*Cling Cling Cling* "Everyone, can I have your attention? Shut your mouths and listen to me!
The crowd falls silent.
"As many of you know, I'm Puck, Finn's best friend in the whole world, and today I had the honor of being his best man at his wedding."
Everyone at the reception erupted in applause. The entire event seemed like a fairytale; the mistreated stepdaughter had finally made it official with her prince. Mercedes could see the envy radiating off of Rachel's narrow behind, and she got real kick out of it too. (Rachel wasn't a bride's maid for a reason) Puck continued with his toast.
"I have had the pleasure of knowing these two for practically our entire lives. Or you could see that as a curse considering how the Surgeon General just confirmed that if you spend more than 20 minutes around this couple you will need insulin shots from all the nausea –inducing sweetness. And considering how we just went through a wedding, we're probably all going to need have our feet amputated."
Again, the crowd erupted in applause and laughter.
"The Hudson's claim that they fell in love in high school; you all heard the story I'm sure, the glee club fairytale of when Finn met Mercedes. I'm sorry to burst your collective bubbles but that is not the truth, I'm sorry Finn, but I have to do this, the opportunity is too good to pass up."
Finn panicked and looked toward his other best men to see if one of them would tackle Puck for him. But no one did a thing, Mike, Mr. Schue, Burt, and Kurt just sat there giving their full attention to Puck.
"When we were seven, Finn was already a tall freak. He was taller than everyone. And considering how our teacher was Berry's size, he was easily on his way to becoming the tallest person in the classroom."
Rachel grinned at the sound of her name being mentioned. She almost stood up to take a bow but then she realized no one was applauding for her so she sat back down. Rachel hated other people's weddings. She hated all events that did not have a singing competition for her to dominate.
"So one day, little Santana Lopez walks up to Finn and starts calling him names like "Giant" and "Frankenstein". Yes ladies and gentlemen, even back then Santana could reduce a man's ego to a shriveled, deflated balloon."
Matt was going to laugh, but Santana turned to him and gave him an evil glare. Matt did not laugh. Brittany laughed though.
"So Finn's being all moody and pouty; pretty much how he acts now when he's upset, and goes to the sandbox to play by himself. Even though he was acting like a little girl, Finn was still my boy, and I knew it was up to me to cheer him up. But someone beat me too it."
Mercedes gave Finn a little nudge on the shoulder and they both smiled at each other.
"Mercedes is caring for Finn like an injured puppy. She tells him "It must be so cool to be that tall. You can get cookies off the top shelf whenever you want. It makes you seem older too, like a 5th grader or something." Finn starts grinning like an idiot and awkwardly stumbles out of the sandbox and heads over to the basketball court to play with the guys. He totally leaves Mercedes hanging. What the hell man you should have totally made your move."
All Finn could do was shrug has his cheeks got redder and redder.
"I ask him "What was that all about?" And he tells me that Mercedes cheered him up and that "she is really cool for a girl." And like any other reasonable 7 year old boy, I made fun of him for liking a girl and made accusations about the two of them sitting in a tree and kissing. And you know what ladies and gentlemen? I was right and I just didn't know it yet. I was right because today we saw them make out at a church altar, and church alters are made of wood, and what does wood grow on?"