(Fade in to Sakura Walking out of the Forest of Death back into the village after her… shameful defeat)
Sakura: Well, that was F***ING EMBARRESSING!
Inner Sakura: You know, for an Insomniac ninja village protector, you kinda suck!
Sakura: SHUT UP! He caught me off guard!
Inner Sakura: Yeah! THREE TIMES IN ONE NIGHT!
Sakura: Well, CLEARLY I'm dealing with a very experienced individual!
Inner Sakura: That or you just SUCK… or both!
Sakura: Why do you hate me?
Inner Sakura: Because you SUCK!
Sakura: I do NOT!
Inner Sakura: You just crapped out an entire plate of an expired foreign delicacy given to you by the enemy that you wolfed down without a second thought! YOU… SUCK!
(Sakura's face turns red with embarrassment)
Sakura: Sh-Shut up! I'm not listening to you! (Plugs ears and shuts eyes) LA! LA! LA! LA! LA!
Inner Sakura: Oh yeah! That doesn't make you look absolutely insane or immature, let alone works!
Sakura: IS SOMEONE TALKING? I CAN'T HEAR THEM! LA! LA! LA! LA! LA!
(Suddenly Deadpool approaches then stops and stares at the girl shouting to herself)
Deadpool: I've never heard that song before! Who sings it?
Sakura (Shocked): GAH! H-how long have you been standing there?
Deadpool: About thirty seconds. So, did you come up with that song yourself?
Sakura: Actually, I was just… err…
Inner Sakura: Sucking… AGAIN!
Deadpool: Free styling? AWESOME! Let me try! Yo! Yo! MCDP up in Hizzouse! Yo! My name is Deadpool and I'm here to represent! When I see She-Hulk I pitch a tent!
Sakura: OH DEAR GOD! IT'S WORSE THAN KILLER B!
Deadpool: Yo, bitch! Don't you be hatin' on my lyrics! Aight! Let me lay something fresh on ya!
Sakura: OH PLEASE NO!
Deadpool: When it comes to killin haters, my guns do that trick! When I'm banging them hoes I use my-
Sakura: EW! NO! STOP! PLEASE! NO MORE!
Deadpool: What? I was gonna say "Boomstick!" Get it? BANG! BANG! Shoot 'em up!
Sakura: What are you doing here? Did you finish painting that stupid circle?
Deadpool: No, not yet! I actually ran out of paint so I need to get some more. Does your village have a store with paint that I could possibly go to?
Sakura: Oh, yeah! There's the general store! They'll have anything you need. It's about five blocks straight then you make a left and go three more blocks. You'll know it when you see it.
Deadpool: Not talking are you? Time to bust out the torture ki- wait! Really?
Sakura: Yep!
Deadpool: Uh, Thanks! (Walks away)
Sakura (Smiling): Anytime!
Inner Sakura: Wow… WOW! YOU F***ING SUCK!
Sakura (Smug): Do I?
Inner Sakura: YOU JUST TOLD HIM THE EXACT LOCATION OF EXACTLY WHAT HE NEEDED AND GAVE HIM DIRECTIONS! YOU REALLY SUCK!
Sakura (Smug): True, I did. BUT he will arrive to a shock when he finds that the store's hours of operation don't go this late and he will be crushed that he will be unable to finish his precious circle leaving me victorious! CHYA! I'm the best!
Inner Sakura: Unless of course he BREAKS IN AND STEALS IT!
Sakura: Err… Come again?
Inner Sakura: The only security the store has is a locked door! What's to stop him from just breaking in?
Sakura: You think he'd actually do that?
Inner Sakura: THE GUY KILLED TWO GUARDS TO GET IN HERE! I doubt he'll have any moral repercussions about stealing some paint!
(Sakura's jaw drops in shock)
Sakura: ! (Runs after Deadpool)
Deadpool (singing): I'M ON THE EDGE… OF GLORY!
Sakura (Running in front of Deadpool): H-hold… Hold on mister! In order to pass further, you'll need to go through ME!
Deadpool: Okay! (Pulls out gun and holds it point blank to Sakura's forehead)
Chck! Chck!
Sakura: Huh… Ugh… Damn it!
Deadpool: Can I go through now?
Sakura: *Sigh* Yes!
Deadpool: Awesome! Later! (Walks around Sakura) (Singing) I MET HER IN A CLUB DOWN IN OTOHO WHERE YOU DRINK CHAMPAING AND IT TASTES JUST LIKE CHERRY COLA!
Sakura: Now! (Turns and throws kunai at Deadpool's back)
Deadpool (Singing): C-O-L-A! (Stops) Ooh! A Quarter! (Bends over and dodges kunai)
Woosh!
Sakura: Damn!
