CHAPTER SEVEN: Descending
How had I not seen this? The news came as such a shock, yet then it was so obvious. Nonetheless I wailed and tears fell out of my eyes before I could force them back. My father, dead! All of my efforts to saving him and rejoicing with my family in Ireland were completely gone; weathered like a delicate flower – so joyous in its life, and then once it begins to deteriorate it cannot be saved until all you have left is a melancholic demonstration of what it could have been. I was such a fool!
I could not hear anything as my wings – my hope – failed me. I plummeted into self-pity and mourn; doing so by running out of Edwyn's base. I dashed through the tunnels, holding only my scythe, crying and facing the truth. For the longest time I had pushed down any doubts about my father, yet now I let them engulf me. I knew I was an idiot. I was aware of all my flaws and sadness now.
I hoisted myself through the breach and ran down the corridor to where the shattered window was, gazing out at the still battlefield. Corpses were covering the thrashed ground, no movements – even the wind seemed dead – yet I scanned the field for a glimpse of that hellish Azure Knight. By God, I wished someone had murdered him…
My teeth were clenched, deciding to handle matters about the demon who wielded Soul Edge later, and my eyes burned from my salty tears. I jumped out through the shards of glass and walked amongst the battlefield, trying to find my father. I knew that Auguste and Jacqueline were watching me from the corridor. When I further scanned the men, I found Feidhelm, and my knees buckled.
His eyes were wide open, dry blood crusting up areas in his nose, head and elsewhere, dirt was covering his face, giving him a bronze glow with all his perspiration. My father's hair was tousled, and his thin lips pursed. I fell onto the ground next to him and saw the blood still spilling from his chest where I guessed the Azure Knight had slain him. I did not pay attention to the strange black and violet puss also staining the ground, for when I looked closer into his grey eyes I saw they were fairly moist. My strong emotions crumbled apart, and I laid there with my father, weeping with him also.
My scythe is all I have left of my father. I feel nothing anymore – I am empty, despite the cold sadness racked up in my heart, which from there flows through my veins. My eyes have become sore and dry from crying so much, and most of my tears are gone, but the melancholy stays. It will stay forever with me; nothing can stray me from these thoughts.
Auguste and Jacqueline have tried countless times to try and brighten me, and all their attempts have done no better.
"Marienbard, would you like some bread?" Jacqueline whispers.
I shake my head slowly.
"Water?"
I shake my head again.
"You need to eat something."
"What nourishment will food give me…?"
Like food, sleep means nothing to me anymore. I stay up and call my father's name, perhaps thinking that he might come back for an idiotic reason. My eyes throb and they are bloodshot; whenever I blink it causes pain – I cannot even commence tears to fall out of them they are so dehydrated…but water is nothing.
Everything is nothing! Jacqueline, Auguste, Edwyn, Amelie… they are nothing. I am nothing. I cannot find other words to describe this emotional phase I am experiencing. The blush that had once blossomed in my cheeks when I set my eyes on Auguste was gone, and so was the laughter that escaped my lips at Jacqueline's humor. The nights that I had stayed awake and cried for my father I had also begged the stars for answers, but I received none. The one answer I had been given, the news about my father, had only caused depression. I will no longer ask questions, therefore receiving no answers so nothing may harm me – for look at what one answer has caused upon me already.
The moon wanes, and I watch lifelessly as it will soon wax.
I know that Auguste is troubled by me – but I do not pay attention to him.
"Marienbard–"
"Why do you try, Auguste?" I interrupt him with a dry, quiet voice.
"Try what?"
"To assist me." For once I turn and leer at him with pained eyes. "Why do you try to assist me? You have found nothing to fulfill your destiny – whatever it is – and here we are in Germany… nothing has cried out to you… so why are you still here?" I speak shallowly, yet I want to make him feel guilty. Did he not see the deep and passionate love I wanted to give him? Jacqueline had kept him distracted from me… Some of my sadness had formed into anger. Such calamity my emotions were in!
"I am afraid I don't know what you are speaking of…" His voice was so forgiving, and if I were my normal self I would have started apologizing for my rude behavior.
"I know you don't!" I yell, standing up and facing eye-to-eye with him. "You never do anymore! You've lost your connections with me," I grit my teeth, tears fogging my eyes. "She is the one you jest with now. She is the one you'd prefer to converse with; mighty brigand Jacqueline is nothing compared to melodramatic peasant Marienbard! Try to understand the pain I am going through right now! Please!"
