It feels strangely relaxed here, as I sit drinking beer with Jack. I'd never have thought to do this with Rose or my mother before and I'm sure if they could see me now they'd disapprove.
I'm laughing and happy for the first time in a long, long time. "Here," I say. "Let me show you how we dance back home." I say, taking Jack's hand and leading over to the centre of the room where there are no tables and what is supposed to be a third class dance floor.
I take his hands and start to step through the steps of the waltz and slowly, he begins to get it. "There we are!" I say with a laugh, "You're doing it!"
"What's this dance called?" He says, watching my feet, one hand on my waist.
"It's called the Waltz."
"Silly name for a silly dance!" He says with a smile. "So this is what it's like at the first class parties? Lots of couples dancing slowly around in circles?"
It sounds silly, but he's exactly right. It's so boring, but it's traditional. I still remember the first time I attended an adult party with Rose and mother. I expected it to be like the children's parties I was used to, lots of food, a large cake to share, silly dancing and music, but this was nothing like it.
Rose helped me to choose one of my nicest dresses and I remember questioning why I had to wear something so uncomfortable. "Because these parties are much more exciting than the ones you used to have." She had said and I remember thinking of what could possibly make the parties I was used to more exciting.
It had taken me a while to work out how to act as parties like this – with lots of stuck up people with too much money for their own good. I remember being incredibly jealous of Rose, she looked stunning and I used to wish that one day I would grow up and my hair would turn a red as nice as her and my face would take shape like hers did. I'm still jealous of her, she's so much prettier than me. Which is why I'm making the most of my time with Jack. He makes me feel wanted and special. And pretty, which is something I'm not entirely used to – living with such a beautiful older sister.
When we arrive in America, mother is planning to find me a husband, which I'll have to marry for riches, not for love, which is what Jack will end up doing. He's so lucky like that. I wish I could live like him – carefree and not worrying about a thing and just sketch, but I can't because of the way I'm brought up. I have to act like a lady, dress like a lady, sit like a lady and so on. The list is boring and endless.
"Sadly, yes it is!" I reply. "I don't think you'd like our type of parties." I say.
"I think you're right." He says, squeezing my hand. "But how about I show you how we like to party?"
A smile spreads across my face. "I'd love to!" I say.
"Fabrizio!" Jack calls. I recognize him from a day or two ago, he was with Jack before. He's at Jack's side in a second. "I promised Miss Lily here we would show her how to dance properly." I laugh.
Fabrizio grins and goes to the musicians in the corner, ready with their instruments for something to play. It doesn't look like many people in third class appreciate the music they can play.
They start to play and strange melody that I'm not familiar with. It's slightly Irish and a lot faster than what I'm used to. Fabrizio skips across the room and starts to do a funny little step and soon enough, Jack joins in. I can't get my head around how it's done.
"I can't do that!" I laugh, realising my long dress will get in the way.
"Have a go!" Jack says over the music, taking my hand.
I take a jump and try to cross my legs in the air like Jack did, but I land at a funny angle and several people behind me start to laugh. I join in, realising how funny I must look. I try again and see Jack laughing too.
He shakes his head and takes my other hand. "Let me show you." He says, smiling at me.
Finally I've found somewhere I feel like I fit in. Finally.