Before the both of us knew us, Kurt and I were headed to the fourth floor of the hospital for our scheduled "talk." I didn't really know what to think of this. I didn't know if it would help or hurt Kurt; if it would bring us closer or bring us farther apart; make or break us. All of that on the line unnerved me, but I know I would never leave Kurt. And I don't think Kurt could leave me right now.
I held Kurt's hand as we walked over to a desk on the fourth floor of this dreaded hospital. There was a lady in simple blue scrubs sitting behind the desk.
"Hello ma'am." I said, getting the young woman's attention. I continued "There was an appointment set up for Kurt at 2 this afternoon here?" I asked
The woman clicked a few times on her computer and then nodded. She rose from her spot at the desk
"Follow me please." She said
We walked down a long hallway where we entered a cozy but small room on the right side of the hallway. The room was bright for a hospital; there were two red chairs in the room facing one another. Each one had a coffee table near it. There was a window off to the side of the room where a tall lamp stood on one side and a huge plant on the other. It was cozy, but there was no denying is was a room for the usage of a patient.
"Mr. Hummel, you may have a seat in here, but I need to speak to the other gentlemen outside before you guys begin." The woman said. I nodded and followed her out of the room, where she closed the door and turned to me. She almost whispered
"I didn't catch your name?" she questioned
"Blaine. Blaine Anderson."
"Alright, very well Blaine Anderson. I'm Nurse Angela Blackwell. I will be on duty today while you and Mr. Hummel are having your appointment. This appointment is the beginning of what is going to be a hard and slow recovery for him. The doctors have informed that you are the only one he will speak to. Doctor Jones also told me that he trusts you very much, and hopefully this will prove so. The object here is to get Kurt to talk some about the incident. How he feels; what caused him to do it; all of that stuff. Getting it off of his chest will almost lift an anvil off of his shoulders. It is very likely that Kurt will get upset, angry, or throw random emotions at you. If things get out of hand, there is a red button by the door; you may press it and I will come in and try to calm him down. We hope for that not to happen, but it likely possible since Mr. Hummel is in a very fragile state. When you enter the room, make sure you lock the door. All information that is told to you in that room is confidential, and you are to keep it that way unless at the consent of the patient. The only exception to the rule is if the patient himself or anyone else is in danger, then you are immediately report it to either me or Doctor Jones. Do you have any questions?" she said
I nodded my head at that; she seemed to answer all of my questions in one take.
"Very well than Mr. Anderson, you may head on in now. Doctor Jones appointed you an hour, but if all is going well, it is perfectly acceptable to stay longer." She said
"Thank you very much Mrs. Blackwell."
"Good luck" she said
With that I put on a small smile and walked into the room, ready to face the man I loved; the man that was broken.
I sat down in only unoccupied chair in the room; Kurt was reserved in the other one. He was sitting to the side staring blankly outside.
"I really miss it out there." He finally said
"I know you do. You'll be out of here soon enough." I answered softly.
"Blaine, I don't know if you can tell you anything." Kurt said
"Why?" I asked
Kurt looked at me. I watched his heart break in his eyes.
"Because then you won't love me anymore." He said through his waivered breath. His eyes were now wet with tears. Just another tears of the thousands he had cried since the incident. You think I'd adjust to the constant tears, but every time I saw Kurt cry it hurt worse in side. I sat on the edge of my chair and grabbed Kurt's hand.
"Kurt, look at me." I said. I gently put my finger under his chin and lifted his head up to face me. I stared into his eyes and his into mine
"I will always love you. This incident changes nothing about my feelings for you. I gave you everything Kurt. I gave you my heart. I gave you my first kiss. I gave you my virginity. I gave you every part of me. There are things I shared with you I will never be able to share with anyone else Kurt. And I wouldn't want to share them with anyone else. Do you know what Dr. Jones said to me out in the hallway today? He said that if I was going to agree to talk to you here today, I would have to commit to you for a long time. And Kurt I didn't think twice because I swear I love you more than I even love myself sometimes. You are my life, my love." I said
I watched Kurt the entire time that I spoke. I watched his tears build in his beautiful eyes and slowly begin to drip down his cheek. Each one took a unique path down his flawless cheek and would fall off at the bottom of his jaw. For the first time since the incident, however, Kurt had a genuine smile on his face. His beautiful eyes may have been crying but they glistened with love.
"I love you Blaine."
"I love you too Kurt. And that's why we're going to talk about some of this stuff today. Nothing you say today is going to leave this room, and nothing you say is going to make me love you any less than I do already. If anything, it'll make me love you even more because it'll just prove how brave and how courageous you are."
