That night, the eighteenth night Ruth had spent in Harry's house since she had died, the atmosphere in his bedroom has taken a turnaround. Harry at last accepts her presence, and she lays beside him – as she wished so often would happen before she'd died – and listens to him tell her what is in his heart and mind.
The conversation is chiefly one-sided, but she hopes he understands at least part of what she thinks in reply.
"I wish I'd had the courage to get this close to you before," Harry begins. "We may have saved ourselves a lot of heartache. I've been missing you so much...but seeing that you're here, I expect you already know that. How does this work, Ruth? Will you be with me for the rest of my life? Tell me...and I'll try to figure out your answers."
I will be with you to guide you, Harry...to get you back in the land of the living. Then I'll have to leave. After that, I'm not sure, but I think the idea is for you to make a life without me.
She touches his arm gently, running her finger up to his shoulder, and back down to his forearm. He turns towards where she lies beside him, and she can see the tears forming in his eyes. It is then she knows that he has `heard' her, and felt her touch.
"I felt that," he says. "It felt just like those times our hands touched, and I'd feel a bolt of electricity through my body. I think I understand what you're saying." He stops speaking for a while, staring at the ceiling.
I won't go until you're ready to live your life without me near you...until you're ready to move on...from us. I'm told it will happen. There's no set agenda. We'll both know when the time is right. This is a transition, not a permanent state of living. It's a good thing that you want to go back to work.
"I have to go back to work," he continues, "despite what Towers told me. I can't just retire, not when I was planning to retire with you. I hope you don't mind that I didn't buy your cottage. I wouldn't have been able to hold myself together had I lived there – without you, without a job to occupy me."
This time Ruth glides a finger across his face, from his cheek down to his jawline. She takes her time about it. Harry shivers, then touches his face where she'd just touched him. He is a fast learner.
They continue their `conversation' into the small hours. Mostly, he seems to absorb her intention, even if he can't actually hear her. Ruth is sure that their bond is being strengthened, and she is grateful for the opportunity. Ruth knows that even a bond formed after death is still a valid entity. She has been worried that Harry would not want to let her go when the time comes. What concerns her now is that she will be the one who will not want to move on. She has no idea about the consequences were that to happen.
The night before Harry is to return to the Grid, he retires to bed earlier than usual, since the next morning he has a 7 am start. As has become her habit, Ruth lies next to him. He seems to know and accept that she is there.
"I need to tell you," he begins, "that there will never be anyone else for me. You were, and still are the love of my life. No-one can replace you. I cannot imagine still living and breathing, and not loving you."
Ruth has been expecting this. She had felt the same way when she was in Cyprus. She hadn't loved George in the way she had already grown to love Harry. George had been her companion and protector, and her lover – nothing more. He hadn't taken ownership of her heart. Once she had fallen in love with Harry, only he had occupied her heart, and would for the rest of her days and beyond. While in Cyprus, she moved in with George and made love with him because she was still young, and because she had never expected to see Harry again. Her situation then was similar to the one in which Harry now finds himself. He has stated his intention to remain in exile while he is living. She is flattered, but she's not sure that this will be healthy for Harry. She `tells' him so.
"I don't want anyone else, I have no interest in someone else," he says aloud. "I don't intend to share only a small part of myself with someone. If I can't give all of myself, then it isn't fair. Part of me will always be with you. That's just the way it is. In effect, I've been widowed." He hesitates before continuing. "Will we meet after I die?"
Ruth had been waiting for this question. She doesn't want to give him any ideas – ideas about hastening his death. She knows that suicide is not considered a viable option in the world of spirit, although she has no idea how she knows this.
As though he is in tune with the train of her thoughts, Harry replies, "I'm not planning to top myself, Ruth. I just want to know if I can look forward to seeing you again after I die – whenever that happens. With my luck, I'll probably live in voluntary celibacy until I'm 97."
I've already seen my father, so I think that's something we can both look forward to. Harry smiles as she runs a finger over his lips. Then she `tells' him about her meeting with her father on the day of her funeral. By the time she finishes the story, Harry is asleep, his chest moving up and down slowly and steadily, his sleep untroubled.
Harry returns to the Grid the next day, entering his office amid uncomfortable stares from the floor. No-one calls out `welcome back', or `good to see you'. He has a temporary desire to walk out of Thames House and never come back again, when Erin knocks and then slides back the door to his office.
"Harry, we're all glad you've decided to come back," she says. "We've all been worried about you."
"Thank you, Erin, I'm fine. Fine enough to work, anyway. I trust you managed to keep the madness at bay in my absence."
And this is when Erin tells him that a new intelligence analyst is to begin work the next day. She watches him carefully for signs of anger or distress, but there are none – none that she can see.
"I'm looking forward to it," Harry replies. Privately, he is anything but.
As he sees it, the presence of a new intelligence analyst is salt rubbed into his wounds. Despite that, he is determined to at least be polite and welcoming. The rest will be up to this new analyst.