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I don't know how to start this. I was never any good telling my feelings, like you are. I guess I can start by saying that I'm sorry for the things I said, and for my actions, It was wrong.

Every heart has a pain. Only the way of expressing it is different. Fools hide it in eyes, while the brilliant hide it in their smile.

I don't know why we fight so much; I hate it, I truly do. We are supposed to be in love, and yet we act like children. The things we argue about are completely avoidable and useless, but one of us always takes it further. You know I have a temper, we've known each other for years, and you know what makes me angry. So why do you do those things?

We always thought we'd look back on our tears and laugh, but we never thought we'd look back on our laughter and cry.

I know I'm not perfect Mattie, I'm not superman or some perfect human, I'm just Gilbert and I make mistakes. Why do you expect so much out of me when you say you understand? It's like you hate me sometimes, like I'm just some stranger to you. Yeah, I do stupid things that make you angry, but I could never do something like that purposefully. Your my birdie, my one and only. I don't know how to tell you these things clearly so you can understand. But I really try my best with you, even though it may not seem like it. Would you just listen…? I'd like you to think back to the very first time we met, how you felt around me? How we felt around each other. All the memories we had and just remember that once upon a time, you cared.

Now; think about how we parted in the past, and how much we cried, I told you the honest truth. But now I'd like you to know that my heart broke bit by bit. The pain was deep, unbearable and painful, for so many years, going back in forth with you. I'll never forget all the sadness, all the uncontrollable tears. What was all that for… nothing? You act as if none of it happens, how can you just shove away my feelings like you do? I guess I'm babbling none of this would make any sense to you…

You laugh at my jokes.

But screaming, crying on the inside… inside of me, of you.

Having fun with friends, you smile when you see them.

I bleed when I see you

Laughing, screaming, crying, smiling, it all makes no sense, So many useless emotions. I wish you didn't hide behind the smiling, and laughter, I wish you could be real with me; show me the real you, don't hide from me. I know we can do this together, please…Matthew, Birdie, and we can make-…

Sigh…

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…

This is probably useless… I'm just going to delete it and go to bed. Tomorrow we'll wake up and pretend it never happened… a never ending circle… goodbye Birdie.

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