March
There are things that are impossible to forget; the defining moments that make or break a person. The death, or deaths, of someone close. A first kiss. The letter that confirms employment at a dream job.
How one feels when she finds out she's pregnant.
Liz already knows what it feels like. Been there, done that—with Dennis, true, but it counts. She remembers her emotions with clarity. Fear. Hope. Disappointment when it turned out to be fake, but relief because it meant she could wipe the Dennis slate clean for good.
On a March afternoon that's definitely more 'lion' than 'lamb', Liz is crouched in a bathroom stall on six, clutching a small cardboard box from the Duane Reade downstairs.
She counts slowly, carefully.
It's deja-vu all over again as she stares at the pregnancy test. Her heart pounds against her chest; a million thoughts run through her mind. She can't be pregnant. She can't. But Liz cannot deny that she missed her period. It's always like clockwork. She also can't deny what a little blue plus sign means.
Liz leaves the stall, and does what she expects most women do when they find out they're pregnant—she looks in the mirror. After a few minutes of staring at her rapidly blurring reflection, she forces herself to think rationally. It could be, probably is, a false positive. It's true that she hasn't had Sabor de Soledad in ages, but it could be something, anything else. She doesn't know what she hopes. She does know that it's not the same this time. She can't really explain it, but it feels different than something brought on by Mexican cheese curls.
…
After three days of torturous waiting, Liz finally gets a call back from the doctor's office.
When it's her turn to be seen, she stands from the hard plastic chair and wipes her hands on her jeans. She's nervous for a number of reasons, the least being that she switched doctors recently and has only spoken to her new OB/GYN over the phone. A woman who she assumes is Dr. Rose is holding a chart of some sort, but Liz can't tell what it reads from here.
"Hi, Elizabeth…"
"Call me Liz."
They shake hands.
"Liz. It's great to meet you. We'll be in room four; I'll see you in just a moment."
She finds the room, and tries not to break something out of anticipation. She's about to snap the tongue depressor that she's fiddling with when Dr. Rose enters the room, still holding the clipboard.
"How are you, Liz?"
No use in stalling. "I'm fine. What are my results?"
The doctor consults her file while Liz awkwardly tries to stick the depressor in her pocket. It doesn't really fit.
"They're positive. Congratulations, you're going to be a mother!"
"What the what?" she says, her face a mixture of surprise and incredulity.
"You're about four weeks along. Now, your blood work is fine, and I see that this is your first pregnancy. At your age, you will need to take some extra precautions to lower risks of…"
She's still talking, but Liz can only hear a high-pitched ringing.
"Excuse me, I think I need a moment."
"…Of course. If you'd like to use the restroom, it's the second door on the right."
By the time Liz finds the bathroom, she finds herself dizzy and leans on the sink to keep from falling over.
There is a live being inside of her. An embryo, really, but still.
Liz knows that she can be careless sometimes. When she became sexually active, she went on the pill, but she tends to forget (as made apparent by that embarrassing conversation with Cerie a few years ago). Especially lately—she and Jack don't always use protection, and besides, she'll be 42 in two months. It really wasn't at the front of her mind.
She wants a baby…scratch that. She craves for a baby. And then there is Jack. She loves him; it took her a long time and a lot of mistakes to realize that. Adoption is always an option, but Liz knows now that she doesn't want any baby. She wants his baby.
She snorts when she realizes that it probably happened the night they got engaged. She remembers their passion that night, both of them flying high from the delicate—but also likely—promise that the future held. In the next second, she feels like crying. This baby is everything she ever wanted, but how will Jack feel about it? And even if he is ecstatic, she doesn't know if she dares to hope. Liz is aware of the risks that someone her age faces.
When she returns to the small white room, the doctor is sliding her file into a folder. They seem to be done, and she just has to sign a few documents. When she finishes, Liz runs her hand through her hair, and tries to think of anything else she should know.
The doctor notices her gesture. "That's a lovely ring, Liz. Your fiancée will be ecstatic, I'm sure."
"Yeah. I hope so."
"Well, after you share the news, be sure to call in the next few days to set up a schedule with us."
"I will. Thank you, Dr. Rose."
…
Liz pours a significant amount of energy into not making conversation at dinner. She hasn't quite figured out what to say yet, and she's afraid that she'll mess everything up if she opens her mouth. Jack knows something is wrong—she's never been good at hiding—but he seems to be satisfied with her claims of simply being exhausted. At least it's not a total lie.
"I'm sorry to drag you out tonight. If I'd known you were so tired, it wouldn't have been a problem to let the reservations go," he says.
"No, don't worry about it. I'm not any less hungry." She laughs weakly.
The waiter approaches their table and hands them their menus.
After a few minutes, Jack looks up from the wine list. "Lemon, what will you have?"
She shakes her head quickly, causing her glasses to slide down a bit.
"Uh. Nothing. I mean, I don't really want anything to drink. No thank you, please."
She clamps her mouth shut, aware that she's babbling.
Jack frowns at her. "No wine? But you always..." he trails off.
Liz bites her lip, and avoids his stare. "What I mean is, um, I can't."
She really hopes he puts that brain of his to use, because she may throw up if she has to say it herself.
His eyes grow wide when he gets it. "No. You aren't...?"
She nods slowly, and silently wills him to say something. The two seconds that pass while he just stares at her in shock hang in there for about a million years.
"But how...?" he stops, remembering that they had neglected to use protection.
Liz stays silent, still trying to gauge his feelings on the matter.
Tired of being incapable of forming a complete sentence, Jack clears his throat. "Wait, I'm the father, right?" he frowns.
"Duh, Jack. Sorry. That was mean. Of course you're the father."
Slowly, his face lightens into a smile.
