Note: The title "The Two Towers" is all fancy and gold and shiny on my computer... just... use your imaginations. :P
The Two Towers
Frodo: Watch where you're going, Sam! You nearly sent the whole mountain down on me!
Sam: Sorry, Mr. Frodo. I was jus' looking at that title there. It sure is nice isn't it?
Frodo: Uh… yeah. Can we keep going now? Not sure if you noticed the gathering clouds up ahead but it'd be nice to get to Mordor and home before that flamey eye guy sees us.
Sam: (staring off at the distant fiery storm clouds) Mordor… the one place in the world we don't wanna see any closer and it's the one place we're tryin' t'get to.
Frodo: (turns slowly to look at him) Way to lighten the mood, Sam…
Sam: And on top of all that, now we're lost!
Frodo: What? How can we be LOST? All we have to do is head for the stormy dark mountain!
Sam: (angry now) Yeah? Well I bet Gandalf didn't mean for us to come this way, Baggy Mc-Frodopants!
Frodo: Gandalf didn't mean for a lot of things to happen… namely your coming along! But that didn't stop YOU! NOOOooo!
Sam: Well you're the one who had to go and volunteer for this fool quest in the first place!
Sauron: (scans across his land all casual like)
Frodo: Gack! (falls over)
Sam: Oh, don't try to avoid it, you know it's true!
Frodo: It's that eyeball and you know it!
Sam: Yeah right… (mocking Frodo) "It's the ring! It's getting heavier!" You've been saying that every ten minutes! It's driving me crazy!
Frodo: Well it IS getting heavier!
(They glare at each other for a moment)
Frodo's Tummy: growl…
Frodo: (glances down at his belly then back up at Sam) What food do we have left?
Sam: Well let me see… (sets pack down and digs through it) Oh, yes… how lovely. Lembas muffins… and look!
Frodo: (looks hopeful)
Sam: More lembas muffins…
Frodo: (sighs and takes the offered muffin, nomming it thoughtfully)
Sam: You know… I don't normally like foreign food but this elvish stuff isn't too bad.
Frodo: (pauses) What about pizza?
Sam: (nom) What about it?
Frodo: That's foreign food.
Sam: No it's not.
Frodo: Yes it is. It comes from Italy.
Sam: What the heck's an Italy?
Frodo: I… I don't know…
Sam: (grumbles) Great… first this crazy quest then made up countries. At this rate, you'll be an official head-case by the end of next week.
Frodo: (sarcastically) Wow… nothing ever dampens your spirits does it Sam….
Sam: Storm's coming.
Sky: BOOOOM (begins to rain)
Frodo:… way to go, Sam…
(they walk for some time before…)
The Two Towers
Sam: This looks familiar…
Frodo: Oh come ON! You gotta be kidding me! We can't possibly be- (he pauses, listening)
Sam: What?
Frodo: We're not alone….
Sam: (whimper) Wh-What?
Frodo: (laughs) Nah! I'm just kidding!
Sam: Hey! That was totally not cool!
Frodo: (snickers) But you deserved it.
Sam: (grumbles)