A/N: Well, guys, I know I said this would be the last chapter, but I'm not quite done yet. There will be one more epilogueish-but-not final chapter coming up soon. Thanks so much for reading (and reviewing! I seriously love reading your reviews). I hope you enjoy!
Quinn pulled her keys out of her pocket in the parking lot of Lexie's office building and slipped into the driver's seat of her car, the late August sunset blazing a trail of orange across the deepening sky. Summer was ending; the slight chill in the air was forcing the blonde to accept that school would soon begin again.
She was torn. Part of her was glad to start school without the ongoing oppression of Russell and his rules, but another part was missing her home and her family. The idea of applying for colleges without the help of her parents was daunting, but at the same time she was enjoying her newfound sense of freedom. The show that she and Rachel had devoted their summer to was over, and Rod and Nancy had asked Quinn to stage manage some of their productions during the coming school year. She knew Russell would never allow her to spend so much of her time away from church and homework and his influence, not to mention he would be certain to disapprove of the "type of people" that called the theatre home.
Quinn was also relieved to be able to relax at home with Rachel, to go on regular dates with her, to kiss her whenever she wanted, without having to worry about her parents' disapproval or harsh words. At the same time, she wished she could share her happiness with her family.
She shook her blonde head to clear it as she drove the familiar route home from work. Her parents couldn't share in her happiness when they only saw it as a further perversion of her spirit.
She grinned as she pulled into the driveway of the Berry house, her house now, hopped out of her car and hurried for the front door, turning her key in the lock. Hiram was sitting on the couch with the paper folded around the crossword, nibbling the cap of a ballpoint pen.
"Hello, Quinn, how was work?" He said, glancing up and smiling at her.
"Good, thanks," she smiled back, "How's the crossword?"
"Hmm," Hiram paused, frowning down at the newsprint, "Suspect, in cop lingo? Four letters."
Quinn went around to the back of the couch to look over his shoulder. She studied the puzzle for a second before announcing, "Perp!"
"That works!" Hiram said, chuckling and filling it in, "You watch too much Law & Order."
"She has a considerably unhealthy obsession with Mariska Hargitay," Rachel's voice came from the doorway of the kitchen. Quinn turned to see the brunette was still in her clothes from ballet class, tendrils of hair slipping out of her bun and spilling onto her forehead.
"Not as obsessed as I am with you in a leotard," Quinn smirked, crossing to kiss her.
"Blech!" Hiram pretended to gag, then put his paper down and got up, walking towards the kitchen door with a grin on his face, "I'm going to see if Leroy needs any help with dinner."
Quinn smiled at her girlfriend, running her hands over her tiny waist in the tight black leotard, sliding her hands around to her lower back and slipping her fingers just inside the waistband of the sweatpants Rachel wore over her dance gear. "Did you miss me?" Quinn breathed into her ear.
Rachel pulled back to kiss her, capturing her bottom lip between her teeth for an instant before looking into her eyes. Quinn's stomach flipped over. She wondered if that would always happen.
"What do you think?" Rachel had her bedroom eyes on, but a completely unrelated thought had obviously entered her head because her face suddenly lit up with excitement.
"Angie called me today! She asked if I could babysit Elijah tonight. She said you'd be welcome to come, too. They have a wonderful entertainment system so I was planning to bring an extensive collection of musicals to watch after the baby goes to bed. I'm leaning towards Meet Me in St. Louis right now."
Quinn hesitated. The last thing she wanted was to spend the night taking care of someone else's baby, seeing the things she was missing out on with Beth. But she could see Rachel's big brown eyes searching her face for confirmation; she knew Rachel had been imagining spending the evening with her girlfriend and her nephew in that big beautiful house and then settling in with one of her favorite films.
"Great," Quinn managed a genuine smile, "I could definitely go for some Judy Garland tonight."
Rachel grinned, Quinn knew not only because she was excited for tonight but because Quinn had known who the star of the film was, as well. The blonde shook her head, unable to keep the smirk off her face as she headed into the kitchen to help set the table.