Deadpool: (Stands back up) Wait! No it's just a bottle cap!
Caption Box #1: LOOK OUT!
Caption Box #2: BEHIND YOU!
Deadpool: Wha? (Looks behind him to see Sakura dashing toward him)
(Sakura punches Deadpool, sending him flying into a building)
SLAM!
Caption Box #1: Reminds you of home a bit, doesn't it?
Deadpool: (Peeling himself off of the wall) Lady, you just made a HUGE mistake!
Sakura: No! You made a mistake by intruding and vandalizing my village!
Inner Sakura: Oh, sure! Just disregard the fact that he murdered two guards in place of his stupid graffiti! I mean murder is fine but VANDALISM? THAT is where you draw the line!
Sakura (In thought): Shut up!
Deadpool: First of all, "Your Village?" What, do you own the place? Second, YOU made the mistake by hitting me because that just put me that much closer to my desired destination! (Points to shop not far from where he is standing) Also, you hit me into a wall causing property damage that I sure as hell am not paying for.
(Sakura looks dumbfounded)
Sakura (in thought): He… He's right! Even when I try to help I only make things worse.
Inner Sakura: Wow! No wonder you mostly stand around and do nothing on missions!
Sakura (In thought): You are NOT helping!
Inner Sakura: I wasn't trying to.
Deadpool: And last but not least, (Pulls out Pistol) BANG! (Fires at Sakura)
(Sakura's body then falls to the ground, motionless and lifeless. Then, in a puff of smoke, it is revealed to be a log used as a substitute)
Deadpool: A log? She was a log this whole time? Well, I always did think her voice acting was a bit wooden!
Caption Box #1: HOLD ME BACK, OTHER BOX! HOLD ME BACK! I'M GOING TO KILL HIM!
Caption Box #2: How? We're just voices in his head!
(Suddenly a kunai flies from the roof tops and disarms Deadpool)
(Deadpool turns around to see Sakura standing on the roof of the building behind him holding several Kunai in each hand)
Deadpool: Oh! I see! A Substitute to throw me off guard! Clever!
Sakura: I've disarmed you of your weapon! Surrender if you value your life! You've caused enough mischief for one night!
Inner Sakura: Mischief… right! And I suppose what Itachi did to the Uchiha clan was simple hijinks!
Sakura (In thought): DON'T RUIN MY MOMENT!
Deadpool: Disarmed ME? Surrender? HA! I don't think so! You see my guns are like the heads of a hydra! Remove one… (Pulls out two more guns then turns and takes aim at Sakura) …AND TWO MORE TAKE ITS PLACE!
(Sakura throws a kunai at each of Deadpool's guns but Deadpool shoots them both out of the sky on the way down. As Deadpool is shooting, Sakura leaps into the air and throws three more kunai in Deadpool's direction but Deadpool dodges them and fires at Sakura. Sakura Manages to evade Deadpool's gunfire long enough to get behind cover)
Deadpool: Wow! I have to admit, I'm slightly impressed! I think what you just did qualifies as competence!
Sakura: What more do you expect from a master of evasion?
Deadpool: "Master of Evasion" you say? So you mean you're really good at running away and hiding? You know, where I come from, we have a word for people like you. And that word is, "Coward!"
Sakura: Take that back!
Deadpool: Who's going to make me? You? What are going to do, hide behind a tree?
Sakura (Angrily): THAT'S IT!
(Sakura runs out from cover throwing a plethora of kunai tagged with paper bombs at Deadpool. Meanwhile Deapool resumes trying to shoot Sakura whilst dodging the kunai.)
Deadpool: That's right! Come at me, Pinky!
(The kunai land in a circular formation, surrounding Deadpool.)
Sakura: I have you now! There is no escape! GOODBYE!
(The tagged kunai all go off in unison giving of an explosion of medium size)
BOOM!
(Sakura stands and waits for the smoke to clear, but as it does she sees that her opponent has vanished)
Sakura: (Gasp) Where did he-
(Deadpool then gives Sakura an atomic wedgie from behind her, pulling her underwear over her eyes.)
Deadpool: SURPRISE ATOMIC WEDGIE NO JUTSU!
Sakura: GAAAAAAH! IT BURNS! HOW DID YOU-
Deadpool: Yeah! I can teleport! REALLY handy for situations like that!
Sakura: WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU I'M GONNA-
Deadpool: IF you can find me! Also, (Wolf Whistles at Sakura) NICE PANTIES!
(Sakura blushes in embarrassment then frantically attempts to remove the underwear from her head)
Deadpool: Yeah, That's not going to work. You see, my wedgies only have ONE way out and it involves a sharp object!