Kurt smiled again, but it quickly faded.
"Blaine, my actions were not courageous or brave. We both know that."
"Your actions do not define who you are Kurt. We all lose our way sometimes; some more than others, but we all lose our way. This does not make you a coward. Far from it."
Kurt bent his head down again, and then picked it back up to look to the window
"Kurt?"
"Yes?" he questioned, not turning away from the window
"Why did you try to do it? I remember getting the…. The note. The note I found on your desk. Kurt, it broke my heart."
"Nobody cared if I was alive or dead Blaine! You know that. All the hate Blaine… they wish death on me. I didn't care to be alive either." He said coldly.
How could Kurt think nobody cared? He had to know I cared. I loved him more than I ever thought I could love anything. And he knew his father and Carole and Finn and all of the Warblers and all of the New Directions cared about him. Why couldn't he see this?
"Kurt, how could you say that?" I said, my heart breaking with each word. "I love you, your father loves you, Carole loves you, Finn loves you, the Warblers and New Directions love you. Hell, Nick would've been devastated. We would've had to live with Madonna on repeat for weeks!" Kurt giggled at that
"They all love you more than you could ever know. Do you what this picture could be like if that incident played out differently? I, along with all of those people I just mentioned, would be bawling, mourning over what we lost. We would be blaming this all on ourselves Kurt, asking ourselves what we ever did wrong. We'd be left with no answers."
By now, Kurt was full out bawling. I slid him over in his chair and sat next to him. I pulled him into my chest as he cried. I could feel his whole body shaking. I rubbed circles on his back and would press gentle kisses on the top of his head.
"N-now I feel so a-ashamed." Kurt sobbed
"Kurt, you should never have to feel ashamed of this." I said comforting. I squeezed the hand that I was still holding, and with this gesture he looked up to me
"Why shouldn't I be?" Kurt sobbed
"Kurt, look at everything that has happened to you. Everything that has ever tried to break you down. Kurt, you are a skyscraper. This might have torn you down, but you will be reaching high in the sky some day. Even soon. Kurt, I promise you that you are going to be okay."
"Blaine?"
"Kurt?"
"Sing to me."
"Sing to you?"
"Yes."
"Anything?"
"Anything." He confirmed
Skies are crying, I am watching
Catching tear drops in my hands
Only silence as it's ending
Like we never had a chance
Do you have to make me feel like
There's nothing left of me?
You can take everything I have
You can break everything I am
Like I'm made of glass
Like I'm made of paper
Go on and try to tear me down
I will be rising from the ground
Like a skyscraper
Like a skyscraper
As the smoke clears, I awaken
And untangle you from me
Would it make you feel better
To watch me while I bleed?
All my windows still are broken
But I'm standing on my feet
You can take everything I have
You can break everything I am
Like I'm made of glass
Like I'm made of paper
Go on and try to tear me down
I will be rising from the ground
Like a skyscraper
Like a skyscraper
Go run, run, run
I'm gonna stay right here,
Watch you disappear
Yeah, oh
Go run, run, run
Yeah, it's a long way down
But I am closer to the clouds up here
You can take everything I have
You can break everything I am
Like I'm made of glass
Like I'm made of paper
Oh Oh
Go on and try to tear me down
I will be rising from the ground
Like a skyscraper
Like a skyscraper
(Like a skyscraper)
Like a skyscraper
Like a skyscraper
Kurt was crying very hard by the time I finished the acapella version of the Demi Lovato tune, and I couldn't help but join in.
"What did I do to deserve any of this Blaine?" he sobbed
"Kurt, you don't deserve this. You don't deserve any of this." I cried. He sat and hugged each other in silence, just being there for one another. Friend to friend. Lover to lover.
"Kurt" I whispered
"Kurt, I want you to be able to trust me. I want you to be able to tell me everything that lead up to this. To the want to do what was almost done. And you don't have to say it all at once. We'll take as long as we need to get this story out. But you need to tell someone Kurt. If you keep it bottled up inside, this could happen again. And I know you don't want that. Kurt, we're going to get through this. Okay?" I said, sniffling
"Yes Blaine."
"Are you ready to leave for today?" Blaine asked
"Yes."
"Okay." I said, standing up to walk over to the red button.
"Blaine?" Kurt whispered
"yes?"
And with a whisper, barely audible, Kurt said "I'm glad I'm alive."
A/N": So things are starting to look up for our Klaine, isn't it? Kurt is going to start and get better, but what's in store for Blaine? Is this all just way too much for him? Stay posted for what happens next. (: R&R