February Wed. 28th

From: SamluvzHam

To:Fredtech57

Subject: No more smoothies

Hey, Freddork! Wutz up? I bet you're doing homework or something equally nerdy, right? Probably wishing you were with you little AV club buddies, talking about how you'll never get a date. Sorry, but the truth had to be spoken.

Anyway, guess what? You'll probably be really mad at me after I tell you this little story, but I'm not worried. I know you could never beat me up. Oh, that reminds me. What, did you not fully complete puberty or something? Your voice got deeper, I'll give you that, but you didn't get stronger at all. LOL.

So back to my story: This happened today after school BTW. I just wanted a bacon flavored smoothie, but T-Bo (that guy's a nub) said he had never even heard of one! How lame is that? I kindly (sorta) asked him to please work on a new recipe for one and ya know what chiz came out of his mouth? NO. I know, right? NUB! He'll be getting a visit from Samantha Puckett tonight in his dreams….

So anyway, I was so mad at him, I punched him in the face. Then I hurled a banana at his eye right where I punched it. Well, you of all people know I can sometimes underestimate my throwing strength. (Remember when I threw a muffin at you right before we went sky diving with possums and kidnapped by crazy Japanese comedians? Ah, good times.

Well, T-Bo fell backwards into his blender, banging his head on the glass and knocking himself unconscious. And get this: When he fell against his blender, he turned the thing on! So the smoothie (it was papaya *shudders*) flew everywhere. All. Over. Me. Yeah.

So I had to go home and change my clothes because FYI papaya is extremely sticky. Well, I know the right thing would've been to call 9-1-1 for T-Bo, but I was upset and smoothieless (without a smoothie) so I just stole all the money in the cash register, left a note saying you did it, and left him there. He'll wake up eventually, right? Well if he doesn't, I guess you'll be framed for accidental man slaughter. :D But the most important thing is that there won't be smoothies for a while. Way to go, Benson.

Well, I know you wanna hear updates on mommy dearest, so here it is: She's very comfortable in her pine coffin. I think.

Yeah, she died. But I'm not complaining. That woman was driving me crazy. She was always going, "Why can't you be more like Melanie", or, "Go make Frothy get a job!" No idea where that came from.

Anyway, guess what else. I'm sure you'll be thrilled to hear this. I'm moving in with you! Yeah, Carly says I can't stay with her after the last time… so brace yourself, Roomie!

Love/Hate always,

-Sam

February, Wed. 28th

From: Fredtech57

To: SamluvzHam

Subject: Re: No more smoothies

First of all, WHY WOULD YOU FRAME ME? That felt good. Maybe later I'll go scream at a hobo or something. It's a pretty good way to channel my anger. :D

Oh, please tell me you are just trying to get me to fall for your little prank. I'll even admit it: I'm Freddie Benson: The Most Gullible Boy In America! Get Tickets today!

Yeah, but I know you aren't. Sorry about your mom. I hope it's a comforting thought for you to know that she's now driving all the angels crazy. Someday, you will follow in her footsteps.

Well, I just asked my mom and she confirmed it. You're moving in. I really hope I can survive the next few months. If not, I'll never live my dream of marrying you. How will you become Samantha Benson if I'm not breathing? I guess the funeral could be a romantic place for a wedding…. Your wedding dress could be black, and we'd save A TON of money if we can get a discount. Maybe the caterers will feel sorry for my death… or you could just slap them into seeing it our way. Either one works.

Well, gotta go. Mom says I have to clean up my room for you since you're our long term "guest". Well you may be a guest, but when it comes to you, I will always detest. (JK it rhymed and stuff) I'm gonna shut up now.

Oh no. The doorbell just rang! Here come the nightmares.

I guess we won't need to email anymore since you'll be living with me. It was fun while it lasted, though.

-Freddie A.K.A "Dead Fred"

Should I continue making new chapters? If I get more good reviews, I certainly will. So, should I? The fate of this story is in your hands!