Sakura (In thought): He's right! The elastic is stretched out nearly to its limit and its grip over my eyes is too tight! I can't escape without… going commando… No matter! I'm a ninja of the hidden leaf village! I've made it out of worse situations (Though none of them quite as humiliating as this) and I've come out just fine! I can do this! I don't need my eyes to catch this idiot! I AM SAKURA HARUNO, CHUNIN OF THE HIDDEN LEAF VILLAGE!
(Meanwhile, as Sakura blindly motivates herself in her head, Deadpool sneaks away to the store to pick up some more paint)
Sakura: Alright, Mr. "Deadpool!" You may have managed to pull the wool over my eyes with your last move…
Inner Sakura: Or in this case, the cotton. Wool unides would be itchy!
Sakura: But don't think that means you're safe from me! I don't need my eyes to beat you! (Pause) What? No witty retort? Are you too intimidated by my overwhelming confidence to think of anything other than saving your own skin? I don't blame you!
(Deadpool walks past Sakura carrying several buckets of paint in each arm.)
Deadpool: It's a bit too late to save MY skin!
Sakura: Your damn right, it is! You made a huge mistake infiltrating and vandalizing this village!
Inner Sakura: And for killing those guards!
Sakura (Angrily): Ugh! Would you shut up about the damn guards! I get it! I keep forgetting to mention the murdered guards! Sorry!
Inner Sakura: "KEEP FORGETTING?" That should be the first thing that comes to your mind! He murdered two people and the thing your most concerned with is his petty vandalism?
Sakura: Well that's what I first saw him doing so that's what I associate him with!
(Deadpool starts walking back to get some more paint)
Deadpool: I associate myself with costumed vigilantes and shady clients looking to pay handsomely to see someone killed off!
Sakura (Angrily): Shut up! I'm arguing with myself right now!
Inner Sakura: WOW! Did you REALLY just say that?
Sakura: Oh, what? Like HE'S any less crazy then I am!
Inner Sakura: So you admit that you are crazy?
Sakura: WHAT? No! I didn't mean that! I'm not crazy!
Inner Sakura: Uh-huh. Who are you trying to convince, Me or yourself? OH, WAIT! THEY'RE BOTH THE SAME PESRON!
Sakura: You're not a person! You're an inner personality that manifested from my hidden emotions that I kept locked inside me or something!
Inner Sakura (Sarcastically): OH! Well that's just a HUGE difference isn't it? You just seem that much less crazy now!
Sakura: You know what? What are you even doing back? I thought I had gotten rid of you.
Inner Sakura: No! You just managed to keep my locked away and ignore me for several years. But it seems now that something or SOMEONE, has given you enough stress to drive you to the point of insanity!
Sakura: My God! You're right! DEAPOOL IS DRIVING ME INSANE!
(Deadpool starts walking back carrying more paint)
Deadpool: It wouldn't be the first time I did something like that!
Caption boxes #1 and #2: YOU GOT THAT RIGHT!
Sakura: Okay, once this is over I'm going to renew my prescriptions and start seeing my therapist again!
Inner Sakura: YOU STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM THOSE PILLS, YOUNG LADY! THOSE THINGS BURN ME LIKE ACID!
Sakura: In the meantime, I need to focus on bringing this maniac to justice!
Inner Sakura: And I'll focus on consuming the last of your sanity and overthrowing you to take over as the dominant personality!
Sakura: What?
Inner Sakura: Nothing!
Sakura: Okay, Deadpool! As I was saying…
(Deadpool walks back to where he was standing while Sakura was talking to him.)
Sakura: … You're going to regret setting foot near the Hidden Leaf Village!
Deadpool: Oh? And why's that?
Sakura: Allow me to show you! (Charges blindly at Deadpool) HIYAAAAAAAA!
(Deadpool draws his sword and thrusts it forward but Sakura hears it and jumps over him)
Sakura: HA! Did you really think I'd be dumb enough to just run into your sword? You forget, you're dealing with a trained nin-
(Sakura hits her head on the edge of the roof of a building)
BONK!
(Sakura then plummets to the ground landing head first and is knocked unconscious)
THUD!
Sakura: Not… Again…
Deadpool: No! I remembered I was dealing with a gullible idiot! (Sheathes sword and walks away)
(Some time later…)
Sakura: Ah… Oh god my head… (Gets up) AGH! Why does it feel like there's a knife in my ass? (Looks behind her to see her torn underwear on the ground a knife stuck in her ass with a card attached) No… he didn't… (Pulls out knife) OW! (Looks at card)
Card: If you are reading this, your ass is now bleeding. Also, I took your wallet. Deadpool.
Sakura: SON OF A BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITCH!
(Cut to Deadpool painting)
Deadpool: Hey! She got my note! (Resumes painting)
(Fades to black)