From the Honorary Weasley
Dear Brainyravenclaw5,
My name is Rachel Peterson, and I'm a Gryffindor, in Fifth Year. My problem is this... My best friend is in love with Filch!
Her name is Melanie and she's in Seventh Year. She walks around the school grounds, following him, and yesterday she set off a Dungbomb just so he would come!
She's even started to feed his wretched cat treats and save him little pieces of meat at lunch-time to get Filch to like her. This really is the most bizarre thing that's ever happened in my whole life, not to mention the creepiest!
Please reply!
Rachel
Dear Rachel,
This has to be the hardest letter I've ever gotten. What you need to do is have Melanie checked for mental disorders! Filch?
But secondly, try to get her interested in other guys her age. If she has a boyfriend that would eclipse her crush on Filch, am I right? But if all else fails, whack her really hard with a textbook.
Sincerely,
Brainyravenclaw5
Dear Brainyravnclaw5,
Thanks for the letter! I'll take Melanie straight to Madam Pomfrey and have her checked as soon as possible.
And then I'll still hit her with that textbook. A nice, thick Transfiguration one should probably do the trick!
Rachel