I sit in a hallway of the train my knees pulled up to my chest. I refused to go to the Justice Building, so they brought me straight here.
I couldn't face her. I wouldn't be able to stand the pain written across Harper's face as she knows she will be losing me. I am weak I won't stand a chance even though I appear intimidating due to my size I'm mentally drained.
The internal war that rages in me is a never ending cycle. I have to drink, I shouldn't drink, I need to drink. I need it I crave it the burning thirst for it never ceases. Even now I sit here my fists clenched relentlessly tapping my foot against the floor. I can't give in, so easily no matter how much I want to.
The train slowly begins to move. With every moment that flies out of my grasp I am brought just that much closer to my death. I glance down at my shaky hands it's been two days since I've had a drink and the effects are already weighing heavily on me. I just need one drink to ease my troubled mind.
Oh Dane how much could one drink really hurt?
That one simple question continues to bounce around in my head until a voice shatters my thoughts.
"What the hell are you doing?" I turn slightly to see my District partner Avery standing there with her hands on her hips.
"I'm sitting on the floor what does it look like?" I say back harshly.
She quirks her lips up in slight amusement, "Oh you've got a little bit of spunk there I like that."
All I do is roll my eyes I want nothing to do with this girl, "If you know what's good for you you'll leave me the hell alone."
Her face quickly drops as she no longer looks impressed, "I will not be spoken to that way. I am going to be the leader of the career pact, so you might want to show me some respect."
I am already on edge and she is just making everything worse. I stand up taking a step closer to her. My body easily towers over hers. I could effortlessly cast her aside in one swift movement. It would be simple.
"Maybe I don't want anything to do with the pathetic excuse that will be the career pact this year," I say through my teeth.
The more I crave the soothing sensation of liquor the easier it is to aggravate me. The anger courses through my veins, everything that gets to me broils to the surface.
She glares at me for a moment before she speaks," Fine, then I assure you that you will be number one on my kill list."
At these words I shove her aside causing her to collapse to the floor. I briskly walk away to the sounds of her cursing at my retreating figure.
I wander like a lost soul travelling through a void with seemingly no place to go. I appear emotionless as I wander until I find a room with my name on it. I push open the door slamming it closed behind me, as a way to work out some of my building frustration.
I flop down on the bed in the center of the room and sink into the sheets. I wish I could just sink through the floor and disappear forever. My eyes drift close and my mind wanders to something anything that can distract me from my addiction that threatens to destroy me.
My mind goes to a time when things were happier and simpler; a time when I didn't feel the pressure of my addiction crushing my chest.
Harper and I are sitting in our meadow staring up at the stars. She is curled up at my side her head resting on my chest. The simplest touch from her is enough to give me goose bumps and make my skin tingle.
"The stars are lovely tonight," She whispered quietly cutting the silence the flitted around us.
"Aren't they always," I answered back to her.
She nods softly and falls silent for a few moments.
I used to always feel comfort at moments like those. Even in the silence as long as I was with Harper everything just felt right.
I always knew I loved her even when we were just little kids. Everything about her drew me to her and I wanted nothing more than to keep her close and hold her. I always wanted to tell her how I felt, but I was always too afraid, but something about that night was different.
"Coco?" I say using my childhood nickname for her. She always loved chocolate and the sweet name seemed fitting for her.
"Yes Jellybean?" She answers using my embarrassing nickname.
I hesitate for a moment, but before I could stop myself I breathe out, "I love you."
She rolled over to face me and looked into my eyes.
Her eyes are a clear ocean blue and always look so serene and peaceful.
"Jellybean what did you just say?"
"I-I said I love you."
A smile spread across her face and in a moment her lips were on mine. At that moment everything melted away. It was as if all of Panem vanished and it was only her and I.
"I love you to," She whispered against my lips.
I try to hold onto that memory as long as I can how sweet her voice sounded as she whispered those words; and how soft and perfect her lips felt against mine.
My bliss is quickly interrupted to the sound of shattered glass as my mind falls to the memory of that night I tried to kill myself.
What drove me to that point? I wish I knew.
I close my eyes tightly trying to push the memory away, but all I can hear is the frantic cries of Harper as my mind drifts into nothingness.
So I would really appreciate some feedback to see if people are interested in this story and if I should keep writing it or not. ^^Oh and a little shout out to Claire-DaThug since Harper was created by her!