"I love you."
"I'm sure you do," I spit, my words dripping with sarcasm and eyes glowing fiery with something similar to hatred. "You demonstrated it; the day you 'kissed' me when we were escaping Rouen? I understand why you pressed your lips to mine – you just wanted to shut me up! 'You're a monster, Marienbard,' is what is running through your head right now – I can feel it. News for you, I'm not the one with the head of a beast!"
We stand in silence, tears rolling down my cheeks and my breathing heavy. My fingernails have dug so deep into my palms that I am sure blood is spilling; hence the stinging pain that had erupted. I stare at him, trying to figure out what is going on in his head, daring him to fight back. Soon my shoulders begin to shake, and my narrowed eyebrows curve upwards. I bow my head and sob, Auguste walking towards me. He wraps his arms around my back, holding me tight.
"I hate you," I whisper through a mouthful of tears.
"I know."
"So much." I add on.
"I know."
"I hate you…!" I repeat, trying to struggle from his grasp.
"Yes."
"Why are you still here…? Why do you follow me…?"
"Because you hate me."
More silence.
"I will destroy Soul Edge…" I murmur.
"I shall accompany you."
"I must avenge my father's soul."
"You will succeed."
I shut my eyes and fell to a slumber. Auguste laid me down, assuming his words were the last, but something kept echoing in my head…
You will fail.
After the night of the commotion Auguste and I had, I was no better. Though I had caught up on little bits of sleep, I refused to eat anything. I had become so stubborn that my rib cage began to show through my skin, and I truly had no energy to do anything.
"Marienbard, you look awful!" Jacqueline squeaked. I grunted and faced away from her. "You have to eat something." She pled. I just blinked my tired and bloodshot eyes, adverting my gaze from her. I heard her let out a sigh, and then she walked away.
I sat alone, thinking of my family and I was beat with guilt. I had left them – Catriona, Mother, and poor little Norienne – just to come and find my father dead. I contemplated returning to them, just to redeem myself, but I knew they were dead. Even if they were somehow alive, Catriona would haunt me forever; reminding me how I abandoned them to find father. Many times she would call me narcissist.
And Norienne! She would never speak to me again; mortified that I would leave them in the cold famine just to go adventuring – seeing new places, meeting new people… She had always trusted me, too. Norienne saw the way Catriona had treated me and was always afraid to approach her, the poor child. And to deceive her like this? I let out a whimper and buried my face in my hands. I should have never departed for my journey.
Before I could think about any more regrets, Auguste marched up to me with a bottle and pinned me flat on the ground. He hand both of my hands clasped above my head and held the bottle with the other. When he put it to my lips, creamy warm liquid hit my mouth. I struggled out of his grasp, squirming and kicking, but it only made the cream spill all over me. When the bottle was empty and most of the feed was in my mouth, he tossed to Jacqueline without looking at her and put his palm firmly on my lips.
"Swallow," he ordered.
I shook my head.
"SWALLOW," he repeated, stressing the word with strict inflictions.
I fidgeted, but eventually let it slide down my throat. To be honest, I felt much better. Auguste took the cloth that was tied about his shoulders and dabbed the spots on my face and clothes where the cream had spilled. I blushed… then realized that the horrible depressive state had vanished! I felt much more than nothing now.
"Th…thank you, Auguste," I murmured, a warmer more cordial tone to my voice now. Jacqueline let out a moan of relief.
"You're a wizard, Auguste. A rotten wizard." Her brown eyes were wide and she was adjusting her bandana so it was closer to her head.
"Y-You can get off me now… I really am feeling better," I let out a hoarse laugh. He did so slowly.
"What do we do now, Marienbard?" Jacqueline pondered, her headgear now fitted comfortably on her scalp.
"We find Soul Edge," I say, my gaze fixed on the horizon, then I turn to my friends. "If that's alright with you two."
"Are you kidding? That's like the ride of my LIFE! You bet I'm tagging along!" She ran up next to me and locked arms, causing me to let out a soft laugh, and we began walking. Auguste approached my other side, and as Jacqueline was chanting and giggling he silently slipped his hand into mine.
"I will follow you…" He whispered so only I could hear.
Btw, you know what's more fun than writing a chapter about your character being angsty? Writing another character force feeding her. XD