Chapter 5: The Protection of Nug Nug

Thurs. March 3rd

7:12 P.M.

From: Fredtech57

To: SamluvzHam

Subject: The Protection of Nug Nug

Hola, Seniorita Puckett. Wondering where I am right now? My bathroom! That's right, I've locked myself in here so you can't harm me. It's only been two weeks since you moved in, and you're already stealing all the food?

Well, good luck getting your hands on the HAM. I grabbed all of it from the fridge and came in here. Yes. I will sit here until it has become moldy rotten meat that even your stomach can't digest. I've finally won this round, Sam. Score one for Freddie.

BTW, I took the last can of Peppy cola too. I hope you don't mind…but I know you do mind, very much actually. It brings me great joy to know my revenge is working. :)

Do you want to know why this plan of revenge is so brilliant? It's because I'm untouchable. I know you could break down the locked door with just your bare hands and your strong and passionate love of ham, but you won't. Wanna know why? Two words: Nug Nug.

Yeah, Nug Nug. The guy from the planet Zercon. Ah, I love Galaxy Wars. And now I have an even bigger reason to appreciate it.

You remember when Spencer got shocked by your locker trap, and had a vision of hugging Nug Nug in the Groovy Smoothie? Don't ask me what that was all about, it was his vision.

But then it came true! Spence and Nug Nug hugged affectionately for at least five seconds. And guess what else happened that day that no one else knew about until NOW?
Nug Nug came up to me when he was done squeezing Spencer while I was in line for a smoothie! Fortunately, I had just come from a Galaxy Wars convention and was even dressed as Nug Nug!

Nug Nug told me that as a fellow member of the "force", the Protection of Nug Nug was now upon me. So I know for SURE that you won't be able to hurt me. I mean, Nug Nug is generally very reliable.

So take that, Puckett!

-Freddie A.K.A victim of Nug's Hug

Thurs. March 3rd

7:18 P.M.

From: SamluvzHam

To: Fredtech57

Subject: Re: The Protection of Nug Nug

Frednerd, I hope you have the Lord on speed dial, because when I'm through with you you're only gonna have a couple seconds to live. Just remember, you brought this on yourself. No one steals Mama's ham and gets away with it. Not even deranged and nubby losers like you.

I'll give you another five minutes to unlock the bathroom door and surrender. Don't make this harder than it has to be, Fredlump. Just bring back the ham, and we can forget this ever happened.

Until tomorrow when I pummel you into a pulp. :D

Oh, and about your little "Nug Nug Protection" plan? YOU'RE THE NUBBIEST DORK I'VE EVER MET! NUG NUG ISN'T REAL, AND EVEN IF HE WAS? HE WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO SAVE YOU FROM ME. Just saying.

Dude, I swear if you let my ham rot slowly, then I will break your arm quickly. Nug Nug can't help you now.

Alright, I think I've been patient enough. Since you refuse to surrender, have it your way. The hard way it is then.

Last chance, Frednub. 5, 4, 3, 2….

Let the pain begin.

Well, I'm gonna log off now so I can hurt you the right way. Don't worry, I'm sure the body cast will come off in a couple years…maybe three. ;)

Oh, Fredward. I hope you don't stop trying to resist me anytime soon. This is just too dang much fun.

Lookin forward to doing this again,

-Sam (official Galaxy Wars hater)

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