"Daddy was definitely acting like something was going on."
Rachel was in the passenger seat of Quinn's car, wearing jeans and a loose blue top that Quinn already knew would be distracting her all night.
"Definitely," Quinn agreed as they stopped at a stoplight and she looked over to run her eyes over the shorter girl, who was applying the last of her makeup in the visor mirror. She was glad for a distraction from her baby thoughts.
"Surely they can't have planned some sort of surprise event," Rachel wondered aloud. Quinn smirked. It was just like her girlfriend to get carried away with the fantasy of showing up to a house full of her adoring fans. She had undoubtedly chosen the shirt she was wearing and applied the makeup just in case. On some people, Quinn was sure this quality would look selfish and vain, but on Rachel, it just looked adorable.
When they arrived at the house, Angie and Lexie were in the living room with Elijah, who was babbling away into the toy microphone Rachel had brought him last time. The two women were dressed up nice, Lexie in pants and a silky-looking top, and Angie in a smash-hit of a red dress that flared out from her waist and stopped just below her knees.
"Well don't you two look stunning!" Rachel exclaimed, delicately kissing both of their cheeks to avoid mussing their clothes.
"Why thank you," Angie grinned.
"What's the occasion?" Rachel asked, hoisting Elijah up onto her hip. He closed a tiny fist around the neckline of her shirt and stared over Rachel's shoulder at Quinn with huge eyes. Quinn quickly move to Rachel's other side.
Angie was bouncing on the balls of her feet, grinning at Lexie, who grinned back, then nodded.
"I'm pregnant!" Angie squealed, "Elijah is going to be a big brother! We're going out to celebrate."
Rachel gasped, then bounced up and down herself, making Elijah shriek with delight.
"I can't believe it! Congratulations!" There was a flurry of hugging, during which Quinn unfroze her face and plastered it with a grin, congratulating and hugging everyone.
"I'm obviously going to be planning your baby shower," Rachel declared once the hubbub had died down.
"Um, obviously! We already told your dads, Rachel, but we wanted to tell you on your own so we asked them to keep it a secret." Angie clearly couldn't wipe the grin off of her face. She was positively lit up like the sun. Quinn couldn't help remembering when she had discovered she was pregnant. She had felt like her world had turned black.
"We'd love for you to be the godmother, Rach," Lexie added. Quinn watched Rachel's eyes fill with tears as she thanked them and exclaimed over the excitement. Elijah reached up and caught his aunt's happy tears with pudgy fingers as they fell down Rachel's cheeks.
After a few more minutes of excited chatter during which Quinn was extremely grateful that Rachel and Angie were so chatty and dominated the conversation, the two women left to claim their reservation at Breadsticks.
"I'd better go get this one's pajamas, it's almost bedtime" Rachel announced, plopping him back in the middle of the living room, "Do you mind watching him?"
Quinn paled slightly and said, "Oh, I can get them, I don't mind-"
"Don't be silly," Rachel waved her away, already bustling toward the kitchen. Quinn took a shaky breath and lowered herself to the carpet with her back against the couch nearest Elijah, who had resumed his one-man show with the microphone. After a few seconds of eyeing Quinn suspiciously, he toddled over, dragging his toy along with him.
"Auntie Kin!" he waved his microphone in the air, then pointed it at Quinn's mouth, raising his eyebrows expectantly.
"What, little one?" Quinn was fighting against her throat closing as he crawled into her lap. She looked down onto his blonde, curly head, and was horrified as she watched her tears begin to fall onto it. He looked around, concerned, grabbed at her tears the way he had done with Rachel.
"Auntie Kin?" he put his chubby little arms around her neck to hug her, and Quinn used every ounce of self-control she had to keep her shoulders from shaking with sobs. She didn't want to think of how freaked out this little guy would be with some crazy girl crying on his shoulder. She put her head down and squeezed him back, feeling his warm little body in her arms, and feeling her heart aching for her daughter.
