The Uruk-hai

(Elsewhere, an army of grumpy, dirty, Uruk-hai are running across the plains near Rohan. Two hobbits are being carried on the backs of two of the larger Uruks)

Pippin: Are we there yet?

Merry: I'm hungry!

Pippin: I'm bored!

Merry: Let's sing!

Merry/Pippin: One hundred hideous orcs run around, one hundred hideous orcs! If one of those uglies falls flat on the ground, ninety nine hideous orcs run around!

Ugluk: (stops at the front of the line of Uruks, holding a hand up to stop the others as well) Sniff sniff…

Uruk1: Wha' is it?

Ugluk: Oi smell man fle-

Merry/Pippin: NINETY NINE HIDEOUS ORCS RUN AROU-

Ugluk: (whirls around and shouts) ENOUGH ALREADY!

Uruk1: (timidly) Uh... sir?

Ugluk: WHAT?

Uruk1: (points back behind them on the trail where three figures can be seen running in the distance)

Ugluk: (peers back at them for a moment before bursting into loud laughter) HAHAHA! Watch this guys! This is gonna be good!

(The other Uruks pause and turn around, some settling on the grassy plain to watch as the three figures run closer. Merry and Pippin glance at each other in confusion but the Uruk's amusement becomes clear when one of the figures seems to leap a good ten feet into the air, crashing down on the plain in front of the others who pause and gather around their fallen buddy)

Ugluk: (cracks up) Was that one of yours, Gludnuk?

Gludnuk (aka Uruk1): Yup. Rigged a platform just under the pathway there t'launch 'em up. Jus' wait till they get to yours! It'll be proycless (which is like "priceless" but with an Uruk accent)

(As the uruks watch, one of their party sidles up to where Merry and Pippin's Uruks are standing)

Boromir: So… how are things going so far on your end?

Merry: (glares at him) Just great… we're doing fine…

Pippin: I'm hungry.

Boromir: (as the figure that appears to be Aragorn seems to be swallowed by the ground *a hidden pit* and the uruks roar with laughter) Yeah, me too. But I hear we're meeting up with some orcs soon and they might have something good with them. (he looks hopeful but Merry and Pip just glare at him)

Pippin: Orcs are gross.

Merry: Uruks are gross too.

Boromir: Okay fine! So there's no food! It's not the end of the world or anything!

Pippin: (weeps) No food…

Merry: And how are we supposed to be rescued if our would be rescuers keep getting beaten up by Uruk traps?

(Aragorn leaps out of the pit and strikes a heroic pose before resuming running… he only makes it three steps or so before disappearing into another pit)

Boromir: (snickers) I think that one was mine…

Merry: Boromir!

Boromir: Whoa now! Don't be using my real name around these guys! (glances around at the still laughing Uruks) I'm in disguise!

Pippin: No you're not.

Boromir: Yes, I am! What do you think this is? (taps his Uruk armor)

Pippin: Ugly.

Merry: He's got a point.

(Boromir is interrupted in his snarky response by a voice from behind the Uruk group)

Grishnak: What's all this then?

Ugluk: (gets up and marches over to him) Took you long enough.

Grishnak: (glares) Let's just get goin' before the Master gets bored.

Ugluk: Yeah… your "Master" is a great big oye! Oi'm sure he's got plenty to keep himself busy with waaay up there.

Grishnak: (squints at him suspiciously) Wha' are you gettin' at?

Ugluk: (sighs) He's been bored for years. 'E ain't gettin' any be'er boi us bringin' him these things. (he gestures to the two hobbits as Boromir cautiously slips away so as not to be noticed)

Grishnak: Just get movin'!

Author's Note: I apologize to those of you who can't understand the Orc/Uruk's accents. It's a London sort of accent that all my orcs seem to get… I believe it was adopted from another fanfic on here somewhere. My apologies to the author of said fic as well for stealing his/her accented Orcs… :P