She remembers how to breathe again.
But when he still doesn't say anything, just sits there grinning like a fool, she starts feeling anxious again.
"Look, Jack, I know this is completely unexpected, and I still can't believe it myself, but—" And then she can't finish her sentence, because Jack's out of his seat and into her booth with one arm wrapped around her waist to bring her closer to him. His lips land on hers, and she responds excitedly after a moment.
"You are pregnant?" He finally manages to say, the grin refusing to leave his face while he gently brushes her cheek with his thumb.
"Yes." She smiles shyly.
"And you're sure that it's positive?" he asks carefully.
"A positive home pregnancy test and blood exams leaves no doubts, I guess. I made sure to get entirely cheese curl-free results."
"Amazing."
She leans her head back on the booth. "You're not mad?"
"I couldn't be happier, Lemon. You've wanted this so long…I know we haven't really talked about it lately, but I want it, too."
"Thank God. I almost barfed from nerves on the way over here."
"Well, get used to it. Morning sickness is a very real thing. Colleen once made it clear to me that every time she was sick while pregnant, it was me forcing her to purge a little bit of her soul out," he mutters.
"Just make sure you get out of the way in time."
"Lemon, I plan on being in your way for the next nine months. This baby is not going to be born with a cheesy blasters addiction if I have anything to do with it."
"Cheesy blasters contain the suggested fiber amount, Jack."
They bicker about cheesy blasters, babies, and barf for the next few hours.
…
That night, he feels the urge to be gentle. After several minutes of light fondling, though, Liz has had enough.
"Jack, come on. It's not dangerous. You can do stuff...harder."
"I know. I just want to be careful."
Liz sighs. "Stop worrying. Dr. Rose said that…sexual activity…is fine. And apparently, I'm probably going to be pretty horny at times. More than now, even. So you should, you know. Prepare yourself."
Jack hums into her neck. "Really."
"Ye-es," she whines.
In fact, she's quite ready to go right now. She's actually annoyed that her undergarments are still on her body.
When he's still careful to respond, she urges, "Jack." The breathiness of her voice leaves him unable to resist, and he gives in.
His suddenly eager hand slides down her side, over the curve of her hip before reaching her backside, pulling her close to him. She's soaked, and he groans against the base of her neck. He kisses a trail from her lips to the valley of her breasts and finally removes her bra. She clings to his neck, nails embedding themselves into his skin. He slides her panties down her ankles and she kicks them aside. When he happens to look down at her, he can't help but pause.
"You're beautiful," he says, unable to hide his awe. He's going to be a father. When she smiles encouragingly, he kisses her softly and presses himself into her warm and welcoming core. She fits him like a glove and he shivers as her fingers grip him. He moves slowly at first, before remembering her words. Before long they are shattering in each other's arms.
After a little while, he moves one hand over her stomach. For now, the slight roundness is all Liz, but it won't be for long. He can barely believe it.
"We can do this," she says, echoing his thoughts. "Right?"
He waits until she is facing him completely.
"Without a doubt, Lemon. I can't think of anyone who wants this more. You're going to be a wonderful mother."
"A mother," she repeats, traces of wonder in her tone.
He smiles back. A few minutes later she leaves the bed to retrieve the bag of popcorn from the microwave. Because, really. They deserve a treat after all of that hard work.
…
It's been ten days since Liz has known, and she still hasn't told her best friend. It just hasn't felt right to announce it. She doesn't know how Jenna will react, and to be honest, she's a little scared that her friend won't be happy for her.
But now, sitting here over lunch with Jenna, she feels like she can't keep it a secret any longer. She and Jack had agreed to wait until the second trimester to announce the pregnancy to everybody, but Jenna has always (and will be) the exception to that rule. She can't hide it from her best friend and really, she just wants to tell her about the baby.
"…new with you?" Jenna asks, poking at her salad. She's been talking about herself for a full twenty minutes. It's actually a record for her; she can usually go on for the whole hour.
Liz makes the decision before she loses her nerve.
"I'm pregnant," she says, just like that, in a soft whisper.
When her friend doesn't say anything, Liz lifts her head to look up at her. Jenna's sitting next to her on the office couch, completely frozen.
"Jenna? Hello…?" she asks slowly.
"You're pregnant?" Jenna finally finds her voice again.
"Yes."
Liz smiles, just before the blond leans over and wraps her in a typical-Jenna bone-crushing hug.
"Oh my God, Liz!" Jenna lets go, still not believing in what she'd just heard. "You can't keep dropping big news like that without a warning! You almost gave me a heart attack telling me you finally slept with Jack… and now this? God," she sighs. "Wait a minute… is it Jack's?" Her eyes widen. "Of course it's Jack's! It's his, right?"
Liz rolls her eyes. "Yes, it's Jack's."
"Oh my God… how did this happen?"
"I don't think I need to explain to you how it happened, Jenna…"
"You know what I mean. It's just… You're having a baby! With Jack! And Paul and I are adopting a lion cub, and our lives are just moving so fast!" Jenna sighs happily, oblivious to Liz's look of incredulity.
Because Liz is pretty sure that lion cubs in New York apartments are illegal.
"Yeah, thanks for your support…girlfriend."
"And I'm godmother, right?"
"Huh? Oh…"
"Wait, you're not thinking of Hazel or something, are you?"
Liz ponders this for a moment. She gets the feeling that Hazel will try to buy the baby off her or something when she finds out. No, Hazel is most definitely not capable of godmother duties. Whatever those may be.
"…Face it, Liz, as someone who is both intelligent and nat-urally blond, I'm your best candidate for godmother."
"Jenna, I wasn't even thinking of Hazel. Of course you're the godmother."
She covers her ears for protection from Jenna's squeal.
…