbed her eyes and wiped her nose, Quinn managed, "How did you…thanks, for saying all that."
Lexie smiled, "Don't mention it. But listen, I know you're looking for a job. What time do you get out of school during the school year?"
Quinn blinked, "Three, why?"
"Well, my office is open until six thirty, so if you could work from three fifteen to seven, and days during the summer, I'd like to hire you as the secretary for the office."
Quinn looked up at the woman, hoping she wasn't kidding. "Are you sure?"
Lexie raised an eyebrow, "I'm pretty sure you've met our current secretary. I'm sure you'll understand why I'd like to see less of her, she's not exactly a ray of sunshine."
Quinn laughed, "Thank you so much, this really means a lot."
"No problem. Now, let's finish the dishes before Angie and Rachel come back here looking for us."
Quinn laughed again, but Lexie suddenly got serious, "Oh, and one more thing," she glowered down at Quinn, "I'm not going to ask you what's going on with your love life or what's happening between you and Rachel, but let me tell you if you hurt that girl one more time, so help me, I know where you live now."
Quinn looked up, her eyes wide, "Don't worry about that," they stared at each other for a second, "I'm serious," Quinn assured the older woman.
Lexie nodded, then smiled and patted Quinn on the back, "Alright, sorry, you know, it's just that Angie and I really care about that little maniac."
Quinn grinned, "Me, too."