"I wish I had a camera right now, you two are incredibly adorable," Rachel said as she came back in the room. Quinn quickly dried her eyes, but there was no hiding the fact that she'd been crying.
"Baby? What's going on, are you alright?" Rachel's face was creased with concern. She dropped down to her knees. Elijah had wriggled out of Quinn's arms.
"Auntie Kin's sad. Spidey!" Elijah exclaimed, tugging his Spiderman pajamas out of Rachel's hands. She looked down at him.
"That's right, cutie-pie. Your favorite. Let's go get them on you." She scooped him up and headed for the hallway, "I'll be right back, baby, okay?" she said, looking over her shoulder at Quinn. Quinn nodded, putting her face in her hands, feeling horrible for ruining Rachel's night, for probably confusing the hell out of Elijah, for selfishly thinking of herself when Lexie and Angie were so excited to share the news about their growing family. She took a deep breath, then another. Then she got to her feet and headed to the nursery.
She peeked around the corner into the room, dimly lit by the lamp on top of the dresser. Rachel was seated in the rocking chair, Elijah nearly asleep on her lap.
"Sweet dreams be yours, dear, if dreams there be," Rachel was singing softly, beautifully. Quinn thought of how lucky Elijah and his little brother or sister will be to grow up falling asleep to the sound of Rachel's voice. "Sweet dreams to carry you close to me," Quinn thought of what a great caretaker Rachel was to Elijah, how lucky her children would be someday. How lucky Rachel was that she would never have to feel the pain of giving any of her babies up. How those babies would never grow up possibly wondering why Rachel hadn't loved them enough to keep them, why she hadn't wanted them, wondering who she was, probably hating her for abandoning them.
Quinn silently walked back to the living room, fresh tears falling, unable to stop herself from pressing a fist to her mouth and sobbing silently as she sank onto a couch. She heard the soft closing of the nursery door, then Rachel rushed into the living room.
"Quinn, I'm so sorry, I should have realized how hard this would be for you, I'm an idiot, I'm so sorry!" She said in one breath as she rushed to sit beside Quinn on the couch and pulling her against her, wrapping her arms around her.
"I miss her so much," Quinn sobbed, fisting her hands into the back of Rachel's shirt, clinging to the shorter girl like she was driftwood in the middle of the ocean.
"I know, baby," Rachel rubbed her back in circles, smoothed her hair away from her face.
"I'm so scared she's going to grow up hating me," Quinn sat up, trying to stop the flow of tears, "That she won't understand why I…why I…"
Rachel grabbed Quinn's hand, "She won't, she won't even need to wonder. Shelby knows why you did it, she'll tell her."
Quinn shook her head, buried her face in her hands. "She won't. She'd be glad to help her hate me if it meant Beth would love her more."
"She's not that stupid, Quinn," Rachel paused, and then her voice fell slightly flat, "She's been where you are. She wouldn't do that."
"Who knows what she's capable of! Look at what she did to you!"
Rachel was silent for long enough to make Quinn look up. She was crying, but she took Quinn by the shoulders.
"You would never do what Shelby did. You are Beth's mother," Quinn looked away, shaking her head, but Rachel grabbed her chin and pulled her face around to stare into her eyes, "Shelby was never my mother. She gave that up when she put herself before me. You have never and will never do that to Beth. And Shelby…" Rachel's voice broke, but she swallowed and continued staring into Quinn's eyes, "…she really loves her, okay? She's her mom."
The two of them sat, curled into each other, crying until they were cried out. Finally Quinn took a shaky breath and wiped her eyes one last time.
"I'm sorry I ruined tonight," she said, sitting up and running a hand through her hair.
"Of course you didn't," Rachel smiled at her, carefully rubbing at the smudged makeup beneath her eyes, "It's never too late for Judy. Let's go in the den."
Quinn laughed and stood up to follow her.